I Got Screamed At By Yet Another Cab Driver

(image source here)

I’m still shaking, as I write this. Here’s the story: I went back to the old apartment to pick up my canvases (I paint a lot), and bring them to the new place. I hailed a cab, the bulky stack leaning precariously on my side. The cab driver helped me put the canvases in the trunk. He drove me to the new place. He said, “Cash?”

I said, “No, card.”

And he lost his mind.

I can’t quote him here. I don’t use that kind of language on this blog. He was screaming at me, and, through the flood of violent words, he seemed to be accusing me of manipulating him.

“I don’t know what you’re so angry about,” I said. “Can you please calm down?”

“Don’t you open your mouth to me!” He roared. “You watch yourself!”

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. It’s the third. The third time a cab driver has berated me for offering a credit card. And I don’t even take cabs very often!  I don’t carry very much cash. I mentioned this. He screamed at me.

This time was different, because I couldn’t get out of the car right away. My paintings were in the back, and it sounded like he might just drive away with them. Or kill me. I couldn’t think what to do. His name must’ve been right in front of me, but I didn’t remember to commit it to memory. I was trying to get my wallet open, and my fingers were shaking uncontrollably. The card didn’t work. Oh god, I thought. What do I do? I had another one. That one worked. So much time was passing. I wanted to scream back, but I didn’t know what he might do. I hated that I was paying him, as he was calling me things no one should ever be called, but I kept thinking of my paintings.

I got out, and I left the door open, so he couldn’t drive away. He was still going as I hauled the canvases out of the trunk and shoved them up against a trash bin on the corner. I shut the trunk and repeated the license plate number to myself three times. 52AC. I think. When I tried to type it into my blackberry, I couldn’t quite remember it, and my hands were still shaking, and my new neighbor was coming out of the building and saying, “Oh, hi! Great to see you again! How are you?” And I was a mess.

I went upstairs and pushed my way into my apartment and dumped the paintings against a couch and cried. And then I called 311 and filed a complaint against the cab driver whose name I hadn’t taken down. And the man on the phone flirted with me a little.

I was angry at myself for being so upset. I should’ve been calmer. I should’ve gotten his name. I need to be able to trust myself in situations like these.

But one of the things that makes me the most angry was summarized perfectly by the cable guy, who rang the doorbell as I was finishing up with the 311 guy, and then heard me on the phone with my mother, telling the story. He came into the living room to have me sign something and he said, shaking his head, “Sorry about that cab driver. He had no right to treat you like that. There’s no way he would’ve done that to me. Or any guy.”

Which seems to be the consensus. When I told people about the last two times this happened to me, the guys couldn’t imagine that happening to them. It just didn’t seem possible.

I never want to take another cab. But more than that, I want to live in a world where people don’t scream at strangers, just because they can.

*  *  *  *

Un-roast: Today I love my paintings. I’m getting slightly better at abstracts in blue. Slightly. I think I may have a good eye for color. And there is paint all over my right leg. It looks like I was in a gruesome accident. Or, at least, my right leg was.

34 Comments »

Kate on July 22nd 2010 in life, new york

34 Responses to “I Got Screamed At By Yet Another Cab Driver”

  1. Rachel responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    When I take (took) cabs the first two things I’d check were if there’s a card swipe and what the drivers name was. I never needed to know the name but found it comforting
    I’m sorry you had this experience. I’m surprised after the first time you didn’t learn to get cash before you hail a taxi.
    In defense of cab drivers, it seems like a really unpleasant job, and the extra time it takes to run a card is time they lose on the next fare.
    It may or not be true that this particular driver treated you that way in part because you’re a woman, but he may have gone on to yell at the next male fare he took. A likelier difference may be that men would argue back and later describe how they told someone off instead of how someone made them cry.

    For the record, it sounds like you handled yourself well by trying to tamp things down. I would see that as an asset to being a woman. Heck your complaint may have been taken more seriously because of your gender. I would focus on that rather than on how you were victimized for your gender.

  2. Emily responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    Good for you for filing a complaint. It’s tough to do. I let a guy on the UWS who was asking for money sexually harass me several times before I called 311. And I was shaking also. And it was my birthday. But really, it was the best birthday present I could have given myself because I don’t have to dread passing that corner when I go for a walk anymore.

