the first white hair and the velociraptor

I am almost twenty-six. One week left. It’s coming up fast, like a velociraptor. I am running, but you know it’s gonna get me, and those things are wily. They’ve practically got hands. With giant claws.

(see?? source)

Twenty-six. That’s on the other side of the twenties. More towards the thirties, where all sorts of secrets about life lie. Where I think they’ve put adulthood, at least temporarily.

Anyway, I found a WHITE HAIR. Yesterday. Which is not such a big deal. People have been known to find those before the age of twenty-six. But it just seems symbolic, or something—the timing. The timing feels a little harsh. Like, yeah, this time next year, they’ll all be white, honey. Just so you know.

That’s OK. White hair is nice. I knew a girl with white hair in college. It was gorgeous until she dyed it.

But twenty-six? How much am I supposed have accomplished by now? I think probably more than I have. Maybe a Pulitzer? A Nobel? An Oscar? Some other kind of giant prize? Something gold and shiny, triumphant and permanent that I can stick on a pedestal in the middle of the room and everyone can think, “Well, she’s amazing forever.” And then they will stop asking me questions like, “So…you write? That’s fun. Anything else? Still looking for a job?” If not a prize, at least a six-figure book deal. I would accept that. “Young Author Catches Literary World By Surprise With Sheer Brilliance! Is Declared Greatest Writer Ever.”

I’m not going to get started.

I’m not going to retell the story of the college girls my friend overheard on the elevator who were like, “What is she, like, twenty-six?!” “No way! I thought she was young!” “No, dude, she’s like twenty-six.” “Shit…well, she looks pretty young for her age. She’s still cool.”

 

My friends and I were having a conversation the other day, over coffee, about whether or not we should lie about our age. Whether or not we’re at that point. That was a real conversation. Our ages: 25-27.

I was on the side of honesty, justice, and all that is right in the world: “No way! We should NEVER lie about our age! If we feel like we have to lie now, imagine how forty will feel.”

*A long, uncomfortable silence in which no one can imagine what forty might feel like*

(Bear always says he expects to feel the same at every age, because he’ll always be himself, and always be a little uncertain about how he’s supposed to be acting.)

(I always expect my future self to be cooler, more put together, and better at picking shoes than my current self, which so far hasn’t proven totally true.)

I am going to blame this, at least partially, on New York City. The land of achievers. Last night I was reading about this gorgeous East Village apartment that some twenty-seven year old online poker player is selling for $4 million. If you are an online poker playing prodigy who has made millions of dollars somehow, then you are definitely going to be in New York. Somewhere near me. The girl who is turning twenty-six without ever winning a single online poker game.

I’m  a cliche—I get all angsty and existential around my birthday. I wonder if I’m wasting my talents. I can paint, you know! What about that? I can sing! Am I singing enough? Maybe I should start doing open mics! What does one do with these things? What does it look like to not waste your talents? All I do is write, I think.

So a couple days ago, I went to a Big Brothers Big Sisters orientation, and I filled out all the forms.

It’s not that I’m afraid to be twenty-six. I’m afraid to grow up without accomplishing things. I come from a family of musical prodigies, but I failed as a piano prodigy. By the time I was fourteen, the twelve-year-olds on the circuit had surpassed me. I could never, no matter how hard I tried, hit every note with mechanical precision. I could play musically. I could phrase beautifully. I could make the piano cry and make it rage. But my fingers trembled before competitions. I was nervous. I got bored, practicing for so many hours. I wanted to play the gorgeous parts. I did not want to practice my scales and arpeggios. One day, I saw a five-year-old play a Chopin scherzo. I wondered if maybe the world was a terrible place.

Now I play keyboard sometimes, because I love it. But it took a lot of years to separate the love from the desperate striving.

Sometimes I’m afraid that writing will become another piano competition for me. That someone younger and with better technique and quicker fingers will win first place, and I will be left in the dark of audience seating, watching.

But life is not a piano competition. It’s sweeter and kinder and more complex than that. 

