being friends with a pixie girl

Sometimes I see girls walking together, and they’re inevitably wearing the exact same shoes. Sometimes they are wearing the same shoes and the same jackets. Sometimes they mix it up a little, like the jackets are all leather, but one is brown, one is black, and the other has both brown and black on it.

So many women seem to have friends who look just like them. They all have long, straight hair. They all have the same color skin and the same color lipstick. They are all teasing their one friend for being “so tiny!” because she is one inch shorter.

I nudge Bear as we’re walking. “Shoes.”

“What?”

“Shoes!” I make a quick, emphatic head bob in the right direction.

“Okay, shoes…”

A grunt, an eye point (you know, where you point with your eyes? That’s a real gesture, distinct from the ordinary “look”). They’ve almost gone by us. And then he sees.

“Ohh…They’re wearing the same shoes!”

(once I saw four girls on the subway, all wearing a version of this boot. source)

“Yes!” I hiss, too loud. “All girls wear the same shoes!”

“Weird.” He isn’t very interested.

“It IS weird!”

But it’s not weird, really. It’s normal.

 

For my last birthday, all I wanted was a cute leather jacket from Zara. I have never owned a cute leather jacket before. I have owned many, many enormous, shiny, puffy coats that are at least two sizes too large that I picked out grudgingly at a department store sale with my coupon-carrying mother, for whom the maintenance of my warmth is a big deal. I keep these coats for a very long time, because they are always too-big, so I never grow out of them, and because it seems wasteful to buy another one, and because I am bad at shopping and it makes me very tired very quickly.

I wanted a leather jacket from Zara because a beautiful, graceful friend of mine got one and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

But I got a pink one instead of a black one like hers, because I am an individual, with principles and freewill.

She and I don’t look anything alike, by the way.

And that’s actually what I wanted to talk about. Sometimes, as a woman, you end up with a close friend who breaks all the street rules of female friendship. And it’s weird.

During various long stretches of my girlhood, the other girl I loved most was a lot taller than me. She was tough and broad-shouldered and no-nonsense. I was kinda wimpy and died of menstrual cramps every month from an unfairly young age. She got a tampon in on the first try, no prob. It took me a year and an obscene amount of olive oil, which I really hoped my mom wouldn’t ask about if she found it in my room. Of course I was smaller than this girl, I though, she was more impressive than me. She deserved her height and queenly bearing.

These days, one of my closest friends is this very petite, mischievous, famous reporter girl who comes up to just a little over my shoulder when she finally takes her six-inch heels off. She is fantastically lovely, and her hair is long and red. She looks a little bit like a character from ElfQuest, my one and only and true comic book series love. She is also charismatic and will get very solemn suddenly. She demands big answers and laughs to let you know it’s OK and likes to see how people react when they’re caught off guard. She listens very intently. She is bolder than almost everyone else.

(I know, I should be ashamed of myself for Elfquest, but I LOVED it SO much as a kid…source)

And I am not sure what I am next to her, honestly. Very large, in comparison. I experience myself as bland, when I look at her, sometimes. We don’t match. We don’t even contrast very well. I think I’d have to have ebony skin and big boobs or something, so that our juxtaposition would be the right kind of striking.

Instead, I’m the ungainly one. The lumpier, less certain one.

I am the one who isn’t pulling off the outfit nearly as well, and has clearly given up on trying. I am not the one who eyes will flick to automatically. I am the background one. Like a tree against which she can pose.

And at the same time, even as I am a tree, there is no comfort that I can take in blending in with her. There is nowhere I can hide.

I used to slouch a lot. I’d round my shoulders in and try to disappear behind the curtain of my hair. I think I learned to do this for two reasons: my big nose and my height. I am 5’5”, which isn’t incredibly tall, but when I started performing services at my synagogue when I was a teenager, I towered over the rabbi, and many of the congregants, and I was apologetic about it. I didn’t mean to be so large, so I tried to make myself smaller. I hunched.

My efforts to dampen the sharp, bold lines of my profile with masses of hair were equally unsuccessful. Once a friend and I were acting out a scene and her brother was filming us to try out his parents’ new camcorder. He played the scene back on the TV, pleased with his handiwork, and no one seemed to notice that anything was out of the ordinary. Even though from the side I was a bunch of hair with a nose sticking out of it. I looked ridiculous. But everyone had gotten used to it, I guess, and they just figured I knew.

