Eat the Damn Cake

Guest Post: Gena talks body image, part 1

This is Gena. Even her black-and-white photo is kinda inspirational. She’s good at that. She can’t help it, she just goes around inspiring people. People she sits near on the subway stop scowling and offer their seats to the next elderly or pregnant person who gets on. People she walks by on the street improve their posture and smile a little, at how beautiful the world is. And people like me go out and get some cake to eat. Kinda ironic, given that her blog is Choosing Raw, but empowerment towards healthiness comes in many different forms. For me, emotional health involves a generous helping of dessert. Not that I wouldn’t try one of those goat cheese wraps…

Anyway, I’m going to stop talking now. Here’s Gena:

Every year, at just about this time, the swimsuit challenges and shape up plans begin. I see them advertised on TV, in the headlines of women’s magazines, and hear about them from my friends, who probably heard about them in their designer fitness classes. Four weeks to a firmer butt, eight days to washboard abs. Tone your triceps, trim your middle, banish unwanted hair, style “beach waves” from a bottle, and spray your way to a perfect tan.

It’s May, my friends, the season of body transformation. This year, as in all recent years, I won’t be participating. This post is about why.

In her wonderful and challenging book, THE BODY PROJECT: An Intimate History of American Girls, Joan Jacobs Brumberg frames the twentieth century as the century in which women’s efforts at self-improvement shifted from the spiritual realm to the physical. Women’s diaries from the nineteenth century reveal a heavy preoccupation with virtue and character; young women wrote about their struggles to be better and more dutiful wives; to practice crafts, voice, and music; to learn domestic arts. Many strove to be better Christians.

Starting in the 1920’s, women’s diaries reveal a staggering shift in emphasis. Their pages were overrun by a single, relentless preoccupation: aesthetic improvement. Weight loss, fitness, and physical transformation became the central focus of most young women during their leisure time, at least insofar as diaries entries reveal. Vows to be more virtuous, more studious, or more dutiful diminished radically, giving way to a cacophony of confessionals about yo yo dieting, calisthenics, and calorie counting (scientists began using the calorie as a unit of measurement in the 1920s). The main “project” of most young women was no longer salvation of the soul. It was perfection of the body.

I read quite a few nineteenth century diaries as I was writing my undergrad thesis, and was predictably enraged by the way “virtue” and “duty” were constructed to make women more agreeable to men. Thank god we need no longer labor under the shadow of these behavior standards. Nevertheless, self-admonishment lives on, and it’s now focalized upon the body. How much freedom have we gained?

Well, let’s survey the landscape. Our obsession with weight loss has never been more acute, evidenced in a multi-billion dollar industry of diet books, pills, and supplements. Fitness is more popular than ever, which is a good thing, but it has also never been more subject to abuse and overuse. Images of highly abnormal female bodies—which is to say, drastically underweight bodies—are presented as normal by mainstream media (check out Caitlin’s recent post on photoshopping). An estimated eight million Americans suffer from eating disorders, and those eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Something is terribly wrong.

There’s been a social outcry against this epidemic of body abuse. Eating disorder awareness has grown in the last three decades, and there are more and more resources available to women who find themselves on the edge of the abyss. Yet even as we condemn the disorders, we continue to allow so many of the cultural norms that feed them—among them, our collective fascination with the promise of aesthetic transformation. We continue to fixate on the promise of a tighter, firmer, leaner body; a smoother, more glowing visage. The allure of self-beautification is as intense as ever.

To allay this, we’ve tried very hard to make beauty talk a little more warm and fuzzy. We talk about “inner beauty,” and different “standards of beauty.” We try to “redefine” beauty, and we talk about how beauty “comes in many different shapes and sizes.” Self help books speak of our inner beauty. Celebrities travel the world looking at the way other cultures define beauty, and remind us that beauty doesn’t have to wear size two pants. And of course, our mothers, friends, and therapists remind us that we’re beautiful, “just the way we are.” Do I think these slogans are a bad thing? No. I just wish that we’d spend a little less time trying to alter the language with which we talk about beauty, and a little more time training ourselves to care less about it in the first place.