I read a book about writing. The author, a writer and former marine, tells his readers to stop being such goddamn wimps. Stop making excuses. Your wife is eight months pregnant and you’re trying to finish up grad school. You should really be at home, taking care of her and studying. WRONG! THAT’S AN EXCUSE! Write your novel!! Look at Tolstoy! He had THIRTEEN KIDS! Did that stop him from writing friggin’ WAR AND PEACE? No. It did not.

I am remembering something about Tolstoy’s home life…It was…unhappy? Didn’t he eventually lose his mind?

Regardless. I don’t like it. That advice—drop everything and write your novel—sounds wrong. If you think that your novel is the most important thing in the world, than you might want to reevaluate. Maybe there’s someone who needs you who you’re ignoring so that you can write.

Reading this book about writing, and thinking about myself and my desire to win stuff, I made a decision. No pregnant wife of mine would ever get left alone when she needed me.

Or, um, rather: there is always something more important than your career. And that something is always other people.

My immediate solution: foster a child.

Bear: Wait, WHAT? Hold on. You want to foster a CHILD? Like, an entire kid? Here? In our apartment?

Me: Yes.

Bear: No. You can’t just go out and foster a child.

Me: Well, first you go to some orientations and get training…

Bear: Can we talk about this in, like, a few years?

Me: You’re standing in the way of my dreams.

Bear: You just thought of it like ten minutes ago.

Me: It’s not going to go away, you’ll see.

Bear: What is happening?

My compromised solution: Big Brothers Big Sisters.

My interview is on Thursday. I can’t wait. Sitting in the back at the orientation, I was practically bouncing in my seat, laughing at all of the coordinator’s jokes. They were hilarious. I don’t know why everyone else in the room was so blank-faced.

I was suddenly so excited. I can’t wait to meet this girl. I can’t wait to learn about her life—what she cares about, what she wants to achieve, what she’s achieving right now.

When I meet her, I’ll be twenty-six. I will have already had a white hair. I will have written hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pages. I will have never won at online poker. I will not have a single impressive trophy on the pedestal that sits empty in the center of the room. I will be the kind of person who cares about other people and makes a difference in their lives. And that’s the kind of person I want to be.

And also a writer, at the same time. It does happen occasionally.

(it wants a hug! I think we’re gonna be friends…source)

*  *  *

How was twenty-six for those of you who lived it, or are living it now?

Unroast: Today I love the way I look in a silver sweater.

P.S. Best title ever, right? I thought so.

54 Comments »

Kate on February 27th 2012 in life, new york, work, writing

54 Responses to “the first white hair and the velociraptor”

  1. Maggie responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    I love the concept of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program! And it fits with last week’s post about friends of different ages.
    My (adult) cousin was a big sister, and she made a huge difference in her “sister’s” life.

    I’m excited for you–keep us posted.

  2. Melanie responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    Yes, best title ever.

    I remember being 19 and having a 26 year old friend and swearing I was going to be “way more grown up acting than her when I was 26.” Well, here I sit, at 37, and I’m still not so grown up acting.

    I had to change my accomplishment goals so they didn’t leave me half in a bottle of Jameson or with a needle in my arm trying to escape the fact that I was a failure.

    I live in a lower income neighborhood. I drive an 11 year old car. I work in a cubicle. I am starting my book next month that will more than likely never get published. I’m okay with all these things. I am a success because I am alive and I’m learning to like myself. I’m far too hard on myself, and I’m working on it.

    I always say to people, “There will always be someone who has worked way harder, and accomplished way more, than you ever will. Best not to compare yourself to them. Best just to be the greatest you, that you can possibly be.” That may mean just working on your small stuff, and doing that for the rest of your life. For some, that is their poker tournament. For me, it’s that I’m sober and I own a home. I thought I’d be dead by now. So that’s pretty much all the achievement I can focus on right now.

    I signed up to be a Big Sister. They said they already had too many volunteers in my area. Is that even possible?