  3. Jennifer responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 4:43 pm #

    @ Rachel, you may not have meant to, but your comment sounds a little to me as though erring on apologism. I understand that cab drivers don’t have a particularly fantastic job, but there’s absolutely no excuse for what Kate experienced. None. And your comment about her focusing on being ‘victimized’ by her gender is stunningly inappropriate. Although this is an anecdote, there is evidence to suggest that women do get assualted (verbally, in this case) by cab drivers than men. Same goes for those who work in the hospitality industry, and so on. You don’t get to silence Kate by telling her to ignore what is, by reasonable standards, most likely a misogynistic attack on her, especially on a feminist-friendly blog like this one.

    Kate – I’m so, so sorry. I’ve definitely experienced similar things when I’ve been in public spaces, and I completely share your reaction to such incidents. Please don’t think that you ‘should have’ reacted in another way – the issue wasn’t how you reacted, it was what he did. I hope you’re feeling a little better soon (it always takes me a few days to get over being verbally abused in person).

  4. Cindy responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    sorry Kate to hear this happened to you.

    I’ve been verbally berated so many times by a spouse, (and mother)of all people and no matter how many times it happens and by whom, you never get used to it. it’s why it’s called abuse and you should have reported it so good for you!

    I agree with Jennifer that it’s not your reaction (the shaking etc) you should be worried about. that’s just in each of our nature to react the way we do and our temperment etc.

    funny thing about that is no matter what temperment you start out with you become MOTHER BEAR when children show up!

    I crumble in a heap over small little barbs by people and I do fight back hard now, when boundaries are bull-dozed over, but it takes it’s toll on me…you did fine and I am proud of you!

    (never took a cab, and no thanks)

    CALGON, take me AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

  5. Cindy responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    would love to see some of your beautiful art!

  6. Michelle responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 5:34 pm #

    @Rachel: Wow. Forgive me if I missed your point, but when I read your comment that Kate should have learned to carry cash after the first vitriolic cab driver yelled at her, I read that as this situation is Kate’s fault. How is she responsible for others actions? Why *should* she be responsible for others actions? The cabs DO accept credit cards, so there should be no issue. Cab drivers (IMHO) are in the customer service industry, just like waitstaff, hotel staff, baristas, etc. If we wouldn’t accept this behaviour from them, *why* are cabbies exempt? (I am sincerely asking.)

    @Kate: ((((HUGS))))) I hope your evening -and next cab experience- are
    stupendous!

  7. Michelle responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    PS: I agree with the others that your reaction was perfectly acceptable; it is also possible it saved you from any further actions by the driver. Maybe he is all talk, maybe not. At any rate, I am glad you are safe!

  8. Karl responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 6:54 pm #

    As a guy in NY, I can’t imagine that happening to me. I get grumbles sometimes from cab drivers, but never ever outright hostility. I have no trouble at all believing that a certain awful type of guy goes from “that’s annoying” to “you stupid *$&%@# @#$*&” a lot quicker when dealing with women.

    There’s no justification for behavior like that. Forget “customer service”, it’s more an issue of basic decency. I hope the driver gets what’s coming to him.

  9. pat responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 7:38 pm #

    I don’t think it’s a very productive standpoint to assume things like this are always motivated by sexism. It is logical that an angry cabbie would be more likely to vent that anger on a woman than a man, because a woman probably won’t yell back. By the same token, it is logical that more women file complaints than men, because men would feel they resolved the problem by fighting back. Whatever was going through the drivers mind, it is important not to feel helpless. Calling 311 was the right thing to do, because it might punish the driver, but more importantly because it affirms Kate’s power in the situation.

  10. Rob (R.M. Levitt) responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 7:41 pm #

    Wow, I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. There’s absolutely no excuse for that kind of rudeness toward anyone, regardless of gender. And I suspect that the cable guy and the others you asked were right: he would have been too much of a coward to treat another man that way. One thing you didn’t mention (perhaps intentionally) was the *ahem* shall we say, “cultural orientation” of the driver in question. I’m wondering if he comes from a culture *cough* Islam *cough* that is notoriously hostile to women in the first place.

    I understand that you have very liberal leanings that might make you unwilling to hold his “cultural background” responsible, but since I’ve been living in the South I’ve moved more toward center politically and I’m not above indicting certain groups of people for the attitudes they bring here from wherever they come from and refuse to leave at the door. America should be welcoming to all, yes, but it’s also supposed to be a melting pot, so f**king melt already. We don’t act that way here. Our culture’s unhealthy attitudes are of a different flavor.

