little victories: BOMBSHELL!!

There are some things I stopped wearing when my belly stopped being flat. Tight dresses, for one. I used to have a skintight gray knit dress that I thought was the hottest thing in the world. I gave it away when I gained weight.

I hit my heaviest weight ever (again) back in November and I’m still there. Which kinda surprised me the last time I weighed myself (at my parents’ house, of course, since I don’t own a scale). I thought I’d slip back. I thought I’d return to normal. Y’know, to my real body.

I think this might be normal, guys.

And the good news is, there’s a chance I’m curvy now! At least a little. I think I might be. Even my boobs are contributing, in the gradual, half-hearted manner in which I used to do my laundry after my mom reminded me ten times.

I didn’t know until I put on this incredibly tight dress covered in rabbits. And then it turned out that I am a (potential?) bombshell. It was like BAM BAM BAM!

BOOBS BELLY BUTT!

 

 

 

My first thought, which came out high and squeaky with shock, was “Wait– really? Nice!”

This is all wrong.

I am not supposed to like being at my heaviest weight. I am supposed to want to shed those pounds ASAP!! Girl, get some self control!  I am supposed to be panicking. I am supposed to be dreading summer and calculating how many hours per day I should spend on the treadmill, starting NOW, right after I eat this chocolate croissant and its adorable twin and their slightly smaller cousin who would’ve been lonely otherwise. I am supposed to feel disappointed in myself. I am supposed to have failed.

But this curvy body feels like a friggin’ celebration.

“Wait for it,” I told Bear, pulling the rabbit dress on in the bedroom while he tested his bloodsugar (diabetes: it always has to get in on the action) in the kitchen.

“Whoa,” he said, when I came out. “Wow. Your body is amazing. Wow.” (The fact that Bear is really articulate makes this an even bigger compliment.)

“Right? RIGHT?”

I’m drunk on it. Thank you, mirror! Thank you, bagels! Thank you, poor willpower!

I’m not sure how I missed this. I kept interpreting it wrong. I kept thinking “gross” instead of “gorgeous.” Those silly G words that end in S. I watched my arm spread along the back of the couch. Was that a dimple, swimming in the fat? Should I kill myself now, or after the third croissant?

“Angelina’s arms are skeletal,” said my friend, who had actually seen the star in person. “She looks like she might be sick. It looks unhealthy.”

First my brain went, “I wish mine were more like that.” Then I said, “That’s really sad.”

I didn’t want to go shopping. I thought, “I can never wear a sleeveless shirt again. Ever. This is the end of sleeveless shirts.”

I thought, “I can never wear a strapless dress again. Ever. This is the end of an era.”

I thought, “Maybe I should grow my hair long again, because only skinny people look good with short hair. There’s some kind of law.”

I thought, “Every single one of my friends is ten times hotter than me.”

Yesterday, another girl asked my friend if she was a model. I stood there and smiled and nodded along. Yes, she does have the bone structure for it.

I will never be asked that question.

I will never have a face for TV. Or a body for a billboard. If I am ever very famous and on the cover of a magazine just because they have to put me there, they will go crazy with the photoshop, in an effort to make me look the way beautiful women are supposed to look and less like the way I actually look. Because the way I actually look is too confusing for popular consumption.

But god, I like this body right now.

I think I might be high on something. Croissants? Whatever’s in diet Dr. Pepper? Life?

No. I know. It’s the rabbit dress.

(click on the last couple photos for a clearer view of the rabbits. I’m not making them up, I swear)

*  *  *

Anyone else out there enjoying their round belly/weight gain? Are you surprised? Do you have a bombshell outfit?

Unroast: Today I love the way I look in ALL of the photos of me in the rabbit dress. CRAZY.

Other Little Victories posts: “schlumpy phase” and the one about my boobs, which is linked somewhere in the post above.

67 Comments »

Kate on January 23rd 2012 in body, Little Victories, weight

67 Responses to “little victories: BOMBSHELL!!”

  1. Lynellekw responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 3:41 am #

    HOT. That’s my opinion.

  2. Iris responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 4:40 am #

    You look amazing! And such a great dress – loving the sexy/cute balance.

    That moment when I look in the mirror and go “wow, I am HOT” is one of my favourite things. I’m going to try to have it more often. Late new year’s resolution?

  3. ducky responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 5:25 am #

    You look amazing! Just saying!

