a wife, a husband, and a roommate

There are lots of rules about marriage. Some are big and self-explanatory, like don’t cheat, don’t keep destructive secrets, and don’t always eat the last bite of the buffalo chicken salad. That stuff is amazing, but marriage is about sharing.

It’s not about sharing your house with your friend who needs a place to stay, though.

That’s one of the smaller rules.

Along with remind your partner to call their mom and don’t constantly mix up their friends and then crack yourself up trying to sort them out.

My friend from college needed a place to stay for about a month, in between apartments. Automatically, I said she should stay with us. There’s enough space, so it felt weird not to offer. I mentioned it to Bear. “Of course,” he said. Which was what I expected. I thought it would be weird if he said no.

My friend moved in.

And then everyone else was like, “Oh my god! Are you okay with that?! What about Bear? It’s his home! He must be so upset! Are you guys okay?”

Everyone said that at the same time. They hadn’t even met my friend. Or they had, and they liked her, but they couldn’t believe that this was happening. That I’d allowed this whole other person to move into my home, while I was in it. With my husband. All of us. Together.

 

“No, no,” I kept saying. “It’s totally fine! It’s nice! She’s really nice!”

“But what about your space?” they kept saying back. “And what about…you know…You need alone time with Bear.”

Space is interesting. I need it. I like it. I like to share it, too. (Also, our bedroom has a door. It can be closed.)

I like being alone, a lot. I’m good at it. I work alone, all day long, most days. I am good at entertaining myself when I’m not working.  Until my friend moved in for a month, I actually didn’t realize how much I like being around other people. Not just hanging out and talking nonstop, but just being with someone else. Someone who isn’t Bear (I already knew I liked this with Bear, but I thought that was because he was my partner). Glancing up occasionally from whatever you’re doing to share something funny or make a comment about how annoying this guy who keeps emailing everyone on his mailing list to announce his latest accomplishment is. So annoying.

“Oh my god, that is ridiculous!” she says. And you both go back to doing your own thing.

She wasn’t always around, of course. She was at work during the day most of the time. She was gone many evenings, too. But when she was around it was fun to have someone else there.

I got the idea that this was maybe bad. Maybe Bear should be enough, all the time. Maybe I should somehow want to spend all of my free time alone with him.

(there’s nothing wrong with a good old white picket fence, after all!)

But it was fun to interact with Bear and with someone else at the same time. Sometimes a lively debate would break out. Sometimes I could listen to him without having to think of a response. I could see him a little differently- the way I see him in groups, or in public. His voice is different; more measured, a little lower. I admire him, as though from a distance. I can see him a little more clearly, more fully. He’s so ridiculously cute.

I like having another girl around. I grew up with brothers, after all. She and I try on each other’s clothes, trading constantly, effortlessly. We compliment each other’s outfits. We giggle over the boys she’s looking at on OKCupid.

A marriage is two people alone in a house. Later, if there are kids, then there are kids and parents in a house. That’s it. You can have roommates when you’re single and living in Greenpoint, and then, later, you grow up, and you really don’t want roommates anymore.

When my friend out in California started talking about group living, about communal chores and intentional communities, I thought she sounded like a huge hippie, and I thought of myself, in contrast, as a rational New Yorker (because the world can definitely be divided into these two major categories). Someone who knew how boundaries should work. Someone who knew why they were there.

I like being a loner. I like being independent.

When Bear moved in with me when we were first together, people asked me about his work hours, and I told them he got home at 8:30 or 9, and sometimes much, much later, and they did this apologetic, pitying look, and I proudly told them I didn’t mind at all. I had stuff to do. I was busy. And that was true. I never minded. I love to be with Bear, but I am never waiting around for him. I like that about myself.

So when I liked having my friend stay with us for a month, it confused me a little.

(will I never get the last bite now?)

“How’s it going?” people asked me, after a couple weeks. “How are you doing?” They waited expectantly for the horror story. The inevitable fallout.

She left a wet towel on my bed. I wished she hadn’t. But of course, it didn’t really matter. We went through all of our earrings together, and traded. I got these amazing hoops. She always turned the dishwasher on, when I forgot.

The three of us ate the dinner I’d cooked, and the two of them thought it was the best thing ever. I felt really good about myself.