The operative word in that statement is “less”: I’m not naïve enough to suggest that we can, or should, eradicate our interest in beauty altogether. The desire to be beautiful (and to seek out beauty in others) is as ancient as the hills; it is also a legitimate biological imperative. Sensitivity to physical appearance is an adaptive trait: haven’t we all heard about how babies respond positively to symmetrical faces? And as long as we’re going to be aware of beauty, we might as well define it realistically, and point out that beauty is culturally relative, and note that beauty encompasses more than physical appearance alone—a person can be good looking without being beautiful, and we all know it. But with all of this said and understood, I believe it’s possible for us to spend less time caring about the way we look. At the least, we can try to care less about the pursuit of physical change. It’s a goal I’ve taken seriously within the confines of my own life, and the results have been liberating.

For the better part of high school, college, and the years directly after, I, like most women, was totally preoccupied with being beautiful. It was a constant source of concern, and I derived what I now consider a disproportionate chunk of self-esteem from my physical appearance. This fixation manifested itself in ways big and small. I took a huge interest in clothing, and interned in fashion magazines. I spent hours flat-ironing or curling each and every strand of my hair. I spent a lot of time applying makeup that would be “subtle, yet effective.” I planned outfits meticulously. I checked myself in bathrooms. I yearned for six pack abs, and did crunches for hours each night in accordance. Though I’d never have admitted it at the time, I compared myself literally to women on magazine covers. I knew that most women wanted to look pretty, and felt badly when they didn’t, but I also knew that my obsession with my appearance was disproportionate. It was greater than that of any of my friends—even those who were, like me, prone to insecurity.

I craved affirmation of my appearance in ways that went far beyond these ordinary forms of vanity, too. I wanted to be told that I was beautiful. I wanted my friends to remind me of it, I wanted strangers to notice it, and I wanted men to comment upon it. I fished for compliments with put-downs. When I fit into my clothing without effort and felt particularly pretty, or when I got a resounding compliment, my day would be sunny, and my disposition upbeat; days on which I felt “bloated” or frizzy or otherwise unattractive were likely to make me moody and sullen.

Do I blame these impulses for my waltz with disordered eating? No. The genesis of that struggle predates my obsession with beauty, and it actually wasn’t about being beautiful, or even thin. It was about destroying my body, defying it, rather than beautifying it. In fact, I think my fixation on beautification was a reaction to the disorder. I spent my adolescence hating my physical self so much that I often wanted to disappear (and tried to). I learned, as all people who have had bouts with eating disorders do, that I’d have to be visible again in order to be healthy. But acceptance of this reality didn’t come easily. My logic was thus: if I couldn’t love my looks, I would have to just start looking better. Little did I know how all consuming a process that can be.

So when I say that I focus less on beauty nowadays, what I really mean is that I focus less upon physical transformation. After years of “working on” my body—making it harder or more toned or tanner or more muscular, or making my face smoother or brighter—I’ve come to accept my body as a static thing. It is what it is, and—putting aside the changes that will come with age—it isn’t going to change very much.

I don’t buy fitness magazines anymore. I don’t try to whittle my thighs, or midsection, or posterior. I don’t dress up in things that are uncomfortable, just because I think they’ll make me look better. I don’t put on three inch heels in an effort to be taller than I am. I rarely wear makeup (I make exceptions for blush; no one should be forced to accept February pallor in the Northeast). I don’t prance around my apartment trying on different outfits, and taking stock of how svelt I’ll look in them. I don’t examine my complexion with a microscope. I don’t tweeze every unruly hair. I don’t suck in my lower belly in ladies’ rooms across the city, to make sure that it looks flat. I don’t measure various appendages, hoping to see an ever shrinking circumference. The idea of taking progress photos is inconceivable to me.

TO BE CONTINUED…..

* * * *

Please come back tomorrow for the conclusion of this post! And for Gena’s “un-roast” (an Eat the Damn Cake tradition) and a picture of Gena that involves some cake.

47 Comments »

Kate on May 19th 2010 in beauty, guest post

47 Responses to “Guest Post: Gena talks body image, part 1”

Sarah responded on 19 May 2010 at 12:27 pm #

Thank you for this post, Gena. As always, you’ve eloquently, kindly, and compassionately brought attention to a very serious and personal issue to so many women, myself included. I realized yet again, while reading this post, that I am so far from being at a point in my life where I have accepted ME for who I am, not what I can possibly make myself into. I think I do put too much emphasis on my appearance, and less emphasis on other parts of me that are so much more important. The fact of the matter is, it’s so easy to focus on those superficial and physical things, and it’s encouraged by the world around us — women are expected to primp, preen, and be lovely. I anxiously await part 2!

