it probably won’t be romantic

A year ago today, Bear and I got married. It was amazing. And then I threw up. But you all know that story.

A little over two weeks ago, Bear and I remembered, almost simultaneously, that it was going to be our 1 year anniversary. And Bear said, “Wait, I have this conference in Miami–”

And before I could get really nervous about coming up with a good gift and tell him “you just go then!” out of sheer avoidance, he said, “Maybe you should come with me? It probably won’t be romantic, though.”

“OK!” I said. Because I am really more into things that promise to be unromantic than things that are supposed to be romantic. And because I’d never been to Miami.

And here I am, in a hotel in South Beach, where they charge extra if you want to sit on one of the beach chairs. Bear is at his conference.

I feel lucky, being here. We tried to go jet-skiing, but it’s been raining hard almost nonstop since we arrived. Which is almost a relief, because I’m a little scared to jet-ski, even though I want to be able to say I did it. Last night, we went out for dinner, and I was really, really glad I brought that clingy gold-yellow dress and the velvety black stiletto boots. Even though no one was wearing boots because this is Miami. Because everyone was really sexy, and I was really sexy, too.

(sometimes I do this. It’s probably really irritating)

It was like every car that went by was a fancy sports car. I saw a woman who had the most incredible breasts in the world. It was like they were supporting her dress. And her boyfriend looked like he was already over it. How?? How could you ever be over that?

Earlier that day, before I pulled on the boots, we walked by the water, and I drank a mojito at an open-air bar, and then I felt very uninhibited and I dragged Bear in front of a Lamborghini that clearly was tired of waiting, calling, “You can just wait a little longer, mister! You think you’re so fancy!”

At which point, I spotted a Jewish museum, with a single security guard and a lone metal detector on the stoop. The security guard made me put my purse on a chair.

“Open the zipper part,” he said. “What’s that? What’s that other bag?”

“Those are tissues.”

“Don’t pull that out at me! Slowly– slowly. OK. Tissues. Now turn it. What’s on the other side? Is that a pouch? What’s that machine in there?”

“That’s a camera.”

“Don’t grab it! Move it so I can see.”

It was the most intense inspection ever, to get into this little, crumbling white stucco museum on a block full of old art deco hotels. And he hadn’t even gotten to Bear’s insulin pump, which really does look like a bomb.

I was laughing a little, but then I remembered that a guy named “Dave” left this comment on this very blog recently: “Filthy fucking kike, you are next in the oven bitch”

And I thought that maybe the security wasn’t the worst idea ever.

The Jewish Museum was both depressing and kind of nice.

But this chair was even better:

I feel like it should be a metaphor for something, but I can’t decide what yet.

It’s a tossup– if the women are skinnier in South Beach or Manhattan. I was thinking about it a lot, but couldn’t figure it out. And I still don’t have a gift for Bear. So I’m going to go write him a letter now.

What do I say about a year of marriage? I don’t know. It feels so normal. Sometimes it blows my mind, how normal it feels. “But you’re MARRIED,” my mind says, getting all dramatic. “Yeah, I know.” “But remember when you weren’t married? And marriage was the biggest deal in the world and you weren’t going to do it until you were 30?” “Yeah. But then I met Bear.” It’s crazy that I met Bear, but of course I married him.

I don’t know much, but I do know this: after I had that almost panic attack, I thought about what really mattered. And what really mattered was his face.

(That’s him trying on his tux for our wedding)

I’ll write a post tomorrow about the rest of it.

*  *  *

Unroast: Today I love the bottoms of my feet. They look tougher than they are.

P.S. Great post from my blogging friend Virginia, of Beauty Schooled, about cosmetic companies’ ad campaigns. They get to me, too.



Kate on October 17th 2011 in life, marriage, wedding

22 Responses to “it probably won’t be romantic”

  1. Amy responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 11:39 am #

    Congratulations on your anniversary :)

    You DO look sexy in that dress. Wow.

