I want to look like a pirate queen

I want to dress like a pirate queen. The urge hit me the other night after watching “Original Sin.” Halfway through the movie, Bear got up and left.

“Honey?” I called after him, my eyes glued to the screen.

“This is too disturbing,” came his voice from the other room. “You can watch it without me.”

Bear can watch horror movies and not be disturbed, but when someone’s wife has been abused (or a rape is implied), he cannot handle it.

It sounds terrible in a way to say that I can handle it, but honestly, I was kinda watching the movie for Angelina’s face and her clothes. And also her jewelry. The last image, of her face, with the red jewel and gold choker— above the floating, pure white dress– GOD. So beautiful. So graceful and mysterious and magical and otherworldly.

“Come on, honey,” I pleaded. “I’m skipping this scene where– oh, yeah, I think this is a brothel– I’m skipping it! We’re going to watch the ending, where they’re happy!”

Bear wasn’t interested. “There can be no happy ending to this story,” he said, refusing to come back to the couch.

I watched the last scene, which is mostly about her face, alone. And then I felt inspired. I wanted to wear gowns. I wanted to wear flowy things. I wanted to be mysterious and graceful and otherworldly. I went to the closet and started pulling dresses off of hangers and combining them with filmy scarves and gold hoops. The short hair didn’t seem to fit (I looked more like a servant girl than royalty) so I put it under a scarf. That didn’t work either. I decided I wasn’t going to be a princess– I was more of a pirate queen.

(that’s my sexy pose. sorry, parents! Being sexy on the internet! But I can’t help it– pirate queens are sexy)



Bear was much more interested in this part of the evening. “I think a pirate queen would wear less clothing,” he said, unhelpfully.

“Close your eyes!” I said. “I’m not done with the outfit!”

“I’m a pirate king, you know,” he said. He lingered,  hoping a seduction would ensue, wrapping a pirate-y scarf around his head and taking about his watery kingdom. But I was much more interested in wearing clothes than taking them off.

I looked awesome as a pirate queen. I was impressed. I had one of those glorious moments where I was looking in the mirror, thinking, “Who is that stunning creature reflected in the glass? Surely it is a vision from the gods!” (Not my exact thought words, actually.)

And then I decided something. I made another New Year’s resolution, because it’s never too late for a good resolution.

Drum roll please. In the year that came before this budding, fresh one, I made a number of practical resolutions relating mostly to oral hygiene, making money, and improving my depraved posture. But for this unfolding series of months that bear the title 2012, I shall make this new solemn promise to myself (and I shall continue to floss my teeth, but I shall do it because flossing is important for gum health, rather than out of guilt):

I want to wear more ridiculous outfits.


I am a little ridiculous and I don’t celebrate or acknowledge it enough. I am still a girl who dresses up like an elfin goddess warrior occasionally. For fun. In the privacy of my home. Like I did when I was twelve and fourteen. And not that I want to put on my wedding gown and walk down 14th street, like that girl who was also wearing a backpack who I saw doing that– but I probably can get more creative than the jeans and sweater I’ve been wearing.

I started wearing more normal clothes in college, when I realized that it was important to appear normal.

But this is  New York City. The other day, one of my friends came over wearing this lacey, flowing tunic over the rest of her outfit. And her shoes were solid chunks about five inches high. And her coat was a block of faux fur. And her lips were a daring shade of darkest red. And she looked incredible. She looked like something out of a portal to another world.

Once in college, I wore a long, dark red skirt with bells on it to class and a belted tunic under a tiny red vest. I felt like a rebel. I felt glowingly self-conscious the whole day. It was awesome, but maybe not worth it, so I didn’t do it again.

But it’s been a while. And sometimes I feel like a girl who has just walked through a portal into this city. And sometimes this city feels a little like a fantasy world.

Sometimes I get this urge to stand up very straight and gracefully bare my bejeweled neck and wear a gown or something wild and elfin and startlingly lovely. Not just after watching Angelina Jolie movies. It’s a part of who I am. These jeans are just a costume. Inside, I might be a pirate queen.

*  *  *

What’s your ridiculous outfit? I want to hear about it!

Unroast: Today I love the way I look in long dresses. I’m having a hard time remember why I bought so many short ones.

Giveaway over here! Win awesome free stuff!! I’m gonna keep mentioning it until it’s over, which is in a couple days.

New cake pics! That’s some classic NY cheesecake right there. I could really go for some of that right now…Y0u know you want to send me some of you….So do it already!




Kate on January 11th 2012 in beauty

53 Responses to “I want to look like a pirate queen”

  1. Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    that was so much fun to read! thanks!

  2. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    It was fun to write, too :)
    Thanks for letting me know!!

  3. Lynellekw responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    My clothes have gotten boring lately. I’m not happy about it.

