Comments on: you are probably not a good enough feminist

By: Kasey Hass

Kasey Hass — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 14:16:51 +0000

Thank you for this article! This is exactly what I’ve been marinating on for years. I know that I’m a horrible feminist – I am engaged, my partner supports us while I work at home and yes, *GASP*, I cook, and clean, and do the grocery shopping! One day I might even be a SAHM. But the thing I don’t understand is that all of that does seem fair, and feminist, of me/us. He works all day at an office, I work all day at home where the laundry just happens to live, and where dinner can be put in a oven, and where I have time to step away from my desk and do a load of dishes. I feel like since I’m not paying half of everything that my contribution will then be to take care of the other part of our living arrangement (meaning, making sure that the house will never have an audition for Hoarders). Why does that make me less of a feminist?

What I truly don’t understand, and what makes me question whether or not feminism really is what I think it is, is that feminism was born out of a time when women were forced into such narrow boxes of acceptable behavior that Houdini would have trouble finding room to wiggle out. So we’re combating that today by…telling women that they’re not “doing it right” or being “the right kind of woman” since they’re not towing the line for what feminist women “really are?” I reject that notion! Feminists are people who believe in feminism, plain and simple. I believe that women and men should be seen as equals in pay, bodily autonomy, etc. But I don’t presume to go further than that and tell women the way that they HAVE to be. Feminism is not a club that you can get kicked out of if you’re not “doing it right.” At least, the feminism that I subscribe to isn’t.

By: on femininity as liberation | color me brazen

on femininity as liberation | color me brazen — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 21:44:46 +0000

[...] commenter on one of my favorite blogs summed it up really well: Feminism means valuing the (current culturally-defined) feminine equal to the (currently [...]

By: nusu

nusu — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 08:12:25 +0000

The author’s point is that a bunch of over-privileged women use marrying well as an excuse to opt out of society and work in general. These women took spots at Yale, Harvard etc from women who intended to enter the workforce with serious aspirations. They hide behind their husband’s wealth and power and rely on nannies to do the bulk of the work of child rearing. They are a discredit to the women’s movement and our country in general. They are in a huge position of power and privilege (thank to those who fought for their rights) and instead of using it to march society and women forward, they push it backward out of laziness. Most of us who did not go to elite colleges have far fewer choices and very little influence. Our choices are important, but only to us. You can’t move society forward by default. The author makes that very clear, in her obnoxious and rambling way. I find it a little distressing that most commentators completely missed her point and focus on congratulating themselves on their own life choices instead. Sadly, this is what most articles on feminism devolve into.

By: Eat the Damn Cake » stop judging my diamond ring, I already know I’m a bad rebel

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 17:12:42 +0000

[...] And while I’m talking about my ring, I should say that I’m defensive only because people keep writing these pieces about how stupid it is to have a diamond engagement ring. How wasteful and bad and selfish and outmoded and generally super duper hugely lame. And also, you’re a bad feminist if you have one. [...]

By: Eat the Damn Cake » still really young

Eat the Damn Cake » still really young — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 17:08:01 +0000

[...] been very clear to me for a very long time that I had to make something of myself. Especially as a young woman. Because we have that chance now. We can’t just give up and become [...]

By: Kristina

Kristina — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 16:32:43 +0000

Big ups to all you ladies doing what you love. Whether it’s working from home, taking care of the kids, having no kids and travelling the world…whatever. I work a “9-5″ and it’s not what i want to do with my life but I have to pay the bills. Most days I would love to blow up my computer and go out “Jerry Maguire-style” but unfortunately I don’t have the balls yet to walk away. DO what you love ladies; everyone else who wants to judge can take a pill.

By: Allison Evans

Allison Evans — Sun, 01 Jul 2012 02:03:50 +0000

I really enjoyed this. My friend sent it to me after I published my own response to it (http://www.wisdomchildbirth.com/no-ms-wurtzel-economic-parity-is-not-the-only-feminist-value/). I am a woman like you, working from home at something that I love. It brings in some money, but my family depends on my husband’s income — for now; I hope over time to grow my business so that he can be a man of leisure! For now, our kids take up a lot of my time. That’s just where we are in our life. It won’t always be this way, but I am enjoying it while it lasts. Like you, I want to be happy!

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 22:02:36 +0000

I can kind of see where Elizabeth is coming from because I myself partly buy into the idea that job=money=power=freedom. My dad used money to control my mom and would taunt her when she threatened to leave her: “Oh yeah? You, a high school dropout, are going to leave ME? Let’s see how far that gets you. Who’s going to hire a fat, uneducated WOMAN?” (I’m sure you’ve gathered by now that my dad is a dick) Then, the next day, out of guilt (?), he would take her shopping and try to make it up to her with “things” and my mom always caved. She never believed she was strong enough to leave him and let my dad manipulate her. I saw what financial inequality* can do to a relationship, especially to women who face a severe handicap when re-entering the workplace.
Since then, I’ve made a pact to never let myself get into a position where a man could even have the *opportunity* to try that crap with me. I am admittedly militant in my desire (driven by fear) to be successful and can’t trust men to not use money at some point in the relationship against me.

*I know many will argue that it’s not financial inequality that was the problem but more my dad was an asshole. I think both are true. The problem is, I think there’s truth behind his comments. Women, particularly older ones who have to re-enter the workplace get SCREWED.

But on the flip side, like Michi said, I also know of many women who have quit the workplace because they have realized that it really is stacked against them and you have to ask yourself, is it all worth it? I find myself in limbo, not wanting to gamble my trust to a man who says he won’t use his financial power over me, but not wanting to become another cog in the machine that is notoriously rigged against women.

Ughh, sorry for the rant and a half, it’s just a really personal, touchy subject for me.

By: Lexie Kite

Lexie Kite — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 20:33:37 +0000

Kate,
This is such a beautiful post! Your sentiments mirror mine. As a PhD candidate, a feminist, and a body image activist running Beauty Redefined, I love your thoughts on feminism and just emailed your post to my boyfriend. Thank you for your articulate words and your voice in this conversation. It echoes what I’m sure many, many young women negotiating the terrain of feminism are thinking. We should probably cross-post sometime because you are awesome at what you do! Have an awesome day and thanks again!

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 19:20:40 +0000

@Olivia
So concise!
I actually started reading one of her books, after this whole discussion. It’s mostly about her being addicted to lots of drugs. It’s not Prozac Nation, though…another one…I’m forgetting the title. Anyway– she is basically just journaling about her addiction, and it feels very sad and hopeless and messed up. I’m not sure what to make of it.