Comments on: Smart and Pretty. At the Same Time!

By: feeling stupid

feeling stupid — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 12:25:01 +0000

I also googled feeling stupid regarding grad school (but I have not even applied… I’m just thinking about it almost every waking hour and feeling down in the dumps because I really want the access to higher education and to contribute to my field, but I have the worst self esteem at the moment and I might not be able to hack it if my value to the institution I wish to belong to is tested and doubted). I studied under a major that is female dominated but historically an old white guy field (I know, aren’t they all?). I think this might be why I felt okay when I started showing up to class looking disheveled. I used to aspire to look like the prettiest person in class, and yes, was often noticed in my classes by guys. I feel conceited just writing that sentence so I want to make it clear that I honestly never found myself to be PRETTY, but I am not unaware that I am interesting looking, edgy, and big lipped. I have long lush hair, and before the stresses of a rigorous university I was very thin. All the “important” things for fitting in with the modern standard of beauty. I thought I was smart at the time so my self esteem was good, and putting on expertly applied makeup, curling my hair, dressing hot, was just part of “taking care of myself” before I went out to show off my talents. Girls always complimented me, too, but since I was so studious it may have been just to see my lab notes. When I transferred to a distinguished uni the party was over. First, I got fat. I was so depressed about not getting straight A+ every quarter, I had to up the dose of my SSRIs and gained about 15 lbs which is huge for my tiny frame. The lbs stayed even when I lowered the dose. Then because I had to actually study for once, which I was not used to (I used to simply read and retain the easy lower division class text books and skim notes. For my upper division courses I had to read things many times because the first time I would only understand the prepositions in the sentences in the dense textbooks and verbose articles), I had much less time to primp in the morning. I stopped taking care of myself, got much less sleep, ate really bad food, lots of sugary caffeinated drinks, etc. In some classes I worked my ass off but only got a B which was disheartening (I transferred with a 3.9). My graduating GPA was cum laude, but not high enough for magna or summa. So I was convinced I had gotten dumber. With that came lower self esteem. With lower self esteem, I became more self conscious about how others perceived me. I was stupid and ugly. I would envy pretty and smart girls but I kept my bitterness to myself because I knew what it was like to feel pretty and smart and to love it and shame on anyone who tries to make cute girls feel like they can’t be smart, or smart girls like they can’t be cute. In summary, the way I feel about my face and body depends on how I feel about my academic abilities, in that I need to feel good about both looks and intelligence. That’s not too weird right?

By: Carolina

Carolina — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 06:04:50 +0000

I was looking for an article I read about how grad school is supposed to make you feel stupid and I found your blog. I like your writing!
Btw, my smart and pretty style is wearing clothes that send the right message – “don’t underestimate me”. Kinda like in nature, some colors warn predators to back off. I wear leopard print, bright red, fur, leather, spikes but not all at the same time. This is my style, which reflects my personality, but I really like defeating the stereotypes when random stranger asks what I do, I say I make biofuels, and I’m wearing 5 inch wedges, big curly hair and a leopard print fur vest. First they laugh, then they think it is actually pretty cool stuff. It is. That’s why I do it!

By: Eat the Damn Cake » Grad school made me stupid

Eat the Damn Cake » Grad school made me stupid — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 16:52:57 +0000

[...] wrote a little about my grad school experience in an early post called “smart and pretty at the same time.” But an email from a reader made me want to write some more. She was telling me about being a [...]

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 01:18:59 +0000

I came here because I have been struggling with this a lot lately like it’s some kind of moral dilemma or something. I can’t find it in me to be both smart and pretty. And I really enjoy both!

Anyway, it’s good to see I’m not the only one. But it is weird how being smart makes you feel kind of less attractive … at least I do …

By: Eat the Damn Cake » Unschooling Didn’t Make Me Abnormal Enough

Eat the Damn Cake » Unschooling Didn’t Make Me Abnormal Enough — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 23:01:12 +0000

[...] I’m a girl. And I’m smart. And I have a big nose. Therefore, I was set up to be nerdy. But not nerdy enough. If I had learned more math, maybe I would’ve figured out the spacepods. But because my mind is suspiciously normal (see aforementioned boy-craziness as teenager), I didn’t have the slightest interest in math. And the bit about my arms is a joke. [...]

By: sarasita

sarasita — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 22:33:16 +0000

I have three degrees. Am a scientist in a cutthroat field of 97% men. Super sporty, ultra fit. Unfortunately I’ve also often been characterized as “the hottest girl in the room”… even if I wear ultra business clothes and a bun. I smile too much. I’m too nice. If I dress to boyish the others call me a dyke. I’m a single mom of two. Seems like the only guys who go after me are really just abusive alcoholic fathers who want me to be to take care of their kids and bills… so I don’t date anymore. Or the rich a-hole who wants me to smile at dinner parties and shut up. I tried to approach a “nice guy” after three months of casual dates and I didn’t fit into his life “plan”. Why did he lead me on? Even a hug would do… I don’t even need intimacy if only I had a hug once and a while. If I were attracted to women I might try, but alas… darn these hormones! Help!

By: maymaymay

maymaymay — Sun, 30 May 2010 03:39:31 +0000

I am a ‘pretty person’ as far as society deems, in a way that has, up until recently almost ruined my chance as a future. I was never taught that my mind was my ally- I worked as a model and was never encouraged to explore my intelectual side. I had to realize for myself that I am very smart as well, with an IQ of 135. I find this very frightening in hopes of ever finding a mate who wont be too intimidated by me to actualy let me be who I am both in body and mind…..

By: Hanna

Hanna — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:28:08 +0000

I find it really hard to be both
I try so hard *sigh* gets me no where.
And for some reason, I always feel less femine when I go out
I barely look decent enough to leave the house, and as for smartness?
I try :/
I study and read a lot but it gets me no where
damn…

By: elise

elise — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 20:33:14 +0000

ps i (sadly) agree with marni

By: elise

elise — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 20:31:51 +0000

kate – i am truly enjoying catching up on past posts…i love your writing and i just wanted to tell you that (because i think it after each and every post i read). its just nice and refreshing to read about topics that are usually deemed superficial in a sarcastic, witty, intellectually stimulating way.

ps i feel embarrassed to say this (which is a problem in and of itself), but i think im smart and pretty.