Leave hairy men alone!

OK, I’ve had it. People need to stop ragging on hairy guys. It’s mean. Also, it just doesn’t make sense.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people (and I mean real people, with souls and stuff, not tabloids and anyone who was trying to prevent Hillary Clinton from becoming president) are pretty careful not to say mean things about women’s appearances. It’s like, “They’ve suffered enough…” There’s this wall of political correctness that has risen around women in polite society. We didn’t even let them into Princeton until like thirty years ago. We should probably apologize. No, no, that’s too awkward. Not when I’m wearing my power suit. Let’s just be nicer to them at dinner parties.

But even at a dinner party, a woman could probably say something about body hair being gross, and it would be fine. People would laugh.

“Body hair.” Even the words sound gross together. It’s like “farting warts.” Or “advanced herpes.” Farting warts? I don’t even know.

Can someone explain to me why a man having hair on his body is supposed to be gross? And then, after that, can that person continue explaining and explain why it’s widely considered a safe assumption that all women agree on this point?

Once a friend of mine hooked up with a guy who said, “I’d go down on you, but you’re not shaved.”

And she was like, “Well, I’d go out with you, but you’re a terrible person.” And she left.

That seems like the right reaction to me. It shouldn’t be OK for someone else to tell you how your body should look.

And also, when did pubic hair become gross? That’s another topic.

My dad is hairy. I wrote about being hairy myself, here. I blame him. But I never thought he was weird-looking. He’s my dad! I thought all dads had a lot of hair on their chests. In fact, I thought that dads who didn’t have hair on their chests were probably not as dad-like. They also probably couldn’t do as good of a gorilla impression as my dad could (he was very proud of his and it was always really, really embarrassing when we went to the zoo).

I grew up and dated hairless boys (there wasn’t very much body hair to go around during the teenaged years), and thought they looked fine. My friends started complaining about body hair on guys. “It was on his back. Ew.”

I learned that there were rules for where hair could grow. A little at the center of the chest was acceptable. It should be carefully contained. It might spread, like a hideous virus. It might take over the world.

In movies, hairy guys had to get waxed for the first time ever. They were always wimpy, hairy guys, and they screamed and screamed and everyone thought it was hilarious. Sometimes it was pretty hilarious.

In Sex and the City, Charlotte’s Harry had to get waxed to go with her to a fancy Hamptons’ pool party. He wasn’t presentable until then.

Male models don’t have body hair. Body builders shave. Movies stars are mostly hairless, unless they’re comedic or older.

When one of my friends described a guy as “hairy,” what she meant was “not sexy. Not at all sexy.”

So it was very confusing for me when I met a very hairy guy and thought that his hairiness was one of the hottest things about him. And not because he looked like a good dad. That would be weird. Just because it…well, was hot. At first, because I’d been so thoroughly prepped by being alive in a hair-adverse world, I kept expecting myself to not like it quite as much as I found myself liking it. But I kept liking it anyway. I couldn’t help it.

“Wow,” I said, the first time I saw him shirtless, “You are incredibly hairy.”

“I could get it waxed,” he said.

“Are you kidding?” I said. “It’s amazing.”

I don’t call him Bear for nothing (also he’s really big and burly).

These days I feel a little defensive when people say mean, off-handed things about hairy guys (can you tell?). And I also don’t understand why they say them. I mean, obviously preferences exist, and I don’t have a problem with some, or even most women adoring sleek, hairless men, but they don’t have to insult my preferences while doing that!

During my experiment with the women’s mags, I read a really sad piece by a guy. It was about being hairy. “Please,” he begged in a voice that sounded tiny and quavering even on the glossy page, “Stop making fun of me. It really hurts my feelings. I can’t help it that I’m hairy. Please stop thinking you can say things about my body without me caring. Can someone just cut us hairy guys a break? It would really mean a lot. Really.”

Don’t worry, hairy man! It is I– Cake Woman! I am here to rescue you! Put your big, muscular arms around me as I fly you gently to safety.

But seriously. It has to stop. Hairy men are da bomb.

I can’t believe I just said that. But I’m going to stand by it.

Sometimes I even catch myself thinking, “Bet your man’s not as hairy as mine…” and smiling to myself. Bear wins every time. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. With winning the constant cosmic body hair contest. Hell yeah.

*   *  *

Un-roast: Today I love the way my legs look when I cross them. it’s just cute and perky looking for some reason.

P.S. Am I totally keeping my promise about the photos? Yes I am. I’m pretty proud of myself for that, too.

Post about being sensitive over at Un-schooled.

My interview with Dan Abrams, famous guy and author of the new book Man Down,  is up on Aol’s front page for like ten more minutes. I tried to sound like a magazine writer in it, so it’s embarrassing. But it was pretty fun!


Kate on March 3rd 2011 in beauty, being different, body, relationships

88 Responses to “Leave hairy men alone!”

  1. Katie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 12:21 pm #

    I think a lot of society needs to reminded now and then that men have body issues too!