  3. San D responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 1:21 pm #

    At twenty six I was working 3 part time jobs, after being fired from my full time job because the girls, in the personal office where I clerked, found my “education” too intimidating (and apparently my vocabulary and college attitude). I was waiting for my big break. I wanted to be a teacher. I would be given that chance the next year when a position opened up part time, which eventually would lead to a full time job. What I distinctly remember at 27, was that for the interview I picked out a dress that I thought would make me look professional (later to find out in the interviewer’s notes that I looked garish LOL). I went to the florist where your grandfather worked to catch my breath before the interview, and lovely man that he was, he told me I looked great, and that I would get the job, no problem. And indeed I did. The rest, as they say, was my life.

    Kudos to you for wanting to be a Big Sister. There are so many girls out there that need someone to talk to. You will learn so much about yourself through the experience.

  4. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 1:22 pm #

    @Melanie
    It’s possible in the sense that the program gets a lot more female volunteers than male, and most of the kids in the program are boys. They should have suggested other ways you might participate, though!

  5. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    @San D
    Amazing story. I like that things can work out at any moment. And I want to see that dress.

    Also, love this: The rest, as they say, was my life.

  6. Chris responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    Oh honey. (I’ve obviously been living in the south too long.) Honey, I turned 51 a couple of weeks ago (I know, OMG, an OLD person!) and you’ve got eons ahead of you to accomplish all sorts of interesting things in life. At 26, I remember feeling like life was passing me by, too — hadn’t written a novel, hadn’t started a fulfilling career, hadn’t gotten married, hadn’t done anything particularly exceptional to tell the truth. You are already a terrific writer, and people are actually reading your work, every day! Plus, the great thing about writing is that age = life experience, and life experience = material! The older you get, the more you’ll have to write about. Covet those years, yearn for them, wait impatiently for them, drool over all the wisdom and laughter and tears they will bring you — they are money in the bank! In the meantime, wring every drop out of the age you are now, and keep writing — I love reading your stuff and eagerly await your many fine, funny, moving, wise books of the future.

  7. Jennifer Jo responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    I was a Big Sister for years and years. It’s a great program. And then we went on to foster children, too. (I’ll let you decide whether or not to tell Bear that.)

  8. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    @Chris
    Thank you!!! I love this comment so much. And where do you live? I want to move to the south and get to say “oh honey…” all the time.
    Happy birthday!!

  9. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    @Jennifer
    Yeah? I want to talk about this more with you. Maybe we can email?

  10. Alpana Trivedi responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    Kate, at 31, I feel sometimes that I “haven’t accomplished much.” But I’m also told that I don’t look or act my age. And I have some silver in my hair as well. I guess it’s my dad’s genes asserting themselves (he started graying at 30). Anyway, the Big Sister program sounds good. And really, you’re only as old/young as you feel. Sorry, I know that statement is cliched.

    But you’re very thoughtful, articulate, and analytical, which many people at 26 are not. Heck, nowadays, not too many people want to think critically, no matter what their ages.

  11. BrokeElizabeth responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    I feel sort of the same way around my birthday, except that I am always frustrated with how YOUNG I am… people always think I’m about five years older than I actually am, and I’ve felt middle-aged for years… but I’m only turning 20???? Come on!

  12. Stephina responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:21 pm #

    I’ll be 26 in three days. Two more years until my high school reunion which has left me hoping that I will accomplish some pretty remarkable things in the next two years. Two years to figure out my life path. Two years to lose the 20 pounds I’ve gained since high school (and hopefully a few more). Two years to have a kid, because all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mother, and a young grandmother. Two years to continue my education and educate those around me. Two years to empower women in my community. So 26 doesn’t seem too horrific… 28 does. Happy early birthday.

    FYI, You’re terrific!

  13. Valerie responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    I’m 28 and I barely even notice it. I’m not scared of 30. I thought I would be scared of my age once I made it over 25, but it really doesn’t matter so I figure that 30 won’t be horrible either and that people freak out about it for no reason. Actually, I figure that maybe people will take me more seriously once I’m 30. There are certain people in my life that treat me like I’m a child (even though I’m not even their child and my own parents don’t even treat me like a child) and it’s frustrating because I’ve had a harder, less sheltered life than they have so I know what I’m capable of when it comes to really difficult situations. I feel like my brain and coping mechanisms are much older than 28, but when I look at my face in the mirror it looks the same as it has since I was 17, if that makes sense.