And Kate — What a great blog. I can’t wait to dig in more, very glad to find you!
Something to check out today… « responded on 19 May 2010 at 12:32 pm #

[...] Jump to Comments Gena’s guest post in Kate’s Blog, Eat the Damn Cake. Click here. It’s part 1 of 2, and I think you’ll be clicking refresh repeatedly until part 2 shows [...]
VeggieGirl responded on 19 May 2010 at 1:17 pm #

Yet another inspiring, thought-provoking post from Gena – THANK YOU for this!! And thanks to the girls of Eat the Damn Cake for a wonderful blog as well
caronae responded on 19 May 2010 at 1:40 pm #

Lovely Gena! I can’t wait to hear the rest. I love how you emphasize the idea of simply thinking about beauty less. There are so many other things worth focusing on!
My Thoughts on Body Acceptance at Eat the Damn Cake responded on 19 May 2010 at 1:51 pm #

[...] promised, my guest post on Eat the Damn Cake is up. You can find it here. Because breivty is not my personal forte, Kate has split my post up into a two day shebang. Part 1 [...]
Gena responded on 19 May 2010 at 1:59 pm #

So incredible to be your guest, Kate!
Meg responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:05 pm #

Thank you Gena. I had anorexia for a good chunk of my Sophomore year in college, it ripped away so much time I could’ve spent worrying about more important, moral and sensible things rather than my physical appearance. It’s way too easy to compare yourselves to others these days – especially when you see stick-thin girls (and super-muscular guys too) on magazines, with ads such as “flat abs fast” or “loose 5 lbs in a week” – it’s terrible, frightening…and so sad that even younger woman and men see these things too, thus think they’re not quite right the way they are, when in reality, they’re beautiful.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU
Julia responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:16 pm #

Inspiring!

Thank you for posting something that sheds light on some of the inner thoughts and stuggles of what most girls think and have, whether they admit it or not.
Nicole responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:29 pm #

Gena,
Every word I’ve read from you is just so inspiring and thoughtful- I really can’t tell you how much all of it means to me! Thank you, again, for such an amazing post. I look forward to reading the rest.
lin responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:42 pm #

You hit the nail on the head with this post, Gena. I can’t wait until part 2.
janetha responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:48 pm #

ah, why ya gotta leave us in suspense?! this is awesome.
Kate responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:52 pm #

@Janetha
Because I am pure evil….You know you love it.

@Gena
So amazing to have you! A million thank yous. Anytime you want me to prepare a fabulously health-conscious lunch for you, let me know
Gena responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:56 pm #

@Kate — is that a promise?
Hannah responded on 19 May 2010 at 2:57 pm #

Such a beautifully written post, Gena! You have such an eloquent way of expressing your thoughts.

Very true, everything you said. I still do some of those obsessive things, but at least now I don’t deny it.

It seems that a lot of the food blog/fitness blog world (not yours) is consumed with challenges, measurements/weight, and tips on how to improve oneself constantly. It’s sad, but it’s hard for me to get away from.
Kate responded on 19 May 2010 at 3:04 pm #

@Gena
A most solemn one. Or wait, is that swearing that’s supposed to be solemn? Whatever. It’s a real-deal promise.
Melissa responded on 19 May 2010 at 3:39 pm #

Very Insprirational post Gena! It was great learning about your journey! You are awesome!
Casey responded on 19 May 2010 at 3:51 pm #

Oh no, a cliff hanger! Thank you so much for the beautiful way you articulate these very issues that so many of us are dealing with.
jenny (green food diaries) responded on 19 May 2010 at 5:19 pm #