    Thanks for another great post.

  2. Elizabeth B responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    It’s funny. I just re-watched “It’s Complicated” over the weekend and I noticed that Alec Baldwin’s chest is really hairy. I actually thought to myself “I guess, he’s allowed to be hairy in the movie because he is supposed to be older (although I think he is younger than me…) but if you are a young guy, forget it.” I also read a Cosmo or Glamour or some such article last year that had a “50 Hottest Guys of the US” listing and all but two or three of them admitted to man-scaping to some extent. Huh?? I’m not into REALLY hairy guys but aren’t they supposed to have chest hair? I would hate it if the guy made more of an effort at hair removal than I did-just doesn’t seem right.

  3. Kate responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 12:45 pm #

    I had the same thought when I watched that movie.

  4. B1 responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    To me, this also falls in line with male bashing. I never quite understood that either. To me, men with or without hair are attrative by who they are, not the amount of hair on them. I have to admit growing up in a house of hairless men, the first time I saw a man with hair on his back, it kind of freaked me out, but I got over it. Then when I started dating and had guys with hair on their body, I found it fun to run my hands through.

    Anyway, love the pics and the post!

  5. Stacy responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    Yes!!! I’m with you all the way, Kate. I love my husband’s fur.

  6. Cary responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:03 pm #

    I have never, ever thought of this. I’m so sorry to every hairy man for any time I was involved in laughing at his expense. That’s just terrible. Thanks for throwing light…I am forever changed and happier for it.

  7. poet responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    I absolutely do not mind how hairy a guy is. I just hate when he demands of me to admire his hairiness because it’s so “real man”-manly, but that’s because I reject the concept of “real man”-manly… :)

  8. Melrose responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    I love me a hairy man.. and I often get “ews” from my girlfriends. I think it comes from my generation… not sure why though. There’s something so incredibly rugged and masculine about it. It’s definitely a turn on!

  9. oonaballoona responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    i love the hair, on both sexes! it might be because i have enough for hair for the population of new jersey on my head. and that’s without jersey’s number one import, hairspray.

  10. Katie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    it’s true about the double standards. it’s obvious in sitcoms…the mom is always hip and in charge, and the dad is a big oaf that messes things up. why is that ok? *shrug* in any case, i love body hair on guys. i totally agree about it being sexy.

  11. Raven responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    I think part of the appeal of men now feeling as though they have to wax or shave has a lot to do with the expectation that we women have to shave–our legs, underarms, and now even our pubic areas–to feel beautiful. It mimics the ancient Greco-Roman aesthetic of hairless-bodied men, and while I don’t care for “too many muscles” (RHPS-fan), I also *prefer* to be with androgynous, mostly hairless-bodied men. It is a preference, but I can completely understand the desire for hairy men; there’s a certain assertion of masculinity to be covered in hair–just think back to the 70′s! You couldn’t be manly without have a thick rug on the chest (and preferably matched by a decent mustache to boot). Personally? Not my thing, but most of my friends love hair on men’s bodies. I’m the outcast in my social circle for liking “feminine boys,” as one friend puts it. Eh. But I tend to like both my male and female partners more effeminate.

    That being said, I’m glad you’re appreciating and standing by the man you have and that his hairy bear-ness brings about happy tingly feelings. ^_^ I don’t think any of us have a right to dictate what other people do to make their bodies appear as they want them or ridicule them for choosing not to engage in a particular fad–because like the handle bar mustache of the 70′s, that’s exactly what this hairless craze is.

    My girlfriend shaves everything, sometimes even her head, but the one time I tried it, I felt as though I was suddenly a little girl, exposed and uncomfortably vulnerable (not too different from Eve Ensler’s “Hair” monologue, actually). I know you said pubic hair was a different topic, but have you seen/heard “Map of Tasmania” by Amanda Palmer? The video makes the song. La!

  12. Kate responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    You cracked me up.

  13. Mandy responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    There you go again–making me think!
    You’re absolutely right–commenting negatively to (or about)someone concerning their personal appearance is not only hurtful, it’s just plain rude. Thank you for the wake-up call.

    Un-roast: I love how my un-roasts are more often than not, about my non-physical qualities. It reminds me of how much I like myself.

  14. Erinleigh responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    HELLO! Thank you Kate! I love a man with hair on his body! It screams testosterone which screams sex appeal! My boyfriend is African American and I absolutely love his coarse, dark curly chest hair!!! I love to runs my fingers through it!!! I love when he comes to bed without his beater so I can lay my head on his hairy chest! Bring on the hair!

    P.S. This is probably why I could never understand how women are attracted to the hairless meathead body builder type…or men who have hair on their heads but shave it all off! PLEASE!I need something to grab onto! Hair is simply sexy.