    Also, I feel like we should be writing partners since we’re both writing novels.

  14. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:41 pm #

    @Valerie
    What’s your novel about?

  15. katilda responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    i once overheard that exact conversation about people thinking someone who was 26 was old, but after the comments “she’s older than Bossie” and “she’s really slowing down” i realized they were talking about a horse.

  16. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:45 pm #

    @katilda
    LOL!!!

  17. dustwindbun responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 2:59 pm #

    I just turned 30. I was so relieved not to be 29 anymore, because it sounded like I was lying about my age whenever I had to tell it to people. (I always either just said 30, in polite situations, or told people I was 42, and when they didn’t believe me explained how old I actually was.)
    When I was 26, I was working in retail management in a small town. I jokingly mentored the teen girls in my store and adopted a second cat who showed up at my screen door one night and made friends with my other cat. I had gotten my anxiety/depression/ADHD mostly under control, but that was about the only successful thing I’d done recently. I’d graduated college and gone on to be all-but-fired or laid off from seven of the nine jobs I’d held in four years. And my (dark) hair was about 20% white.
    Kate, I know it doesn’t help, but you are so much more successful than me in so much less time that you are like the child prodigy of my life, where I look at you and think, “God, I’m wasting my life, aren’t I.” And in thinking that, I try to remember that pretty much everyone in life has someone to look up to, and someone who looks up to them. It’s just a matter of learning to see it.
    Not that I always believe it. But making an effort counts for something, right?

  18. D responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 3:00 pm #

    I’m just about to turn 27, and I’ll tell ya, 26 was actually pretty damn good for me. AND I also recently found a couple of white hairs for the first time. Eerie cooincidences! I love that you are doing the big brothers/big sisters thing. I was a mentor for a high school girl for two years in a similar program, and while it was not always easy, it was rewarding.

    Also, I will ALWAYS agree, relationships and life are FAR more important than your career.

  19. Courtney responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 3:02 pm #

    I don’t want to ever lie about my age. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being older. I’m only 27 though, so maybe my thinking on that will change.

    26 was not so bad. Sometimes I get down on myself for not being as accomplished as some of my peers. I see people I knew in high school posting on Facebook about getting married, having children. I know some of them have good jobs, are doing well for themselves.

    And then there’s me. I’m working a job in my field that pays my bills, but it’s still just assistant level work. I’m single and childless. All I can think is: what am I doing wrong? Then I start to feel like some of those life milestones will never come my way, or that I will fail to attain them.

    But so what? There will always be someone out there with more than me, who can do certain things better. I’m just going to do what I can while I can. I’m going to enjoy being untethered by a mate or a child and I’m going to do the things that make me happy.

  20. SM responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    I love how everyone compares their ‘achievements’ against others, and they pick and choose the people they want to be held standard to. I was certain you were older than me, and was looking forward to a future where I was more like you – pity!

    I’m a postgrad scientist, and most of my acquaintance in such circles don’t even reproduce till their thirties, I have a few years grace to catch up on achievements I think…

  21. Valerie responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    @Kate

    I’m currently working on what I refer to as “The Robot Book”. To put it simply, humans are using robots to have babies for them. It’s a bit more complicated than that thankfully, but I like holding the details close when I’m talking in a public forum!

    I’m also working on a campy paranormal mystery series. And by working on, I mean I’m outlining it because that will be what I’m writing once the robot book is finished and awaiting revisions.

    Basically, I write a lot of YA sci-fi and fantasy or, if we’re being fancy, SPECULATIVE FICTION! I think that sounds more impressive.

  22. Lisa F. responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    Kate – I turned 40 a month ago; it is far, far, far superior to what it was like for me to be 26. Your 26 sounds pretty wonderful to me as I read about it. You will be that much happier, wiser, more fulfilled and true to yourself as you age. And that white hair? Don’t worry about it. I love each of my newly emerging silvers…I earned them! As you have and will earn yours.