When I cut all my hair off a couple of years ago, I stopped slouching for the first time. I stood up straight because there was nothing to hide behind. This was my face and here was my neck, right here, unavoidable, and I looked like a naked turtle when I curved forward and tried to duck inside myself.

 

(source)

Like cutting my hair off, I think having friends who look absolutely nothing like me forces me to deal with looking like myself. I can’t just get the right shoes and disappear into our similarities. Instead, the way I look is clarified. Sometimes annoyingly. Sometimes helpfully.

As my gorgeous, delicate friend and I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom, getting ready to go out, I towered over her, and our faces registered as starkly opposing. Hers: clean, tight, with sweeping cheekbones and huge, dramatic eyes. A model face that works the same from every angle. Mine, ovaled and messier, with big features, but a surprising softness in the cheeks and roundness in the quiet eyes. We looked for a moment as though we must not be from the same species. She was maybe a fairy. Or my tribe was woodworkers who had grown bigger and stronger because we had to work outside in the forest all the time. I don’t know.

“We look funny,” I said.

She laughed, understanding what I meant. When do we ever see ourselves, side by side like that?

We went out, her in her six inch heels, and had a good time. But at one point, she slipped, stepping off a curb, and instinctively, I caught her. Without any effort at all, I righted her. And for a moment, I wondered what would’ve happened if I hadn’t been there. Maybe she would have somehow caught herself and balanced. But maybe not.

Maybe I am the strong, regal one now, at least in this relationship. Now that I’ve learned to put my shoulders back.

Or maybe it just doesn’t matter whether or not we look similar. It’s so easy, as a girl, to get stuck in a cycle of comparing yourself to other girls. To wonder, sometimes so softly you barely hear yourself, if you’re hot enough or if your outfits are cool enough for every person and situation you encounter. It gets redundant quickly. It gets silly, when you catch yourself doing it.

My reporter friend is fascinating and introspective. She makes me want big answers. She keeps me quick-minded when I start to slip into conventional patterns. She is impressively non-defensive. She teaches me that I can let myself love another woman who doesn’t remind me of myself at all. That I can take that risk. 

And anyway, next to her in the mirror in the bathroom, I looked good. Nothing like her. Not comparable to her. But good, like myself.

(source)

*  *   *

Do you have a close friend who looks absolutely nothing like you?

Unroast: Today I love the way a bagel toasted with butter tastes.

P.S. Happy birthday, Rachel!!

41 Comments »

Kate on December 11th 2012 in beauty, being different, body, friendship

41 Responses to “being friends with a pixie girl”

  1. Mena responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 11:39 am #

    Never be ashamed of Elfquest!!!

    Great read as usual :)

  2. Melanie responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 11:47 am #

    I always say it is natural to compare. What we shouldn’t do is place value judgments on those comparisons. I have taller friends, shorter friends, skinnier friends, chubbier friends, funnier friends, smarter friends, more artsy friends, etc. But we all have something amazing to offer. That is what I focus on.

    And my friends and I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the same shoes. Unless they are Chuck Taylors because sometimes we go out and a few of us are in black Converse. It’s unavoidable. :)

    My best friend and I couldn’t be any different. But we both have these really bitey quick witted, often offensive, senses of humor. She sometimes makes me laugh so hard I cry and wish I would’ve thought of the joke she just said. She has long blonde perfect wavy hair, a gorgeous face, and is about 5″ shorter. I couldn’t love her any more than I do. It’s impossible.

  3. Kate responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 11:59 am #

    @Mena
    LOL!!! Yay!! Have you read it? I feel like only two other people in the world ever have…

  4. Kate responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    @Melanie
    Sometimes I want to match my friends, and I think that’s OK, too. Sometimes it’s impossible, and then, well, you move on. Your best friend sounds awesome.

  5. morgaine responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 12:11 pm #

    Most of my female friends do the no-nonsense geek-girl style: webcomic t-shirts, cargo pants, Converse. Lots of flannel. That has never been my thing. I love to dress up, and I especially love unique, absurd thrift-store pieces. For example: https://colormebrazen.wordpress.com/2012/10/22/anachronism-in-blue/ and https://colormebrazen.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/city-girls-last-stand/.

    Usually it’s the less fashion-y girls who feel like the odd ones out. My case is a weird reversal. My friends and I are all attracted to the same sorts of guys (nerdy, bookish, eccentric), and they often pass me over in favor of my friends because they assume I’m high maintenance or out of touch.