  4. Melanie responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:27 pm #

    Yay for dressing up in silly outfits! If you just had that dress on without the pants and boots, I smell a sex pot. Seriously, very good look.

    I dress in ridiculous items on occasion and I find that it really lifts my mood. For instance, I have a coat that can only be described as wearing a light blue, huge bath mat. It’s like a giant light blue rug coat. It gets a visceral reaction. From, “Hey, you killed Grover!” to “I want to touch that. May I?” I will never get rid of the coat.

  5. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:30 pm #

    I could never, ever wear that dress without pants. I’m way too awkward and feel way too naked. It’s something I’ve sporadically tried to work on and then given up on. And Bear’s always relieved when I give up, because he thinks that if I walk outside wearing something really short, the whole world will lust wildly after me.

    Your coat sounds amazing. I want to see it!!

  6. Liz responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:31 pm #

    love the outfit, love Bear’s reaction to the movie (i can relate!), and love the concept of expressive, whimsical attire. i’m looking forward to more pics of you being a pirate queen or whatever else you feel like that day! i’ve never been too shy with my wardrobe, but now i definitely have come to an age and point where i go out of my way to wear things that evoke happiness when i look in the mirror. it’s such a great feeling to wear things for myself (and, as a bonus, the hubby is a big fan of weirdness in dress and the giggling that ensues).

  7. Twyla responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:32 pm #

    I look forward to your posts so much! Fun fun fun reading.

    I’ve been eating a lot of cake, but I keep forgetting to take pictures. Soon.

  8. Lynn responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    “These jeans are just a costume. Inside, I might be a pirate queen.”

    LOVE IT!!! SO TRUE!!!

    P.S. On the inside, I’m a GYPSY Queen :)

  9. Staci responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    I adore this outfit! I am a freshie in college currently, and this year I have actually started taking more chances with my wardrobe. Being a nerdy, comic book, videogames, pokemon enthusiast type of girl, I adore cute things and being comfy and such. But, I have a completely different side of me: the fashionista side. Audrey Hepurn(spl >.>) is such a big fashion role model of mine. I have started giving in to the Shakesperian type tops, with lace, and light fabric that flows against the breeze, with those sleeves that kind of are fluffy and too big against the arm. Pairing it with dark skinny jeans and converse help make it casual! Yet with my giant curly hair up in the pony, headbands to match, it is elegant all the same.
    I am glad you are going to be a Pirate Queen! Embrace it! They’re super rad and awesome. Like ninjas. But on a different level, almost.

  10. Barbara responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    I love Bear’s reaction to the movie. I am just like that.
    Also, why am I so late coming to an interest in fashion? I am finally allowing myself some frivolity, and it is so much fun!

  11. Marie responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    I wear bright orange oxfords to every performance I have. I like to think of them as my good luck charm. I become known as “the girl in the orange shoes” and it makes it easy for people to find me. Also, formal dresses with weird shapes, like high collars or asymmetrical skirts, and in unexpected colors. In high school I started wearing all black and last year’s (successful) resolution was to end that. Self-consciousness is a funny thing – it eventually goes away when you know you have no chance of fitting in.

  12. Abby responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    Hmmm…that sounds like something I may have to try! At college, I’ve more fallen into the “jeans or sweatpants and t-shirts” rut. But sometimes, I’ll just wake up and want to dress up wildly. Possibly my favorite day was Halloween, when nobody really dressed up besides me…but I rocked it. Tiara, make-up, fancy hair and a fancy dress–I made a ridiculously glamorous queen. And it was fun, and something I should do even not on Halloween!

    One of the more “ridiculous” clothing items I wear is this one warm, oversized sweater with kittens on it. It shouldn’t be flattering, but I feel like it is. I’m not someone who can really pull off “sexy” or “beautiful”…but with that sweater, some jeans, and a pair of pigtails, I can NAIL cute. I look like an overgrown 8 year old. But I like it, and what’s wrong with looking like that? There’s enough time in life to look and act my age. Right now, looking ridiculously adorable is fun!

  13. P Flooers responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    I think women have always been more interested in how women look than men. I mean, we totally get into checking each other out and admiring outfits, jewels, style, etc. Men, not so much. In my experience, men are attracted to women on a pheromonal level or not at all. And once they are attracted, not much you wear or don’t wear matters. Wish someone told me that before I spent all that time fixing my hair for dates.

    When I was a little girl I was worried for a while that I was a lesbian. Only I didn’t know the word “lesbian”. And I didn’t yet know that sexual orientation doesn’t matter. I still thought it mattered and I thought I had it – an “orientation.” All because I could never take my eyes of Scarlett O’Hara. I watched all four hours of Gone With The Wind just to admire her and her clothes and such.

