Size zero Hollywood: an insider’s report
Yeah, I’m not really an insider. This is a guest post.
Madeline Bertani is an actress living and working in Los Angeles. She used to write a vegan food blog called “Me and Chew,” and is currently working on developing a new lifestyle blog between acting work and assistant teaching. She needs to take more pictures of herself eating cake …
Greetings from the West Coast! First of all, thanks so much to Kate for letting me do a guest post on ETDC – love it!
Here’s a bit of my story:
In the fall of last year, I moved from the Midwest to Los Angeles to begin my professional acting career in a picturesque “bright-eyed girl moves to Hollywood to follow her dreams” fashion.
Once I’d arrived, a director I knew kindly recommended me to a “really, really powerful” manager to possibly represent me. Sweet.
Sitting down to a meeting with the aforementioned manager, she asked to look at my resume (where my hair and eye color, height, weight, age range, contact info, and previous work are listed). As she scanned and scrutinized, her face drew back in disapproval:
“I’d take your weight off here, honey. We’re in size zero land, and that height and weight doesn’t look like a size zero. Now maybe you’re all muscle, but I can’t really tell because you’re wearing a skirt.”
When I retold the story to my director-friend, she said:
“Well, she was probably gently trying to tell you to lose some weight.”
And then:
“You know, if you would consider it, you’re pretty enough to play the lead girl, not just the best friend.”
What’s a girl to do? Pick up an eating disorder on the way home? Buy a fancy gym membership?
I assumed there’d be pressure to be thin in Hollywood. I also supposed it wouldn’t be an issue until I was signing a contract to appear in my first major motion picture, at which point nutritionists and personal trainers would be on call to advise me, if necessary.
Yet here I am, fresh off the bus, being told my healthy, petite, normal-weight (and still teenage) body is not thin enough because size zero = manager = audition = acting job. And the *lead* acting job, at that – not the lameo fat-but-actually-normal-looking best friend.
So, pant size = creative opportunity? That math is wack.
Here’s another factor in the equation: in the film and television industry, YOU are the product being bought and sold. To compound that, the initial seller of YOU is you. So when the buyers (agents, managers, directors, etc.) are saying a product (YOU, again) needs some work, you want to fix it quickly so they’ll buy, buy, buy, right? You want that job, don’t you?
“Buy me!” (Madeline at Paramount Studios)
I do want the job. I’m not trading my mental and physical health for it, though. It’s not to say I never step back and evaluate my eating and exercise habits – that’d be unhealthy, too. But how do I reconcile what “the industry” says is being bought, and what I’m willing to do to sell?
I don’t have a nice, neat answer. It’s a clumsy and disordered process of reconnecting to “real-life” stuff in the trenches of Hollywoodland. It usually involves frequent calls to my mom.
To be fair, most people I come in contact with in the entertainment business never look me up and down and suggest I drop a few. But on those chance encounters, when people with reputations and titles and assistants and two BMWs say lose weight or scoot out, there is pressure. You have to decide what you’ll do with it.
It’s a balancing game; a learning experience in going with what feels right, and choosing what to buy into. At least. That’s what it feels like right now.
* * *
Madeline’s Un-Roast: Today I love the freckles on my back. There five of them just behind my left shoulder, sprinkled randomly within a two-inch diameter of each other. Yes, I took out a ruler to measure the diameter. No, I’m not really sure diameter is the correct mathematical term.
Kate on April 5th 2011 in body, guest post, weight
Mandy responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 12:04 pm #
Madeline@
The casting idiots who decided that size zero is the norm don’t live in the real world. I personally, would like to see a range of ages and sizes on TV and in movies–being 45, and a size 10-12 myself.
And, since when did acting become all about weight? I thought acting was about talent and training–and THEN about how someone looks. Not just about body fat percentage.
Sorry. Don’t mean to preach to the choir, here. Just getting indignant on your behalf.
In any case you look just gorgeous to me. And, I believe I am the customer. And, isn’t the customer always right?
Unroast: Today, I love my immune system. It just finished booting a very nasty cold out of my body.
Hannah responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 1:48 pm #
I think this is a great thing to talk about – how much are we willing to “sell” to people? For example, for most people, including myself, it is okay to wear makeup and dress up for fun, but it’s another thing to get plastic surgery, due to the pressure from the media. We have to hold onto ourselves and not lose ourselves because of some industry that doesn’t care about us at all except for our wallets.
Ilana responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 2:56 pm #
Great guest post Madeline!
I know several gorgeous young women who have moved to Hollywood to peruse their careers and they have had very similar experiences. While it is sad, it’s reality. I’m really glad you can keep level headed because some of the women I know have not and now are very unhealthy. The worse part is, they have not much more to show for it than they did before.
Be yourself, be safe, be strong, and good luck to you! I can’t wait to see you in my new favorite movie
Jamillah responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 3:13 pm #
Madeline, I have to give you mega super props for pursuing your dream. It’s true you are selling you! And I can’t imagine the strength and passion you need to go thru that grind. My dear friend is following similar path and I am always telling her how awesomely brave it is. I’m happy to hear of another girl following her dream while keeping her head.
Dana Udall-Weiner responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 3:35 pm #
This is a great post, Madeline. I can only imagine the complexity of navigating that world–of wanting to take care of yourself and also wanting to get work. Hopefully those early experiences will be the exception, and your talent and drive will steer the ship.