    P.S.S. Leornardo DiCaprio…you will always look like a little boy to me… SORRY!!!!!!!! NOT ENOUGH HAIR! LOL

  15. Kate responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:36 pm #

    Every time someone mentions a girl shaving her head I want to shave mine. So tell your girlfriend that if I do it sometime soon, I’m holding her responsible :-)

  16. R.M. Levitt responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:45 pm #

    Thank you, Kate!! As a hairy guy myself, this one really hit home for me. I am overweight and out of shape, but I’m more self-conscious about my body hair than I am about anything else. After all, there’s nothing “wrong” with me physically and if I felt like going through the rigors of diet and exercise, I could lose weight and tone up just like anyone else — but the hair is a permanent fixture. Obviously I could shave, wax, or give my hair the electric chair (electrolysis) but there’s no real way to get rid of body hair permanently. And I am very aware that it’s a big turn-off to a lot of women! So I propose a fair trade, for any woman who might be interested in going out with me: I’ll accept you and the junk in your trunk if you accept my built-in fur coat! (I’m not as bad as Robin Williams… but close!)

  17. Autumn responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    SO true! I don’t think that society dictates what we find beautiful as much as some people do (most people tend to like large eyes, symmetrical faces, and clear skin, etc.) but body hair is totally an area that’s dictated by some standard that isn’t organic in the least. Like, you know that Burt Reynolds Cosmopolitan spread in the ’70s? So hairy! Such a sex symbol! If we saw that now it would be presumed to be a joke, a mockery of real men vs. the ideal.

    Same thing with women’s pubic hair. I was in a committed relationship from 2000 to 2006, and when I started dating again and found that men were surprised by the fact that I was au naturel–not turned off, but surprised–I was like, WTF happened over the last six years?!

  18. Valerie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 1:52 pm #

    Reminds me of the song If Your Dad Doesn’t Have A Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmFnarFSj_U

    I made my boyfriend watch the above video. He’s got a beard, he’s on the hairy side. He loved it.

    New Hairy Men Anthem!

  19. Kaley responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    Here in Spain, there is a cult to shaving/waxing all your hair. My boyfriend, who is Spanish, tells me some of his guy friends wax their legs. Now, that’s different.

    I love his hair, although he’s not hairy, per se. But the sexiest body hair? The hair around his belly button. Love trail or whatever. MMmmmm so very sexy

  20. Jess responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    Love it. My dad’s very hairy, and looking back most of the guys I’ve been seriously attracted to have been hairy. It’s fiiine.

    Also, my dad has been known to crawl around very proudly at the zoo like this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/13594300@N00/5305253627/#/

    He feels a kinship with the silverbacks.

    Sadly, I don’t have a picture of HIM doing it handy…

  21. Claire responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 2:57 pm #

    Love this post! Speaking of the movie It’s Complicated, there’s a line in there where Alec Baldwin comments favorably on his ex-wife’s au natural pubic hair. Is it also okay for her to have it too because she is “older” and somehow being from another generation, in which pubic hair was “natural,” makes it “sexy?” Why is it that I feel enormous pressure to NOT have pubic hair if it’s so naturally there? Raven said she felt like a “little girl.” To go along with that, I’ve heard it said that shaving off pubic hair makes a woman seem more like a child and that in our society (in which child porn is rampant) men are conditioned to like that. This seems a little bit frightening….Why can’t we all just be natural!?

  22. Miriam Martin responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    There are so many things about our bodies that we really have no control over. And yeah, maybe men are a bit less likely to be judged solely on the basis of their appearance, but they get it bad too … opening up a whole other can of worms here, but what about penis size? My heart cries any time I hear a well-meaning woman reference penis size as if it’s a deal-breaker … as if there aren’t a whole range of perfectly functional penis-sizes and as if a man has any say in the matter! It’s so shallow and cruel.

  23. Meri responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    Just as I might be attracted to a blonde guy, and I might not, I also might be attracted to a hairy guy, and might not. I think it’s silly when people have rules about how other people need to look.

  24. Reyna responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    It’s understandable if young girls feel that way, since the boys their age don’t have hair, but they need to grow out of it! Hugh Jackman has chest hair and it is sexy as hell! And I think all men need beards. If you love someone, hair would not be a dealbreaker.

  25. josie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 3:49 pm #

    Love the photos! Great idea. My man’s hairy too and I love it. He is super sexy and it just feels good.

  26. Leslie Beauchamp responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 4:22 pm #

    Men are just naturally hairy, and so what….that’s the way God made them. I think it’s related to the Victorian era back lash, being so uptight and thinking it’s unnatural, when in fact the truth is it is 100% naturale!! In Europe women do not shave underarms or legs…. free and easy!!

  27. Zoe responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    I read something once about a guy asking when girls started thinking that hairiness was attractive, and the whole assumption was that once girls want a more mature man rather than boys, the hair kind of shows that. I thought that was really weird and never how I thought about hairiness so not sure about that one.

