One of the best parts of having really short hair is that I look a little like a boy. This was something I was nervous about, when I thought about cutting my hair. I thought, “What if I look a little like a boy? I can’t let that happen. What if someone thinks I’m a boy? What if someone calls me ‘sir’? Then my life will probably be over.”
But a surprising thing happened when I cut my hair. I stopped caring so much about looking like a girl. Maybe it’s all the fussing that long hair demands. I stopped looking in the mirror as much, because I didn’t have to check and make sure my hair was OK. Because it’s always pretty much the same.
Since I already look so different, something in me that was constantly competing to look just as good as or better than other women shut off. It’s like I removed my name from the roster. And when the guy who runs the world is calling out, “Potentially beautiful, sexy women: Molly Aacker! Christina Abbens! Tianna Abbey! Jessica Alba! Jennifer Aniston!” He will never get to my name, because I’m not even there. My name was scratched out and replaced by one of those smiley faces with the tongue sticking out.
I can’t believe how simple it was.
I can’t believe how much pressure I was putting on myself to look feminine in very specific ways, without realizing it.
I put on my wedding gown (it is still hanging on the back of the bedroom door while I procrastinate about dealing with it), as a joke, to show Bear how ridiculous it would’ve looked if I had cut my hair before the wedding.
I didn’t look like a boy at all. But it would have been OK if I had.
There was something awesome about cutting off my hair and then rocking the wedding gown that I agonized over, back when I cared about looking pretty in dresses. I told Bear we might have to get married again. I think I’d be better at it this time.
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Un-roast: Today I love how things can change suddenly for the better. This is one of the best things about being alive.
Guest post about how educational travel is, at Un-schooled. From a very cool woman whose two-year-old son has already seen a lot of the world.