    It’s interesting: in some subcultures, tomboyishness is not only accepted but expected. Nerdy guys, almost without exception, seem to want nerdy girls interested in traditionally masculine things. There’s little room for femininity, which makes me wonder how progressive the whole thing really is. Swapping one expectation for another isn’t progress.

    (Fortunately, I’ve found a nerdy, eccentric guy who happens to love women’s fashion and actively encourages my hobby.)

  6. Amber responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 12:16 pm #

    Make that three! I loved reading Elfquest!

  7. Kate responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    @Amber
    Oh wow, this is blowing my mind!

  8. Jess responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    My best friend is 5’1″, black, and fat (her word, she owns it). I am 5’7″, Jewish, and average build. We’ve sometimes felt bad around each other (I jealous of her large breasts in high school, she jealous of my “normal” size and the shopping ability it gave me) but we’ve always looked right together. Just two funny looking gals who make each other happy :D
    Really, all people are pretty funny looking when you get down to it. Humans, man. Bodies. What the heck?

  9. Melissa responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 1:09 pm #

    I never thought about all those girls you see that all dress and look the same, I’ve seen them though! I don’t look anything like my two best friends. One is much shorter than me (and I’m only 5 foot 3). She’s very exotic looking, a stunning dark haired beauty who has no idea she’s beautiful. She’s thin but hippy. She tends to wear all black, classy clothes and is rarely without heels or makeup. My other friend is tall, naturally thin, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She’s always casual with a bit of a bohemian vibe and big dangly earrings. I always love her earrings. I have plain brown hair, sometimes dyed auburn but most of the time needing a dye to cover my grays, brown eyes, can count on one hand the times I’ve worn makeup in the last year, and am unpleasantly plump. I don’t look anything like my friends but we all have the same dry, sarcastic humor. To the world we may not look anything alike but we do look at the world in much the same way, that’s what makes us work as friends!

  10. Shannon responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 1:25 pm #

    I don’t think I’ve ever looked like my friends. I’m the short one (just shy of 5′) and have unruly curly hair. My best friend is pretty average height (5’4″ -ish) but is all legs. Honestly, her hips are at the height of my boobs. She also has pin straight blonde hair. She dresses very laid back in jeans and hoodies or goes for more trendy styles for the workplace. I love the vintage inspired look with full skirts and lots of prints. Sometimes I envy those girls that all look alike. You can pick them out, normally straight hair, same face, very sitcom feeling. They are just socially sanctioned pretty. I think I’m pretty enough and all (not that looks should matter!) but it my own unique way. Not sure if that makes sense or not.

  11. lik_11 responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 1:27 pm #

    I’m 5’11″ and love to wear platform shoes. As a big girl, and not just in height, I tend to not look anything like my friends- who are almost all athletic and tiny. Never been able to share clothes with my friends- or pull off the same styles. Luckily- I’ve never seen that as a problem. Of course I’ve compared myself, and occasionally coveted, but… mostly- I’m ok with being me.

    As for comparing ourselves- I work with a really beautiful girl (who, unfortunately, is very aware of her good looks). This morning- I heard her talking about someone else, “She’s so pretty- she made me feel ugly.” Sadly- I took serious pleasure in hearing her say that.

  12. Corinne responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 1:35 pm #

    Anytime I went out with friends, in my younger days…this is how it usually went down. Phone conversation: Me: “What are you wearing?”….then I would wear the total opposite! I find it very disconcerting when I see folks all looking the same…although I know that people who are similar are attracted..but it’s so funny.
    Kate I too point out when folks look so similar…same hats…same coats…same shoes….maybe different colors perhaps. I also am very aware of what my husband Noel wears…and try to never wear the same color..same with my daughter. My daughter, who is nine, will NOT dress herself, so I always try to make it look like she dressed herself (think punky brewster)..it drives my Mom nuts!
    Love all the comments above.

  13. Alpana Trivedi responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    Most of my friends don’t look anything like me. I’m usually the eccentric or the odd one out in a group.

  14. Alpana Trivedi responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    I’m trying to think of how I’d get along with another me—I think it would be disaster.

  15. Amy J responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    I am 5’11″ and have never really looked like any of my friends. I almost always felt like the odd one out. I did the same slouching thing, trying to blend in more and to hear what my friends were saying! I am now proud of my height and try my best to sit/stand up straight. And if I can’t hear what my friends are saying, I just ask them “what?” until they get the hint!