  4. Sarah responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 7:58 am #

    OH MY LORD! Your body is HAWT Kate! I totally agree with Bear ;) .

    But in all seriousness, you do look awesome, and in all seriousness, I want that dress!

    I am also becoming happier with my thickening-frame. Adam and I send pictures back and forth (err…sometimes long distance can make you do strange things), and I can tell I am getting sexier. I finally feel like a woman.

  5. Sarah responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 8:10 am #

    Actually, real question: where did you get that dress?

  6. j responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 8:51 am #

    Yes, where did you get it? I totally want one.

  7. Mallory responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:06 am #

    agreed. you look amazing!

    I’ve always been the “thin one” in my family, aka of normal size with no fluctuating weight. Once I turned 20 though, I lost about 25 pounds because of a health problem & going gluten-free to remedy my sickness. Most of my family thought I looked too thin, and I felt it. My bones were sticking out, I felt weak and brittle, my jean size went from a 6 to a 2/0. But my sister, she thought I looked so gorgeous & perfect. She would call me names like “little bitch” because I was so thin, and I guess to her mean names are compliments. All I wanted to do was gain weight back, fill out my jeans & BE HEALTHY. Perception is so weird! I feel my best right now, when my jeans are a little tight, my shirt clings to a little belly and my cheeks are plump and round (face cheeks lol).

    Sometimes now though, I catch myself wondering if other people like me best this way too.

  8. oonaballoona responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:08 am #

    shake it, lady. you look HAWT.

  9. Lili @ RelatableStyle responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:26 am #

    You look HOT! Definitely bombshell material. WORK IT GIRL :-D

  10. Ellen responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:37 am #

    I’m at a BMI of 25, which is just that side of overweight, apparently, and I’m supposed to lose a few pounds to get to a “healthy” BMI. And though I guess I wouldn’t mind my body being a little sleeker, the funny thing is, I like my FACE at this weight a lot more than when I’m skinnier. When I’m skinnier, I feel that it is too sharp-angled and my nose really sticks out. But now that I have some fat on it, I think I’m prettier. So there’s a weird dilemma that kind of turns the whole beauty-vs-health thing upside down: do I want to feel prettier and be a little bigger or healthier and feel a little less pretty? Heh… Stupid BMI!

  11. Luisa responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:49 am #

    You are most definitely a bombshell but you know what? There’s something even ten times hotter than your curves in that dress and it’s how happy and proud you look in the pictures! I sometimes think that the only reason we think our bodies aren’t hot is because we don’t let them :)

  12. Kerry responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 10:13 am #

    I agree with Luisa.

    Everytime I looked at these pictures, I had to remind myself to look at the body/dress, because my eyes went right to your smile instead. This is not normal behavior for my weight-obsessed eyes, mind you :)

    Great post.

  13. Liz responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 10:24 am #

    if i saw the pics of you in the rabbit dress before i read a word of this post, weight gain or anything like that would have never entered into my head. all i would have thought of is, “kate looks stunning!” the typical fashion model people have it all wrong– people don’t want to look at sickly, bones-sticking-out women. they look like starvation victims. healthy women do not have 0% body fat and no muscle. healthy, adult women have curves and a figure!

  14. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 10:25 am #

    What a great post! Also, I LOVE the rabbit dress — where did you find such a rad piece?

  15. Elena responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 10:27 am #

    @Ellen Don’t worry about BMI it is not a completely safe parameter to consider when taking about weight and helth, your ideal weight depends on lot more things, like you metabolism, complexion, etc. So if you feel good! I wouldn’t worry if you’re not reallyyyy overweight : )

    @Kate, I can’t think anything else to say that you look totally awesome and really happy, as it’s been mentiones above, and that the dress is lovely. Now on the personal-story-side, what happens when you actually don’t wanna look hot, you don’t wanna be a bombshell, you prefer being skinny, adroginous and ignored by men?

  16. Rebecca responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 10:28 am #

    You look totally hot. I totally want that dress. Although I’m afraid I’d be far too bootylicious in it. You have not seen what I’m working with. ;)

  17. Melanie responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 12:01 pm #

    That dress is crazy next level. I WANT IT. Can you like to it?

  18. Kae responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 12:01 pm #

    I agree with everyone – you look radiant! :) I love how happy & confident & mischievous you are in the pictures.

