why you should date online

The restaurant where I met Bear for our first date has closed. In the three years that I lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, I saw restaurants wink out like dying bulbs on every block. I saw new ones burst into the old spaces. There was a quick current, a constant cycle. Only the fantastically innovative or legendary or totally necessary remain. And ours was never that. It was always only pretty good.

But still, it seems a little sad that New York has taken away our table, by the wall in the back. And that the entryway where I stood waiting to see him for the first time is now chipped and forlorn. In the city, life moves impatiently on and on. There isn’t time or money to maintain all of these nostalgic spots. The next thing is supposed to be better.

I met Bear for the first time three years ago, this week. He was bigger in person than I’d expected. But then, I hadn’t really tried to picture him. His nose was surprisingly delicate, and upturned. It made him look boyish and vulnerable. I always notice noses. A self-conscious habit, born of worrying about mine. I always vaguely thought that I would end up with a man whose nose would dwarf mine, so that mine would finally feel feminine and fine. Sort of like my friends would sometimes say that they would only marry a guy over 6’2″. So tall! (The one who insisted on this the most vehemently has been with a man who is a good several inches shorter than her for, what? Four years now?)

Isn’t it funny how we set these little rules for ourselves? Not the kind that matter enormously if they’re broken. But still, rules. I will never wear yellow. If I don’t get a book published that means I’ll have failed at life. I won’t gain any more weight. My eventual partner has to be really musical. 

 

I thought that I would marry a man who was really musical. I have never cared about height, but I hoped for a big, proud nose. I thought he would be Jewish. I thought a lot of things. I didn’t have an explicit list. I didn’t have an explicit date for when all of these qualities needed to come together and present themselves to me in the form of my perfect future husband. I just had this sense that when I found the person I would marry, he’d, you know, have curly hair and long, tan fingers, and he’d write non-rhyming poetry.

If I had never tried online dating, I would have never met Bear. Seriously never.

He isn’t like the other people I’ve been around. And at the same time, he’s somehow so much like me that when we met, I was perfectly comfortable almost immediately. The way his humor worked. His inward-turning, self-deprecating, world-aware sensibility.

I love the internet for this. For introducing me to people I never would have met otherwise, but who are exactly the people I am drawn to.

I am not a risk-taker, I don’t think. Zip lining was one of the worst experiences of my life. I kept repeating, aloud, to myself, midair: “I am not supposed to fly! I am meant to be on the ground!”

So that tells you something.

I am not the kind of person who is even brave enough to date online. But I did it anyway, because my friend talked me into it, and because I was sad then, and because I told myself that I didn’t even have to meet anyone in person. I could just write, online, which is fine, right? It’s easy. It’s painless, maybe. And then Bear wrote to me, and he was good with words. He was funny, and he knew who Barbara Kingsolver was and he did not say anything sexual or even very flirty. Instead, he asked me good questions and also silly, light questions. Writing letters is a great way to get to know someone. By the time we met in person, I already knew him. There were no more basic questions, but we had things to say anyway.

(I love this book)

By the time I met Bear, I knew how he sounded. The softness of his voice caught me off-guard, but the words he chose were already familiar. I knew his tone. I knew something about his cadences.

There are lots of big, obvious things about Bear and I that make us sound like we don’t make any sense together. I’m the artist, he’s the businessman. I fight to define myself inside a snarl of ambition and passion– trying to make a name for myself doing things that begin at my center and squirm into every last capillary. He seems able to work and work without regard for his own happiness or even interests, in order to carve out a secure place for himself in a world he perceives as fraught with risk. I am heart, he is head.

But of course there’s more to it than that. I am plenty head, and he is the most tender, gentle, loving man I’ve come across.

And I am so thankful that I went online. That I set up my dorky, earnest, slightly sarcastic profile and dove into a sea of strangers, hoping vaguely to bump into love out there. Hoping more distinctly to feel more confident.

Three years ago, I was waiting in the entryway of a restaurant that was still thriving and loud, clutching a handful of Spanish flashcards,which I blindly flipped through, and waiting to meet a twenty-five year old boy whose voice, in writing, was just the right combination of hesitant and comfortable. I had no way of knowing that three years later, the restaurant would be gone but I would still be with him. I had no way of knowing that I would figure out in the next year that I should be a writer and not a professor. That I would have this totally new, totally different, much braver, much happier and scarier life.

I’m sort of glad the restaurant’s gone, honestly. Now we don’t have to eat there for anniversaries and stuff. I never liked the food.