    But I do find a hairy chest very sexy now mainly because my boyfriend is hairy – I now think no hair looks kind of funny and yes boyish. When he trims it sometimes it makes me so sad! Haha I don’t think it has to do with looking for a more “mature man” though.

  28. Angela@beggingtheanswer responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    I’m glad to see I’m in such good company! I love my husband’s body hair, but I’ve dated men without much body hair as well. Honestly, I think either look can be sexy.

    What really gets my goat, though, is when people start bashing body hair as being “gross” or “disgusting.” It’s one thing to have a preference for one look or another, but to think hair is “gross” strikes a nerve with me – it’s natural, and it’s not as though men get to choose how much (or little) body hair they have. Grow up! And don’t even get me started on the idea that pubic hair is gross…

  29. jane responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    First crush: Sully from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. (I wish that show were still running. I would still be watching.)

    8th grade obsession: Hawkeye (Daniel Day Lewis) in The Last of the Mohicans.

    College infatuation: Peter Krause, aka Nate, on Six Feet Under. I had a professor who looked just like him, only hairier.

    Until I read this post, I didn’t even know that most women prefer men to be hairless. I am sooo the opposite, and have been since I was a preteen. My man has a beard and curly beautiful chest hair. I’m with ya Kate!

  30. Kate responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 4:52 pm #

    Yes! Penis size too! I remember freshman year of college, when people were losing their virginity all over the place, and a girl I knew said, “I think he had a big penis…I mean, is it OK if he didn’t?” I was like, “Did it feel good?”

  31. Kate responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    I love that you just said, “I think all men need beards.” That’s great. I’m going to tell my brother, who has been sporting a beard over the protests of my parents for a while now.

  32. Jeanne responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    In college I took a life drawing class where one of our models was a male our age. When he disrobed he was totally hairless. I have no problem drawing nudes but with him I was just sorta weirded out because I kept thinking, “there isn’t any hair on him but on his head. did he spend all that time shaving himself for us? or does he do it in a regular basis? why?” I LOVE hairy guys. It love their hairy legs (kinda like mine) and the peach fuzz on their bums. I love rubbing my nose on their tummy hair. It feels cuddly and nice. I don’t understand this craze about hairlessness. it’s more of a turn off for me to think of a guy spending hours alone in his bathroom shaving off all of his hair.

  33. mlvlnd responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    Dear Cake Woman,

    Your column reminds me of what one philosopher stated in a quote attributed to Paul Cezanne, carrying the message that the quality of beauty has more to do with the quality of integrity than that of the attribute of prettiness.

    I’ll be making my first Genoise, with immense help from Stephanie Jaworski this weekend:

    Thank you, again, for your columns, Kate (!)


  34. Sarah responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 6:20 pm #

    Holla for hairy men! My husband is quite hairy and is becoming more hairy as time goes on. I had never been with a hairy guy before, but it doesn’t bother me one bit. The poor guy only had hair around his nipples in his younger 20s, and people actually thought he shaved his chest to look that way as a joke. It was made worse by the fact that his body hair is black and straight. Anyway, it has filled out now and threatening to creep all the way up his neck. He doesn’t feel self-conscious at all because he’s arrogant in a really awesome way. Sometimes I just look at him and think, “Why can’t I look at myself the same way?” He is pretty much the opposite of what the men’s magazines tell him he should look like, yet he looks at himself squarely in the mirror and says he looks damn good. I wish all hairy men could do the same.

  35. Jak responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 6:34 pm #

    I prefer less hair. Chest hair-yes. “Treasure trail”-yes. Pubic hair-of course. Back hair-I’m fine with. Mustaches can turn me off, though; perhaps this is because they tend to look like caterpillars perching on their faces. Every man I’ve ever been around that has a big beard drips food and drink into it and that grosses me out. I would never, ever think to dictate that a man should change his appearance, though.

    There’s this weird thing now about body hair being “unhygienic”. Which doesn’t particularly make sense. I’m not sure if that arises as an excuse or a cause.

    Just remember before you make harsh judgments about less hairy or hairless men that some guys are just naturally less hairy-Native American men on a whole tend to be less hairy, those with thyroid problems lose hair, diabetics can lose hair from nerve damage.

  36. Kendra H responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    I personally love hairy men. I’m not sure why this is, but I do. Now this doesn’t mean if I find the right person I wouldn’t go for a bare type of fella, but my significant other feels like being hairy and growing a beard and staying all natural, all the more power to him! I can’t believe full grown adults though are actually making comments about hairy men. I thought we were past the teenage stage!

  37. Roselie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 7:01 pm #

    I think respect is the key here. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and we should respect each other. And neither bash people for being hairy nor bash others for not being hairy / “man-like” enough. What nonsense all of that. Personally I really dislike too much hair but that’s just that, my opinion. If someone likes being hairy/dating men/women with hair then go for it! Why do we waste our time bashing other people? Because as someone else wrote above that’s male bashing and I am totally against that.

