Comments on: the little girl who thought she wasn’t pretty

By: The Approval of Men — Everyday Feminism

The Approval of Men — Everyday Feminism — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 21:42:22 +0000

[...] learn it just fine. We learn it so quickly and readily. We memorize it perfectly, and we remember every [...]

By: rain

rain — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:06:41 +0000

Thank you everyone for these incredible comments. I am just slowly beginning to realize how much my entire life has been affected by the teasing that I endured during elementary and middle school because I was “chubby.” I guess it is in the genes in my family that women gain weight right before they reach puberty, and I gained weight in fourth/fifth grade, and I was teased incessantly. I started to isolate myself, a behavior that continued for years. I was really interested by what Hunter said, because it raises the possibility for me that no longer striving to be the “pretty girl” or even on the “spectrum” could bring relief and let me focus on the other parts of me that are mysterious and wonderful. I also wanted to respond to annabanana and say that I was deeply touched by your words and advice and I appreciate it. I remember when I used to give advice to adults about how to treat my age group, and it always made me feel like I owned myself. Thank you for sharing.

By: Shane

Shane — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 23:27:35 +0000

The world is obsessed with body image, unfortunately so. Air brushing makes it impossible to compare with the million mags that you walk past everywhere. I see more and more comments on mens bodies these days too.

My 7 old daughter has cottoned on to the world too. Asking me lately if she is fat and needs to be on a diet??? Pretty confronting and heartbreaking. I dont know what to do….. More articles on young teen girls suiciding scares the hell out of me.

I reassure my girl that I am proud of her because she is smart, brave, hardworking at school and most of all kind….I hope this will help to get her thru….

By: Mel

Mel — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 10:52:10 +0000

It seems ridiculous, but it’s so easy to be ignorant that other women have body image issues, could ever feel as insecure as I am and they believe every little bit of fat destroys any chance to be ‘pretty’. I don’t know where it’s come from, but this year I’ve become obsessed with my weight and so determined to lose as much of it as I can. At 17, it’s frustrating that I base my self worth on my stomach, my thighs, my arms.
I’ve stopped myself eating pasta, white rice, bread, cheese, anything sugary and have recently become a vegetarian.
When I feel full, I feel guilty. When I feel full, I find myself bent over the toilet with my finger down my throat. I do exercise everyday, regardless of weather, regardless of how busy I am, there is always time for exercise. I refuse to give up until I’m thin. I wish it would disappear, I wonder why it happened to me and why I let myself get affected by this. I don’t know if it’s me trying to succumb to society’s ideal of beautiful, or a legitimate desire to be fit. All I really want to do is eat the damn cake and not feel guilty afterwards.

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 15:44:19 +0000

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t overweight. When I was a kid I’d look at pictures of myself at three or four years old when I looked like an average child and I’d ask my mother “Why didn’t I stay normal?”

By: Eat the Damn Cake » What is she thinking?! Does she know what she looks like in that?

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 15:15:29 +0000

[...] consistently provocative, thoughtful Bethany, who recently sent it to me. I’ve also published a piece of hers about a little girl who thought she was too fat, and one about being average-sized. She sometimes writes things that make me think, “Why the [...]

By: Eat the Damn Cake » the approval of men

Eat the Damn Cake » the approval of men — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 17:06:53 +0000

[...] way we use beauty. Something is wrong with the way we allow it to be taught. We learn it just fine. We learn it so quickly and readily. We memorize it perfectly, and we remember every [...]

By: Mike C.

Mike C. — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 17:24:50 +0000

I know I am not a girl but I have a story about feeling ugly growing up. I was always fat as far back as I can remember. It was always very emotional to go clothes shopping with my mother. She would always complain about how hard it was to find pants in my size, and she would get pants that were too tight on purpose. She told me many years later that her hope was that if the pants were tight and uncomfortable that it would motivate me to lose weight. It always reminded me how ugly I was because I was fat and not like the normal children. I would be uncomfortable every day because my pants were too tight. I would be embarrassed because many times the button of my pants would pop open or un-snap because they were too tight. I had to devise ways to keep that from happening. I am 42 years old now and I have never forgotten that.

By: D

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 16:45:10 +0000

The sad truth is that roughly 50% of our society – men – only value a woman if she is worthy of a romp in the sack. I very bluntly call it the F-ability factor. If Hillary Clinton says something, it’s laughable because to many men she is no longer sexually interesting to look at or desire. She doesn’t look F-able.

And many women look at an aging woman like her and cringe at the thought that a maturing and less-attractive face is inevitably in all of our futures. It’s like looking at a corpse – nobody wants to be reminded of our mortality. Aging is the same thing. I think that’s why we don’t like to see aging women, and criticize famous women for “letting themselves go”, because they are a reminder of what’s coming to us.

As a woman in my mid-40s who has been considered attractive, slim and blonde my whole life, I can now see what it feels like to be on the other side because I no longer hold one of the winning cards: I am no longer young. And if you don’t look young, you can’t be pretty. Just like the fat arms, or bellies. Just like pimples or frizzy hair. It’s a strike against you that ends the whole game.

I have good self esteem, I am accomplished, with a great marriage and family, and I am happy in my life, but I can tell you first-hand that being young and slim and attractive is more fun. You’re treated better. You’re noticed and admired.

Children know the power of beauty, and they are realizing it younger and younger now.

I don’t have an answer to add to all the excellent comments here, except for parents of boys, perhaps there is something you can do to communicate to them that girls are more than just “cute” and “pretty”. Show them that girls are to be valued and respected as people rather than as faces and bodies and blonde hair.

It’s a small thing but I don’t think it would cause any harm, and it might even make a difference in the world, in 10 or 20 years time.

By: Eat the Damn Cake » what if you’re just average?

Eat the Damn Cake » what if you’re just average? — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 15:16:01 +0000

[...] is another piece from Bethany. The woman can’t seem to stop writing fantastic stuff. She called this her [...]