Maggie: My Food Rules.

Kate: Where the hell have you been? Tell me more crazy food things.

Maggie: I’m busy! But I’m back! Time for more food talk.

A while back Heather wrote a great post about her restaurant rules. This is a perfect topic for cake.

I have a lot of weird food rules. They mostly revolve around figuring out ways to avoid things that might make me fat. There: I said it. I’m scared of getting fat.

Some rules that I currently try to abide by:

  • No bread from the breadbasket at dinner.
  • No fried foods.
  • Sauce on the side (almost always).
  • Don’t eat much during the day because you always eat too much at night.
  • Always ALWAYS volume eat. Choose veggies over anything else because God forbid you get the slightest feeling of hunger.
  • Always order / eat fewer calories than anyone else at the table.

Rules that I used to have that I don’t anymore because they make life boring (these were short-lived):

  • No sauce on anything.
  • (whatever food) steamed, if possible.
  • Very few carbs.Don’t eat Bobby’s food.

I am a weird eating disordered/disordered eating person. I actually appeared pretty normal about food up until I started trying to “get better”. When I was 102 pounds I ate anything I wanted, I just didn’t eat that much of it. A typical day might have looked like this:

  • Breakfast: big muffin from the bakery downstairs (they were half off after 6 and I always got them if they were still there).
  • Lunch: some kind of salad with chicken and veggies and honey mustard dressing (on the side) (no bread).
  • Snack: a cookie or a piece of fruit.
  • Dinner: a toasted bagel with butter or some other breakfast food (pancakes or waffles were favorites).
  • Dessert: froyo or another piece of fruit.

I was tired of feeling hungry sometimes so I switched to this new “better” plan when I started to get “healthier”:

  • Oatmeal
  • Veggies
  • Fruit
  • Veggies
  • Veggies
  • Veggies
  • Something not veggies…
  • Binge!
  • Veggies

This plan sucks. It sucks so much. And now I can’t figure out how to go back to my first plan without bingeing. I say I’m getting better at it but I’m actually lying. I’m probably worse.

Well, maybe not. Bobby and I have been fighting for the last week or so (I’ll admit it; everyone fights) and it’s because of my weird neuroses. I have decided that my weird neuroses are not worth the best thing that’s ever happened to me (Bobby). So I’m letting him have a say in what I eat; I’m letting him tell me when I’m being weird; I’m letting him help me. I’ve said that before but it never worked. It’s been working now for a few days. One thing that helps me be normal is to *not* blog all the time.

This situation reminds me of (awesome) Coldplay lyrics:

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part

Only obviously not about a human relationship. It’s funny how relationships can seem so different (relationship with a person versus a relationship with food) but when you get down to it they are the same.

Kate is making me do that Un-Roast thing where I say what I’m loving about myself today. Today I love my feet. They are big and strong and they help me walk all over this beautiful city. And I just got a pedicure. And it’s okay for feet to be big. I can’t help that.

Size 9.5 guys. This is what you get when you're 5'10".

Kate also told me some of her food rules today over gchat and I can’t wait for her to share. You’ll like ‘em.

What are your food rules?

17 Comments »

Maggie on April 12th 2010 in food, relationships

17 Responses to “Maggie: My Food Rules.”

  1. Kim responded on 12 Apr 2010 at 1:07 pm #

    Ha, I have huge feet too — size 11 in some brands. I guess I’d look funny with small feet though since I’m so tall. But, still, shoe shopping is kind of odd.

    I used to have lots and lots of food rules. No full-fat anything (cheese, mayo, etc), no oils of any kind, “diet” bread products. It was so limiting! Now, I eat all full-fat stuff (except there’s a lowfat Greek yogurt I love). I have lots of oils in my diet. I eat avocados, nuts, etc. Basically, I don’t fear the fat. Most of my remaining “issues” are about being too much of a health nut. I don’t like white bread or overly processed foods (ingredient lists a paragraph long). I realize these things won’t kill me, but I still don’t want to eat them. Mostly, I can stay healthy with these rules, so they don’t bug me much… but I suppose I’m a little more fussy than most people who would just eat whatever’s available. I’d rather go hungry a few hours than eat a Twinkie, for example. I haven’t decided if this is a “problem” or not. I just bring snacks everywhere. What I think is interesting is that sometimes I get so used to rules that I don’t notice them. I’ve incorporated my way of eating into my lifestyle so I often don’t notice I’m “weird” in any way until I’m forced to leave my habits (like at a work meeting or something). Do you notice this?