  23. Quincey responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 3:52 pm #

    I totally know what you’re feeling….I turn 30 in less than a year and a half, and while I’m totally playing it James Dean cool on the outside, inside I’m having a bit of a freak out. (Yes, I know, I still have more than a WHOLE YEAR, but that will be here like, tomorrow!) In my head 30 was always the age where you are supposed to have “things figured out”. What things? No clue. But THINGS. Like, shouldn’t I know what an IRA really is, and am I too old to still be eating Handi-Snacks?
    But then I think, wait, if this is what I feel like at 28, why would I feel differently about things at 30? I don’t feel much more different than I did when I was 26, what magical thing will happen at 3:32 am on May 19th, 2013 that will make me FEEL 30? I’m planning on pretending the whole thing doesn’t exist. Like, I’m Harold Camping-ing my own future: It could be THE END OF THE WORLD, but most likely it’ll just be another day that passes.

  24. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 4:03 pm #

    @Lisa F:
    I love this comment. I love hearing from women who are like, “I am so much happier than I was at your age.” Because I love looking forward to the future, instead of being afraid of it

  25. Sarah Rooftops responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 4:13 pm #

    Hey, good for you doing the Big Sister thing!

    I’m 33 now – at 26 I felt exactly the same as you, like I should have become a successful novelist by now, but… somewhere in the last seven years I stopped caring about self-imposed deadlines and realised that my goal isn’t really to be a novelist; my goal is to be creative. And I get to do that in my job every single day. I’d still like to write a novel sometime, but it isn’t a priority any more.

    I don’t know, maybe things won’t go the same way for you – maybe you’ll write your novel faster than me – but I thought I’d throw my own story in here.

    Oh, and a slightly early happy birthday!

  26. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    @Sarah
    I think goals always need room to change. It’s dangerous to get so attached to a single goal that you’ll be devastated if it never works out. Or devastated while you wait. Or devastated at all. Devastation is never worth it :-)
    I’m glad your goal shifted, and that you’re living a life that you like! And if you do get around to writing the novel, that’s awesome too.

  27. Alex responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 6:01 pm #

    I haven’t gotten to 26 yet, I’m going to turn 19 this year, but I wish I was turning 26. I know I will probably be insecure at any age but I feel like I will have a better grip on things, not a strong grip, but atleast a little bit stronger than it is right now. I don’t want to be 26 because i’ll have freedom or independence, I actually really enjoy living with my parents. I just want the little bit of extra wisdom that comes with living into your late-twenties. :)

    P.S- I know this is silly but another reason why I really want to be 26 is to wear “big girl” clothes. I look at Ann Taylor ads and think “Damn! I can’t wait to wear that!”

  28. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 6:03 pm #

    @Alex
    Wear it now!!
    I still don’t feel grownup for some of the clothes I want to wear. So I force myself. Or sometimes I feel like I’m too old for certain things. But whatever– you never know what might look amazing on you…

  29. Amanda responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    I turn forty-two on April 2nd, so to me twenty-six was… well, sixteen years ago! I was still teaching, but the light was finally dawning that there was no way I was going to be able to hang in there for the next thirty years, so I’d better get cracking on a new career.

    At almost-forty-two I can wear business-like clothing without feeling too much like I’m playing dress-up. I think that’s the only difference. Well, that and I spend time analyzing my roots in the mirror (I got my first grey hairs at 22, exactly two weeks into my student teaching — coincidence? I think not), and contemplating the dangers of general anesthesia vs. the psychological impact of watching my face slowly succumb to gravity.

    Oh, and I’m a much better cook now, which is pretty cool :)

  30. Shyra responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 7:31 pm #

    Could the girl with white hair have been my roomate? U will be elated to know she is no longer dying her hair.

  31. Sooz responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    Yay you for doing Big Brother Big Sister. that’s a lovely thing to choose to do. my oldest boy does it and it really makes him feel great. I also love what Bear said about how he’ll feel at each year of his life. I’m more like you in thought but I want to be more like Bear. :) Twenty six sucked for me but let me tell you……39 is going pretty darn well!!!!!!!!!!! :)

  32. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 7:57 pm #

    @Shyra
    Ha! Yes! She was! God, I have to be careful about what I put on the internet… :-)

  33. Kate responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 7:58 pm #

    @Sooz
    Yay 39!!!! And that’s awesome that your oldest son is a Big! I think more guys should get involved. How long has he been doing it for? It’s good for everyone!

