the truth about morning sickness

I know intellectually that there is a baby in there somewhere, a very tiny one, but my brain mostly interprets the pregnancy as illness. An ongoing, relentless illness that crushes me into bed and sits on my stomach and won’t let me up except to vomit. And vomiting isn’t a relief. You think it will be, for the few minutes afterward, when your body remembers that it used to be, when you were normal-sick with a stomach bug. But this isn’t a bug, it’s an infestation. No, it’s a baby. It’s a baby.

I had to cancel everything.

The people I had to tell said, “Well, it’s good preparation for motherhood. You don’t have control!”

But I was going to use these months, I thought feebly. I have so much to do. I’m supposed to finish a book. I’m supposed to get a book deal before I have this sudden baby, so that I can feel satisfied about having done something big with my career before everything is different. The impending baby sometimes looms large, like a loss or a magical, unknowable portal that I am headed straight for. Like knowing if you keep going that way you’ll drive off the bridge, but your hands are glued to the wheel. What was I thinking? I think, on the toilet for an hour because I can’t poop, crying and humiliated even though I’m alone. But then I’m so exhausted and weak that I can’t remember my own ambition. What was it that I thought I wanted to do with my life? Why did I care?

(since I spend so much time with it these days, I kinda wish mine was nicer. source)

“Did you have morning sickness?” I ask desperately, when I talk to relatives.

“Not really! I felt good!”

And then I have nothing to say to them. I am afraid of how I will sound. Self-centered. Wimpy.

Someone said to me, “I was sick, but I didn’t focus on it. Maybe you’re focusing on it too much.”


I read that doctors used to bind suffering pregnant women to a bed and let them vomit on themselves, to teach them to stop being so melodramatic. Some women on the internet have stories where they overheard nurses saying, “She just wants attention. It’s all in her head.”

“It’s all for a good cause!” people say, and the women on the message boards are so self-sacrificing all the time, and they are always like “God has a plan!!” Which is what I keep telling myself over and over– the first part, about the good cause. But it’s confusing, because I don’t really understand what that cause is like, in person. You know, I’ve never even spent time with a baby, and I am not one of those people who is always noticing them and going limp over their cuteness. Bear is more like that. He’s always pointing out toddlers and he tells me little stories about the ones in the elevator, or his co-workers kids. He has been so excitedly dedicated to the idea of fatherhood, ever since the first few weeks. He is so wholehearted in it. It’s like he’s running down the road of my pregnancy, grinning, arms flung out. And I’m hobbling behind him, clutching my stomach and muttering something about the metallic taste in my mouth that is slowly driving me mad.

I failed the first glucose test and have been too sick to take the second one. They gave it to me early because of all the diabetes in my family, and the news, when it came, was hesitant and bad. “You might have gestational diabetes.” And then, talking to doctors, I found out that I might need to take insulin, because, apparently, failing the test so early is a bad sign and means the condition might be more severe. And then I learned that women who have gestational diabetes have a 50% chance of developing diabetes later on, too. My mother-in-law got it when she was pregnant, she is still a type 1 diabetic, from then. Before I’d even gotten an official diagnosis, a medical professional I met with was telling me about how I might have a seizure during labor, or potentially even go into a coma.

(look! they make them for girls! source)

I cried on the edge of the bed. I can’t have diabetes. There is too much diabetes in my life already. I am young! I can’t be high risk. I was scared for the kind of birth I might have to have. I was scared about a C-section. I was scared of everything.

“It’s not going to be a big deal!” my grandma said. Her friend had it, back in the day. Everything was fine. Other people knew people who’d had it. Everything was fine. It didn’t feel fine. “The only thing that matters is that your baby is healthy!” people told me, over and over.

“Yes,” I said. “That’s the only thing that matters. Of course!”

I understand more about the way womanhood works in the world, from this. It’s not just a cliché, women really are always supposed to be thinking of someone else. I try to think about my baby in the shower. I put my hands over my belly. I imagine that it’s a boy for some reason. I try to picture him. What will he be like? Will he have my big nose or Bear’s sweet, little one? Will he…I am not creative, I don’t even know what to ask about him. I read that you should think about your baby for five minutes every day. I can’t remember why, but it’s healthy. My mind wanders. BABY, I remind myself. I want to meet him. I am so curious. Sometimes I hold him in my mind for a second like something fragile and shimmering and delicious and far away. But I don’t know what else I feel, except for sick.

I feel guilty. There’s that. I should suck this sickness up and push ahead with life. I have stopped eating sugar, and most carbs, just in case it’s true and I have diabetes. Instead of gaining weight, I’ve lost some. I only know because Bear bought a scale, for the pregnancy. My first scale. It has the Weight Watchers logo on it.

“We’ll eat so much damn cake on your birthday!” says my friend, and then pauses, awkward.