    I’d also like to know where you found the dress, it’s a stunner!

  19. Mandy responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    Sweetie, it ain’t the dress–it’s who’s IN the dress. YOU make the DRESS look hot! And that “look at me–I’m FABULOUS!” smile says it all!

    Unroast: I love that seeing you so happy and confident makes ME feel great, too!

  20. poet responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 12:44 pm #

    You look absolutely cute & gorgeous & hot! I’m a little envious… but not in a nasty or mean way, just in an admiring way, so don’t let it bother you :) Also I agree that it’s you, not the dress, though the dress is definitely also very cute!

  21. Melanie responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 12:54 pm #

    You look absolutely AMAZING. That expression on your face in all the photos is priceless. Self acceptance is good. Panicking over weight, not so much.

  22. Angela responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    This whole post made me so happy. You look fantastic in the rabbit dress. Probably out of it too.

  23. Rebecca Jane Stokes responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:16 pm #

    ‘ First my brain went, “I wish mine were more like that.” Then I said, “That’s really sad.” ‘

    I do this perpetually. Lately I’ve been trying to keep the conversation going mentally until I’m happy and proud of the outcome. This has made for awkward silences.

  24. aria responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    Yay! That is a seriously cute dress. And you rock it! Also, I dig your hair, it suits you well!

  25. Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:25 pm #

    girlllll…that a** is hot! don’t lose the weight, you look more like a woman…angelina jolie DOES look sick…and i love my a** in a tight denim hippie dress i found recently…i am a total GILF…again, love that dress and you look mahvelous!

  26. Abby responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    I have to agree with everyone here…

    and disagree with you,Kate, just a little bit. Because honestly, when I’ve seen pictures of yourself on your blog, ESPECIALLY these ones, I’ve definitely thought, “Damn, she looks like a goddess. Or a model. Or something appropriately gorgeous.” Not even kidding–I totally wouldn’t be surprised if I found out you were a model.

    I don’t have a lot of tight clothing, because for most of my life I wore t-shirts I was SWIMMING IN. Because, for some reason, I thought that since I was fat, I would always be an XL? But I tried on a medium t-shirt sometime last year, and I realized–DAMN. Wearing tight t-shirts doesn’t make me look fat. It shows off my curves waaaaaay better than all of my baggy shirts do. I still have a fair amount of big t-shirts, but I’m working on increasing my collection of tighter ones. Who knows? Maybe I’ll try wearing a tight dress even!

    (And I agree with the many people wanting to know where you got that stunning rabbit dress!)

  27. Amanda responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:52 pm #

    You look awesome — and I love the rabbits!

  28. Lynn responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    WHOA!!! You. Are. Stunning. Seriously, you’re bloody gorgeous!

  29. Belen responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    Kate
    The third to last pic – back turned, face in profile – is so freakin’ gorgeous. And it’s not just the visual composition… it’s that, regardless of how you’ll feel about yourself next Wednesday afternoon (because, let’s face it, self-esteem for most of us does always seem to be in flux), you’re exuding an undeniable sense of confidence right then and there. And that’s so, so attractive! The camera (as well as we viewers!) was lucky to catch it!

  30. Belen responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    (…and let’s not deny it: it’s because you are physically attractive, as well)

  31. Suzette responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    You are gorgeous! I love the curvy! I’m still doing the whole weight loss thing, but the one thing I dont want to lose is the curves. It’s so wonderful seeing a woman who is happy (ecstatic?) with their appearance. Bear is a lucky man to have someone as exotic and intelligent and sweet as you to come home to every night.

  32. Kristine responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:19 pm #

    Oh my God, you look great! I just gained 10lbs and I love it too. I was way too skinny, I like me better with curves.

  33. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    The dress: H&M, $17! :-)

  34. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:30 pm #

    @Kimmy Sue
    GILF!!!! I died. LOVE it.

  35. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    @Belen
    That one might be my favorite. But it might be my favorite because it looks the most model-y, so I’m sort of embarrassed about that…

  36. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    @Abby
    Try a tight dress!
    And I’m flattered, but I promise that there are about a million photos of me looking anything but gorgeous.

  37. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    @Elena
    I don’t think everyone should want to look hot or like a bombshell. I’m just happy that I can swing that way now, a little. But I love it when women look androgynous, too. And I think you can do a cool, non-bombshell look without being skinny, too. Basically, I think there should be room for all of it!