@Gena – if there were a reading equivalent of “devouring a cake”, that is exactly what i just did. cannot wait for the second half.
jenny (green food diaries) responded on 19 May 2010 at 5:19 pm #

ps. that photo of you is incredible.
San D responded on 19 May 2010 at 5:56 pm #

Gena, you wrote a wonderfully reflective piece. I am in the process of writing a theatrical piece on being “invisible” as a woman in our society once you get older. The beauty “rug” gets pulled from underneath you once you become a “woman of a certain age” in our society. Somehow “beauty” and “older” are never used in the same sentence when describing “mature” women. While this isn’t an issue with me, I have been an observer watching women struggle with the shock of turning invisible, of being relagated to the word “m’am”, of being summarily dismissed, of no longer turning heads.
Wei-Wei responded on 19 May 2010 at 7:47 pm #

This is such an insightful, honest and beautifully written post. I definitely felt like crying when I read, “Something is terribly wrong.” Something is, indeed. Some people might say that it’s okay to subject the public to this kind of pressure from media (models, social pressure, fashion, etc) because so many more people in the US are overweight while such a little percentage have eating disorders. I think this is wrong. True, the fashion industry will have its images of skinny, starving models, and I don’t think that will ever change; however, we can’t change how we think, either. The people reading this blog is only a small corner of the world. We need to truly speak out and help people understand what we go through, what everyone goes through and make sure that they know that it’s NOT RIGHT to make anybody feel pressured in this way.

There will always be people against our efforts. I think those people just don’t understand. As pessimistic as I might sound, I don’t think we can make them understand… it’s hard to even comprehend what we put ourselves through and, especially, WHY. It seems so irrational to worry about what we look like because we’re probably the only ones who can tell the difference.

I can’t wait for tomorrow’s post. You write beautifully, Gena.

Wei-Wei
Annie@stronghealthyfit responded on 19 May 2010 at 7:53 pm #

Great post. This is what women need to hear!
Serena responded on 19 May 2010 at 8:05 pm #

Amazing guest post, Gena, and amazing blog! I’ve been reading through older entries and I’m definitely going to be back.
Belle responded on 19 May 2010 at 8:25 pm #

I really enjoyed reading this article! You make many interesting points. I really liked the thoughtful way you tackled these important and very current issues.
Dian-spiration: Italian Fried Grains responded on 19 May 2010 at 9:24 pm #

[...] you for your thoughtful responses to my guest post on self-acceptance at Cake! They mean a lot to me. It’s not always easy to write about these [...]
Danielle (Coffee Run) responded on 19 May 2010 at 9:29 pm #

I really enjoyed reading this post (and your experience). Can’t wait for part 2
Heather responded on 19 May 2010 at 10:06 pm #

What an amazing piece of work from Gena!
I have so much respect for her – this article touched my heart at a deep level because I too, am working on all these things she speaks of… which is all in the name of self love.
Eat the Damn Cake » Guest Post: Gena talks body image, part 1 | Social Beauties responded on 19 May 2010 at 10:07 pm #

[...] more from the original source: Eat the Damn Cake » Guest Post: Gena talks body image, part 1 var a2a_config = a2a_config || {}; a2a_config.linkname="Eat the Damn Cake » Guest Post: Gena [...]
Kathleen responded on 19 May 2010 at 10:07 pm #

Gena, this is such a beautiful, honest, RAW post. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts with all of us. I have such a long way to go in this department but it helps to hear the journey of others to remind me that freedom from all this is possible.
Day One « Chasing Ambulances responded on 19 May 2010 at 10:13 pm #

[...] on a completely contradictory note, read this really cool blog post. [...]
Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) responded on 19 May 2010 at 10:52 pm #

Oh gosh I love this post, I love Gena, and I totally believe in empowerment and stopping the insanity and insecurity so many women have about their physical image.

However, I am guilty of shaving, posting progress pictures, and caring about my appearance. I am training for a fitness/bodybuilding competition…I am a 10 year veteran yoga teacher, I am a woman who birthed a child naturally and nursed child for 3+ years, and I am training as a vegan, and doing it consciously and thoughtfully, not “caving in” to the pressures of our society. I am doing my competition it b/c I want to, and I am doing it in a way that 99.9% of other athletes/competitors don’t.