    Anyway, the last thing I wanted to say was, it’s probably not any better for you to carry cash either. Carrying more cash means you have more to lose if (God forbid) you are mugged. If you decide to go the cash route, then keep the wad of bills tucked in your boot along with a sharp knife. And no, I’m not being dramatic.

  11. Erika @ Health and Happiness in LA responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 10:58 pm #

    That is ridiculous! What a horrible man! I guess cab drivers don’t have to worry that much about being nice because they don’t really get repeat customers and he figured he’d never see you again.

    And it seems like when you need to be able to remember a license plate is exactly when you can’t. I was in a hit and run in my car and I saw the license plate and tried so hard to remember it but I think I was too angry!

  12. bobbie responded on 22 Jul 2010 at 11:17 pm #

    The reason you weren’t a BITCH back to the driver is that you are a nice person and nice people don’t have a repetoire of come backs to abuse. My old boss did this to me daily. He got away with it because I didn’t feel confident in my new job and he knew just how to get to me. Well, after 2 years of dealing with his insults and barbs [and he did this to almost all the employees], I saw him doing it to the new girl and just couldn’t take it anymore. I called the VP, told him to come our dept for an emergency and he walked in on my boss while he was yellling at the new new girl and she was crying. Boss fired within 2 days. It took me 2 years, but I felt great. It just takes once to stand up for yourself and/or another and you’ll never have a problem again. Promise!

  13. Wei-Wei responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    Man. I’ve never encountered this before, but I think I would have just frozen on the spot and be “victimised” while not knowing what to do. What a disgusting person; I do hope that he doesn’t do that regularly. And good job on reporting it: it’s obviously the smart and right thing to do :)

    Wei-Wei

  14. ladykatya responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 12:22 pm #

    @Rob “America should be welcoming to all, yes, but it’s also supposed to be a melting pot, so f**king melt already. We don’t act that way here. Our culture’s unhealthy attitudes are of a different flavor.”

    Highlight of my day, right there. :)

    Kate — I’m so sorry someone felt like they could treat you like crap today. Use it as fuel for your art and make a bazillion dollars to hire your own car from now on. :)

  15. San D responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 12:34 pm #

    Of all the times I have taken a cab, I have never encountered someone being rude to me. Sorry Kate that you had to have that experience, and more particularly feeling trapped because of your cargo. Your response of fear was justified as you were obviously dealing with someone on some sort of edge for whatever reason. Instead of dwelling on the incident you wrote about it, which is a good way to use your frustration about the experience. Rude cabbies have been a hallmark of what everyone thinks New York City is all about. To be a New Yorker you have to take the bitter with the sweet.

  16. Emily responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 2:30 pm #

    Power dynamics. That is all I could think of as I read this story. Power dynamics and the paintings..
    Not the power dynamics between men and women, the specific power dynamic between Kate and a cab driver. There was one key factor here. THE PAINTINGS. How intriguing that a set of paintings could turn a ferocious opponent into a shaking girl, but this is just what happened. The paintings gave him power. He could drive away with them and she could do nothing to stop him. Suddenly the power dynamic was not the one it might have been. She needed to make sure he didn’t drive away with the paintings, and that become the important fact.

    I say this not to diminish what happened, or to negate any of the man’s responsibility (for he didn’t know that the paintings were so key), but rather to explain that Kate is not the sort of person that would usually be sent into a state of confused trembling by a shouting man. Many women would. I probably would. Most probably would. And we would not fault them. But not Kate.

    Let me tell you the story of the last time I was in a cab with Kate and the cabby tried to berate her for using a credit card.

    We had taken a very short trip and the fare was under five dollars. The cabby began to mutter insults under his breath and glaring hatefully back at us as Kate slid her card through.

    “Excuse me?” She said with a calm confidence “Are you saying something to me? I can’t understand you.”

    “Oh! You understand me!” He growled back. What followed was a semi-incoherent rant about not using credit cards on small fares and how everyone knows this but uses them anyway.

    Kate seemed undisturbed. She raised her eyebrows “Well, I only carry cards. I have no cash.”

    “You should have a plan B!” He yelled back, clearly bothered by her indifference.

    Her eyebrows lifted further. She was not swayed. “You are very rude.” she said as a matter of fact “You should work on your attitude, buddy.” She had finished paying and we slid out of the cab.

    “You should work on your attitude!!” he yelled desperately at her. He could tell he was loosing the argument.

    “No.” She said calmly, like she was just handing out free advice, “You should work on yours.”

