Taking Back the Cute
(click here for original source. I’m citing things now! No more illegal web behavior!)
I saw Sex and the City 2. I couldn’t help it. It was like this massive magnet just pulled me into the theater. I was completely helpless. It was fate. The gods. It was a part of my destiny that will lead to other things of which I know nothing yet. Mysterious things. Sparkling, fabulous things.
I knew it would be terrible. I mean, come on, everyone in the world knew that. I knew I wouldn’t laugh at most of the jokes. I wouldn’t appreciate many of the outfits (Samantha wears gigantic silver spikes on her shoulders at one point). Everyone seems really wealthy in it. Everyone has to change their outfit every five minutes. Carrie’s breasts have miraculously grown. No one has a stomach. They don’t even eat very much when overflowing banquets are laid before them (oh my god. Take me to that FOOD! I’ll show them how this works). There are a lot of problems with how Muslims are portrayed. And on and on.
But I wanted to wear high heels to a movie. By myself. And also, there’s something about Carrie that always pulls me in. I’ve mentioned Sarah Jessica Parker on here before. It’s a big nose thing. I feel like we’re kin. I mean, I will never ever ever be that thin, nor do I hope to be, but the woman has a face like no one else in Hollywood, and I feel I owe it to her face to support her career.
I was trying to figure out what makes her so compelling, besides her nose. And I decided. It’s the fact that she has that nose, that face, and she still acts really girlish. She shrieks and skips and twirls and tugs her hair and bats her eyes and giggles and pouts and plays with dolls from Disney movies. Ok, maybe not that last one. Though she does dress up constantly, and isn’t dressing them up the point of all those dolls, anyway?
Maybe all of that behavior sounds annoying and slightly inappropriate to some of you. But I’d like to reserve the right to be girlish when I feel like it.
I’m not suggesting that women should always act affected and giggly. Definitely not. Bad.
But once in a while, especially when you’re with your close friends, family, or partner, it’s pretty great to squeal a little when excited and do a tiny, bouncy dance. Even in public, occasionally.
And here’s the thing— Girlishness often gets relegated in the popular imagination to women who look stereotypically girlish. Slender women with big round eyes, pouty lips, upturned noses, and the ability to suck a lollipop seductively while feigning innocence. What about everyone else? I mean, not only do I not have any skills with a lollipop, nor even like lollipops, but I don’t look the slightest bit girlish. I look totally mature. And I have since I was, hmm….about twelve.
What about heavy women? Black women (it seems like the culture expects them to be quick-witted, street-smart, and jaded by eight or so). Jewish women, like me, who are nerdy and unconventional and ethnic looking. Latinas. All women.
And a special shout out to Asian women, who are sometimes stereotyped as girlish for their entire lives: it’d be nice if they could be girlish when they felt like it, and not when everyone else felt like it.
Sometimes I’ve acted silly and cutesy and then found myself thinking, “You can’t do that! You don’t look cute enough!”
But that’s ridiculous. The world is full of unspoken (and plenty of spoken) rules about what women can and can’t do depending on their appearances. What clothes they can wear. Which men they can approach. What jobs they are suited for. And it isn’t as though appearance should never play a part in anything. That’s impossible. But it’s time for heavy women to be models, and romantic heroines, and for women of color to be brilliant leaders. And for women who look however they look to have access to any fashion they like.
It’s time to take back the cute.
* * * * *
Un-roast: Today I love how thick my thighs have become. I like the way they look in shorts (I know, I liked shorts yesterday, but I’m wearing them everyday here, I can’t help but like them everyday!). I’m aware that I’m supposed to want my thighs to be really thin. But they look sexy the way they are. Thighs aren’t supposed to be thin.
Everyone: Do you ever act girlish? When?
Kate on May 28th 2010 in beauty, being different, nose
Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday responded on 28 May 2010 at 12:57 pm #
I definitely act girlish when I’m with my family. I have a really goofy and fun side that I reserve just for my home life.
You can’t be serious and grown-up all the time. Life would be so boring.
B.T. responded on 28 May 2010 at 2:52 pm #
Absolutely. SJP’s antics grate on my nerves sometimes, but I agree with your point. At least she has the option of being silly, regardless of her appearance.
If I want to wear something fun and ridiculous, I don’t want anyone to tell me I can’t, for any reason.