You never know what will last, I guess.

But in New York, it probably won’t be the restaurant.

*   *   *

Note: I know, I know…Online dating is not an arena full of the happiest stories. I have friends who begin to despair after a while. Who come home with absurd tales about the people they’ve met. But then sometimes…like the guy who wanted my friend to pretend to be his mother. On the first date. But then sometimes it just suddenly works. Not with that guy. But with someone else you never expected.

Online dating success stories? Horror stories? Tell me!

Unroast: Today I love the way my shoulders look with their faint (very faint! sigh…) tan.

Check out the eShakti discount for ETDC readers at the bottom of this post if you’re looking for cute summer clothes!

44 Comments »

Kate on July 23rd 2012 in marriage, new york, relationships

44 Responses to “why you should date online”

  1. lik_11 responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    I met my husband online dating- 6 years ago. (6 years!?!?!) One of my friends didn’t want to date online alone, she felt like a loser, so she roped me into it. I was in the middle of a horrible break up and totally not ready to date… Honestly- I was just trying to expand my circle of acquaintances in a new town… but I met this fantastic man (after meeting several not-so-fantastic men). Although he had no idea (at the time), he helped me pick up the pieces and put myself back together. But I know that I never would have met him if it weren’t for the internet!!!
    When my single friends lament to me about the lack of men to meet, I always encourage online dating. It worked for me!!!

  2. Melanie responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    Great post! I had my ups and downs with online dating. I met my share of people who made me say, “Why are you like this? You are a horrible person” and I met my share of perfectly decent guys, who just didn’t fit. Then I met my unicorn. The one who made me say from the first time I hung out with him, “this is the one” when I NEVER do stuff like that. The one who I am totally in love with already, when I usually take a very long time to attach to people. The one who lives an hour and a half away, and I want to be with him every day, when I usually like only seeing someone once or twice a week. So I’m thankful for online dating too. I met him right when I was going to pull my profile down and take one of my many “dating breaks” ’cause I was losing hope, and I like to remain hopeful.

    My post today was about how for the first time ever I hate the distance between us. Usually I am all about my space and my me time. But I know I could have that even if he lived in the same house. So I’m waiting for the day when one of us decides to move and we’re no longer long distance. I just keep saying to him, “Well, we could date someone we kind of like that is convenient and close. Or we can be with the person we REALLY like that we only get to see once a week. I’d rather do that second thing.” It’s really hard for him. Harder than it is for me. But we’re making it work.

  3. Emily responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    I met my boyfriend two years ago (this week!) on OKCupid, after a couple years of flirting and flinging online. I was bored and lonely and just wanted someone to sleep with, but he and I clicked so immediately that I hadn’t even met him in person and I was already saying goodbye to guys I had hung onto. Our first date lasted eight hours and we met each other’s families by the fourth date. We moved in together after five months of dating (and that was into an apartment 800 miles away from all our friends and family). And now here we are!

    If it hadn’t been for online dating, we never would have met. We went to the same college for a couple years, and we liked the same things, but somehow it just never happened, and it wasn’t going to without a push. I knew immediately he was different. I was the eternally-single girl before meeting him, and then all of a sudden I had a serious boyfriend and was excited about it instead of dreading the future. Online dating can be scary and weird and there are a lot of gross people out there, but I think the overall opinion of it is changing. For all the weird stories, there are a lot of great match-ups.

  4. Nycole responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    While I tried online dating, and am not at all opposed to it, I met my man at a baseball game ( after the guy I met online and was casually dating backed out) I offered my extra tickets to 3 guys in line. They took me up on the offer. He and I didn’t even sit next to each other, but by the end of the game we talked over, around and behind the others who were in our way. He was in town for the weekend, and flew home that nite. We exchanged e-mails and wrote for 2 weeks. We told each other our life stories in those e-mails and when he finally came to visit me, it wasn’t so much a “getting-to-know-you” visit, as a solidifying that he was the same guy from those wonderful e-mails. He was, he is and we’ve been together (7+ years) ever since. We have those e-mails saved (printed, backed up on disk & cloud and in a safe deposit box) and on Valentines Day instead of exchanging random gifts, we have notebooks that we hand write each other a love letter.

  5. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:55 pm #

    @Nycole
    Love it. So maybe I should call this post “why you should email with people first”? :-)
    And oh my god, yes. We have a file with all of our old emails (I need to print them out! Great idea!) and we also write each other letters for gifts. So I automatically think you guys are a fantastic couple

  6. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    @Emily
    Amazing story. Now, when I talk about my relationship with Bear, it sounds crazy how quickly it all happened. But at the time, it was completely natural.