And then she found an apartment, and I wondered what it’d be like after she was gone. A little lonely? Maybe. Maybe just normal. The way it’d been normal with her there.

Surprisingly normal.

Marriage has all these tiny rules. Sometimes I don’t know when I’m breaking them. Everyone else seems to have learned them better, even before they are married. And then sometimes it occurs to me that really, marriage is just as much about Bear and me as it is about itself. When I asked Bear if my friend could stay, I knew he wouldn’t say no, because when someone needs help, he will not ignore them. And neither will I. I’m proud of that. That’s the kind of person I want to be. That’s the kind of marriage I want to have.

Even if it’d turned out that having my friend around had been stressful and frustrating, I hope I would still say yes if it happened again.

Actually, I’m really looking forward to my brother staying with us for a little while. And was disappointed when Bear’s brother couldn’t.

Maybe it just turns out that I like to share.

I’m sharing my whole life with Bear, after all. And that turned out to be a great idea.

*  *  *

Good roommate experiences? Have you had them? Do you think they should end at marriage?

Unroast: Today I love the slight tan on my legs. I suffered through that sunburn, I’d better get something good!

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32 Responses to “a wife, a husband, and a roommate”

  1. Kristina responded on 31 May 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    KATE, my mother-in-law called my husband 2 days ago and said she was leaving her spouse and my husband told her to come and live with us. he didn’t ask me beforehand, and i was ok with him not asking me (after all she is his mother, and my mother too now). what do you think of them apples?? this has happened to us before and has ended with shouting and mother-in-law leaving spur of the moment on a greyhound. needless to say it should be interesting.

  2. Kristina responded on 31 May 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    p.s. i love buffalo chicken salad almost as much as i love cake.

  3. Shaba responded on 31 May 2012 at 1:41 pm #

    My husband and I are *hopefully* renting a room to an intern who will be working at my husband’s place of business for about 2 months this summer. He asked me my thoughts first, but I think he knew I’d say yes. Some people will probably think this is weird, since this kid is pretty much a stranger, but we’re stoked! What can I say, I like to share. We have two guest rooms and it’d be great to make a little extra cash.

    My parents had a roommate for the first few years of their marriage, I think it was more common twenty years ago, and I feel a strange sense of connection that we’re going to follow in their footsteps…at least for a month or two!

  4. Kate responded on 31 May 2012 at 2:01 pm #

    @Kristina
    Good luck!! That is so dramatic! I hope she’s OK. I hope everything works out.

    And buffalo chicken salad: I want it all the time.

  5. Melanie responded on 31 May 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    Most of my roommate experiences were not so great. My best roommate was a total stoner friend I met at a bar, who ended up doing the man things like taking out the trash, so I didn’t have to. It was nice. It was nice until he disappeared one month without paying the rent. I LOVE living alone.

    As for the married living rules, I’m not so much a fan of rules.

  6. Patricia responded on 31 May 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    My husband Tim and I have shared our home with friends and fmily alike on and off for our entire marriage.
    His friend Dave lived with us on and off for years while he was trying to kick a drug habit. It was a safe place for him while he was clean, and he would pack up and leave when he slipped. He has been clean for 8 years now and I never regretted being his safe harbour.
    When my husband’s best friend was killed in a car accident, his young wife moved in with us for several months as she started to put her life back together.
    We had a friend move in with us while she was struggling…she quite happily took up all the housework, which I hate…I have to say I really enjoyed having a ‘wife’ around lol
    I brought home a young man I picked up panhandling, and he ended up living with us for several weeks and working with my husband who was self employed at the time until he saved enough money to set off on his own.
    I have never regretted opening our home and sharing our family.

  7. Kate responded on 31 May 2012 at 2:10 pm #

    @Melanie
    He just disappeared?! Sheesh….

    I LOVED living alone, too. I think that’s why Bear’s hours work so well for me, actually.

  8. Kate responded on 31 May 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    @Patricia
    I think I’ve always sort of imagined my grownup home like this– welcoming, open, and casual. My parents had a lot of rules growing up, but I’d rather have less! And I love that you took so many people in, when they needed it most.

  9. Helen responded on 31 May 2012 at 2:38 pm #

    My wife and I have a roommate– who is PREGNANT, no less. She needed a safe place to stay until she had the baby. It has had its ups and downs, but I think it is weird that people think it is soooo baaaad and soooo haaard to have a roommate when you’re married.