    She slammed the car door and we walked away. He continued to yell at her through the car window but she made no attempt to hear him. She had won. He knew it. He seethed with rage that he would never be able to vindicate. All he wanted was to punish her for her crime of credit but she was indifferent to his punishment. The power was hers.

    That is why I say that power dynamics are funny thing. In this recent case, the power dynamics were different. Because if it hadn’t been for the paintings, this cabby would likely have been treated to a firm lesson in politeness. But the paintings… the paintings changed everything.

  17. Justine responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 2:30 pm #

    Ugh, that sucks. I’ve been yelled at by cab drivers in Manhattan when I told them I was going to Brooklyn tons of times. One particular time when I was going from my apartment in the west village to the Pratt campus in Brooklyn carrying all my art for my survey at four in the morning having been up all night, the cab driver screamed at me because when he asked which bridge (um, aren’t you the driver? I don’t even have acar!”) I said “the Williamsburg” because it’s 50/50 usually, and he just kept yelling “should have been Manhattan—why you tell me Williamsburg?!” and cursing at me, I pretty much starting crying because I was so exhausted. Then he felt bad and actually carried all my artwork up to the exhibition space for me and apologized. I felt awful that I had resorted to tears, but it wasn’t on purpose.

    Sometimes people just have bad days, and they take it out on everyone else, forgetting that other people have feelings too. Good for you for reporting that guy though, he sounds like a real jerk—there is no excuse for that!

  18. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    @Emily
    Thank you for clarifying that! And for the awesome story in which I feel like I’m sort of the hero. I was actually about to comment here explaining that I have a history of standing up for myself in these situations….But Emily to the rescue :) Love you!

  19. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    And P.S. The paintings look amazing in my new living room!

  20. Jin Pooh responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    Kate, I’m so so sorry that this happened to you! There’s such an abrasiveness about this city that makes the experience of living here both exciting and treacherous. It’s hard to unravel all the different factors that would explain the driver’s response, but the cableman’s comment has such resonance.

  21. Amy responded on 23 Jul 2010 at 8:55 pm #

    I’ve felt that way before– I’m a teacher, and sometimes… usually just once a year or so… I have a parent call and berate me, usually for disciplining their child for something they did. Plagiarism. Cheating. Attendance. Whatever. You do the crime, you do the time. But sometimes Mommy calls. Last year was the worst, and I had a parent get personal and tell me that I was evil and enjoyed sending kids to the office. That I SMILED as I handed out discipline slips. Um, WHAT?! Was she there? Did I miss something? Did her daughter not cheat with another student?! I finally was able to hang up, went to my classroom (this was after school) and cried my eyes out. Even the next day was completely ruined for me. So I’m not analyzing the whys and wherefores… I’m just saying… I know that feeling of rage, but impotence, and horror at the situation unfolding. The difference is, that’s ALWAYS me. I’m not the assertive one, the strong one standing up for myself in confidence. So, go you, Kate. I’m proud of you and I’m glad that you saved what was important to you.

  22. DaliSalvadorAde responded on 24 Jul 2010 at 12:30 am #

    Seriously, EFF that cab driver! People can be so vile at times. I agree that you handled yourself gracefully, and in that situation, I believe that was what was needed. Even if you replied him with the same force, that could have escalated the situation. Don’t worry though, knowing how many cab drivers there are in NYC, I’m pretty sure he’s out of your life forever. GOOD RIDDANCE!

  23. Amy responded on 24 Jul 2010 at 8:59 am #

    Okay. So, this is what you need to do. You need to get back in the cab. You need to take 10 cabs and pay each time with a credit card. If the guy is a jerk ask him why he would be that way when he knows that you are tipping him — or not. explain — if fact shout right back if it feels good — that he stands to lose a lot more by being a jerk, than he does by having to pay a fee to the credit card company. and that if credit was not acceptable it is HE who should have informaed you – not the other way around, before he accepted the fare. by the time you are done this little exercise, hopefully you will have found many more pleasant cabbies than jerks, and therefore, you will feel much more empowered to put the jerks in their place, realizing that THEY are the ones who are wrong, not you.