  38. Kate responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    I think people feel like it’s OK to be insulting if they’re talking about guys. Maybe because guys are supposed to “take it like a man” and laugh it off? I’m sure books could be and have been written about this particular quirk of gender relations. And I’d love to read them!

  39. MWN responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    I am really excited for the post about when did pubic hair become gross. Can you please write it ASAP?

  40. Relatable Style responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 8:30 pm #

    Love your post and totally agree. I recently found out that I’m not a feminist but actually an equalist. I’m all for equality between genders, and that does not stop with women’s rights but also concerns men’s rights (and goes far beyond that, but you probably know that anyway ^^).
    At 29, I sometimes shake my head and ask myself when exactly pubic hair became gross, too. Everyone seems keen on shaving plucking waxing it off. Any way seems good, as long as it’s OFF. Geez. I think this gets blown out of proportion big time. And by the way, I’m with you about hairy men. Granted, I don’t like them really hairy, but I don’t like them bare either. Let’s just say I like manly men. And they usually come with a side order of hair.

  41. Christin@purplebirdblog responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    My man is a total fur beast, and I call him my yeti. I love it :)

  42. Just Josie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    Yeah… I get really disheartened over body fascism of any kind. Personally, I find body hair attractive. Especially leg hair. :3 Also find beards attractive, but not mustaches. This is mostly because I don’t ever want to be attracted to my father. I’m a virgin, but I really don’t get the penis size thing, either. It’s an easy shot to shut rude guys up, but really? It’s like girls being made fun of for the size of their breasts; it’s complete and utter bullshit. Would be incredibly offended if someone said what they did to your friend, but she handled it well. I have a friend who was raised by a lesbian couple (not that that’s an issue), and I remember her telling me that she was a little freaked out by men’s hair because she never had a father figure with hair. That anecdote seemed somehow relevant to this point… Somehow. Anyhow, it’s just another example of how no one will ever be good enough. Men are supposed to have some hair, because otherwise they’re not masculine enough (gasp!), but if they have too much, they’re apparently some kind of troglodyte. Women naturally have body hair, but it’s somehow gross? What is natural is not gross. What is gross is all the chemicals we absorb through our skin to alter nature. *steps off soapbox*

    I cracked up at the pictures you put in these blog post — too funny, ha!

    @Katie: This is true, but in those same sitcoms, the guy is portrayed as the chill and laid-back one that everyone loves, while the wife is just the bitch, the nag, the prude, the old “ball and chain”. Same shit, different toilet. IBTP.

    Un-roast: I like how cranky I am some days. It makes me feel pleasantly jaded.

  43. Jeannie responded on 03 Mar 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    This is the most wonderful blog post ever and forever and ever amen. It made me so very happy and the statement “It shouldn’t be OK for someoneelse to tell you how your body should look” will probably be my mantra for the rest of my life. Brilliant.

    I have always felt the same, that a hairy man is incredibly sexy. Something so raw and…manly about it. Wonderful. Thanks for this post, it made my day.

  44. Kate responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 1:51 am #

    Aww yeah! TOTALLY agree! My husband is hairy and I call him bear too. I think it’s sexy and manly and sooo soft and cuddly. I think he is gorgeous!

    LOVE this post!

  45. Sarah Von responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 2:17 am #

    I think hairy guys are dead sexy! I find hairy chests snuggly and sweet. Also, guys with hairy chests strike me as more trustworthy (?) for some inexplicable reason.

  46. Kath responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 5:34 am #

    There is little that turns me on more than a hairy man. So I’ve never understood the “ewww gross!” reaction to body hair. On men OR women. (Hairy woman here!) Same as the “ewww gross!” reaction to male genitalia. I just don’t get that either.

    I think the whole thing with body hair becoming “eww gross” is the obsession with youth as beauty. Not to mention that so many companies are raking in money by selling all of the paraphenalia that body hair removal requires – whether it works or not.

  47. nova responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 11:14 am #

    Agreed! Hairy = manly. I don’t want my man to look like a prepubescent boy!

  48. oonaballoona responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 11:34 am #

    if you think that’s funny, you should’ve seen me when i dyed it red. think mixed girl meets carrot top.

  49. Laurel responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 11:53 am #

    I never appreciated how hairy my boyfriend was until he asked me to put sunscreen on his back at the pool. Obviously I knew he was hairy (and liked it!) but dealing with all the hair in the sunscreen goo and trying to get it to spread evenly was a first.

  50. Jess responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 11:58 am #

    I, too, love a hairy man. He is actually VERY self conscious about some of its placement (tummy, shoulders) but I think its great and am always telling him how cute and cuddly and comforting I find it. On the flipside, HE actually likes ME kind of hairy! He’s demanded I quit shaving my armpits because he thinks they’re cute and kind of hot hairy, and pouts whenever I shave. I would love if you blogged on pubic hair, Kate, because yes, its natural and even attractive. I don’t like feeling 8 years old– its just not sexy.