  7. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    @Melanie
    OK, I have to read your post now. I am so happy for you! But wish that the distanced could be shortened. Are you considering moving? Is he? Or is that impossible right now?
    I have a close friend who is in a long distance relationship that has worked really, really well. It’s never easy, but they are totally committed.

  8. Mari responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    My husband (of nearly two years) and I are a total online success story. We met on Match 4.5 years ago after each of us had only been on the site for about three weeks. He had joined to prove to a friend that online dating was pointless and I joined out of sheer boredom when grad school ended. I had gone on one or two other (fine, but not special) dates with other guys when he “winked” at me. We wrote long, elaborate pen-pal-style emails for a full week before I made the first move and asked him to dinner. I was completely smitten with him before even meeting in person, and fell in love with him hard and fast. In the end, online dating was perfect for us because we both are such strong communicators. Not to say that we’re perfect in our communication (ha!), but communication is vitally important to both of us, and those first weeks of long emails were good indicators that we’d be a nice match for how hard we’re both willing to work at our communication in a relationship.

  9. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 2:03 pm #

    @Mari and everyone
    OK, it’s sort of blowing my mind how similar these stories are to mine. I feel a lot less unique already and also really happy. This is interesting and fun!

  10. Mari responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 2:12 pm #

    @Kate. I still think we’re all kinda lucky. I joined Match at the recommendation of a friend who had been on the site for something like 3 years without significant success (and she definitely had some horror stories). I am still so grateful that my husband and I happened to be on the site at the same time.

    Speaking of luck or happenstance — my now-husband ended up living about three blocks away from me (in Boston by Fenway Park). How crazy is that? We call it *beshert* (“meant to be”). :)

  11. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    @Mari
    I agree. So vehemently. I feel incredibly lucky. I do that silly thing sometimes where I think “What if I hadn’t joined that week?” And then I call it beshert, too :-)

  12. Kate responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    Oh, and the three blocks away thing: wow. Astounding.

  13. Kimmy Sue Ruby Lou responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 2:39 pm #

    ohhhhhhh…this is definitely a “slutty goddess” question, but she’s not here so i will answer on her behalf…she had one date with a man who presented himself like a resume’…he even showed her his penis in the car. no kidding…it was part of his need to rattle off all his qualifications!

  14. Cyn responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    Aw, what a lovely post! And so nice to hear everyone else’s stories too. I met my fiance just under 5 years ago online. I’d met and was speaking to a handful of people, but something about him seemed almost too good to be true. We used to send each other essay length emails, which then turned into hour long calls. It’ll sound like such a cliche but it felt like something clicked on our first date, and the ones that followed. We met about a month before he had to move 5 hours drive away (!!) and after a few months of commuting, I upped and left London to be with him – the best decision I’ve ever made :) we get married next summer, and I couldn’t be happier. Hooray for Internet dating!

  15. BA responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 3:12 pm #

    I was on OkCupid off and on for several years, mostly meeting nice guys who I could tell right away weren’t a good fit. There were a few guys who I ended up dating for longer before deciding they weren’t a good fit. Then, last year, I was having a lot of problems staying in the foreign country I was trying to live in, and I was about to give up and head back to the US. I had been talking to a local guy on OkC for a couple months and we had set up a first date. I didn’t know whether anything would really come out of it, but since I was planning on leaving soon and otherwise wasn’t having much success on OkC at the time, I disabled my profile after we set up that date.

    Long story short, a month and a half after our first date, he came to the US with me for a couple weeks to visit my family and friends. When I could return to his country again, three and a half months after our first date, we started living together. Now it’s been just over a year, I’m going to start a master’s program in his country in the fall, and I feel incredibly lucky to have met him and to have him in my life.

    Like I said, I’d been on OkC for several years at that point, but he was pretty new to it – he says he just signed up partly because of a project studying how people use avatars on different social networks. Thank goodness for that project! Our online messages weren’t even actually that interesting, but once we actually met, we had a really good time together and spent a ton of time together [and still do!].

  16. Melanie responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    I met my husband online almost seven years ago, though not on a dating site. I had some public photo albums on Yahoo! (including some bikini pics… yeah, I would NEVER do that now! I was apparently very desperate for attention at the time…) and he stumbled across them one night when he was browsing people to chat with in his general area. I happened to be online, so we started chatting, and pretty much never stopped!

