Comments on: where are the forever friends?

By: Rose

Rose — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 01:06:50 +0000

I guess my thoughts on friendships are pretty different from most people’s, but I was always a lone wolf. The times that I’ve had large groups of friends actually felt overwhelming and uncomfortable. I felt like I was putting in too much time and effort for something that didn’t provide a very good return on investment. I would help people with this or that and they’d just take it for granted, and I also remember feeling intensely bored with having the same conversations with people and doing the same things over and over again. I like living in NYC because you can always find a way to do different things, be around very large groups, dance in a big crowd, and have lots of different conversations, but at the end of the day, keep things acquaintance-level and be by yourself or with your husband.

Some people think that women like me have an anxiety problem or a personality disorder, but that’s not true. Instead, I think that the female gender role is such that we’re conditioned to consider it abnormal if women don’t want to cultivate multiple friendships, coordinate events, get excited about attending rite of passage events like weddings and baby showers, and so on. I am looking forward to a time when it’s okay for both genders to choose whether they want to be social and friendship-oriented or lone wolf-types and focused on solitary activities.

By: Sami

Sami — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 04:24:09 +0000

I think you’re cool and I love reading your blog! I live in Tucson, but maybe we can be pen pal friends. I feel like I understand exactly where you’re coming from in a bunch of your posts. This one, the skinny girl gone soft one, etc. And I’m going to get a cat soon (my baby d’Artagnan went away with the ex’s family *super sad face*), so if there is a lull in totally awesome, super deep girlfriend talk, we could always trade cute cat pictures. What do you think?

By: Eat the Damn Cake » all of the things that are killing us and our unborn future children

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:48:03 +0000

[...] of fleas. We got into this conversation about living in New York, and she was young and cool and I wished that we could become friends but had no idea how to make that happen so I played it cool and pretended I had to get going so [...]

By: Eat the Damn Cake » being friends with other people’s moms

Eat the Damn Cake » being friends with other people’s moms — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 16:18:16 +0000

[...] again. Because you are not supposed to cry over being subtly excluded when you are twenty-six. Because at twenty-six you are supposed to have found friends who pay attention. Because at twenty-six when someone cuts you off, you have to fall quiet and smile or dive back [...]

By: Jenn

Jenn — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 04:45:03 +0000

My husband left college with some forever friends; I didn’t. I’ve always felt guilty, like I’m not a nice person. Now we’re in a new state, and I don’t have a job – I care for my 2 small kids. I’m still looking for my forever friends!

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 03 May 2012 17:43:06 +0000

I’ve been reading your archives all morning and wow, I relate to everything so much! But especially this. I don’t have any friends besides my brother and my live-in boyfriend–the women at work are good to chat with, but we don’t ever see each other outside the office, and I never made friends in college because I was also working full-time. This is a lot harder than people ever made it seem, and living in a big city without friends is nothing but lonely. But this post made me feel less alone.

By: Cathrine

Cathrine — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:25:41 +0000

OH my gosh I so relate to this too. My friends have consistently changed as I’ve gotten older, because I’ve changed too. I find any alternative suggestions strange. At the same time, I envy friends of mine who have their group – 2-3 other girls they can go to lunch with have known each other for years and can do the SATC weekly gossip session. Rather, I have a group of friends who I’ve known for years, but don’t really tell my personal stuff to, and 1-2 close friends who don’t know each otehr who i can talk to properly. It’s strange, I feel as though i’m missing out on something, and yet, if that was the type of person i was, woudln’t i make this weekly lunch date a reality? or am i overthinking this?

By: Susannah

Susannah — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 01:58:44 +0000

Oh, how this post resonated with me … I was always a bit of a loner in school; I had friends, but only a few, and we just drifted apart when we left high school. University in Australia is very different to higher education in the US, as far as I can tell (mind you, a lot of my ‘information’ comes from movies ). Most university students work at least part time and very few live on campus, so it’s a constant juggling act between dashing off to class, to work, then back to the ‘burbs at night. I made a few friends, but again … drifted apart.

I’m now on the cusp of 33, married, with a couple of kids and I can honestly say that I can count my friends on one hand. Acquaintances? Many and varied. But true friends, the ones who patiently sit and listen to me rehash the same old issue and laugh at the same old joke … they are few and far between. And literally, far between. I seem to collect a good friend in every city, like the sailors of yore … So my friends are scattered, far and wide, and usually our only contact can happen through email or phone.

I’m okay with it now. I’ve come to terms with it. I remember when it hurt me that I didn’t have a group of tight knit friends (Sex and the City has a lot to answer for!). I recall being in my late teens, housesitting alone, and the boyfriend du jour being an ass, and realising I had NO ONE to call to go the movies or to hang out with.

I’ve adapted. I like going to the movies on my own (with 2 kids … it is bliss). I have accepted that I am an intense kind of person who will only click with some people … but when we click, we click for good

By: Francesca

Francesca — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 05:43:47 +0000

This post means a lot to me. I often feel anxiety about loneliness, and the absence of intimate relationships with fellow girls. I want the support, the security, and I want the “forever friends”. I’m scared they are too hard to find. I’m sacred I will be lonely, if and when I move to a new city. I’m more worried about friends than I am about finding a lifelong partner. Thanks for writing this and making me feel like I am not the only girl who feels this way.

By: Emily

Emily — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 03:35:06 +0000

I just read your article on XOJane and checked out this site.

Unfortunately I relate to this so much. I have a few friends that I would consider close but I have no “close” girlfriends in the city and I’m pretty lousy at keeping in touch with people. My boyfriend and I were best friends for years before we started dating so it’s great to live with him and share life together but it’s hard to get by when I only usually interact with one good friend a day.

But seriously I live in New York so if anyone wants to get lunch or some drinks and whine about how much we suck at meeting people I’m down.