    And none of this is to say that people should also be able to be skinny and fantastic, btw :-)

  38. Elena responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    @Kate Of course, I didn’t mean, at all, that everyone should want to look like a bombshell, nor that you that meant that either. My point was more like “how can you look androginous not being skinny” because you know..being a woman almost as soon as you gain some weight whether your boobs or butt sticks out ^^U and also “what does really imply not to want to stand out because of being sexy?” You know..like what’s behind all that. I dunno, just things I think about sometimes… ^^U

  39. Also Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Wow. That third picture down, from behind, was the point at which I said “DAMN” – you do look like a bombshell! Although I agree with other commenters in saying that yeah, your body’s smoking in that dress, but the radiant smile on your face and the freedom with which you swing yourself around in that dress are what make it extra hot.

    I’m not sure I’ve ever appreciated my curves, probably because I’ve had them since, oh, early middle school. The process you’re going through right now in coming to terms with your body? I had to do that at 12. (I did like having my small-but-definitely-extant breasts in middle school. It saved me a lot of angst over whether or not I would grow them at all.)

    Today? I haven’t gained weight since my freshman year of high school (minus 15 pounds of muscle gained to play rugby and then lost when I stopped). I am very slowly discovering that I like tighter t-shirts or dresses, that I don’t need to hide in clothing. It’s a little complicated, since I have both curves and muscles, and sometimes the curves cover up the muscles or the muscles make the curves look sort of boxy. Some days I look in the mirror and I think “YES! My curves and my muscles are cooperating today!” Sometimes I look in the mirror and I assume they’re fighting, because hey, belly, stop covering up my abs! And quadriceps (both of you), stop pushing all the fat to the insides of my thighs and making them bulkier! Play nice!

  40. Amanda responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 3:01 pm #

    Damn, you look great! I so wish I had the courage to wear something like that.

    I love those moments when I look in the mirror and say “damn, I look good”. They’re extremely rare for me, because usually I shut them down the minute they happen. But maybe I’ll try to have more. :)

  41. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 3:02 pm #

    @Elena
    Oh! Sorry– I think I misunderstood. Thanks for clarifying.
    I’m not sure…I think clothes have a ton to do with it. Baggy jeans, a big white rumpled button down, and clunky boots. There. The perfect boyish outfit. Maybe there are curves, but they’re not the point.

    I think looking sexy should be a choice, and a preference, and there’s no good reason everyone should want to do that. (And of course, there are a lot of different versions of “sexy,” anyway.) Some days, I want to be invisible. And then I wear clothes that make me invisible.

  42. Kate responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    @Also Kate
    I love your description of your body battling. That’s exactly how I think of it.

  43. Ezz responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    Girl you are ROCKING that dress!

  44. Marie Coons responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 5:20 pm #

    i want to go shopping with you some time. great dress – you look amazing.

  45. Liz responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    This post makes me so happy, because you are a gorgeous woman, and it’s so nice for you to finally see what everyone else has seen for so long. Congratulations on the new perspective!

    I’ve gained a bit of weight over the last few years as well, and I’m enjoying it too. I love the feeling of seeing myself in a mirror and being caught unawares by all the curves. I go to the gym, but only do the classes that are fun and make me feel strong. I eat pretty healthy, but it’s because I love experimenting with new recipes and ingredients. I think that’s a good place to be.

  46. Hayley Rose responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 1:54 am #

    This is your heaviest? You look beautiful and perfect- I can’t imagine how thin you must’ve been before you reached your “heaviest.” Kudos to you

  47. Emily responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 9:25 am #

    You look incredible– I think that about all your pics you share on the blog. I love the feeling of finding something that really flatters and makes you want to strut. This dress is phenomenal (where oh where did you find it??!!).

  48. Samantha responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 2:20 pm #

    I follow your blog through the RSS feed on my phone but I had to come comment and tell you that you look great and so happy, you are rocking that dress!!

    Also I love your unroasts at the bottom of each post, may have to steal the idea cause I really should start pointing out the positives I like about myself, help with the self esteem.

    Anyway hope you’re having a great day today!