I am proud of what I have accomplished. I hope all women do something, whatever that something is, that makes them strong and proud!
Wedding Cake… rehearsal? « Strong, Healthy, Fit responded on 19 May 2010 at 10:54 pm #

[...] that note, Gena has a great guest post over on Eat the Damn Cake, that I really enjoyed reading today. Pretty important topic- body image, and women’s [...]
Gena responded on 19 May 2010 at 11:09 pm #

@Averie — thanks for the great comment! You’ll see in part two that I really eschew these behaviors because I don’t find them helpful, and I offer up my story bc it never really occurred to me that I could just say no to them. But they’re not wrong, any more than my methods of body acceptance are wrong! They’re personal, is all. I love hearing a different take body appreciation.
Cecilia responded on 20 May 2010 at 3:42 am #

Wow. Great article as always Gena!

I am also glad that I found this site! I love site like this! Keep up with the great work! Right now, I’m trying to read up all the previous posts… But just a question, is it possible for you, Kate, to get rid of the ‘Click to continue reading’ tab? It’s just that I’m too lazy (haha) to click on the tab all the time, in order to read the full posts. Thanks
Wendy (Healthy Girl's Kitchen) responded on 20 May 2010 at 6:44 am #

Gena-You amaze me. Most people do not seem nearly as self aware as you are. I am particularly impressed that you know that your obsession with beauty was a direct reaction to wanting to change a really bad situation (anorexia). I think many people can look at their personality development and find the negative situation that they were in in their youth and discover that how they reacted to that situation was or still is controlling their choices. For me, I had decided at age 12 that I needed to be smart in order for people to like me, and I was hell bent on being that smart girl. By the time I was 22 I was so physically ill (with IBS) from doing this that I was forced to get help. Luckily I was able to give it up at that time. Thanks for another great blog posting. Can’t wait to read part 2!
Gena responded on 20 May 2010 at 7:11 am #

@Wendy — Wendy, I’m fairly certain that my IBS was a reaction to stress and overachievement, too, so I can relate. Being more at peace with not being the world’s most brilliant and successful person by the age of 25 definitely helped me to get over it, and so did diet/lifestyle. It was, in part, a disease born of desperation to prove myself!
Kristin (Cook, Bake and Nibble) responded on 20 May 2010 at 7:18 am #

Beautiful, Gena- simply beautiful!
Ashlei responded on 20 May 2010 at 7:51 am #

Can’t wait to see part 2!! Such a great post already!
Kate responded on 20 May 2010 at 11:06 am #

@Cecilia
Ack! Don’t say that! A bunch of people told me to cut up the posts like that so that they could see more on the page. Now I wonder if it was all a big mistake….

No, but seriously, I’m sorry about not being able to aid your laziness more. As a person who sometimes feels intensely lazy, I feel your pain. But click for me! I promise it’s worth it!
Ashley responded on 20 May 2010 at 12:16 pm #

Off to read post #2…When is your book coming out ? Your writing is truly amazing!
Erin at The Healthy Apron responded on 21 May 2010 at 12:59 pm #

Thanks so much for such a great post!!
flashback friday & some highlights. « meals & moves responded on 21 May 2010 at 3:31 pm #

[...] on ETDC: part 1 & part [...]
Operation Snack Bar responded on 21 May 2010 at 9:58 pm #

[...] the week was good. For those of you who read and responded to part one of my thoughts on body acceptance at ETDC, please don’t forget to check out part two, the [...]
Low sugar breakfast? No problem! And introducing…Roobios tea! « Bonne Santé responded on 25 May 2010 at 3:33 am #

[...] totally down with deconstructing body image and the seemingly constant preoccupation with our diets ——>PART ONE<——— ————>PART TWO<———— [...]
Squeezing in Workouts responded on 05 Jun 2010 at 3:35 pm #

[...] hardcore ambition to exercise. I’m not training for a race, or doing a fitness challenge, or trying to firm up a body part. So I’m more than happy to have a wimpy workout if that’s what time and energy [...]
Out with the Old responded on 15 Jun 2010 at 11:05 am #

[...] much as I like to encourage women to accept our bodies as stable entities (in the sense that I discourage constant pressure to shape up), I also think it’s important [...]
Day One | Chasing Ambulances responded on 30 Jan 2011 at 10:33 am #

[...] on a completely contradictory note, read this really cool blog post. KTHANXBYE blog comments powered by Disqus [...]