    I am also in support of beards!! Like any hairstyle, they must be properly maintained, and are an excellent way to get through the winter and stay warm.

    I feel like most reasonable women’s issues with male body hair do rest a lot on texture. It’s presence isn’t the issue, just the way it looks and feels, and there are as many textures as there are guys. I personally don’t find the thick and wiry kind very attractive, but I’m sure some women must! It’s just as unreasonable to require a man to wax or shave his various parts completely as it is to ask a lady to do the same to her ladyparts against her own preferences. The women who think a waxed chest is the only option does not have as soft and cuddly a pillow as I do. :)

  51. Kate responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:11 pm #

    OK, great. Now I have to work up the courage to write on the internet about pubic hair…


    I’ll try.

  52. Lucy responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    I am so thankful for my attraction to hairy men (and my fondness for the hair itself). It was the first tangible proof I had that my extra-large butt and thighs might actually be sexy in and of itself, and might be part of what made me sexy.

    So rock on, hairy men. Rahwr.

  53. Jess responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:35 pm #


    Doooo it! I’d love to help, but I’m not a fancy blogger like you. I mean, look at all them pictures! Just scads of them!

  54. Kate responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 12:38 pm #


    But your help is definitely welcomed!

  55. oreowriter responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    I definitely like some hair on guys! Makes them feel/look like men to me and not little boys. Also, when guys shave their chests, they get all stubbly and spikey. I’d rather have the soft hair than little points digging into my chin.

  56. Kat responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    This comment might be slightly un-coordinated (it’s been a long week and all), BUT: The sight of a hairy man makes me weak in the knees. I think it’s very attractive.

    Apart from that I generally think, everybody should do with the body(hair) what pleases their sense of aesthetics and what feels good to them, and that should be the end to it. No?

  57. Ellie Di responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 3:18 pm #

    When my now-husband and I saw each other naked for the first time, I was dumbfounded to discover that he shaved his armpits. Here was a big, burly guy who had hair everywhere but there. When I asked about it, he informed me that his last girlfriend hated his pit hair and “made” him shave it. It had never occurred to me that someone would do this. Weird. (I told him that he very definitely didn’t have to shave it for me, and he hasn’t done it since. Whew.)

  58. Gracey at Fashion For Giants responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 6:17 pm #

    I love, love, love this post. I am hairy and I like my men hairy. I mean, do I want them to look as if they’re wearing a hair-shirt? Probably not. There are limits to my love of hair. But a hairy chest? Or goodness, yes. It’s my favorite. And it IS sexy to me.

    And yeah, maybe I am more accepting of hair on others because I am hairy and want them to accept it on me. Because I’m not going to wax my hoo-ha for anyone. Not going to happen. I shave my legs (in the summer) and my armpits (fairly regularly) and that’s all anyone is going to get.

    Again, wonderful post. I love how you write and I love reading what you write.


  59. Natasha responded on 04 Mar 2011 at 10:57 pm #

    Thanks for the great post. I found you through Yes and Yes.

    I have one friend in particular that complains about hairy men. She thinks it’s super gross, but I like it.

  60. Lynn responded on 05 Mar 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    YES!!!! My man is hairy and I LOVE IT!!!

  61. Suzanne responded on 05 Mar 2011 at 9:16 pm #

    “it is i cake woman” bahahahahahahahaa…that was my laugh out loud moment of the night! you really are the best baby! (oh..was it offensive for me to say “baby?” cause if it was…i apologize..just was going with the whole loved your post vibe) :)

  62. Kate responded on 05 Mar 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    So very, very not offended :)

  63. Michelle responded on 06 Mar 2011 at 7:07 am #

    I completely agree! Why does the media make hair so horrifying? It’s natural and kind of sexy in a manly way.

  64. Jackie responded on 07 Mar 2011 at 12:29 am #

    My husband is, genetically, very non-harry. It makes me sad that my kids (girl and boy) think that this is normal and that hairiness on a man is sort of gross. They are 14 and 12, and I think that their views may change, and have informed my daughter that, seeing as my son is likely to take after my (hairy!) side of the family, she cannot tease or bother him about it if he does become a harry guy. The whole move toward women removing their body hair is getting so extreme – it’s tied, I think, to such easy access to porn. I wonder why we are made to grow more hair at puberty, but it is the human thing to do so let us just accept it…..

  65. adria responded on 07 Mar 2011 at 9:27 pm #

    i love my hairy fiance! it’s cozy, and warm, and comforting and totally normal…i’ve never had any issue with it.

    his only concern is that the hair on his head, as he puts it, “isn’t going out of business, it’s just moving to a new location” and he would prefer to keep it in it’s current location for a bit longer :)

    the only time i mind his hairy chest or back is when it tickles my nose…but that, i can get over!