  2. Heather Eats Almond Butter responded on 12 Apr 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    Really appreciated the honesty of this post Maggie, and by the way, you have beautiful feet. I’m a size 10…on a good day. Have to buy a half size up in running shoes. Love my big feet with pretty painted toes too! :)

    CD used to get onto me about my limited food choices, but not in a controlling way. He did it out of love, and although I still have my moments, I’m so glad I listened to him. At least for me, life is much more satisfying with the occasional hamburger. :)

    I’m still a dressing on the side girl (even freak out when I forget to ask), but going out to eat is much more fun when I relax around all my rules a bit. It’s a learning process, but I’m enjoying myself more and more everyday.

  3. Jessica responded on 12 Apr 2010 at 3:32 pm #

    I’m 5’5″ and a size 11 shoe. It used to make me self-conscious but it’s actually one thing about my body I’m totally cool with at this point. I have food rules, some of which are healthy and some not so healthy. There are certain foods I think of as trigger foods, they’re the ones that I end up eating way too much of and feeling sick/guilty afterward. They’re foods I love that somehow ended up as things that make me lose control. I still don’t really know how that happened.

  4. clare responded on 12 Apr 2010 at 11:24 pm #

    oh your feet are SO cute. i’m a 10.

    also loving the honesty here. ive got lots of rules, but i try to stay positive about them because they are the choices ive made, and they help me feel safe and less stressed. i like what i do eat, and i dont care about what i dont. i do understand that ive had bad and dangerous rules, so i try to stay mindful of those.

  5. Living on the Hedge responded on 12 Apr 2010 at 11:32 pm #

    I sometimes think it’s a blessing that I can’t follow any of the rules I try to set for myself. At least I know whatever I’m doing is “natural”. It’s more or less worked for me so far.

    I think we always err on the side of not accepting enough help from people who love us, so I think it’s great that you’re trying to let Bobby help you more.

  6. Gaby responded on 13 Apr 2010 at 2:15 pm #

    DITTOOOOOOOOO to everything you said. Ugh, I drive myself crazy! It’s so wonderful that you have Bobby to help you out. I know how hard it is to break these ridiculous cycles, or to allow yourself to be vulnerable and let someone help you, no matter how much you love each other. I wish I had someone I could trust, who would really push me and who I’d actually listen to. My life has gotten so stressful lately so of course I can’t use productive coping mechanisms.
    I’m seriously your eating habits twin down to the minutest details so let me know what is working for you and how you’re doing. I think we both deserve some peace from this :)

    On a happier note, your toes are so cute! I love to paint my toes but they chip almost immediately. My feet are always yucky because I’m always barefoot, but I prefer the freedom of being barefoot to having attractive feet. Who cares if they’re big?? You can do so much more with a better foundation, better balance for yoga, walking, running, dancing, kicking people if you need to. Imagine having disproportionately small feet, you’d fall over just trying to walk around the city hehe

  7. Ali responded on 14 Apr 2010 at 12:38 am #

    I had lots and lots of rules for years but am down to being vegetarian mostly vegan and gluten-free. I feel for you, Maggie, and hope things get better. It is a long tough road but worth it. My husband has helped me a lot, so I think there’s nothing wrong with having your partner help you figure out what’s less disordered.

  8. Peggy (Mom) responded on 14 Apr 2010 at 10:58 am #

    Glad you’re back…but just had to post about your feet…those are my sweet toes you have! Love the pedicure.

    When I was your age my food rule was that I was very strict during the week — whole grain cereal with raisins and skim milk for breakfast, fruit and yogurt for lunch and a very healthy dinner (or a plain bagel when I was going to night school). Then on weekends I did whatever I wanted including having hoagies or pizza or chinese food.