Angela @ MyPinkyToes responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 3:35 pm #
This is such a powerful post! Madeline, you have handled the issue in such an elegant way…it is very admiring! I love your “un-roast”!
B1 responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 4:36 pm #
Madeline,
This is a wonderful post and I have to give you props for posing the questions you do. I think the biggest question we all have to ask ourselves is how much of ourselves are we willing to sell to obtain something elusive, and I don’t mean your career as an actress is elusive. But in general, we all have to ask ourselves this. What will I give up for that man who is to die for? How often will I turn my head away when I see unethical behaviors? How much of my health will I risk to fit into that little bikini?
All of those things will cause us to lose a piece of ourselves and in the beginning it may not seem like much, but after years of the behavior, it is second nature and then we’re hosed.
I do agree with Mandy’s comment about talent though. We have lost a lot of great actors and actresses over the past few years. Most of the actresses whom were NOT size zero, but had a mystique all their own that made people want to know more, see more, be closer to, and want to emulate. From what I can tell about your body from the picture, you’re the perfect size and should not change it to get the job.
Want to get the director and manager to look beyond your weight? Create your own mystique. Still be bright eyed and wondering in the hub of Hollywood, but pretend you have a secret that no one else knows. That drives people crazy and makes them want more. So, when you talk, talk reserved and hold a little back. When you smile, be coy. When you stare them in the eye, never be direct but turn your head about two degrees to the side and drop your chin down ever so slightly as well.
Hide who YOU really are because what you sell to them and the world should never be YOU, but the YOU, you want them to buy. When you become rich and famous, this will be all the more important to you. I pray your every dream is fulfilled and that I can say that I once read a blog you wrote.
Jess responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 6:17 pm #
I quit the acting business (happily) because I hated things like this very story. I went to college for theatre. When I didn’t get a part because of singing or dancing reasons, this made sense (they never wanted me in the musicals… sniff!)
When I didn’t get the role of Cordelia because I was too big and heavy for King Lear to carry deadweight, I knew what casting was all about. I was 130 lb at the time. I also frequently played old characters because my low voice and wide hips lend me toward more maternal roles. I’m 24 and I have more grandmothers on my resume than anyone at college did.
However, in the real world, there are real grandmothers playing grandmothers. The only parts I could ever be right for are significantly older than I currently am. They want me 20 lb lighter, but also to age naturally. It cannot be predicted, and I didn’t want to stress about it because I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of selling myself anyway.
Ashley responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 7:02 pm #
Great post and I also applaud you for raising these questions. In general, I think everyone needs to have thick skin in the Hollywood industry. Even the size 0s getting rejected over and over and over again until finally get get hired doing some super small role. Only a few small lucky participants just happen to be in the right place at the right time and land a big break. It’s like playing the lottery. However, if you aren’t a size 0, I think you still have a chance and if losing weight is not an option you want to consider, then I think it just means you have to work harder and not give up. It’s pretty much like modeling. You have to look the part in acting as well. A big part of your character is your look. In modeling, if you are plus size or petite (like me), you have to work harder for the same sucess as your tall or thin counterparts. It sucks, but if you want the job then you will try and not give up. Believe in yourself and don’t give into anyone who tells you to lose weight if you don’t want to.
Erika @ Health and Happiness in LA responded on 05 Apr 2011 at 8:23 pm #
YEAH. First of all, I know Madeline. She is gorgeous and it drives me crazy that anyone would say she needs to lose weight. That is insane.
I agree with everything you said, and it’s freaking frustrating. You have to be confident and feel great about yourself, but you’re “supposed” to be a weight that truly isn’t healthy. I think most people don’t even realize how skinny a lot of actresses are in person, to the point where there is no way for most people to do it healthily. So those people telling you to lose weight aren’t telling you to eat healthy or exercise vigorously, they’re telling you to keep yourself on the edge of starvation so your bones will stick out. And it’s freaking bullshit.
lynn @ the actor's diet responded on 06 Apr 2011 at 8:33 am #
great guest post!!! as an actress who lives in hollywood, i can definitely relate to those kinds of pressures!
Madeline responded on 06 Apr 2011 at 12:16 pm #
Wow, guys … thank you for such thoughtful and supportive commentary!!
Emily responded on 08 Apr 2011 at 5:23 pm #
I am SO thankful that I stumbled upon this post. I am thankful that you were convicted by the pressure–What I mean by that is you didn’t just “give in.” You stood back and evaluated what is wise–and what is wise will be healthy. Best wishes to you pursuing what you love to do–and staying healthy and sane in the process. Thank you for sharing! :]
Deanna responded on 11 Apr 2011 at 3:22 pm #
It’s funny but with this post-feminist world things in Hollywood…things everywhere…have become worse for women. In the 70s there were actresses of all shapes, sizes and ages and the one thing they all had in common was talent. When did this pressure to be perfect begin? Now you have actresses who look like they were designed and manufactured by a team of men who wanted to find the perfect woman.
I’m not a theater person anymore but I think I’d really hate being in that world today. I would resent the heck out of being rejected not because I can’t act but because I’m not good looking or thin enough.
I just read Portia Di Rossi’s book which talks about this in much greater detail. I really enjoyed it, but it also made me realize how scary and unhealthy this world is.
Eat the Damn Cake » straighten up and sing responded on 13 Apr 2011 at 11:59 am #
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Reality - The Theatrefolk Weblog responded on 14 Apr 2011 at 5:02 pm #
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