  34. Katie responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 8:35 pm #

    Sometime I feel really odd for NOT worrying about where I am and where I’m going in life when my birthday comes around. If I’m not taking that time to reflect on things, then maybe I’m not really reflecting properly?

    I turned 26 a few months after I had moved to NYC to become a teacher. My birthday was actually the weekend after my first week of work and I was MISERABLE, so it didn’t even seem worth celebrating. In fact, that whole year I felt like a failure as a teacher and a human being. But when I look back now, all can think of is how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown as a teacher, and how proud of myself I am for sticking it out when I wanted to quit every single day of the school year. I’m only 28 now, so it’s not like there’s even been that much to reflect on, but maybe that’s even better. The way your view your accomplishments can turn around pretty quickly.

    Maybe I’m just on the end-of-the-school-year reflection schedule :)

    Also, I used to work at BBBS and wasn’t allowed to have a Little while I was an employee (except in a school setting), and I always thought that when I could I’d be a Big. I’m really looking forward to hearing about your experience!

  35. Frankie responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 8:55 pm #

    I feel the exact same way. I’ll be 26, 10 months from now. And I have nothing figured out and nothing accomplished. It’s overwhelming. I feel lost most of the time and 26 really freaks me out. It’s like saying goodbye to the excuse of being young. If that makes sense?

    Anyway another great post. I hope you know your writing touches people on a daily basis, even if it’s not a published novel. :) I have no doubts you’ll one day acheive that.

  36. Robin responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 9:01 pm #

    I remember feeling exactly like you did in my mid-20′s. I am now in my mid-30′s. Trust me, you don’t need to have accomplished anything more than you already have. I mean, jeez – you already have your Master’s! That’s a big accomplishment!

    If I could go back and talk to my 20′s self, I would beg her to just relax. I berated myself constantly for not being successful and accomplished, and I know now what a waste of time that was. You have SO much time to get things done in life. Truly. I wish I had not spent so much of my 20′s being burdened by “supposed-tos”.

    You are doing just fine.

  37. Kim31 responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 11:16 pm #

    26 was a rough year for me, but I was in really different circumstances than you are, so I’m sure your 26 will be a much better experience!

    I’m 32, and I refuse to lie about my age and don’t see that changing. I’m pretty darn proud that I’ve made it to 32! I spent several years as a kid being really sick (I have severe asthma and chronic sinusitis that was much, much worse prior to having surgery when I was 17), so I was a little amazed I made it to 20 (although I’m not sure why, because while I was chronically sick, I was rarely *critically* sick). I figure everything after that is kind of bonus, even though there have been some very difficult years. Most of the time I can keep that perspective. Sometimes I forget.

  38. Magritte responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 11:48 pm #

    At 26, I had ended my first marriage. Married out of deep love and an unexpected pregnancy at 24. Knew no one in my circle who was married. Lost the pregnancy tragically at 5 months after 2 months of bedrest. We did not know what to do with the marriage then. I was so young. At 26, I was in law school, so excited, big circle of law school buddies. Now I am 53, attorney, mother of 3 and friends also with my ex-husband. Life is so rich with so many unexpected turns. I used to do a lot of career counseling work with law students interested in social justice. When I organized panels of attorneys to speak about their “career paths”, nearly every story was non-linear: they met someone on a bus, or in line at a movie, or after a lecture or they saw a movie, wrote a letter, moved to a new city and ended up on the right path to the work they were doing. All non-linear. And that is a message for us all….

  39. Sara responded on 27 Feb 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    I’ve got 2 months left of being 26 and I’m having teeny-weeny freak outs every week or so. The biggest being the day I found Never Been Kissed on Netflix and realized I was older than the main character. And how come I don’t have my own office? But a while ago I was at the bus stop late a night after work and an elderly woman approached me and started talking. She asked me about EVERYTHING in my life and as my bus approached she made one comment that has stuck with me. “You’re doing really good! You’re going to go far!”