    I still watch movies as much for the costumes and sets as the story. For example, “My Fair Lady” falls a bit flat as a musical and as a story, imo. However, the clothes and especially the early turn of the century knitting, are fab-u-lous. (Audrey Hepburn…swoon. Oops, my gay is showing again!) My husband, hardly notices costumes and sets.

    Flamboyance? Oh hell yes! What fun, my dear!

  14. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    @P Flooers
    Yes– I’m all about dressing for other girls and checking to see how they look and what they’re wearing

  15. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:55 pm #

    That sounds adorable beyond belief. I love giant, dorky sweaters. I think they can actually be very sexy

  16. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    Hooray! Wear what makes you happy!!

  17. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    Pics! Now! I feel this blog won’t be complete without a picture of you eating cake

  18. Krystina responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    Kate. You can pull that look off without the pants. LOL – that sounded bad – but really. AND you could add a really big and sparkly necklace. Cause pirates gotta rock their booty…is that what it’s called? I dunno but you get what I’m saying.

  19. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s called. And I just bought myself a really big necklace today– granted, it’s a really, really cheap, junky one, but it looks pretty pirate-y anyway. So I’ll clearly have to try again.

  20. Layla responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    I really, really want Keira Knightley’s pirate queen outfit from the third Pirates of the Caribbean film…so cool.

  21. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    Yeah…pretty sure my pirate outfit can’t compete with that…

  22. Aurora responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    I have these truly wonderful pants I made in sixth grade, way back when after my grandmother first taught me how to sew. I went to the store and picked out my favorite fabric — an Asian silky kind with phoenixes and dragons all over it. The pants themselves are funky; they join at the crotch and have open legs and two ties, one for the front and one for the back, that wrap around your waist so you create a pair of pants by folding them up over your hips. (Sadly, you have to totally disrobe from the waist down to pee.) Nonetheless, my mom hated them, saying that I looked embarrassing in them and that no self-respecting person, kid or adult, would wear them, even though they were very nicely sewn. She called them “hippie” pants and tried to hide them.

    I took them to college with me, and even after I graduated, I still wore them. They’re wonderful in the summer because they let air flow over my legs, but they also don’t let me get sunburned, and they look unique. They make great beach wear. It’s awesome.

  23. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    They sound amazing. I’m impressed that you made them! I tried to make a dress once. It looked good from the front, and the back had to be tied together. There was all this extra cloth that I couldn’t figure out what to do with. But I wore it anyway. Nothing a shawl couldn’t fix :-)

  24. Aurora responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    Oh yeah, and one question, sorry about the double post. You mentioned a while back that Bear takes cheating amazingly seriously compared to you, and here you say that he can’t handle movies with implied rape or even a mention of past spousal abuse. Is he afraid that any of these are going to happen in your relationship, for some reason? It seems like an interesting chain of things to be uncomfortable with, especially since he’s just fine with scary movies.

  25. Emmi responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    Love the pictures, love the writing!

    One day my husband texted me asking, “Do you want yellow sneakers?” My response, “DUH of course I want yellow sneakers!” He was shoe shopping for himself and found a completely outlandish pair of yellow sneakers on super-clearance sale (gee, I wonder why) and instantly knew I’d love them. And I do! So much that I wear them almost every day and everywhere.

    I also have this black dress from the Pyramid Collection (the black crystal dress) that has this beyond-humongous full sweeping skirt. I freaking love that thing. I wear various ombré tie-front wispy tunics over it and I think I look amazing. I like to channel Stevie Nicks and spin, spin, spin. The last vestiges of my goth phase still linger.

    Keep gettin’ your pirate queen on, girl!

  26. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:52 pm #

    Wow, you’re paying attention!
    I think these are his worst fears– that someone will hurt me and it’ll be outside of his control, or that I’ll leave him. He’s very sensitive about both subjects. I sometimes think that this stuff will even out for him a little more, after we’ve been together longer. Being newly married is sometimes intense like that– you’re overwhelmed by how much you love and need this other person. I’m still at the point where I cry when I think about losing him. Oy.

  27. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    Love the yellow sneakers story!

  28. Emily M.M. responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    I am a ninjabunny.

  29. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 4:00 pm #

    That sounds cute and dangerous.

  30. Lynellekw responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    @Aurora – I have a pair of pants like that, except mine are blue and silver silk. The colour’s graduated so they start silver at the bottom & become bluer as they go up. In Australia they’re usually called Thai fisherman’s pants. My mother bought mine at a market in Darwin and gave them to me for Christmas!

  31. Mara responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 4:53 pm #

    Thrift stores are my friend. You can find really cool stuff there!
    At the local Goodwill, for instance, I found this really long, ruby red tunic-vest thing that comes down to like my shins, looks wild, and makes mr look instantly five inches taller. I also found a dark brown dress that button all the way from my neck to just above my knees, and it looked SO cool, but alas, it was too small. Like, WAY too small, or I’d have bought it anyway and squeezed. XP

  32. Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 4:54 pm #

    Wait…there’s a place called Darwin? That’s cool. I feel ignorant.