No more cake. The irony! Even if I pass the next test, I think I still have to do a diet. And have close monitoring. No cake.

Why am I so bad at being pregnant? Why am I not normal about it? I find myself wishing I were one of those women who just threw up in the morning and moved on. I would take that.

(pregnancy books. there are lots of them. Operating Instructions, which is in this stack, is an awesome, awesome book. But it’s a memoir, not a guide book. source)

The pregnancy books sound glib. They always say, Some women experience morning sickness symptoms,” and then they go on about how you should make sure to keep exercising. Maybe they have a note about how if you’re one of the small percentage of women who feels sick all the time, not to worry too much because in a couple months it will probably be better. It’s the “couple of months” and the “probably” that get me. At the same time, I find myself wondering about people who are sick all the time, but it won’t go away because it isn’t as simple as a pregnancy. I wonder how the hell they do it. I am amazed by them. It’s so automatic, that expectation that I should feel well, the bitterness when I don’t. That sense that the world is rushing past me– my friends are making other plans, and after just a few months, people begin to forget to check in. Of course they do! They’re busy! I’m not annoyed at them, I just feel stuck. And as I am stuck, I get the distinct sense that the other moms-to-be are triumphantly decorating the nursery.

On Facebook, people are moaning, “Oh goddddd, I’ve had the flu for FOUR DAYS….I want to die!!!”

But then last night I had a dream that I started bleeding, the consistency of the blood was graphic, and then I was sobbing so hard it filled my whole body, and I was trying to call for help, but I had no voice and couldn’t work my phone, and I was thinking, “No no no, I can’t lose this baby. I can’t I can’t.” And I was thinking that I wanted the baby to live so profoundly that it was a ferocious, animal desire. But also, I didn’t want to go through this again. I didn’t think I could. But also, I wanted that baby.

I want my baby. I think I will be a good mother. And also, I have been sick for months, and I am worn-out, drained hollow, inappropriate, bad at being pregnant. Probably like a lot of other women.

*    *    *

What have you learned, people who have been sick for an extended period of time? (Doesn’t have to be morning sickness)

Unroast: Today I love the way my hair looks when it curls because I never pay attention to it.


Kate on January 31st 2013 in being different, being sad, fear, pregnancy

113 Responses to “the truth about morning sickness”

  1. Molly responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 9:45 am #

    Chronic nausea is hard. Like, really extremely hard. But if you’re pregnant, people act like it shouldn’t be or isn’t hard, because you’re supposed to be a glowy happy pregnant woman, get with the program! (Or because, hey, MY pregnancy wasn’t so bad, and that must be because I had such a great attitude!) Those people can pretty much go drown themselves, as far as I’m concerned, while you work on being kind to yourself–as kind as you’d be to a friend who felt that awful.

    I hope you start feeling better soon. Good luck with this moment and with all the rest.

  2. Susan Kaercher responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 9:50 am #

    Oh my gosh, Kate. I’m so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with this pregnancy. I had three babies, was sick with each one. I know platitudes don’t help, and you are probably sick of hearing them, but it will get better. Are you possibly carrying twins? (have you had a sono yet?) Illness is worse with multiples due to greater hormone levels. (I’m an RN!) Are you staying hydrated? Don’t let yourself become dehydrated.
    Many moms develop gestational DM, and it resolves following the birth. Please don’t be so worried.
    I hope your illness resolves soon, and that you can settle in and enjoy being pregnant.
    It sounds like this wasn’t in your plan right now. But one of my favorite sayings is “if you want to make God laugh, tell Him you have a plan for your life!”

  3. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 9:54 am #

    Thanks for this! I was really looking forward to the glow-y part. Maybe it’ll come soon? Or maybe not, but at least I’ll have some hilarious barf stories :p

  4. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 9:58 am #

    It looks like there’s just one baby in there :-) And one with a very well shaped skull, Bear and I both agree. I think Im just a little unlucky with the hormones. I was one of those women who threw up from birth control, so I think I’m just really sensitive in an annoying way.
    The thing with me and diabetes is that I’ve had to see people I love suffering from it for my entire life. It’s like my least favorite disease and I feel like my relationship with it is very personal. I feel totally able to control it and completely up to the task of dealing with it, if I do turn out to have it, but what’s really upsetting is the high risk label and all the stuff that comes with that. I’d been hoping to have more options and once you’re high risk, it seems like there are less of them. I am still counting on having a great time as soon as I’m past the sick-all-day part of this, though!

  5. Call Me Jo responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 10:24 am #

    I hope you start feeling better soon. I was constantly nauseous for weeks, then throwing up for weeks. It would often just hit me out of nowhere (I threw up in the sink twice – making me very thankful for garbage disposals!). I tried to muscle through. I finally stopped exercising because I couldn’t take it anymore. I started napping daily. I complained a lot to my husband and tried to smile when my family teased me about it.
    Then, suddenly, it was gone. All of the crappy symptoms disappeared in a day. I can’t verbalize how freaked out I was. I was sure something was wrong. But my body had just acclimatized.
    I hope this happens for you!