  10. Twyla responded on 31 May 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    I am currently living alone in a one-room apartment. Two friends came to visit and ended up staying for three weeks. That’s tree people in one room; a couple and me. And I haven’t been working most days so we’re all together, almost all the time. I love it! I’m sad they’re continuing on with their travels in two days.

    Turns out, even though I love living and being alone I also love having friends to share my space with.

  11. Jessica responded on 31 May 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    My husband and I have had lots of people stay with us. My husbands parents stayed with us for a month or two while they were transitioning. That was not so fun, because we have kids and it was kind of a power struggle. Our best friends parked a bus in our driveway and stayed there with their 6 kids while they were transitioning somewhere (how’s that for hippie?). Now their son who is 20 will sometimes stay for a month or two with us at a time so that we can record music with him. It’s fun. I like having him around during the day, the kids are crazy about him, and he’s like their older brother that will wrestle them and build forts with them and stuff. We’ve also stayed with people off and on throughout our marriage. It really just depends on the people involved. Sometimes you hit it off with someone, sometimes you don’t. As long as you’re communicating with your partner the entire time, it’s fine. But if one of you starts to get tired of it or feels weird about it, then it’s time to find another solution. Pretty simple.

  12. Gracey responded on 31 May 2012 at 6:13 pm #

    Great discussion- I had the time of life last summer living with my married couple friends, and their roommate. The couple lived with this girl for five years, married for two of those, and it was a perfect arrangement. It was a little cramped by the time I came along, but it was a little like living in a family- with a mum and dad, roommate was the teen daughter and I was the crazy auntie. It was just perfect me for while my own fiancé was living abroad. I love sharing quiet time with people- not talking but just being in the same space, rather than being alone. That said, I LOVE being alone too.

    The term “roommate” confuses me, though. It’s not like you share an actual room, that would be something else entirely. In the UK we’d say “flatmate” or “housemate.” Took me a while to catch up here!

    P.S Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate (!)

  13. Gracey responded on 31 May 2012 at 6:13 pm #

    Time of *my* life. Ugh.

  14. Katherine responded on 31 May 2012 at 6:48 pm #

    I’m simultaneously nervous about group living and think it’s the best idea ever. On the one hand, humans evolved living in communities, and I think we’re more productive with many hands to help. Also fewer resources are wasted. On the other hand, I’m nearly neurotic about clutter (specifically not having it), and I haven’t ever met another person (besides my fiance) whom I wouldn’t drive crazy with my constance getting-rid-of-stuff-ness and who wouldn’t drive me crazy wither their constant keeping of stuff. On the other other hand I really want to have chickens, so if there was a commune around with good ground rules and chickens, I’d jump on it.

  15. kb responded on 31 May 2012 at 7:08 pm #

    I’ve totally been that roommate, thank you for making me feel less like a home wrecker. I stayed with married couple friends for about 3 weeks while I was interviewing for jobs(moving across the country, didn’t have my own place, and didn’t have money to get a hotel). It was awesome and fun, and I didn’t think I was horrible for their marriage.

  16. Stephanie responded on 31 May 2012 at 7:34 pm #

    My husband and I have lived with his best friend for the past year (our second year of marriage).

    We experienced a LOT of blowback from family and friends, but the decision was a financial one for us.

    We wanted to be intentional about creating community, and so being exclusive with our home kind of went against that. So far it’s been a good experience, but our relationship has had to change to adapt. We can’t bicker openly anymore!

    Love this article, btw.

  17. Sheryl responded on 31 May 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    I love living alone with Bunny. No question, I am my happiest, most comfortable most *me* self when that’s the case.

    But sometimes it isn’t the case. Like we’re moving in with my mom for a short period while we find a new apartment in the city we’re moving to. And we have no space from anyone – if we’re not with my mom we’re with his family and it gets very tiring at times.

    At the same time though, it’s cool. It’s a different situation. It pushes me to be more comfortable with less alone time, in more social situations. For people we care about, it’s easy to accept the idea of opening our home to welcome them (or accepting their hospitality when offered).

  18. morgaine responded on 31 May 2012 at 9:04 pm #

    For the last couple months of our lease, my last roommate’s boyfriend lived with us. I thought I’d hate it, as our loft barely qualifies as an apartment, but I really loved having another person around to bounce conversation off. The three of us would invite mutual friends over and we’d all sit around studying or reading or watching movies.