    I am sorry you had this experience but the world is full of bullies. react to them as though you have witnessed them bullying your 7 year old daughter. (because didn’t you feel just like you felt when you were bullied as a child???). defend your child and you will be defending yourself. I’m not saying this is easy…but it does get much easier, and even fun, once you change your vantage point.

    but again, i am sorry for your experience.

    amy

  24. Jayca responded on 25 Jul 2010 at 4:37 pm #

    I’ll add myself to the long and deserved list of your backers in this situation – I especially know the ridiculous torture of not being able to respond appropriately right exactly when and how I mean to ten minutes later. I’ve been known to turn into shaky, crying girl when what I want to do is throw logic and fiery words back instead. I’ve been the girl being unresonably screamed at who literally can’t fight back because all that ‘fight or flight’ adrenaline turns me straight to fuming mush.
    I’ve thrown bananas in frustration over this. Also, marched up to folk days later with all that I meant to say before, thankyousomuch and don’t you think because I couldn’t handle the abuse then means I can’t come after your ass now.
    So, bueno on you for the 311 call – it would’ve taken me two more days and a lack of cable men (albeit COMPLETELY CORRECT ones)around!

  25. Rob (R.M. Levitt) responded on 26 Jul 2010 at 11:26 pm #

    ———————————————–
    “You should work on your attitude!!” he yelled desperately at her. He could tell he was loosing the argument.

    “No.” She said calmly, like she was just handing out free advice, “You should work on yours.”
    ———————————————–

    That’s great!!! I’m going to use that someday.

  26. Rebecca responded on 27 Jul 2010 at 8:41 am #

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this, Kate. I would have run up to my apartment in tears, too.

    I have to say though, the part of this story that touched my heart the most was the OTHER stranger who you paid to provide a service, and also made yourself vulnerable to – not only with your paintings, but allowing him into your home – and how different the two interactions were.

    “Sorry about that cab driver. He had no right to treat you like that. There’s no way he would’ve done that to me. Or any guy.”

    — what a great cable guy

    . . . like New York slaps you down and lifts you up all in the course of an hour

  27. Tempest responded on 27 Jul 2010 at 12:51 pm #

    Been reading for a few weeks now and enjoy your blog – this post drove me to comment though. So sorry about your terrible experience and am so glad you called the line and reported – and your credit card company should be able to track exactly which cab it was. There is NO excuse for that sort of behavior, and it doesn’t take any longer to use the card then it does to make change with cash. AND I’m far more likely to leave a better tip in the process if I can use a card (especially if it’s the company card/biz trip, far easier for me to keep track of the money) since it’s presented right there with the breakdown. I think some cabbies assume that women can’t count, and if they rip you off in the change, you won’t know? Or they can pocket the cash and not report it? Either way, it’s illegal. Most people’s aggressive behavior/anger comes not from other people, but their own issues with themselves.

  28. Shyra responded on 28 Jul 2010 at 12:23 pm #

    This never would’ve happened to me. The cab driver saw u and probably just thought u were some pushover white lady (no offense). If it had been man or a woman of color, he would’ve kept his mouth closed for fear of physical brutality.

    I would have gotten out of the cab, got my paintings out of the trunk all while dialing 911and refusing to pay until authorities arrived. I probably would’ve claimed verbal assault. I am so good for calling 911. I probably call once a summer. Usually to inform someone that I need police escort and unless one arrives in 3 minutes there is going to be a headline tomorrow that says Beauty Queen Murdered during South Street Flash Mob. LoL I’m so dramatic.

    Usually ppl read what you put out. You were apparently putting out ur im a nice girl and I want everyone to be happy vibes and he took advantage of you. I was mugged so I’ve totally been caught off guard too. After that, you realize it’s not about keeping ur wits about u when something goes wrong; it’s about standing up for urself and being confident. If you had just stopped him @ the beginning of his tirade u wouldn’t have been so upset when u got out of the car.

    When u feel like a situation could escalate and the situation u were in definitely could have, u shouldn’t apologize for the help u require. Flag down the neighbors next time. Cause a big scene! He was just running his mouth. If your Fiance had been there it wouldn’t have happened. Like my mom says, Carry your head high and carry your mase in ur left hand. That way if u need to get in a quick uppercut, ur good hand is free.

  29. MWN responded on 29 Jul 2010 at 3:09 am #

    It’s already been said, but @Rachel, your comments about Kate learning to use cash after getting yelled at the first time were completely blaming the victim. Taxis have those credit card machines because they accept credit cards. The U.S. is increasingly a credit card society and businesses all over are dealing with it.

    A point I haven’t seen in any of the comments is that taxi drivers prefer cash because it’s traceless, meaning they can lie on their income forms and pay less taxes. I always chat with the driver whenever I take a taxi and they have told me this point-blank. With credit cards, there is a record, so they can’t lie to the IRS.