  33. Another Kate responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 5:06 pm #

    Not to be creepy, but you have the perfect breasts for that dress neckline situation! Classy not trashy.

  34. Rebecca responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 6:30 pm #

    Pirate Queen FTW!!!

    Seriously, that jewel-y red looks like it was born on you.

    I used to wear prom dresses in college–
    wasn’t allowed to go to prom,
    so that’s how I got the desire for fluffy skirts and sequins (almost) out of my system.

    Maybe I’ll do that again, for no reason.

  35. Yan responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 8:47 pm #

    Monday I wore ALL THE COLORS in my closet to work. I loved it, and my co-workers thought it was fun.

  36. Anna responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 9:49 pm #

    I have to be honest with the whole ridiculous outfit thing – I have quite a few. My friends and I cosplay. I have to say my favorite part of it is designing the costumes and then hearing reactions to the quality even though their homemade. It makes me proud of the fact I’ve been making clothes since I was five. They make me feel proud and awesome.

    My favorite so far is a mock up of Lizzie Midford’s regular dress from Black Butler.

  37. jeany responded on 11 Jan 2012 at 11:59 pm #

    Your outfit is cute, but I hope your posting this so quickly after your politics post doesn’t mean you’ll stop stepping outside the box! Don’t let your readership stunt your growth as a writer.

  38. Jennifer responded on 12 Jan 2012 at 12:10 am #

    Okay, long time lurker, pretty sure this is the first time commenting.

    Sometimes I am pretty shocked by how similarly we think. Like… a lot of your posts are about the exact things that I feel like make me “weird” or whatever. It feels amazing to know that someone else out there still wants to play dressup, and not just at home, but in everyday life.

    If I could, I would wear this dress (and nearly everything else in the shop) every single day. And I would look freaking AMAZING, because God, that dress is so gorgeous!


    $275 is a bit steep, however, so this shall remain a dream of mine… for now, at least!

  39. Rebecca F responded on 12 Jan 2012 at 7:57 am #

    I never comment on blogs, but I had to this time. When I was little, The Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie. I didn’t respond to my name for years, and everyone had to call me Dorothy. I grew out of that, but I’ve always been fascinated with red shoes. However, I am very tall and have very big feet and never wanted to call attention to them. A couple years ago I saw red Chuck Taylors online and HAD to have them. Got them for Christmas, and have been collecting red shoes ever since.

  40. San D responded on 12 Jan 2012 at 2:52 pm #

    I do dress funny

  41. San D responded on 12 Jan 2012 at 2:54 pm #

  42. Kate responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 2:40 am #

    @San D
    YAY!! Thanks for sharing! I love your expression.

  43. Kate responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 2:40 am #

    @Rebecca F
    Thank you for commenting! And what a great story. Red shoes are the best.

  44. Kate responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 2:41 am #

    That belt thing around the empire waist? Beautiful.

  45. Kate responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 2:42 am #

    @Another Kate
    I’m not creeped out. I was actually thinking that about my breasts in that dress, too :-)

  46. Kate responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 2:44 am #

    I try not to spend too much time inside boxes :-) But I also like having a space to write about beauty-related stuff. And I’m not quite sure how far to push the other themes. It’s a gradual process…

  47. The Part of a Movie where the Girl Gets a Make-Over responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 9:04 am #

    [...] friend Kate and I had a conversation about it. She has been dressing like a  pirate-queen and I’d been going for some kind of Courtney Love meets High Priestess thing– draping [...]

  48. Mandy responded on 13 Jan 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    Sweetie, you’re talking to a woman who has a closet full of Renaissance Festival garb and Steampunk costumes. And Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.
    Fortunately, my darling husband enjoys playing dress-up with me!

  49. tirzahrene responded on 17 Jan 2012 at 6:22 pm #

    I love not dressing entirely normally. Probably part of why my hair has been several different unnatural colors this year.

  50. Kate responded on 18 Jan 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    I never know what to do with Halloween, as an adult.

  51. Saturday Spotlight: Eat the Damn Cake » Amy Elizabeth responded on 17 Mar 2012 at 4:33 am #

    [...] way that you will not love her the second you start reading. I mean, who doesn’t love a woman who dresses up as a pirate queen and resolves to wear more ridiculous outfits? Who celebrates gaining weight with a dress covered with bunnies (and looks hot doing so!)? And who [...]

  52. Eat the Damn Cake » Bear’s favorite outfit responded on 04 Apr 2012 at 11:35 am #

    [...] Today I love the way I look in pirate boots. Remember this [...]

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