    I think it worked because he was always, always cognizant of the fact that it was my place first. My rules trumped his whims – e.g. no loud sex after I’m asleep – which put the ball in my court. The three of us ended up finishing the year with no fights whatsoever.

  19. June responded on 31 May 2012 at 9:10 pm #

    his struck such a chord with me. My fiance and I live with his brother, and have for about 6 months now. He moved in when he was having a rough time, and we’ve been slowly but surely getting him back on his feet. He has a girlfriend who’s over once or twice a week, has his own bedroom and bathroom, and honestly? I love having him here. He occasionally eats with us, but just as often keeps to himself. He plays video games and watches movies with us, and if we don’t want to see each other, we go to our rooms. It’s been slightly awkward a few times, but our bedrooms are on opposite sides, so we can’t really hear anything going on when he has his lady over, and wouldn’t care much if we could, anyway. I’m amazed we used to live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment by OURSELVES. It’s made me realize that my guy and I don’t need that much space to be happy. With his brother living with us, we’re not just a couple (although that’s pretty awesome by itself), we’re a FAMILY.

  20. Val responded on 31 May 2012 at 10:10 pm #

    My daughter Heidi and her husband had a fire at their home right before Thanksgiving 2010, and came to live with us for 3 months while their house was being repaired.

    It was fine. Heidi and I have lived together as adults before, so it was no big deal for us. Her husband had his corner in their room with his computer to retreat to when he needed space. (He’s not from a big family.)

    There were no unpleasant incidents, nothing. It even had plenty of fun and funny moments.

    They were able to move back into their house the week before their baby was born.

    People did the same thing you describe: to the son in law, “O.M.G. you have to live with your mother in law!?” as if I chase him down to harass and pick on.

    Or to us, “Oh, wow. How are you managing?”

    Fine. They’d frown when I said it was actually okay.

    Well, anyway, glad that month went well and you can look back on it feeling good. I can hear you defending your friend, “She’s a nice person. We enjoy having her.” LOL. love, Val

  21. Susan K responded on 01 Jun 2012 at 12:01 am #

    This is why I would LOVE to have a sister wife- a permanent roommate. People are always surprised that I’d want to choose to share my husband with someone else, but I am a secure person and I love sharing. :)

    It’s worth noting that I haven’t been raised with the idea of polygamous marriage. My friends and family think I’m crazy for wanting such a thing when I have the freedom to choose to live in a monogamous marriage.

    A marriage can be about romance, but it’s also about friendship and teamwork. Having another girl around the house to hang out and gossip with would make my life so much more interesting and fun. Humans are social creatures, after all.

    Thanks for sharing!

  22. Stephanie responded on 01 Jun 2012 at 12:20 am #

    In the first 2 years of my marriage, we had my best friend stay with us and then a casual acquaintance stay (really needed somewhere to go). We have also had family stay with us and lived with family.

    I find that it helps to have an end in mind, but try to open my home as much as I can. Good karma always seems to work– I am always finding unexpected bounties when I REALLY need them. :)

  23. Lynellekw responded on 01 Jun 2012 at 3:22 am #

    My sister used to stay with us at Christmas. It was always nice – she’s an easy houseguest. If we had been in Adelaide still when she moved there to study, she would have lived with us at least while she got herself sorted out. I’m a bit sad that we’d moved to the UK by then, but life happens. When we moved over here I thought we might house-share to save on rent – as it happens, we haven’t, and that’s OK. I think that would have been a bit of an adjustment for me. Bottom line is, it shouldn’t be that weird to share your house with other adults. It’s only a current cultural expectation that everyone has their own space. People are good at sharing to meet shared goals.

  24. Sam responded on 01 Jun 2012 at 9:31 am #

    I am a first time commenter (is that even a word?), but frequent reader of your spectacular blog. I got married the week before you did in October 2010 (we thought that 10/10/10 was too cool of a date to pass up), and my most interesting, and fun discovery in the almost two years since is that there are no hard and fast “rules” of marriage. I think what makes marriage so exquisite is that it is up to us to make the rules for ourselves. There is no such thing as the word “should” when it comes to this amazingly mysterious institution. As long as the two of you are happy with the life that you are building and the choices you make for yourselves, I say go for it; have that temporary roommate, be independent, and yes, eat the cake :)

  25. Kate responded on 01 Jun 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    @Sam
    Every time I write “commenter” those red squiggly lines appear below it and I pause for a second. But it has to be a word. So it is.