  16. Vera responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    The average height of an American woman is 5’5″.

  17. Ingrid responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    ElfQuest is still around! Go to Boing Boing online to see parts of The Final Quest! I have never outgrown it. :D

  18. Rachel responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:21 pm #

    When I was 17/18, I had a friend with whom I shared a common pair of shoes. And another friend with whom I shared a common skirt. But one was south-east Asian, and the other was small and blonde, and I am pure brunette Celt, so I don’t think we ever “matched”, per se.

    Other than that, the friend who looks most like me (it sounds terrible to say this, but she said it herself the first time we met and I was mistaken for her and her sister’s wedding) is an international catwalk model. She’s also a good 4-5 inches taller than me, at least 30lbs thinner, and has a better bone structure to boot, but I take what I can get. ;) #notsohumblebrag

  19. Rachel responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:27 pm #

    Generally speaking, the women I “fall for” platonically are those who are insightful, and vibrant, and emotionally effusive. Which is to say, women just like yourself.

  20. Kate responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    @Rachel
    It doesn’t sound terrible! It sounds like you’re super hot :-) And I can totally see an international model being your look-alike.

  21. Kate responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:29 pm #

    Also, I’m flattered. You never know, we might end up together!

  22. Kate responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:30 pm #

    @Ingrid
    Thanks, I will!!

  23. Katherine responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 5:26 pm #

    Yes, when my family met all my friend from University for the first time on my wedding day, they kept remarking how tall and beautiful and modelesque they all are. It’s true, I’m short, plain-looking with a terrible complexion in comparison to all my beautiful friends. Sigh. It gets me down sometimes, but I love their company so much that I am able to forget about it most of the time.

  24. Janet T responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    Decades ago, in high school all my friends were within an inch of my height (5’8″)- we were all pretty much the same size- and my wedding pics are funny- my cousin, best friend and I: blonde shoulder length hair, blue-green eyes, fair skin. We looked like triplets. These days I tend to value people for who they are, their ability to converse on numerous subjects, and especially if they make me laugh.
    My daughter and her best friend look like sisters, but I know it drives my daughter crazy if she develops a stylish flair and then her friend copies it.
    Maybe we are attracted to the familiar?- it is comfortable and what is more familiar than what we see in the mirror everyday?

    your reporter friend sounds amazing- she challenges you in all the right ways

  25. scarlet responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 8:09 pm #

    I’m 5’10″ and voluptuous, you would be the “pixie” friend next to me. I think, when one is my height, there is little choice but to be friends with women who are physically dissimilar. I haven’t thought about it much. Sometimes I do feel ungainly next to small-boned, 5’2″ friend who lacks upper-body curves, but mostly I just feel lucky to have friends at all in world where it can be so hard to find people who are truly simpatico.

    I’ve actually never had the option to select a group of friends who looks like I do. It’s weird, but, almost every single physical feature I have is extreme in some way, very much to the end of one spectrum or another. I’m very tall, very hourglass, very fair-skinned, with very dark hair, with very blue eyes, with very feminized facial features, and so on. I’m distinctive looking, and there is no option to pretend otherwise. I could never do the generic sorority girl look. I suppose being so visually unusual in appearance means that I haven’t ever had the feeling of disappearing next to a female friend. I’m always there, always noticeable, to the degree that I sometimes feel uncomfortable. To be honest, I’ve felt like I’ve sometimes been excluded from other groups of women because of my looks, because I cause them some subtle discomfort. It is a weird thing to parse.

  26. Brittany Ann responded on 11 Dec 2012 at 10:16 pm #

    My best friend since I was 11 is about 5’10″ and I am 5’3″…I’m up to her chest/shoulders and everytime we see each other (rarely because we live states apart) there’s this moment where we both laugh and remark that we forgot how tall/short the other one is. We’re both curvy, but she’s about six sizes larger. She has long blonde curls and I have frizzy brown waves that I dye red. She has large soft blue eyes that look like a sad puppy’s sometimes and I have small almond-shaped green eyes. She’s got a straight perfect nose that people would kill for and I have a pudgy nose like Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. We actually don’t even like the same things…and we don’t dress the same either. But we’ve been best friends for over 10 years now…I know at times she’s been jealous of my size and I’ve been jealous of her hair and complete physical coordination.

    I kind of like how different we look now though. It makes it more fun being with her somehow! She can pull things off that I can’t. I love it.