    The problem with rules, though, is that they always seem to be asking us to break them from time to time.

  9. janetha responded on 15 Apr 2010 at 4:55 pm #

    ah! great post. i am wondering how the hell to get back to being the person who ate whatever, whenever, and weighed a normal weight.. effortlessly. i think a lot of that had to do with my metabolism~ since i was about 5-8 years younger when i was in that frame of mind. but then i see my best friends STILL eating this way.. wake up, eat something for breakfast, lunch, dinner.. a few beers at night, get up and do it again, maybe this day without the beers. yet here i am, meticulously eating 5 times a day, DON’T let my stomach growl or i will lose that hard earned muscle.. make sure to take some sort of protein bar/shake with me at all times so i don’t get hungry. this is not normal, is it? i really don’t think so. yet this is how i live.. always making sure i can eat somewhere that i can adjust to my “rules”~ which are pretty identical to your list, with the addition that i must have around 20g of protein in whatever i eat. and by no means will i ever order anything to drink unless it is water, iced tea (unsweetened) or coffee (black). count me out on that pitcher of beer. i like to think i am getting better when it comes to the random cereal box binges.. but they never happened before, when i ate whatever.. whenever. eating is weird. this comment is long.

    good to hear you are letting bobby help you!

  10. Liz responded on 17 May 2010 at 11:36 am #

    My roommate just sent me this blog and I am incredibly thankful for it!! No one, not counselors or friends, seems to get my disordered eating..and I have a hard time finding help because I don’t have the traditionally defined eating disorders (anorexia or bulimia), but I have problems with food.
    My rules are to avoid high fat foods (chips, fast food), and to punish myself when I eat bad foods or over eat. This might mean going to the gym longer, going for a long run, or not eating anything for a while (and of course, judging myself harshly and ruining my day). I try to drink a lot of water to stop myself from eating too much, as I have an extreme love for chocolate, fudge, ice cream…the sweet stuff.
    And yes, once I make rules, my brain does everything it can to make me break them.

  11. Betsi responded on 22 May 2010 at 1:31 am #

    It is such a relief to know there are other women out there going through these things. I don’t have a traditional “eating disorder” that results in my body being in any physical danger, but I so often mentally destroy myself for the things I eat and the way I look. I’ve cut my diet down to completely vegan. People ask why, I say “I feel better”, but I only half mean it. The best part about becoming vegan was losing the weight, and I’m scared I will gain weight if I ever stop this lifestyle I’ve taken on. But I’m working on it…Thanks for blogging :)

  12. Food Scales ยท responded on 04 Nov 2010 at 4:30 am #

    protein bars always come in handy whenever you need lots of protein after a heavy exercise. .

  13. Cotton Comforter Sets responded on 03 Dec 2010 at 1:53 am #

    right on our supermarket, i can buy some cheap protein bars which i always consume when doing workouts ;*~

  14. Desk Antiques responded on 25 Jan 2011 at 6:17 am #

    :*- I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives great information “-~

  15. Corny responded on 02 Feb 2011 at 9:06 pm #

    Um, yeah, size 12. I used to be a 13.

    -irrelevancy over-

    But really, this is great. I have all sorts of weird food rules. And reading this, I feel like I should have even more, because I see these things like “No bread from the breadbasket!” And I feel like crap.

    Screw that. I like bread.

  16. Strawberries and Cream – All That’s Missing Is the Blue! | Say Yes to Salad responded on 04 Jul 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    [...] It’s perfect for breakfast or dessert. Or a snack. Or for dinner – I don’t have food rules about certain types of food at certain [...]

  17. Lala responded on 07 Sep 2012 at 6:00 pm #

    Hi! :)

    Yeah I just found this site and I went to the bottom of the archives and I’m reading it from the beginning. Good stuff here :)

    I don’t have, and have never had, an eating disorder, but I do have a weird relationship with food. Very few things will I eat for pleasure. Mostly I just eat what I have to eat to not be feeling hungry. Also the thought of the physical process of digestion is disgusting to me. Not sure whether this is in any way relevant, but hopefully someone finds it interesting.