    And yes! 10/10/10! I wanted that date! I don’t think it was available at our venue. I was like, “Damn….missed it by a week! Now I’ll have such a harder time remembering my anniversary…” :-)

  26. Diana D responded on 01 Jun 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    I lived with my husband’s mom for 3 months. With our newborn. While we were selling our house in another state. Her only “rule” was I had to make dinner and have it on the table at 5:30 every evening. So interesting to get to know her on such an intimate day-to-day level and watch her interact with my husband and son.

    My younger brother moved in with us. He left his wet towels everywhere. He ate most of the food in the fridge and didn’t help around the house. He lasted 3 months, then my husband asked him to either pick up his wet towels or move out. He moved out; I haven’t heard from him in 10 years but I still send emails and Christmas cards. I miss him.

    My husband’s brother moved in with us when I went overseas on student exchange for 3 months. Our cat loved him. He was helpful; paid rent; cooked meals. I returned and thought we needed our “space” and asked him to move out. It probably would have worked out well for all of us if I had been brave enough to try the arrangement, but there was that weird factor of him being the third wheel and how would we handle that?

    So good to read things worked out for you; I still have hope the situation will present itself to me again and I’ll respond in a better and different way next time.

  27. Dana responded on 02 Jun 2012 at 9:52 am #

    Our household is one engaged couple, one not-engaged-but-four-years-together-committed couple (me and my sweetie), one single person (my brother), and two cats, all renting a 3-bedroom house together.

    Our engaged housemates have no immediate plans to move out after their wedding this fall, which is really cool, and really confusing/counterintuitive/weird to a lot of people, I think. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about relationships simply from being around another couple in their everyday lives that much. You learn a lot about relationships in general living with four other people, I guess!

    It works well for us — much better than I would have imagined if you had said to me four or five years ago, “Can you picture living in a household of five adults?” We play a lot of games together, cook good food, go dancing, talk about life — and also do a lot of things very much separately. We like to dream about living in/starting a cohousing community some day (which is different than a commune: separate, small living spaces, but shared, larger common space)!

  28. Stephanie Ivy responded on 02 Jun 2012 at 11:59 am #

    It’s such a weird thing. Like, this idea that marriage turns everyone else into casual acquaintances, with polite boundaries.

    I’m not married, but most of my friends are. I’ve spent so long being worried about intruding or being a third wheel. Even when they offer — having me over for dinner on family nights sometimes, or whatever. I like it, it’s nice because sometimes being single is lonely even if it’s not always. But it’s hard to shake the societal idea that it’s weird, that I”m putting them out somehow.

  29. Lynellekw responded on 02 Jun 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    Also, I have never eaten buffalo chicken salad. Now I feel like I’m missing out on something.

  30. Celynne responded on 04 Jun 2012 at 9:38 am #

    As a hippie, communal living has its appeals for me. I really dig a strong community built of good people. I don’t think it’s at all weird for a married couple to have a roommate, or more than one. Rent isn’t cheap, and neither is the upkeep in owning a house, so it makes financial sense to live with more people. But just being around people is nice too, ones who aren’t demanding of you in their presence.

  31. Chantal responded on 04 Jun 2012 at 10:14 am #

    my husband and I had another couple stay with us for three weeks when they were in between apartments. I loved my living room when I got it back, but it was really great to have them with us. They did dishes, we cooked together, would walk home from the metro together… I was sad when they left

  32. Velvet Wood responded on 06 Jun 2012 at 1:10 am #

    Kate,

    I’ve been married for almost twenty years now, and my husband and I have had several roommates, of various categories, over the course of our marriage. Some have been bad — some have been, in fact, awful — while others were just neutral, and some have been actually quite nice to have around. Most of the neutral experiences have been with the normal sort of roommate, the bill-splitting type that most young people end up with at one time or another. The rest were all people who needed help at the time.