  49. Lilli responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 4:21 pm #

    Kate, you look absolutely stunning!!
    You have such an amazing bottom, i would sooo love one like yours :)

  50. Kate responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 4:22 pm #

    @Lilli
    Ha! Thanks!

  51. JessB responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 7:25 pm #

    Wow, Kate, you are looking super hot! I love it.

    I do have a bombshell outfit, in fact I have two. One is a very dressy wine coloured formal dress, which I love, and the other is my 2011-12 summer dress. My dad got it for me for my birthday in November, so I wore it that day, to my graduation in December, to my Dad’s birthday, for Christmas, and will wear it for my sister’s birthday this week too.

    It’s a 1950′s style dress, which is black with blue flowers. I wear it with my bombshell red lipstick and can feel the love from and for my Dad every time I put it on. I even get a little ‘love shock’ sometimes when I see it hanging in my wardrobe.

    It is great to have an outfit that you know you rock.

  52. Kate responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 10:27 pm #

    @Hayley Rose
    I was 20 lbs lighter. I was definitely really thin. So sometimes I feel stupid for even caring about the extra 20 lbs. But somehow that has never stopped me from caring. So I figure it counts. It’s not about what I actually looked like before or now or later. It’s how I feel. And it’s this way for everyone.

  53. Kate responded on 24 Jan 2012 at 10:29 pm #

    @JessB
    I love that your dad got you a bombshell dress! He must have good fashion sense. And I love that you wear it with bright red lipstick. Perfect.

  54. bethany actually responded on 25 Jan 2012 at 1:45 am #

    You’re right; you look fantastic!!! Also, the line, “I think I might be high on something. Croissants? Whatever’s in diet Dr. Pepper? Life?” made me laugh out loud. :-)

  55. zoe (and the beatles) responded on 25 Jan 2012 at 2:49 pm #

    i meant to tell you you looked great in your dress on THIS response. heh.

    anyway, i oscillate between “I LOOK SO HOT!” to “I NEED TO LOSE TWENTY POUNDS” on a near daily basis. confidence is so tragically short lived. it’s romance with me is so romeo and juliet. i rarely feel comfortable now but sometimes i think it’s just because i am wearing uncomfortable clothes. i don’t know. i do know though that i am really, really over denying and disliking the curves of my body. they are there, they are not going anywhere, and it’s an energy zap to hate them as much as i do sometimes (almost all the time).

  56. Rebecca responded on 26 Jan 2012 at 8:16 pm #

    You look like a young Sophia Loren–
    for serious!

  57. T.K. responded on 26 Jan 2012 at 8:56 pm #

    Kate,

    Your body looks so sexy in those pictures, but even more so you look absolutely adorable. It’s your Kateness.

    I bought the same dress today. It’s amazing. I am thinking about buying the rabbit cardigan as well.

  58. Eat the Damn Cake » the media did it! responded on 09 Feb 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    [...] invisible line has been crossed. She’s too young, so I don’t compare myself to her. I’m pretty happy about the way I look these days, so I don’t compare myself to her. I write about body image a lot, so I pause for a second, [...]

  59. Moneymentos » Blog Archive » Kate Fridkis: Body Image: How Dangerous is the Model in the Lingerie Commercial? » Moneymentos responded on 10 Feb 2012 at 6:52 pm #

    [...] some invisible line has been crossed. She’s too young, so I don’t compare myself to her. I’m pretty happy about the way I look these days, so I don’t compare myself to her. I write about body image a lot, so I pause for a second, [...]

  60. Princess Sophia responded on 19 Feb 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    Kate, you make me want to be healthy.

    Happy.

    Whole.

    Thank you for sharing your essence and your beauty. You are an inspiration.

  61. Eat the Damn Cake » nice to meet you, rebel body responded on 01 Mar 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    [...] am also one of the only women who is not wearing exercise clothes. I am wearing my rabbit dress. And I brought my highest heels, which I put on for the sexy dance we learn. I am very good at [...]

  62. Celynne responded on 12 Mar 2012 at 8:55 am #

    Yay! That’s SO great! And you look absolutely amazing, so gorgeous and beautiful and confident. I’m so happy you were able to feel this way about your body :D

  63. Saturday Spotlight: Eat the Damn Cake » Amy Elizabeth responded on 17 Mar 2012 at 4:33 am #

    [...] love a woman who dresses up as a pirate queen and resolves to wear more ridiculous outfits? Who celebrates gaining weight with a dress covered with bunnies (and looks hot doing so!)? And who encourages you to eat the goddamn cake already (and send her pictures!)Share and Enjoy: [...]

