Comments on: the shocking truth about love http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/ beauty. body image. womanhood. dessert. Thu, 23 May 2013 22:05:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Eat the Damn Cake » a wife, a husband, and a roommate http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-57391 Eat the Damn Cake » a wife, a husband, and a roommate Thu, 31 May 2012 17:06:09 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-57391 [...] learned them better, even before they are married. And then sometimes it occurs to me that really, marriage is just as much about Bear and me as it is about itself. When I asked Bear if my friend could stay, I knew he wouldn’t say no, because when someone [...] [...] learned them better, even before they are married. And then sometimes it occurs to me that really, marriage is just as much about Bear and me as it is about itself. When I asked Bear if my friend could stay, I knew he wouldn’t say no, because when someone [...]

]]> By: Kelli http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-52644 Kelli Wed, 07 Mar 2012 20:56:25 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-52644 I'm late to the conversation, but I can really relate to what you are saying! I met my husband when I was 16 & it was love at first sight. We got married when I was 25, & I remember sitting on his lap on our first wedding anniversary sobbing because I just knew the honeymoon phase was over. He laughed at me (good naturedly) & said the next phase would be great too. He was right, it is really good, just different! Sometimes we sit in the same room all night & hardly talk, but it isn't uncomfortable or bad. Neither of us are super talkative so it is just a really comfortable time together in quiet. Our relationship is no longer all about being together 24/7, but I know for sure that I love him even more now than I did when we got married. I agree with the commenter above who said to never be spiteful or purposefully hurtful. The longer I've been married the easier it is for my DH & I to trust one another b/c we've made a big point to live our lives that way. We have our issues, but we always know that the other was not trying to do the hurtful thing that might come up occasionally. It makes such a huge difference! I’m late to the conversation, but I can really relate to what you are saying! I met my husband when I was 16 & it was love at first sight. We got married when I was 25, & I remember sitting on his lap on our first wedding anniversary sobbing because I just knew the honeymoon phase was over. He laughed at me (good naturedly) & said the next phase would be great too. He was right, it is really good, just different! Sometimes we sit in the same room all night & hardly talk, but it isn’t uncomfortable or bad. Neither of us are super talkative so it is just a really comfortable time together in quiet. Our relationship is no longer all about being together 24/7, but I know for sure that I love him even more now than I did when we got married.
I agree with the commenter above who said to never be spiteful or purposefully hurtful. The longer I’ve been married the easier it is for my DH & I to trust one another b/c we’ve made a big point to live our lives that way. We have our issues, but we always know that the other was not trying to do the hurtful thing that might come up occasionally. It makes such a huge difference!

]]> By: Megan http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-51012 Megan Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:18:21 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-51012 Yeah, it is pretty terrible. It's been over 3 and a half years though, and I'm still pretty damaged by it. I mean, not actively furious or sobbing or anything. Just extremely guarded, and alone. I have dated a bit, probably too early, and found it to be pointless. I was never a very trusting person when it came to relationships, and now I'm terrified of people. At the same time though, I know I want it. I'm going to be 29 in a few months, and nearly all of my friends are in great, long-term relationships. I feel like I missed the boat, and now it's just not going to happen for me. I know logically that it was about him, and his issues, but it still really hurts. I recently heard he's still with the girl with whom he cheated on me- they've been together now about as long as he and I had been together. It just weirds me out, and makes my stomach hurt. Yeah, it is pretty terrible. It’s been over 3 and a half years though, and I’m still pretty damaged by it. I mean, not actively furious or sobbing or anything. Just extremely guarded, and alone.

I have dated a bit, probably too early, and found it to be pointless. I was never a very trusting person when it came to relationships, and now I’m terrified of people. At the same time though, I know I want it. I’m going to be 29 in a few months, and nearly all of my friends are in great, long-term relationships. I feel like I missed the boat, and now it’s just not going to happen for me.

I know logically that it was about him, and his issues, but it still really hurts. I recently heard he’s still with the girl with whom he cheated on me- they’ve been together now about as long as he and I had been together. It just weirds me out, and makes my stomach hurt.

]]> By: Kate http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-50868 Kate Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:32:58 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-50868 @Megan I'm so, so sorry that happened to you! That's beyond terrible. And I think that after something like that happens, it naturally takes a long time to recover. I'm not sure what advice to give-- I think trust and optimism are sometimes just a leap of faith. You might have to really throw yourself outside your comfort zone. Are you dating again? I think to move forward you have to really believe that what happened was not about you-- it was about this guy, and his issues. And you have to know that there are so many people out there who would never treat you like that. I swear. I have a friend who was also engaged to someone who cheated on her. He was also an alcoholic, which for some reason took a long time to come out. She is now married to an amazing, gentle guy who is exactly her match in intellect and humor. Don't let one shitty guy drag you down! @Megan
I’m so, so sorry that happened to you! That’s beyond terrible. And I think that after something like that happens, it naturally takes a long time to recover. I’m not sure what advice to give– I think trust and optimism are sometimes just a leap of faith. You might have to really throw yourself outside your comfort zone. Are you dating again? I think to move forward you have to really believe that what happened was not about you– it was about this guy, and his issues. And you have to know that there are so many people out there who would never treat you like that. I swear.

I have a friend who was also engaged to someone who cheated on her. He was also an alcoholic, which for some reason took a long time to come out. She is now married to an amazing, gentle guy who is exactly her match in intellect and humor.

Don’t let one shitty guy drag you down!