    We met in person after a couple of months, started dating immediately, got engaged and moved in together a year and a half later, then got married a year after that. We’ve now been married for just over four years. :)

    I’m glad so many of us have happy online stories!

  17. Patricia responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    Over 14 years ago, when I was in my sixties, I ran away from home to live with a man I met on the Internet! I have enjoyed saying that quite often because although I live in Vermont, I have a noticably English accent and I get asked occasionally what brought me to Vermont. Fred and I started out life together by becoming pen pals, or, more accurately email pals. This led to long phone calls and to me making a trip from MS {where I was a retired teacher } to Vermont. We lived together almost 14 years before he died in May of this year. I miss him a lot.

  18. Rapunzel responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 6:49 pm #

    My husband’s best friend was the shyest person you’d ever meet (apparently). He never dated a girl until someone (I think his mom!) signed him up for online dating and made him meet a girl.

    They’re married now with a kid. Happy story!

  19. claire responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 6:53 pm #

    Kate, yes it was beshert, and happy for all of us who are so lucky to have met your beloved husband. As they say the restaurant served it’s purpose. And now on to better places and so forth. hugs to both of you CRF

  20. Kae responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 7:00 pm #

    Yay for everyone who met their partner online!
    I haven’t done online dating for several years, but back then it was all, ‘R U a virgin’ sent by 9INCHES etc. (Although I did go out with a soulful yet incredibly boring man a few times.)
    I’m on the fence about signing up again – want to find my beshert!, but none of the daftness…

  21. Sheryl responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    I never really went the route of online dating, so no horror stories there, but I can definitely attest that you really can find your person in the place that you would least expect. (Like right next door.)

    Congratulations to you and Bear on another anniversary down!

  22. morgaine responded on 23 Jul 2012 at 11:16 pm #

    “I fight to define myself inside a snarl of ambition and passion– trying to make a name for myself doing things that begin at my center and squirm into every last capillary. He seems able to work and work without regard for his own happiness or even interests, in order to carve out a secure place for himself in a world he perceives as fraught with risk. I am heart, he is head.”

    This is the loveliest passage I’ve read in a while.

  23. Maja H responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 2:28 am #

    Next week my boyfriend and I will have been a couple for 11 years. We’re both 26/27, and met online more than 11 1/2 years ago when the Internet was still something only nerds and losers spent time on. We were 15. Meeting someone from the Internet was a surefire way to get kidnapped, or at least that was the general consensus at the time, but I ended up meeting my best-friend-boyfriend hybrid :)

    Of course there were no OkCupid or Match.com in those days, and as 15 year-olds we wouldn’t have dreamed of going there even if they had – no, we met in a good, old-fashioned IRC chat room, and proceeded to spend the next 9 months infuriating our parents with sky-high telephone bills before we met face-to-face. It is all a very cute, very future-grandchildren-appropriate story ;)

  24. Kristine responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 8:20 am #

    My boyfriend and I met on Ok Cupid two and a half years ago. Before I met him, I had a few bad dates and one flakey short term boyfriend, but nothing worse than who you would meet offline. I started looking online because I was suck of dating people in my social circle and the drama created when it didn’t work out. I really was just bored and not expecting to meet anyone, but we just clicked. This is the most amazing relationship I’ve ever had and we are both so grateful we tried online dating. Sean is the love of my life and I’m fairly certain I’ve found the person I’m spending the rest of my life with :)

  25. Lisa F responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 8:56 am #

    The internet dating world can be madness, it’s true. But I met my partner of nearly seven years through internet dating. Sometimes, it really does just work. :)

  26. Liz responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 10:09 am #

    I met a guy through Facebook when we were both living abroad. A few years later, we ended up communicating through long emails, which led to phone calls, which led to him coming to visit me for spring-break and then I visited him for Easter…. nothing came of it (he turned out to be a normal kind of douchebag), but at the time, it was wonderful and it gave me the power to become myself (which led to me getting married 5 months later to a totally different guy). I still remember him with thankfulness!

  27. Bethany responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 11:29 am #

    I’ve been an (overly) active online dater for the past three years now! I really can’t remember the last time I met someone in the “traditional” way. It just doesn’t seem to happen. Of course, when your day consists of driving to work, working, and driving home to sprawl in sweatpants…that’s logical.

    I’ve had some really creepy experiences, some humorous ones and some really great ones. Actually, I had a really great one last night! Is he “the one”? Who knows. What I do know is that I wouldn’t have met him if it weren’t for online dating and I’m thankful for online dating just for that.

