After moving back “home” and realizing and having a Surprise! pregnancy, I found myself with a one-month old that wouldn’t sleep in the dark unless we were skin-to-skin and chest-to-chest. In my quest to “fix” him I’ve discovered: that I left home for the wrong reasons, come back for the wrong reasons, had a baby for some right and some wrong reasons, stayed with his father for more wrong than right reasons, and am a SAHM by default for reasons I still don’t delve into. My point is this: all of this stems from the fact that all my life I haven’t been allowed to have “bad” emotions, and only allowed to have “good” ones when it was “appropriate.” And I’m still in a place where when I hear anyone, for any reason, say, “Get over it,” I see red and must contain a strong urge to draw blood. It’s a process, and everything you said here resonates with me. I found you when I was researching Unschooling and I stayed because lately your words are the fork that taps a crystal wine glass, and my thoughts are the notes reverberating. I enjoy a sense of melodrama.

Anyways, my boyfriend likes to say, “I’m over it,” when I’m talking about something that is frustrating me (admittedly, some of those somethings are minute issues). It drives me mad to no end, and I’m still trying to figure out how to express this to him, and why it’s driving me mad. It’s like so many parts of a whole: he’s not listening, he’s telling me my concerns or thoughts aren’t worthy of discussion, he’s calling my feelings silly, and more.

Reading this reminds me that, while I’m wrapped up in my hurt feelings, he’s trying to tell me something too, but that doesn’t negate how I’m feeling.

Convoluted? Yes. Confused? Definitely.

By the by, you reminded me that I bought a cauliflower last weekend, and I should probably do something with it!

so, i find myself hurt and misunderstood because, very often, people don’t understand the craziness of a mind in recovery from an eating disorder and a life time of depression. it’s messy and weird and hard to explain. i hear frequently things like, “just let it go” or “just stop thinking like that”. recently i experienced a total melt down post-clothes-shopping. after exploding insecurity all over my friends, i was told, “it’s just clothes.” but it’s never “just” anything.

i am tired of being made to think my problems are silly ones. i am tired of being afraid of vulnerability and, ultimately, possible rejection. communication is vital to understanding though. like you said, i need claim my space to share and own the legitimacy of my issues. i think it’s wonderful bear said something about how you were not taking his issues seriously. however, i think women back down from exploring their feelings because we’re supposed to be “perfect” in all ways. men are allowed to disagree. women are not. being overly emotional marks women as “crazy” and “unstable” instead of *human* and *normal*.

anyway, now i’m getting off topic and into gender rants so i’ll stop. thanks for clearing up my muddled thoughts, kate!

I don’t think it’s silly, though, to comment on where it’s coming from. I don’t have a problem with a man writing about this. I’m glad this particular man is writing about it so eloquently. I will never have a problem with important issues being addressed, by anyone.

But I don’t think that means we can’t also look at WHY it’s attracting so much attention, and what that might have to do with the fact that a man is writing it. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything, but the fact that it makes me a little uneasy might have something to do with the irony of a conversation about how men get to be rational and women are crazy in which we only perk up and pay attention when a man explains rationally why we shouldn’t call women crazy….It’s just a little complicated, that’s all. And it’s a little frustrating that people are so impressed when a man recognizes that women are being mistreated. But maybe I’m being too defensive. I’m sorry if I didn’t explain myself very well in my original response.

But I also don’t appreciate being called silly. And I find it a little ironic, under a post about how people dismiss other people’s perspectives.