    I for the first time started hiding money in my bra while traveling through South America and it worked wonderfully. The only problem is it’s alittle awkward when you have to retrieve it…I kind of turn to the side and pick the bottom of my bra under my shirt and try to catch it as it falls out of my shirt.

    I don’t take taxis too often, and I usually pay with a card (who has cash?) and luckily this hasn’t happened to me yet; Thanks for your blog post about it. I hope that I can be more alert so if I’m put in this situation, I will hopefully know how I want to react!

  30. MWN responded on 29 Jul 2010 at 3:15 am #

    @Shyra, watch out because to me it sounds like you’re saying Kate is kind of to blame for sending out the ‘victim’ signal, but I LOVE your idea of refusing to pay, calling 911, and hailing the neighbors or whomever. We need to remember this more often–YOU CAN REFUSE TO PAY. And not runaway, but then call the cops. Awesome.

    In my orientation in Peru, we were warned about taking taxis alone because there is a small chance of being kidnapped by fake taxis and forced to turn over our money. And we were told if we were suspicious to scream and get out of the taxi ASAP.

    And I seriously asked, “OK, if you think maybe the taxi driver is trying to kidnap you, and you get out in the middle of the ride, do you still pay them?” Seriously, I was concerned that either I would be screwing a potentially-non-kidnapper out of their payment, or that the driver would then call the cops on me.
    DO YOU PAY THEM? Honestly.

  31. Chelsey responded on 02 Aug 2010 at 4:57 am #

    This story horrifies me. Seriously, got the chills kind of thing. A bus driver once mumbled swears to me and called me stupid under his breath for getting out of the wrong door, and I remember walking back to my apartment in tears over it. It was so petty and pointless and I shouldn’t have let it get to me, but I felt so awful. When I started to think why, it just reminded me of how vulnerable I was. How easy it is for someone to “put me in my place”. It just made me feel like a piece of crap.

    Kudos to you for handling the situation. What a terrible, terrible person. He obviously saw someone timid or vulnerable, someone he can pick on to make himself feel better.

    I hope you were able to report him, and I really hope he never does this again.

  32. Belinda Gomez responded on 23 Aug 2010 at 1:22 am #

    How can you not figure that a cabbie is going to want cash, especially when you’ve got a big old load of stuff? He won’t get any tip from the credit card company.

    Yes, they have credit card machines. And yes, they have to take the cards. But no, they don’t have to like it.

    I think you need to stop gazing at the world through the veil of “I’m a nice sensitive girl, don’t hurt me”, and get real. Calling the authorities is like calling your mom.

    Carry cash when you’re going to take a cab.

    And all you young women who comment about bursting in to tears and shaking and so on–what the hell happened to women? Do you honestly think this is what our grandmothers struggled for? For you all to get the vapours and faint if some asshole looks at you cross-eyed? Rosa Parks didn’t burst in to tears.

  33. Eat the Damn Cake » I want people to like me. There, I said it. responded on 09 Jan 2012 at 12:11 pm #

    [...] People in real life are sometimes fantastically rude, too. They go on three dates with someone and then disappear without a word. They punch someone. They don’t hold the door. My own brothers have mastered the right amount of rudeness. I’m so jealous.  They can ignore people who are bothering them and focus on people who make sense to focus on. They can fight back when someone picks a fight. They can come out of it feeling good, pretty sure they won. [...]

  34. raoulis responded on 19 Jun 2012 at 5:58 pm #

    I saw you mention something about a cab driver in another post so I had to google your site.

    Wow, that’s all I can say. I’m so sorry that you had to and have to experience these type of things. I have to admit I’m not the type to read feminist blogs or personal female stories – your story struck out at me because many many years ago I read a similar story and even when I was a teenager it seemed unthinkable that the same thing could happen to me because I’m a male.

    It’s amazing how sexism is tied into the “tattletale ” or even worse “grow up” mentality. I am so glad that you reported that asshole. Nobody has the right to verbally abuse another person. Father, husband, son, or stranger – no-one. Period.

    I actually do remember only one time I was verbally abused by a stranger when I was young. We had ordered a pizza then got locked out of the house. Thankfully a friend stood up for us. People are always looking for a seemingly “weak” or “soft” target to vent their frustrations. It’s human nature.

    Anyway I’m really sorry for what you had to go through. Do let anyone ever tell you to not to report someone. Verbal abuse is no different from physical violence as far as I’m concerned because that’s exactly what it leads to.

    The best way to heal is to not take it personal. An asshole is an asshole is an asshole is an asshole… etc. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

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