]]> By: Megan http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-50854 Megan Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:54:14 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-50854 Hi Kate- It's nice to hear how happy and optimistic you are about your marriage. Unfortunately, that optimism has left the building as far as I'm concerned, since a few years back my former fiancé cheated on me and subsequently left me two months before our wedding. Advice on how to become trusting and optimistic again? (Disclaimer- I don't actually expect you to fix this problem for me, so don't worry!) Hi Kate-

It’s nice to hear how happy and optimistic you are about your marriage. Unfortunately, that optimism has left the building as far as I’m concerned, since a few years back my former fiancé cheated on me and subsequently left me two months before our wedding. Advice on how to become trusting and optimistic again? (Disclaimer- I don’t actually expect you to fix this problem for me, so don’t worry!)

]]> By: Rachel http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-50595 Rachel Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:39:06 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-50595 Hi! Long time lurker (love your honesty and quirkiness!) but I think this is the first time I commented. I've been with my honey for 12 years, and married for over 8 and we are still head over heels in love. My best friend gave me a wonderful piece of advice when I got married that I try to practice - Never intentionally hurt your partner through words or actions. If both of you know you have each other's best interests at heart and work hard at not saying hurtful or vengeful things in the heat of an arguement, it goes a LONG way in creating a peaceful relationship with very little drama and even less bitterness. We've had major bumps along the road, but the more we unconditionally accept each other and our quirks, the more we appreciate the habits that we used to find annoying. So I guess my advice would be to be relentless in looking for the good in each other! Hi! Long time lurker (love your honesty and quirkiness!) but I think this is the first time I commented. I’ve been with my honey for 12 years, and married for over 8 and we are still head over heels in love. My best friend gave me a wonderful piece of advice when I got married that I try to practice – Never intentionally hurt your partner through words or actions. If both of you know you have each other’s best interests at heart and work hard at not saying hurtful or vengeful things in the heat of an arguement, it goes a LONG way in creating a peaceful relationship with very little drama and even less bitterness. We’ve had major bumps along the road, but the more we unconditionally accept each other and our quirks, the more we appreciate the habits that we used to find annoying. So I guess my advice would be to be relentless in looking for the good in each other!

]]> By: romantic love ideas http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-50164 romantic love ideas Sun, 29 Jan 2012 22:06:32 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-50164 "It turns out that marriage can’t be all about play. But that doesn’t mean it has to be constant emotional labor. What I’m learning is that it needs room to change. It needs space to shift into the next phase of its gentle evolution. Bear and I are so nervous about losing the first phase that we’re hanging on, wide-eyed, afraid that the first part was true love, and the rest, somehow, won’t be." Loved everything but this was just..so.. honest.. takes guts to admit what really goes on and what you're afraid of and why..but it's the only way to move forward. Really sounds like you and bear did and I have to say that you guys give me hope! Thank you for that and wish you both the best of luck on your gentle journey, with all the jokes you can laugh at together! :) “It turns out that marriage can’t be all about play. But that doesn’t mean it has to be constant emotional labor. What I’m learning is that it needs room to change. It needs space to shift into the next phase of its gentle evolution. Bear and I are so nervous about losing the first phase that we’re hanging on, wide-eyed, afraid that the first part was true love, and the rest, somehow, won’t be.”
Loved everything but this was just..so.. honest.. takes guts to admit what really goes on and what you’re afraid of and why..but it’s the only way to move forward. Really sounds like you and bear did and I have to say that you guys give me hope! Thank you for that and wish you both the best of luck on your gentle journey, with all the jokes you can laugh at together! :)

]]> By: Zellie http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-50029 Zellie Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:15:48 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-50029 If you know the kind of person you want to be you can try to act the way that person would as much as possible. You will grow so much as individuals over the years and your relationship has to survive while you do it- while you're learning how to accept each other and life's disappontments. My recommendation is to ask for what you need and to say yes whenever possible. Do what you know the other person would like. Like taking the chicken out or sex. If he asks you, think how you would feel if you were the one asking. You don't ever have to be rude or inconsiderate of each other if that's not the kind of person you want to be. If you're both in agreement on this idea it will make the way much smoother. Don't wait for crisis and tragedy of life to teach you not to sweat the small stuff. married 22 years If you know the kind of person you want to be you can try to act the way that person would as much as possible. You will grow so much as individuals over the years and your relationship has to survive while you do it- while you’re learning how to accept each other and life’s disappontments.

My recommendation is to ask for what you need and to say yes whenever possible. Do what you know the other person would like. Like taking the chicken out or sex. If he asks you, think how you would feel if you were the one asking. You don’t ever have to be rude or inconsiderate of each other if that’s not the kind of person you want to be.

If you’re both in agreement on this idea it will make the way much smoother. Don’t wait for crisis and tragedy of life to teach you not to sweat the small stuff.

married 22 years

]]> By: Anne http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-50007 Anne Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:33:29 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-50007 Loved the post and all the comments. I'm only 24 and already divorced, but I like hearing from people with happy marriages because it gives me hope that it will work out for me and someone else someday :) Loved the post and all the comments. I’m only 24 and already divorced, but I like hearing from people with happy marriages because it gives me hope that it will work out for me and someone else someday :)

]]> By: Rebecca http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2012/01/25/the-shocking-truth-about-love/comment-page-1/#comment-49999 Rebecca Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:12:54 +0000 http://www.eatthedamncake.com/?p=4166#comment-49999 Love this. And those pictures of you and your Bear. Go on with yer cuteness now! Love this.

And those pictures of you and your Bear.
Go on with yer cuteness now!

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