  27. anya responded on 12 Dec 2012 at 5:21 am #

    @morgaine. I majored in Electric Engineering and Computer Science. I had 1 pair of jeans. And with the freshman 15 , none. All i had was mom-made skirts and a denim dress. A guy asked me if i like to do a catwalk. So yeah. I bought a man’s suede jacket ( two sizes bigger) a new pair of jeans and I waited. But i realized that actually nerdy + feminine dress gets you better guys/better treatment. Unfair but true. I am maybe viewed like high-maintenance, but I’m also treated more chivalrously. You win some, you lose some

  28. Margaret responded on 12 Dec 2012 at 7:42 am #

    I love reading your posts!! Even though there is an age gap between us and we are so far apart there is a universality to everything you say. Whenever I’m reading your posts I’m smiling and finding that its ok to think what I think because apparently everyone else does as well! I always leave your posts more confident, standing a little straighter, letting my hair out, and wearing clothes that actually fit me!
    I always seem to go for friends that are the complete opposite of me, but we get along perfectly! Yin and yang, I’m tall (5’8) and not skinny in any way and my best friend is very very petite! When we are together I definelty notice the contrast but it doesn’t matter because we’re best friends! And P.S I think you husband is hot

  29. Anonyvox responded on 12 Dec 2012 at 11:21 am #

    I lovez teh Elfquest! (I promise, I’m done typing in “internet”.) Did you know Boing Boing is running a whole new section to the series on Mondays? One page per Monday, which is sort of grueling, but hey! New Elfquest! And the entire series is archived somewhere online and you can read it for free!

    Squee!

  30. Call Me Jo responded on 12 Dec 2012 at 11:52 am #

    I had a similar experience when I cut off my hair. It was always long, and super thick. Heavy. Then, after I got my PhD, I donated 20 inches and was left with a pixie cut. Since then, I actually wear feminine clothes and colors, whereas before it was black, gray, and brown pants and tops. Without the distraction of my hair I was exposed, and that was the impetus to be brave enough to wear clothes that might draw attention.

  31. Jennifer S. responded on 12 Dec 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    Oddly enough…anytime I have a close friend I get comments that they could be my sister. Granted, we have all been pretty similar in height. One girl has red hair with blue eyes and I have light brown and gold eyes.. I imagine that if you are close friends you may end up taking on enough similarities that you might look alike to some people? I just don’t know!

  32. zoe responded on 12 Dec 2012 at 5:46 pm #

    i used to hide in my hair, too! such a security blanket. a thick mess of curls nearly at low-mid-back. i recently cut it all off so now it hangs a little above my shoulders. at first i felt incredibly exposed and nervous. like, what the eff, where do i hide? what do i twirl? what can i shrink into?! within the first week i noticed though how confidently i carried myself. no more hunched shoulders! yay!

    but anyway, for sure own what you’ve got, lady! i know we’re ‘supposed’ to want to be like our ‘attractive’ friends but you never know how those exact friends are looking at you admiringly! (i’m short and envy my tall friends!) likewise, as melanie mentioned earlier in the comments, we all have something to offer. diversity is an amazing thing to have amongst friends. you learn so much, about yourself and the world.

    and why am i the only one who loves/doesn’t care when friends own similar/the same clothing items as me? wearing the same sweater to a party? hilarious. (and has happened!)

  33. Veronique responded on 13 Dec 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    I’ve been best friends with my sister from another mister since 2nd grade. There are some obvious differences between us, yet at the same time, we share a lot of common ground. She’s at least 5″8 – 5″10 model material, flat and narrow as a plank, with waist-length hair to match….Meanwhile there’s me, a head lower, preening at a proud 5″2, with unruly wavy locks which have gone through every color imagined. I think we weight about the same. She’s the quieter and more reserved of the two, whereas I’m the one constantly up to no good. I see us as the pixie and the elf. We’re both incredibly goofy and share a lot of interests….But then again, we don’t. Areas of juxtaposition cross over with areas of similarity – And I think that’s what’s keeping things interesting. I wouldnt say we look funny together, though, since we’re both really just… Small. Except I’m the petite type of small and she’s the skinny type of small. “We compliment each other”, would be the righter thing to say.

  34. Sarah responded on 17 Dec 2012 at 12:29 am #

    @ Scarlet

    apart from the hair and eyes (I have red hair and very green eyes) we sound pretty similar.

    My best friend is Indian and very very petite, its always funny clothes shopping together… we are at complete opposite ends of the size range.