    Since then I’ve made unbelievable strides in my chosen career path, moved to a new city, matured beyond my wildest expectations, and am two weeks away from my second wedding anniversary with plans for kids on the horizon. 26 is scary, it’s exciting, and I’m praying that I inherited my Dad’s hair genes so I won’t go gray till I’m 55.

  40. Kay responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 12:42 am #

    Hey, if you do eventually want to take the leap into foster care, there are sooo many great foster care bloggers with a lot of info! Fostering is something I’m seriously considering doing in the future (like after I am married and stuff and have discovered the secrets of life) and these are some of my go-to blogs for research/insight: Last Mom (http://lastmom.blogspot.com/), Cherub Mamma (http://cherubmamma.blogspot.com/), Welcome to My Brain (she writes about a lot of different things but check “therapeutic parenting” tag) (http://www.welcometomybrain.net/). Good luck with your little sis!!!

  41. el Maggie responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 9:33 am #

    I got married a few months before turning 26, but was in the middle of law school, so certainly didn’t feel grown up. I remember that all of my friends (we’re all a few years apart) noticed our first wrinkles at 26 – now I can accept them as smile lines! 30 was the year when I felt like I should have accomplished all the great things I was meant to accomplish (I started my first “adult job” a day after my 29th birthday, so when 30 hit all I could think was “agh – I have this serious professional career, and all I ever wanted to do was travel the world and live creatively!”). Now I am focusing on doing the best I can at my career, while pursuing lots of creative and interesting outlets in my spare time.

  42. Angel responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 11:20 am #

    Twenty-six was good, but twenty-seven? It was the best. Every year has been better than the last since twenty-three.

  43. Kate responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 11:24 am #

    @Kay
    Thank you!!!

  44. Kate responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 11:24 am #

    @Angel
    Yay! But now I am curious about twenty-three and before…

  45. jheath responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 11:50 am #

    What helps me best when I get to feeling old (I turned 30 this year) is to think about when I’m 80+. I’m sure I’ll look back and think about how silly I was to think that 30 was old. It puts things in perspective.

  46. Grace responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 2:05 pm #

    I think everyone feels this way once their out of college. But the thing is…26 is SO FRIGGIN’ YOUNG! Girl, as far as the universe is concerned, you’re still a baby!! I know that in some cities and career cultures there’s a pressure to “have it all” by a certain age (as a musician in Los Angeles, I certainly feel it, too…I’m 23 and feel like an old woman of the hills sometimes!), but that’s not for everyone. Sometimes the best work and the best stories come out of a life that’s been given time to breathe and expand. I have faith in you! :)

  47. Grace responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    Ahhg, I meant “they’re”!!

  48. Jess responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 4:33 pm #

    I am turning twenty-six in two weeks and a day. I’ve worked in the same coffee shop for three years now after telling myself it would only be for a year. I was sure I would go to school for as long as I could but then I never figured out what I wanted to go to school for. I’m not sure I’m where I should be in life, but I’m not unhappy (most of the time) and I work with pretty awesome people, so I guess my life is pretty all right. :)

    Also, I have more than a dozen white hairs in my bangs…I keep plucking them, much to the chagrin of my mother.

  49. Maya responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    My first thought upon reading this was that 26 was a terrible year for me. It was 1998. I was going out with D and he broke my heart. Memory is a funny thing because once I started to think about it I remembered that actually 1998 was a great year. D and I were getting along really well and he was funny and sexy and awesome. He had a baby and while the relationship did end in tears and a broken heart, in 1998, when I was 26, I just had this sweet little baby to play with who loved me. I lived in a group house in DC and I was gainfully employed in my field. My job was exciting and felt important and everyone I knew did something cool. I had a lot of friends and spent my weekends at bars and house parties when I wasn’t with D in the suburbs. I had all my most precious girlfriends in a big warm hugging loving group including SB who isn’t even in this world any more. This was before husbands and babies and mortgages and grad school and cancer and mental illness and all the rest of the serious things that make up our grown up lives. We all still had our moms. We got together ever Tuesday to sing. Usually we would meet at the Mt. Pleasant house where 4 of my closest girlfriends lived. We would drink tea and sing together for hours. I went to Hawaii, California, and Cambodia on vacation. D and I took a romantic vacation at the Maryland shore. I met D’s parents. I hung out with Micha in California and I knew then that we still loved each other and we would get married one day. Which we did. It seems almost impossibly idyllic in my mind. It’s true that D broke my heart and that I spent months crying over him. But so many things about the year I was 26 are beautiful in my memory precisely because they were ephemeral. 1998 was the year before I had my first real heartbreak, my first real experience of loss and grief. I was so much younger at 26 than I was at 27. By the time I turned 27 everything was different. Don’t get me wrong, I needed that broken heart. It taught me so much about who I am and what I am capable of. But I miss the girl I was before back in 1998 when I was 26. She was sillier than I am now and more judgmental. I think she was also more fun and probably she was smarter. I know she sang a lot more and I miss that the most.

