Comments on: Yeah, so I’m a crier. You got a problem?

By: Black Women and Fat and a Photo of a Girl Wearing Someone Else’s Face | We Are the Real Deal

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 10:13:42 +0000

[...] is not totally rare that I am moved to tears, but this time it was for a good [...]

By: Cryer and a Teacher too...

Cryer and a Teacher too... — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 15:33:35 +0000

Cried at school after being bullied by students (mean, disrespectful comments) and Admin (you will have to teach the students w/behavioral issues again for the 7th straight semester, don’t let it get too you like that…)

@Kate and @Melinda
Thanks……so encouraged now to just be me – and still do my job effectively!

By: Eat the Damn Cake » you big softy

Eat the Damn Cake » you big softy — Thu, 24 May 2012 15:58:56 +0000

[...] Because softness isn’t good. It’s weakness. It’s vulnerability. It’s crying in class. It’s having no will power. It’s wimping out. It’s giving up. It’s admitting [...]

By: Eat the Damn Cake » black women and fat and a photo of a girl wearing someone else’s face

Thu, 10 May 2012 15:13:21 +0000

[...] is not totally rare that I am moved to tears, but this time it was for a good [...]

By: Suzy Marie

Suzy Marie — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:43:30 +0000

I’m new to your blog but my goodness it’s wonderful! I was linked to one of your posts and I’ve not stopped reading since (about half an hour ago). I could have commented on many of your posts, but as a fellow crier I thought I’d say hello here. I cry at all sorts of things, and I totally get what you mean about the music, and the dramatic event all at the same time, totally overwhelming haha! Worst of all, I cry when I’m angry, which often gets mistaken for softness but actually is extreme anger. I think it’s totally possible to be nice and fierce at the same time though

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:23:41 +0000

@Melinda
I’ve really been liking all these thoughtful comments from you.
You hit on two things here that really resonated with me– the idea of crying as manipulative, and the idea of crying as ugly. I wish I’d mentioned both in the post!
When I was a kid, I knew a girl who would cry to get the attention of the boy she liked. It made me furious and I felt very strongly that I would never do something like that. And I didn’t, but I couldn’t help but perceive crying as potentially manipulative (we’re given so many images of a woman’s tears definitively ending an argument or changing the course of the discussion), and that made me feel even less comfortable crying.
And I’ve also always been afraid that mine might be the “wrong” kind of crying. First of all, my nose ALWAYS runs. Always. It’s not cute or sweet. The idea that there’s a right and wrong kind of crying is ridiculous, but it’s there. I’ve definitely gotten the sense that I’m embarrassed to cry not just because it feels like revealing weakness, but also because I am bad at it. Bad at crying? What? Sigh…

By: Melinda

Melinda — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:12:36 +0000

Kate…girl, I see so much of myself in this post! I’m very sensitive too.

People have always viewed me as weak because of my sensitivity. But the truth is that yes, I’m girly. I am a woman of strength AND vulnerability. I cry. I laugh. I feel pain. And when I’m not overwhelmed by depression, I feel moments of immense joy.

I cried often as a young girl. Whether it was because I was being bullied relentlessly, or because I was being abused, or because I was moved to tears by love. I cried because it was a natural reaction to things in my environment.

But single mothers rarely allow their daughters to cry, even when they are hurt. My mother would get angry when I cried. She raised me the way boys are often raised. I wasn’t allowed to show anger or sadness. She wanted me to be “strong” but there is strength in sensitivity. She plays into the harmful myth about being a “strong Black woman” which means taking on multiple burdens/responsibilities and never letting your softer side show. Unfortunately, she suffers from high blood pressure as a result of holding her feelings in. I’ve only seen her cry a few times.

As a woman, I find that people tend to see my tears as manipulative. I’ve had to cut a few people off for that reason. I don’t cry to manipulate others or get what I want. I cry because I am an emotional person who feels things very deeply.

Sometimes I’m embarrassed when I cry, though…not only because of the perception that I’m weak/manipulative, but because I tend to “ugly-cry”, LMAO! It’s not a pretty sight.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 20:13:12 +0000

I cry at everything too!! I cry at animal adverts, songs with sad, happy or love inspired lyrics, pictures of cute stuff, beautiful paintings and photography. I cry when I’m happy or sad or angry or inspired! I cry at home and at work in cafe’s and bars! I have always been embarrassed by my crying but after reading your blog I think I to shall try and embrace it! Thanks!

By: Charise

Charise — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:09:55 +0000

Know what I don’t like? That I cry when I’m ANGRY. It does NOT help things when you are mad and trying to get your point across and the person you are angry at doesn’t take you seriously or thinks you are being manipulative because you are crying.

I’ve always felt that people who NEVER cry are the being unhealthy about emotion. Too bad that is not how much of the (atleast working/professional) world sees it that way.

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 04:07:15 +0000

@Christine
Hi! And thank you! I really appreciate this comment. Thanks for reading!