  6. Also Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 10:27 am #

    Oh no, I’m sorry your pregnancy has been so uncomfortable thus far. I’ve had pregnant friends who have glowed all the way through pregnancy and others who’ve been nauseous and sick and miserable and in pain. I hate that people make you feel like you’re being ‘dramatic’ because you experience something they haven’t or can’t imagine. =(

    Also sorry about the diabetes… I can imagine that’s the absolute last pregnancy complication you ever wanted.

    I am not sure what else to say besides that I hope you feel better soon, and that you are given the space to feel exactly what you feel. But also that you get some good news to mix in with the bad news. And yes, I hope the baby’s healthy. (But your health and quality of life matter, too.)

  7. Marie responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 10:31 am #

    I hated being morning sick. And you are so obsessed over how awful you feel, and it doesn’t feel real other than you feel like crap, and you feel like a terrible person. Yup. However, you will definitely start to obsess about your baby as soon as you feel him/her kick. And it probably is a boy- I believed my mom who said you just get a feeling, and I knew my son was a boy. But I could never imagine what he would look like. Oh, and just because you aren’t interested in other people’s kids doesn’t mean you won’t be gaga over your own. I still don’t coo over babies. In fact, I’m trying to have another kid, and I think I’m terrible because I would really like another child, but I’m exhausted at the thought of having to be pregnant and then dealing with a newborn.

  8. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 10:34 am #

    I can’t WAIT to feel the baby moving!! I think that really will change everything. Sometimes I think I can feel something for a second and I freeze in place and feel suddenly thrilled.

  9. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 10:35 am #

    @Call me Jo
    I’ve heard of that happening– just waking up better one day! It sounds magical and I’m glad that happened to you and hope it happens to me soon. I promise, at that point I will be able to think and write about other things :-)

  10. Emmi responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:01 am #

    When people ask me about having a chronic illness, I refer them to The Spoon Theory (check the link I posted as my website – it’s not mine but I wasn’t sure if I could post a link in a comment)

    It’s a little different with me having Crohn’s disease, but the main premise is still the same. Mine has less to do with activity and more to do with germs. My medication suppresses my immune system, so I am susceptible to everything. Which is handy when I want to get out of going to church with my husband’s family, but a real pain when I want to go to a movie or the grocery store. Even with being super-careful, right now I have a skin infection and a cold. All from regular bacteria all over everyone all the time. This morning I had to budget half an hour to bang the mucous from my chest and let my boils drain, or else I’d be much worse off all day. One wouldn’t stop seeping so I was late to work. The glamorous life!

    I have a feeling family and friends think I’m a big wuss, because I cancel on a lot of plans, often last-minute. But if I’m feeling a tickle in my throat, I dare not go out. Last time I did, it cost me 3 months of walking pneumonia, all autumn and into the winter. I try not to complain. I opted to spend Thanksgiving at home, having 4 days off work to rest and recuperate, and got a major ration of crap from my in-laws about missing a family holiday. What do I even say to these people any more? I swear, I am really sick! I wouldn’t miss if I didn’t have to! It even sounds lame to me. I’ve tried to give up on caring what other people think, but it’s hard when it’s people you love. The rest of the world – screw ‘em – but I never know how to explain everything to friends and family without sounding completely pathetic. You might be familiar with this phenomenon ;)

    I’ve been dealing with this for years and still frequently feel like a wimp, so I can sympathize. But every person is different, and we don’t have to be superwomen. We all have our own best way to deal with unique challenges. Sure, women for millennia have been having babies, but YOU never have, so it’s a unique challenge from your perspective. And that’s fine. I have no doubt you will always do your best and forge ahead, because that is your way. I hope your hormones settle down soon!

  11. debra responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:08 am #

    Morning sickness was a misnomer for me, too. It was more like morning, noon and night sickness, with a little evening thrown in for good luck. Sometimes the continuum was from awful to wretched, and awful was a good day. Then. It. Was. Gone.

    Being pregnant was an interesting thing: dependent on me; yet, independent of me. Not something I was used to experiencing.

    My daughters are now 21 and 25, so my experiences were a while ago. But I will never forget the joy of meeting them for the first time and of seeing them grow.

    Be good to yourself, and know you are part of a continuum of women. Generations of us. xo

  12. Janet T responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:36 am #

    Kate, I think you are at a point where you just have to take things one day at a time, or maybe one hour at a time. Focus on what you can do and not so much on what you think you should do. I’m sorry you are feeling so sick, but every pregnancy is different so avoid those naysayers that tell you to buck up- it is hard to buck up when you just want to chuck up (upchuck, anyway).
    Try not to worry too far in the future about your birthing method. We took all the classes etc. and still ended up with a C-section after 13 hours of labor. He was both feet first breech, and could not be turned. The c-section was not a huge deal (ok I cried), my beautiful healthy boy was totally worth it.
    Pregnancy feels like forever, but it is really the blink of an eye. I have total faith that you can and will handle anything thrown at you (and Bear). You are strong in all the ways you need to be.