    The worst, though, was one person who was a friend to both of us, who did, in fact, need help… the problem was, he didn’t actually want help; he wanted to be supported in luxury without having to make any changes to himself, or attempting to better his own circumstances, pretty much forever. At a time when we were working hard just to ensure we could afford food for our kids and my medication (I am permanently disabled, and while I won’t die without my medication, I would be in a great deal of pain, and my husband has always been adamant that this made it a necessity, even when I didn’t consider it such), our ‘friend’ was insisting on having at least a pound of meat at three meals a day (cooked for him, of course), and insisting that asking him to eat margarine instead of real butter was psychological abuse, and that he’d be happy to just fix himself a peanut butter sandwich, but the last time he tried, the dishes hadn’t been done and he was so traumatized by the though of having to use a spoon rather than a butterknife to do so that he just couldn’t face that idea again. I really _wish_ that I was making this up, but unfortunately I am not. However, even during that truly horrific experience, at no point did I feel that it was a threat to my relationship with my husband. To my sanity, yes. My marriage? Not so much.

    We eventually made it out of that situation (how is a long and sordid story, but if you find yourself morbidly fascinated, drop me an email, heh), and it would have been easy to say that we’d never, ever, do that sort of thing again, right?

    Right…. right up until a pair of very good friends of ours… friends who had basically saved my life and my son’s life, in fact, ended up facing imminent eviction because she’d been injured at work (she was an ICU heart-ward nurse, and generally worked 16-18hr days before that) and, though he’d been trying, her husband was also seriously ill (ended up needing about six surgeries before he was able to work again), and they had no place to go.

    It wasn’t even a debate. I’m not sure either of us even _asked_ the other. We just went and got them, because we _could_, and we had the room.

    We’ve since moved out of that house, and into another, larger one, and they are still with us. He’s working, now, and they buy their own food, and he helps out when he can, but his income is, frankly, negligible compared to my husband’s, and her medication costs rival my own (with insurance, mine are about $400 a month… without… well, their cost would exceed all of our bills, including our mortgage and food costs), so I rarely ask them to even chip out on the bills.

    On the other hand, they help watch my kids when I’m curled up in pain and whimpering too much to do so. She keeps my kitchen in a usable state, and stays awake after she sees him off to work at four in the morning just in case I end up sleeping through my alarm and don’t manage to get my kids up for school. He does pretty much _all_ of my shopping, with nary a complaint, and given how much pain that task causes me, that’s no small favor, I promise. I also am unable to drive, and one or the other of them ferries me around to dr.’s appointments, lab tests, or anywhere else I need. She made me go to the ER when I passed out in the shower, and while I grumble about the hospital stay it earned me, I can, when I’m being honest, admit it was necessary. She goes with me to my dr’s appointments and does my talking when I have a severe phobic attack (of doctors, hospitals, and anything medical related — another long story, and depressing as hell, I promise) and makes sure that when I need something, the doctor knows about it. As I write this, I’d be alone in the house with my kids, and no way to get any of us to a hospital in an emergency or even go get food if we ran out, for the next week that my husband is away on business, if they weren’t here, and the comfort of knowing that I’m not alone should there be an emergency is _huge_.

    Yeah, we have the occasional disagreement. People do. But we work it out, and neither I nor my husband feel that they are taking advantage of us. They have been with us for several years, and while they may one day manage to get her the surgery she’d need to be able to work again and move out, it’s not urgent, or particularly necessary. Frankly, I think the only reason my husband was at all willing to go on his work-required trip is because he knew I _wouldn’t_ be alone; he worries. And that’s all totally aside from the benefits to someone like me of having other adults around just to talk to, given that I can’t exactly go out and socialize. So, again, our roommates haven’t threatened our marriage in the least. If anything, they’ve decreased both of our stress levels enough that the rather slight cost of housing six people instead of four is well worth it.

    I love my husband dearly, but if he was the only person I saw or spoke to from day to day, I think I’d go crazy. That sort of relationship isn’t healthy, it’s a destructive sort of dependence. I’ve never been good with clingy, jealous friends or significant others (my previous relationship record, before my marriage, was three months, because of this), and no matter how much I love him, if such were expected of me, I would kill him, myself, or both of us in under a year, I’m sure.

    Anyway, I’m glad you had such a nice experience with your friend staying with you, and that your husband was supportive of your decision, regardless of your friends’ expectations, and it’s nice to know that there are still other people out there to who are willing to help a friend out when they need it without feeling threatened by it. The world needs people like that.

    Best wishes to you,

    Velvet