  64. Eat the Damn Cake » the chunky/gorgeous woman on the subway responded on 20 Mar 2012 at 1:56 pm #

    [...] “I thought you liked your body with the weight gain!” He was completely confused. “You seemed happy about it. I thought you felt good about it.” [...]

  65. Gemma from NZ responded on 15 May 2012 at 1:03 am #

    Kate you look amazing!
    In general I often seem to see other people larger than me and see their sexiness for their curves, or just generally think they look really good. But when I look at myself, even though I may be smaller than them all I see is FAT. FAT is there, fat is here FAT FAT FAT everywhere. I should really loose some weight, right starting tomorrow I am going to practically not eat (it never happens). I am slim but have lately gained weight, not sure it is moving in with my boyfriend so adopting bad eating or just age (i’m 23). I seem to constantly be comparing myself to other people I am hanging out with, “am I bigger than them or are they bigger than me” “am I the fattest here???”
    Those are the bad days.
    But sometimes, a lot more lately I am starting to change my thinking, I don’t want to be a stick. I don’t want bones sticking out everywhere. I like the curve of my thighs and my bum that sticks out more than others of my size, and I see that I look good and definately not fat.

  66. denimology « color me brazen responded on 18 Aug 2012 at 8:16 pm #

    [...] I bought this dress for $5 a few months ago, wore it once, and promptly forgot about it. How could I have let myself forget? It looks fucking awesome on me, if I do say so myself. Reminds me of Kate‘s bombshell dress. [...]

  67. Phoebe responded on 09 Sep 2012 at 2:01 am #

    This post really reminds me of a spot of shopping I had done in Hong Kong in preparation for an interview. I found this tight, white, lacy number, and I tried it on — instantly fell in love.

    It’s got a boat neck, studded with (fake, obviously, but still shiny and pretty) diamonds. Side zipper. Ends right above my knees. Brought in at the waist. The back’s got a cute little vintage button.

    I loved the way it flattered my body. The dress’s soft white complimented my tan. I’ve always been self-conscious about my shoulders (they’re broad) and my back (bacne), but this dress made them okay, somehow. The waistline makes my middle look almost impossibly tiny when I twist. The fabric hugs my hips and butt – I’ve got some dramatic hip dip, but the cling and the waistline make it look smooth: flair, not flare. My legs are a little stubby, but with this dress they look good. I wished every piece of clothing I owned made me look like this dress did. I was fabulous. Curvy and sleek and sweet. Form-fitting yet modest. Elegant and sexy. It made me stand up straighter.

    I looked at the size tag. It’s a large. Even though I know it’s completely stupid to think it, the equation that jumps to the forefront is “large = fat”. Surprisingly though, it doesn’t make me feel that bad. It should. I should be lamenting and looking for at least a medium to squeeze into. I should be telling myself to go on a diet and torture myself to get thinner so a smaller size will fit me and flatter me the same way. But it doesn’t. The dress just looks too damn good.

    I walked out, twirled for my aunt. She was immediately concerned that it didn’t fit right, that it was too small, because when I moved some of the fabric folded. Thinking back, that made no sense. Whoever heard of the fabric folding in on itself if there wasn’t enough? Fabric gets stretched taut when there’s not enough of it. The hell would it fold for?

    But logic had no place at that moment. I was crushed. I thought it had made me look amazing. Now the creeping thought “You’re too fat” comes creeping up. She hunted for an extra-large. There was none. She paraded me to the shop assistant, who (bless her) reassured her that as long as I didn’t feel like the dress was bursting when I sat down, the size should be right.

    The dress was bought, in the end. This post made me pull it out of the closet and fall in love with it all over again. I found something new to love about it: my favourite necklace falls right in line with the glass diamonds. Perfect.

    Apparently I wasn’t supposed to feel good, wearing that dress. It’s a large. I should be feeling fat. The fabric folds. And tight clothing shouldn’t fold, right? It should look like Catwoman. Flawless, right?

    But I did end up feeling good. And when I dug it out tonight and pulled it on again, I still felt good. I twisted around in front of the mirror. Posed like the pin-up girls. Dayum. Bombshell.

    Hallelujah for good dresses.

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