    If you keep an open mind and relax, it can be really fun even if it doesn’t yield Prince Charming. I think the people who have the worst time with it are the ones who have really craxy expectations…they set themselves up for constant disappointment. I can say with a lot of confidence that your date is not going to look like Channing Tatum…that shouldn’t mean it’s a total bust.

  28. Heather responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    I met my fiancee online 3 years ago next week. We have been inseperable since our first date. Online is a wonderful way to meet people and even better that you really get a feel for who the person is before you meet. Not that people don’t lie about it or exaggerate things, but once in a while you can get lucky and find a diamond in the very very rough =) So glad you have a successful online match story!

  29. Kate responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 1:04 pm #

    @Patricia
    I am so so so so so so sorry. That’s really all I want to say, with hundreds of more so’s. But also, your story is amazing and romantic, and I love that you were willing to take the chance to make it that way.

  30. Kate responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    @Liz
    This is fantastic. I felt like I was reading a tiny novel- perfect twist. And what a good way to look at it! I want to look at all of my bad former relationships this way.

  31. Nicole responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    While I met my husband four years ago at a barbeque, less than six months later he deployed. Usually with deployments nowadays people can still have verbal contact at least once in a while, but he was on a submarine, so for four months, it was unlimited emails from me and two emails a week from him (they limit the number and the content of emails when you’re on subs). In those four months of emails, we got to know each other so much better than in the six months preceding them. He felt comfortable enough to let me see his insecurities and fears, and I shared things about my extremely abusive ex that I never would have felt comfortable sharing face to face. He proposed less than a week after he got home. And then spent the next year coming and going (he was home about 100 days that year). He’s been home for almost three years now, and we’re getting ready for him to start deploying again, and it’s scary and hard, and sad (and now I’m crying thinking about it) but knowing that we can communicate so well when we were still so new to each other, really helps make it a little easier.

  32. Mary responded on 24 Jul 2012 at 7:52 pm #

    Every guy I’d ever dated before John (the boyfriend of 2.5 years now), I’d only been with for 3-5 months before saying, “Ok, I don’t like you that much,” and moving on. I decided to try online dating because I felt I should put my back into it a bit instead of sitting around waiting for a good one.
    So I joined two different sites, and met two different guys right at the same time. And even though it went against all my instincts, and even though I thought for sure one of them would drop off the face of the earth before we actually met up, I went on two dates with each of them. After one lovely rooftop skyline dinner with John, I told him that I was also going on dates with other people. He backed off after that, which was a bit sad, but also made way for the Other Guy to get in there. I thought Other Guy was a better match for me on paper anyway, so this made it okay. Even though I felt an immediate comfortability with John that I didn’t feel with Other Guy.
    So Other Guy and I dated for four months – until I realized that he was SO BORING. Bored me to tears, and didn’t make much time to see me either. So we broke up, and I was very frustrated and tearful.
    And the entire time I kept thinking about John, until I realized that I still had his number in my phone. And my friend and I got tipsy one night and she convinced me to call him before any more time passed, and so I did.
    And he picked up, on the last ring. And as we “caught up” briefly (i.e. we established that neither of us was seeing anyone), I asked him if he’d like to meet for a drink. And a few days later, we did. He walked into the bar with a big grin on his face, and we talked for four hours.

    And I could go on and on about how great things are with him, and how he supplies the enthusiasm and I supply the follow-through, and how it’s all so awesome … but there’s only one more thing I have to say about how we met.
    I’m so grateful I got a second chance. I did something scary (going online to meet someone) and then I did a second scary thing (calling up someone out of the blue who could have every reason to not pick up). And I never thought I could be this happy. Whenever I hear “Back in my Arms Again” by the Supremes, I love the cheesiness but I also love the truth it reflects.

  33. Sara responded on 25 Jul 2012 at 9:46 am #

    My current roommate uses a dating site, and finds it helpful because he’s gay and there’s only a small gay community here. I thought I would join too, until i heard someone say they have friends who put up fake profiles to see if there are people they know on the site and make fun of them. Not the most mature, but it’s making me have second thoughts. Any advice? Im starting to think its more useful in big cities where everyone you know isnt somehow connected to someone else you know in the city

  34. Kate responded on 25 Jul 2012 at 9:54 am #

    @Sara
    I’ve definitely gotten the sense that it’s easier in big cities, but in terms of people putting up fake profiles? Wow. That’s incredibly lame, and I can’t imagine they’d be someone who you’re associating with anyway. If you’re worried about that, I’d just make sure your profile is solid and simple, just in case someone jerky like that comes across it.