  50. Kate responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    @Maya
    Shit, that was gorgeous. I’m gonna read it again now.

  51. Caitlin responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 7:46 pm #

    It’s always so interesting to me when someone who I consider to be accomplished (I mean, your blog! And your writing! And you have a graduate degree!) says they worry about not accomplishing things. It just goes to show how different our self-image can be from the perceptions of those around us.

    Regarding 26: that was a hard year for me. In fact, all of my early 20s were hard for me. I spun my wheels in a nightmare marriage and jobs I hated, and I had so little confidence in myself that I felt powerless to change my situation. I thought I had squandered my life and that I would never do anything worthwhile and everything about me was a waste. I’m glad to report that I was wrong on every count.

    I’m 32 now and I can say with absolute certainty that my 30s are far superior to my 20s. I don’t have a single lady friend who disagrees with this. We all looked at 30 with trepidation, but then it came and it was awesome. I’m sure that my 40s will be even better!

    I like your idea about joining up with Big Brothers Big Sisters. The kid that gets you as their Big Sister will be a very lucky kiddo indeed.

  52. bethany actually responded on 28 Feb 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    I’m with Bear. I’ll be 37 in a couple weeks, and I feel pretty much exactly the same–married for 16 years, homeschooling two kids–as I did when I was a 22-year-old newlywed/student/middle-school tutor. Okay, I feel the same plus more tired. :-)

    Let’s see…the year I was 26 was the year I spent living with my parents for eight months while my husband (who is in the Navy) went overseas for a long deployment. It happened to coincide with a cross-country move, and I decided that rather than move to a new town where I knew no one and do all the unpacking by myself, I’d rather stay with my parents in my hometown for a while. It was frustrating in a lot of ways (what they say is true, it’s REALLY HARD to go home again), but it was also awesome. A best friend of mine coincidentally had moved back to our hometown at the same time, and we got to hang out a lot which was awesome. I got to spend time with my brother as grown-ups for the first time, really. I got to sing in the choir at my childhood church with a lot of fun people. I had lots of time to travel. Because I was saving a ton of money (I paid my parents rent and helped out with other bills, but it wasn’t nearly as much as having my own place would have been) I managed to pay off all three of my and my husband’s student loans.

    And then when 9/11 happened, I wasn’t living on my own in a strange place I barely knew with no friends or family nearby. I was sleeping in my childhood bedroom and was able to grieve with many loved ones.

    My 26th year was pretty awesome. I hope yours is too!

    Happy birthday!

  53. Lynellekw responded on 03 Mar 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    I liked being 26. It was good. I didn’t mind being 30, either. 33 was pushing it a bit. This year I turned 34, and all of a sudden I feel like I’ve gone from being the Young Achiever to the ordinary boring failed-to-fulfil-her-potential adult. My mother tells me I should sing more. It’s a talent! she says. It’s sad to waste it! I tell her I have plenty of other talents that are unused and wasted, so why should singing be any different. I can’t decide whether I’m being realistic or cynical when I say that.

  54. reflections on my diminishing youth « the shannoetry blog… responded on 08 Mar 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    [...] this recent post where blogger Kate shares her trepidation/insight into turning another year older: the first white hair and the velociraptor. It amazed me that this girl – this 26-year-old girl – was experiencing so much at her [...]

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