    My husband and I went to a Jewish museum in London and in Ohio. There was a locked door and security at both places. It’s sad. I called someone on an anti-semitic comment on YouTube and was called a c**t for it. I simultaneously love being a Jew and hate religion in general because of how human beings treat each other because of it.

  2. bethany actually responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    I am so sheltered. It would never occur to me that the reason for that much security at a Jewish museum would be anti-Semitism. In this day and age! After the Holocaust and its horrors, and 9/11! Sigh.

    On another note, happy anniversary to you and Bear!

  3. Wei-Wei responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    Holy crap. It’s been a year since I was spazzing out at school because somebody I knew online got married? O_O

  4. Kate responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    Wei-Wei! Hi! I’ve missed you on here. And yes! Your life is probably totally different now than it was a year ago, too.

  5. Lauren responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    Good gracious, girl, you look incredible in that dress and those boots! Color me super jealous.

    Congrats on being married for a year! My husband and I just celebrated our one year anniversary last month, and I know what you mean about it feeling so normal. I mean, on the one hand, I still get all excited when I get to call him my husband (and find any excuse to do so, see above), but on the other hand, it’s like, well, of course we’re married. What else would we be?

    Anyway, congrats again, and whether it’s romantic or not, happy anniversary!

  6. Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    Happy Anniversary! Writing a letter is perfect, the first anniversary (modern..or is it traditional) is supposed to be a paper gift! You have great legs :)

  7. LIT responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 1:11 pm #

    Congratulations! South Beach is a lot of fun- even in the rain! Enjoy it.

    I don’t know “dave” but I’m sorry for what he wrote.

  8. poet responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    Congratulations on being married for a year! Also, you look awesome and that dress looks awesome on you = doubly awesome!

    I’m really sorry / angry / surprised / outraged to the appropriate degree about the necessity of heavy-duty security at Jewish museums and the existence of anti-semitic trolls in these parts of the internet. Let me express that you’re a great blogger and person and that I’m really glad you exist!

  9. Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    Happy Anniversary!

  10. Kate responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    @bethany actually
    I know! I feel like that, too!

  11. Krystina responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 2:29 pm #


  12. Kate responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 3:01 pm #


  13. Melanie responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    Congrats! You should post your NYT annoucement, Ms. Fancypants. I need to marry well. +sigh+

  14. Kate responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Shit, you found that?


  15. margosita responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 3:24 pm #

    That dress is hot! And that mojito looks delicious. I don’t think you need jet skiing, your trip is already made!

    Congrats on the year!

  16. Kate responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 3:25 pm #

    The mojitos are incredible here.

  17. pam responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    I am in the same boat with “bethany actually.”

    I think I’ve been living a sheltered life. I wouldn’t have thought the reason of the high security at the Jewish Museum was because of anti-semitism. I don’t understand that… I assumed it was in a rough area in town and maybe people tried to steal the items in the museum.. haha.

  18. Kate responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 8:41 pm #

    I know!
    But synagogues have security like that, too. Even mine, which is a little and in NJ, has a police officer there on big holidays.

  19. San D responded on 17 Oct 2011 at 10:42 pm #

    I love the idea of writing your husband a letter, to me, THAT’S romantic. <3

  20. Tempest responded on 18 Oct 2011 at 11:43 am #

    I’m sitting here going, NO WAY it’s been a year already! But I guess I have been reading your blog for over a year now, cause I remember the wedding-prep posts. Wow time flies :) Congrats!

  21. Val responded on 20 Oct 2011 at 5:54 am #

    Happy Anniversary! It’s wonderful. I agree with you labeling something romantic puts a lot of pressure on the situation. This trip to Florida is better by far. Have fun. Love, Val

    Ps. I cannot believe that hideous comment left on your blog! Some people should be very afraid of their own karma. Maybe he’s truly disturbed. Or maybe he’s just an angry jerk, being a bully. Shame on him.

  22. Meredith responded on 20 Oct 2011 at 9:06 am #

    happy anniversary!!!
    that comment is terrible, but i’m glad you posted it . . . i feel like a lot of people don’t realize the extent to which anti-semitism still exists.