  66. AlisonM responded on 08 Mar 2011 at 6:15 am #

    I am late to this party, but I just wanted to say yes yes YES! I hate it that women (rightfully) complain about being unfairly judged on physical appearance, and then bitch and moan about a bit of body hair on a man! I also feel sorry for the hairy dudes (and quite like it too). So I’m really glad you wrote this :)

  67. Johann responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 1:29 am #

    What a great post and so very, very true. I’ve been made fun of many times for being a hairy guy (and hairy I am!) and as much as it stings, I have never nor will I ever shave or wax. Besides, my husband would divorce me if I did! He told me so in no uncertain terms :)

    Also, I choked up reading the pastrami burger post! I love the way you write. You have such an honesty and openess about you that I just adore! Then again, I’m a sucker for a romantic story! :)

  68. Laylah responded on 09 Mar 2011 at 12:46 pm #

    I remember the first time I’d encountered a guy who’d shaved for aesthetics… he was already pretty hairy (as in, he had a permanent fur coat), and it never occurred to me that it was unattractive in any way. We’d actually been hookup buddies for a while, and after getting together after not seeing each other for a couple of months, he told me he’d shaved “down there” as a surprise to me. I was kind of interested and curious to see how it would look, and I remember feeling sort of weirded out… like there was a naked baby bird or something instead of the rugged manly-manliness I’d grown accustomed to. It just didn’t feel normal.

    I’ve been with guys in varying shades of hairiness, and every time I’ve felt that the ones who left their bodies to nature’s design looked the best, from the smooth and sleek and baby-faced to the hairy man-beast to the in between guy with a beard and mustache that I have now.

    And yes, facial hair is HAWT. Let it grow, boys!

  69. Helena responded on 10 Mar 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    I have a small beef. I’ve noticed lately how common it has become to point herpes out as being the grossest, least forgivable, dirty, nasty thing around. I mean, male body hair can’t be gross–at least not by comparison to “advanced herpes”…

    Hey, I’ve got big love for the hair dudes, but ow about spreading that to the herpes-havers too?

    Acceptance: the gift that keeps of giving.

  70. Fyn responded on 15 Mar 2011 at 3:33 pm #

    I’ll admit, I’m hair-phobic. But only on myself. My boyfriend has chest hair and a happy trail and that little patch on his lower back and I LOVE it. I’ll run my fingers through his chest hair all the time. To me, it screams sexy and that he’s a man.
    My ex used to shave his arms (he had tattoos) chest, other unmentionables (and I’m pretty sure his legs), and it was so unsexy to me. Yuck.

    Seriously, all these metro-sexual guys who wax and shave and pluck their eyebrows seem…off to me. Like my radar skips over them. Any guy who has to spend more time and money on hair removal methods is either OCD like me, or just vain and that’s so not sexy.

  71. Bethany responded on 23 Mar 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    Are you kidding? I’ll support a moratorium on bashing hairy chests when it’s socially acceptable for me to stop shaving my legs. Until then, I think it’s even.

  72. Cass responded on 24 Mar 2011 at 10:01 am #

    Great post.

    I have a friend that makes her boyfriend shave all of his hair off, I honestly find it really odd. When I was young I wanted non-hairy guys but now that I’m past puberty I actually like a man with some hair. They just seem more “manly” or something…

  73. kevin responded on 31 Mar 2011 at 5:38 pm #

    As a hairy dude, I appreciate the crap out of this post. I think I came out of the womb with hair on my chest. You have no idea how many times I declined going to the beach because of it. I shaved twice, and it was a horrible experience each time. So now, you better love a hairy dude or just keep on walking.

  74. Eat the Damn Cake » Let us eat cake! responded on 06 Jun 2011 at 12:18 pm #

    [...] sugar because a long time ago, when humans were much hairier than we are now (except for Bear, he’s about that hairy, I think), and we were all wandering around outside, trying to stay alive long enough to reproduce, [...]

  75. Eat the Damn Cake » educated women marrying down responded on 13 Feb 2012 at 2:38 pm #

    [...] his was also knocked out when he was a kid. Bear, like my dad, is a type 1 diabetic. They are both extremely hairy. One day, they will both be bald. You don’t have to try too hard to imagine that I chose Bear [...]

  76. Megyn @MinimalistMommi responded on 10 Apr 2012 at 2:35 am #

    One of the main reasons I was/am attracted to my husband was/is because he has great, hairy legs. I couldn’t date a guy who didn’t have enough man hair. No joke. The Hubs went through spurts of bodily shaving (nearly everything once!), and I always hated it. I like a manly man. And a manly man has hair. Period.

    Ex: Brawny man!