  35. Lena responded on 19 Jan 2013 at 2:42 pm #

    I’m 5’11, and I live in the middle of nowhere. There are two stores in town that carry the plus-sized clothing that’s tall enough for me, and even though I’m definitely not a twig, most of what they carry is definitely intended for people far wider. I have to search as hard to find clothes here that are fitting as most girls have to search to find something fashionable – so matching clothes and style have never even been an option.

    My two best friends, one for college and one at home, are very similar – to each other. They are the exact opposite of me! They’re both very short, one being 5’2.5 (and you better add the .5, or she will correct you) with freckles all over and very red hair. The other is probably an inch taller, and she dyes her hair so often I forget the real color behind it.

    Neither of them is super stylish. They dress nicely, and for some reason both places I’ve lived love to cater to very short girls with very small feet. They have nice shoes and cute jackets, and on the rare occasion we dress up to go out they look at least normal – if not cute themselves.

    If I wanted dress shoes I would have to buy them online, or settle for something with 6′ heels – which a woman at 5’11 simply doesn’t do. Especially in the middle of nowhere where I live, and girls don’t grow to be more than 5’6. I’m forced to play the tree – wearing plain black clothes and socially acceptable but un-pretty black flipflops – while everyone else is matching and stylish.

    But neither of my friends ever judge, or seem to notice. We aren’t friends because of our fashion sense, we’re friends because we fit together for all of our differences. :) I’ve never thought having friends who matched could be ‘normal’.

  36. QuiteLight responded on 21 Jan 2013 at 12:37 pm #

    I have never had a friend who looked like me, like several other of the tall women here! I’m 5′ 10″, and a blonde, Northern European mutt, and in university, my 3 roommates were Trinidadian (1, of East Indian descent, funky style) & Chinese (2, petite, gorgeous & beautifully but differently dressed), and our “ancilliary” roommate was 5′ & redheaded. We got a kick out of it. Yes, sometimes I felt enormous (tallest was 5′ 5″), but while they’d occasionally tease me about my height, they also went out of their way to make me feel attractive, which I really didn’t then. We never had piles in common, but we got along so well we lived together for 3 years without a fight! & We’re still in touch almost 20 years later.

  37. Eat the Damn Cake » is makeup good or bad for women’s self-esteem? responded on 22 Jan 2013 at 9:02 am #

    [...] twenty-six now, and honestly, it seems a bit too late. Going out with a stylish friend the other night, she exclaimed, “I HAVE to do your makeup!” And she did, laughing. “Stop [...]

  38. Jackie responded on 09 Feb 2013 at 4:59 am #

    My sister has a friend named Sujin who I’ve been secretly jealous of, for the same reason you were pointing out how your friend seemed to look perfect. I’ve always been awkward around Sujin because of this kind of envy/girl crush feeling around her. It’s not even that I care much about my looks too, it’s just sort of a strange why should I feel so awkward just because this woman is prettier than me thing.

  39. Amanda responded on 01 Apr 2013 at 9:37 am #

    Even though my close friends and I are all different ethnicities we’re similar heights and builds (and, objectively, probably rough levels of attractiveness too). I’ve found it funny how my best friends from high school and I dressed the same back then, and now I’m at uni the same thing’s happened with different people – maybe it’s because we get inspiration for outfits and ideas about what’s appropriate from the people around us? Or perhaps mostly because it’s more comfortable to blend and it also solidifies you as a group. It’ll be interesting to see if this keeps happening

    I do have a couple of friends who look and dress very differently to me and it definitely makes me more conscious of my appearance. I’ve also been interested to notice newly coupled friends (both men and women) start dressing up more to match their stylish partner!

  40. Joyce responded on 09 Jun 2013 at 12:15 am #

    curious… I have only had one group of girlfriends that dressed alike (br00tal rockers). That was in middle school and we no longer dress alike. Everyone in all the other groups I’ve been in, before, simultaneously and after, have all had totally different styles (maybe except the nerdy/hipster tshirts we all wear on occassion).

    For example, in my high school group, there was the classily dressed one, the elegant one, the beach babe, the trendy one, the chill one and the hip one. i love them to bits because we were bfffffff. we have similar senses of humour, taste in movies, food and we share the love of travelling.

    makes me wonder if perhaps we were the rejects from all the other groups.. but we certainly kicked more ass together than any other clique.

    It’s been the same in college really, but I don’t have a ‘clique’ now…

  41. Joyce responded on 09 Jun 2013 at 12:31 am #

    I forgot to mention, lots of girls bond over shopping and if you’re shopping in the same places, you’ll probably end up looking identical.