There are a couple big reasons why I don’t do yoga.
1. Everyone else does it
2. I know already that I’m bad at it
3. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that people should actually be able to be really bad at
(4. It has this spirituality edge that makes me uncomfortable)
#4 isn’t as big. I can deal with that.
My mom’s back is messed up. She got a scary diagnosis. She is one of those people who isn’t good at talking about it when something’s wrong. For most of my life, I can’t remember her being sick, because she was so good at not being sick. Even when she was actually sick, she kept going like nothing was wrong, and I only knew when Dad said, “Mom’s not feeling good today.”
She is stoical. She is ridiculously strong. (I don’t take after her in this way at all. I’m a total whiner. I’m like, “Ow!! I got a paper cut! Oh my god, it hurts! This is the worst paper cut anyone has ever gotten. Is it infected? Could it be infected already?”) She never wants to focus on the negative, she’s always getting things done, and it’s like she just doesn’t have time to deal with that stuff.
Until now. Now she can’t not deal with it, because she’s been in so much pain that even she can’t hide it. So she did her research and started doing yoga, for like two hours a day. She did that for 6 months, and then her back felt better. It was the kind of problem where they were like, “Well, surgery might be the way to go…This isn’t going to get better…” and the woman yoga’ed her way out of it. It blew my mind.
She said, “You should really do yoga.” She swears by it. Obviously.
The back problems, they can be genetic. I already have scoliosis, which is why my butt sticks out in a sexy way and I curl naturally forward in a totally unsexy way. It’s almost impossible for me to stand completely straight.
It’s been six months since she first suggested it, and I still haven’t done any yoga.
When I took a pilates class in college, at some point the instructor stopped the class and said, “Kate? Are you OK? Why don’t you sit this one out.” I went and sat, panting against the wall. It was a huge relief. It was beginner pilates. I’m not even remotely flexible. I am the only person in the world who can’t touch her toes when she bends over. Even my dad can touch his toes. Even Bear, who is huge, and looks like his body shouldn’t be able to fold, can touch his toes. I feel really alone sometimes.
Once, when I was fourteen, I went to a mandatory yoga thing at summer camp, and we had to stick our legs in the air and hold them there for some inhumane amount of time, and my shorts were falling off and I could feel air going into my vagina. Sorry, that was graphic. Air in the vagina is a bad feeling. That was graphic again. It was a bad feeling. I had this horrible suspicion that I was the only one who was getting air in her vagina. That no one else would be able to mess this sacred yoga pose up this fantastically.
So I’m scared of yoga. (Although it was OK when Bear and I did some yoga on our belated honeymoon, because I was better at it than him.)
And I don’t want to be yet another perky, cool New York City woman with a yoga mat rolled up and slung over her shoulder. Because I know I am not skinny and perky and cool enough. And because I like to avoid doing the things that those women do. And because I don’t really trust them to pick the right things to do.
But maybe they’ve picked the right thing this time.
I mean, my mom says so. She is a lot more on the perky side than me. But it worked. And that’s the thing that actually matters.
(Come ON! Sitting on the surface of the water? Maybe I’m just not doing yoga because I don’t have a gorgeous enough forest to do it in? Source. )
Yoga stories, anyone? Advice?
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Unroast: Today I love my knuckles. They are sweet-looking. Kind of girly.
P.S. Today my bonus mom (mother-in-law) is coming to visit for a week! I’m excited! She’s like this. Check it out. And can you believe that she is ALSO a diabetic? But Bear got this ice cream machine, so we can make sugar-free ice cream. And I might be doing more zumba, since she recently got her certification to be an instructor! Oh my god. So intimidating.