  77. JulieH responded on 31 May 2012 at 8:20 pm #

    My husband and I met on the internets and one of the first things he said was to apologetically tell me he was very hairy. I jumped for joy! I am of a certain vintage (older than you think having done the internet thing) and I adore furry men. He is so snuggly!

  78. Eat the Damn Cake » cold feet responded on 02 Jul 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    [...] I made my biggest decision, choosing a husband, without even a moment’s hesitation. I met Bear, he had an incredibly sweet face, his insulin syringes made me feel at home, and he was so comfortingly hairy. [...]

  79. Penny responded on 30 Jul 2012 at 10:52 pm #

    I have a thing for beards and hairy chests. So sexy.

  80. mohit responded on 17 Aug 2012 at 11:37 am #

    being a veryy hairy young man it was a comfort and relief to come here and read it all. But why you call ur hairy man a bear? Isn’t it offensive? Good work done in support of us furry creatures =)

  81. Brent responded on 04 Oct 2012 at 3:04 am #

    Thank you for this article.

    It’s too bad that so few people share these views.
    As a 21 year old guy who has been criticized by girls (and even other guys) his whole life for being “disgustingly hairy”, its good to know that some people out there don’t think it’s disgusting.

  82. Eat the Damn Cake » I would appreciate it if people would tell me that my husband is hot responded on 05 Nov 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    [...] Bear, like his namesake, is incredibly hairy, except where he’s balding slightly, and his belly is comfortingly soft. He also has hulking [...]

  83. Pat responded on 19 Jun 2013 at 5:10 pm #

    Long live hairy men. The sexiest men on earth. I wouldn’t date a guy who wasn’t hairy. I let love playing with the chest hair, running my fingers through it. Makes me hot just thinking about it.

  84. Adam responded on 28 Jun 2013 at 4:59 pm #

    I am a hairy chested male who is 21.

    Abdomen, chest, legs are all covered. Light dusting on my back and bum. Try and find a woman aged 19 – 21 who likes that. There isn’t any. Not one.

    However I refuse to wax, shave, trim, pluck, laser or electrolysis. Why? I am who I am. If my hair is a deal breaker then your not worth my time anyway.

    I have never insulted a woman on her appearance. But the amount of woman that have personally insulted me is remarkable. Sort it out ladies!

    Great article :) x

  85. lol responded on 23 Jul 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    having a hairy body is not an issue its just society that believes it but FUCK that

  86. Lucy responded on 12 Nov 2013 at 7:22 pm #

    Adam, I’ve just read your post and as it was June I guess you won’t read this but please don’t feel pressured to wax your body. Yes, I’m older, but I just don’t get this fixation with hairless men. I find it very disturbing seeing all these male models and actors with no body hair. They look like plucked chickens, it’s horrible, a real turn off. My man is a fur beast. it’s natural and I really hope that the current trend does not last long! There is nothing more manly than a man with body hair, I don’t care where it is, so be proud of your manliness there is a lady out there who will love you.

  87. KittyS responded on 15 Dec 2013 at 9:48 am #

    When I first started dating my boyfriend, I was surprised about his hairiness since my last one was pretty much a boy (hairless, 16). I told him I really didn’t care for hair very much, since I didn’t, because he had asked. He asked if he should shave it but I told him to wait. I started adjusting to it, like really getting to like it. I had completely forgotten that I didn’t like his hair until recently when he told me he shaved once for me. I was astounded at how shallow I used to be.

    I was reminded of this when my sister came to visit and sneered as she stated she didn’t like guys with hairy backs. She was like “That’s only the super hairy ones,” not even trying to sound tactful. Actually taking offense, I told her that it’s natural for guys to have hair, even on their backs, but she again repeated her last statement and I felt annoyed and let it drop.

    Women of my age have been raised on models who have the amazing physique with no hair. That’s the natural prejudice. Not really natural, I think, to want someone else to change for you.

    For the pubic hair, I honestly didn’t like it when it first grew in and shaved it. Susceptible to infections, I actually am required to maintain it thusly, so I really don’t have issues with that.

    In all, I just don’t think it’s right to judge other people based on their physical appearance. I love my Bear, too –that’s my nickname for him also– and nothing will change that. Especially since we’re getting married soon =] He could pick at me for my pimples, I could pick at him for his fuzz. But where would that leave us? I’d rather be genuinely me and him be genuinely him than have the fake supermodel I always thougt I wanted.

  88. Lucy responded on 22 Jan 2014 at 4:59 pm #

    I just wanted to say how refreshing this article is. I’ve been worried as my man is hairy all over. it never bothered me until I realized how much it seems to be an issue these days. I was a teenager in the 70′s and grew up with hairy being sexy but it seems to have completely gone the other way now and I think it’s such a shame. Waxed men are not sexy but I was beginning to feel that I should find them so, why? Thank you for making me realize that it’s normal to like hair. My man is hairy all over, strong and very manly. I hope, for the sake of hairy men, this obsession changes soon.