Angela responded on 28 May 2010 at 3:10 pm #
I am a mother of 2 and I have found that it has been really hard for me to let go and act silly and have fun. Our youngest is almost 4 and this past year I have really tried hard to have fun and get to know myself again! I sing the karaoke song now, dance and let my husband swing me around on the dancefloor and enjoy the moment I am in and not worry about what others think. To find peace with myself has been a revelation for me and I have found the confidence to wear the shorts, high heels and bathing suits that before I wouldn’t.
Jennifer Marie responded on 28 May 2010 at 3:24 pm #
I’m full-figured, and I’ve definitely had the thought that cuteness is for smaller women. That I can look “elegant,” but never adorable. I really appreciated this post.
Liss responded on 28 May 2010 at 5:02 pm #
another fabulous post!! i’m in love with everything you write. keep it up!!
janetha responded on 29 May 2010 at 12:58 am #
can you please make me think that thighs aren’t supposed to be thin? i want that mentality.
and i love that you went to the movie in your heels.
and i think you’re the best. the cat’s meow, the bee’s knees.
Wei-Wei responded on 29 May 2010 at 11:28 am #
I think Asian women are awesomest when they’re badass.
Just sayin’.
Gena responded on 30 May 2010 at 7:35 am #
Oh, anyone can definitely rock girlishness. With style.
But man oh man, do I loathe the SATC franchise on multiple ideological grounds. A friend asked me to see it with her recently (somehow she didn’t know of my opinions on it), and I think I took her aback with my immediate exclamation that I wouldn’t get near those movies with my dollar. Ooops
Hayley responded on 30 May 2010 at 11:19 pm #
Sometimes feeling girlish can be somewhat empowering. If I’m feeling girly, it can mean I’m feeling flirtatious, which means I’m feeling confident. I’m ok with that, as long as I can still feel confident under other conditions as well.
Iris responded on 31 May 2010 at 8:28 am #
I’ve always wanted a tiny waist the way women are supposed to want…that barbie ideal. But I love having strong, muscular thighs. They’re so much sexier to me!
Pretty Price Check (06.04.10) « Beauty Schooled responded on 04 Jun 2010 at 12:12 pm #
[...] Golden Girl Rue McClanahan, who died yesterday. Eat The Damn Cake had a great piece last week about Taking Back the Cute; why women who aren’t tiny, young, and traditionally beautiful should get to act girlish and [...]
Shyra responded on 11 Jun 2010 at 4:14 pm #
Hey Kate,
I’m playing catch up. This post came the day after my birthday! I saw Sex and the City 2 on my bday. Loved the girliness bc I am a girly girl as u know. I’m also a black woman and ppl are constantly amazed by how unjaded and girly I am. People always seem to think bc ur smart u can’t be girly and giggle and squeal. I act girly whenever I feel like it. At work where I’m in charge, on the phone with my bf, in the mirror while my son is the bathtub. The thought of I’m not cute enough to do that has never occurred to me. The thought I’m not thin enough has. Will send pictures of the perfect red dress that makes me thin enough to do anything. I not only wore it to the SATC2 premiere, I’m wearing to a family function 2morrow night! My question for you is: Is it ACTING girly if it’s really being true to who you are?
Edith responded on 12 Jun 2010 at 2:33 pm #
yes! You’re so articulate. You’re awesome.
Alanna responded on 13 Jun 2010 at 9:42 pm #
While I almost never comment, I actually did the whole “jaw drops to the floor and takes a gasp” thing when I read the jewish steryotype. I may only have half jewish blood, but if thats what makes mascara totally unnecessary, my eyes hazel, and biology the easiest class ever, I’ll take any unfair steryotypes ANYONE can say!
Kate responded on 13 Jun 2010 at 9:47 pm #
@Alanna
That’s the spirit! I wish I’d been better at biology. The Jewish genes apparently didn’t kick in for that one…
Kate responded on 13 Jun 2010 at 9:50 pm #
@Shyra
Happy belated birthday! Good for you for BEING rather than just acting girly whenever you feel like it. I think the key is to be able to express whatever it is that you feel, without any single emotion/state defining you. I don’t want to be defined as serious or loud or shy or girly. I want to be defined as a person who can be any of these things, depending on the situation. That might be asking for a lot, though…
Corny responded on 30 Jan 2011 at 5:31 pm #
thighs aren’t supposed to be thin. Yes!