  35. Cat responded on 25 Jul 2012 at 4:21 pm #

    I also met my partner of (so far) 7+ years online, but not through a dating site. We just hung out on the same internet forum on a topic both of us cared about a lot and eventually started talking in private as well. In the beginning, we wrote each other huuuuge emails several times a week, but we never even talked on the phone before meeting for the first time, nor did we send each other pictures that showed our faces. The first meeting happened about five months later, at a party in a city where none of us lived. We both had sleeping spots at a mutual friend’s house, talked through the night until 9am (thus not much use of the sleeping spots) and have been together ever since. For the first two years, we had a long-distance relationship (1.5 hours apart), and then we moved in together. And that’s still where we are today!

    Getting to know each other through writing was perfect for us, not only because it made it possible to become friends before we became lovers. I believe this is one of the reasons why this is by far the longest relationship either of us has had, why we (almost) never have these stupid fights you see in movies all the time, and why we’re generally really good at communicating with each other.

    Thank you, Internet, for letting me meet this wonderful human being!

  36. bethany actually responded on 27 Jul 2012 at 12:18 am #

    I’ve never online-dated (I met my husband in college), but one of my best friends met her husband through an online dating site. He’s completely different from what she thought of as her “type” in a hundred different ways, and she might never have given him a chance if she hadn’t met him through a dating site, but they’re perfect for each other. They’ve been married five years and have an 11-month-old daughter.

    Also, THIS:

    “I love the internet for this. For introducing me to people I never would have met otherwise, but who are exactly the people I am drawn to.”

    Most of my best, dearest friends these days–the ones who really know me and get me and can make me laugh the most easily–are people I met through the internet.

  37. Olivia responded on 10 Aug 2012 at 6:28 pm #

    I just have to say, both of the weddings I’m attending this year are the happy result of OkCupid pairings. Success happens all of the time :)

  38. Eat the Damn Cake » please stop telling me that marriage is really, really hard responded on 03 Oct 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    [...] We wrote our vows the day before. We were engaged after six months, married about a year after meeting. We said things in our vows like “you’re really hot…” Bear jokes around that I married [...]

  39. Opinion: How hard does marriage really have to be? | YNaija responded on 14 Oct 2012 at 2:33 pm #

    [...] We wrote our vows the day before. We were engaged after six months, married about a year after meeting. We said things in our vows like “you’re really hot…” My husband, Bear, [...]

  40. Kitty responded on 28 Oct 2012 at 11:59 pm #

    I always told myself I’d marry someone at least a year older than me. My husband is 2 years younger. =P

  41. Kat responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 10:50 am #

    I soooo enjoyed this article and the responses! I went through a divorce earlier this year (was with ex for 15 years) and I’m a total newcomer to internet dating. I was initially very nervous, having heard the myriad of horror stories and warnings in the media etc., though in truth many of these horror stories could and have happened to people who’ve met in bars etc.

    Anyway I’m now cautiously optimistic about a guy I’ve met online! I’m an Aussie in the UK and am planning to return to Sydney in early 2013, and as luck would have it this guy lives in Sydney (I hadn’t put that on my profile so it was quite a coincidence that he contacted me). We’ve been emailing each other for around four months now, averaging around two to three emails a week and have Skyped a few times and it really has been a fantastic experience, getting to know each other this way. I’m still a little nervous as we obviously haven’t met in person yet and won’t until at least January. I’ve checked all the “Do’s and Don’ts of online dating” and have kept an eye out for any red flags which happily have not been evident, so I have every reason to hope for at least a good friendship. Fingers crossed that there’ll be a nice story to tell. :)

  42. success with women responded on 22 Sep 2013 at 9:44 pm #

    Thanks for the good writeup. It in reality was a enjoyment
    account it. Look complex to more introduced agreeable from you!
    By the way, how can we keep up a correspondence?

  43. Eat the Damn Cake » i am twenty-eight responded on 26 Mar 2014 at 11:46 am #

    [...] That seemed well into the totally grown-up range. He’d made a reservation for our first date, even though the restaurant was not in fact very nice, and I was impressed with the casual way he gave his last name, like he was used to eating out. [...]

  44. Eat the Damn Cake » stop analyzing your single friends responded on 07 May 2014 at 9:19 am #

    [...] am an online dating success story. “Just sign up and try it for a month!” my best friend [...]