  13. Tanja responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:38 am #

    Morning sickness is my worst worst worst thing
    I also get it 24 hours a day and vomit and vomit and vomit
    I’ve learnt to be careful what I eat with regards to how it will feel coming up again, potato is so not cool to vomit up, and does meat ever digest cause I can vomit that stuff up like days after I’ve eaten it!
    And yes, here is not much sympathy to be had from anyone else. You get two camps, those who’ve never had and don’t “believe” in it…so it’s all in your head. And then you get those who think they’ve had morning sickness because they had a bit of queasiness for a week or two and they can’t understand why you can’t handle it.
    Not much helps me and I’ve tried so many things, even the meds make no difference. A few things that helped me…lying down and not moving, smelling a fresh cut lemon, smints, ice,

  14. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:40 am #

    I’ve just discovered smelling lemons!! It actually helps a little!
    I’ve also been on zofran for a while. It doesn’t make me feel better, but it helps me stop throwing up.

  15. Esme responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:45 am #

    Congratulations on the pregnancy, Kate! I am almost 27 weeks with my first (it’s a boy!) and so thought I might be able to offer some words that might be of comfort.

    I completely understand what you said about not feeling better after throwing-up, like you do normally when you’re ill. Everything about being pregnant for me has been like nothing I have experienced before – the sickness was different, the tiredness was different, the aches are different. I just can’t compare it. And the fact that I felt so PREGNANT right from the beginning was such a surprise – like you I thought that I would be able to get so much done at the beginning and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Er, no, that was not what it was like.

    I’m guessing that you’re still feeling sick, so I will promise you that you WILL feel better – honestly, this will pass. And then one day soon you’ll be sitting at your computer feeling the baby push against the desk like I am now and it will feel amazing.

    As for everyone’s comments? Yeah, they’re not going to stop anytime soon. All you can think about is how you’re feeling and how to get through the day – you absolutely should not exercise if you can’t. You know your body best and pushing yourself whilst pregnant is not a good idea. However, I will say that doing some pre-natal pilates from a DVD at home and cycling were the only parts of my day that I didn’t feel sick during the first trimester, so it might be worth a go.

    I can’t give you any advice about the diabetes I’m afraid. We had a few weeks where we were told that they thought our baby had some quite serious complications and they were so tough, so I suppose I can appreciate a little bit how you’re feeling. It will be ok, though, because, as you know, the care for diabetics is fantastic now. Best of luck.


  16. Tanja responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:48 am #

    Morning sickness is my worst worst worst thing!
    I also get it 24 hours a day and vomit and vomit and vomit.
    I’ve learnt to be careful what I eat with regards to how it will feel coming up again, potato is so not cool to vomit up, and does meat ever digest cause I can vomit that stuff up like days after I’ve eaten it?
    And yes, here is not much sympathy to be had from anyone else. Most women seem to fall into two camps, those who’ve never had and don’t “believe” in it…so it’s all in your head. And then you get those who think they’ve had morning sickness because they had a bit of queasiness for a week or two and they can’t understand why you can’t handle it, why don’t you just eat a cracker and get on with your day???
    Not much helps me and I’ve tried so many things, even the meds make no difference. A few things that have helped me…lying down and not moving at all (so much of a fun), smelling a fresh cut lemon, smints, ice, and avoiding sugar.

    I do have a game plan I am trying from some research I’ve done for the next time around though. Have a read here

    I really hope you feel better soon, it is so draining and soul destroying!

  17. Tanja responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:49 am #

    Sorry Kate, I seemed to post twice!
    Glad the lemons help a little

  18. Meg responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:01 pm #


    I’ve read you for a while now, but haven’t yet commented; wanted to let you know how much your pregnancy posts are speaking to me! I am, like you, someone who doesn’t goo and ga over children, and I have a lot of the same fears you have about getting/ being pregnant and becoming a Mother.

    While I’ve not yet gone through the process, I can empathize with how you feel and am sorry you are going through such horrible sickness. I’m not a “buck up camper!” kinda gal, I’d much rather have a friend tell me, “yeah, sucks to be you right now.” So I will say, sucks to be you right now, but… I have hope that it will get better soon, and this will be a small blip on the radar for you. Fingers crossed!

    I have a friend who tried juicing to help her morning sickness–something about getting the liquid vitamins and minerals without fiber/ sugar/ bad stuff seemed to help. Like doing a shot, but without the alcohol. :)

    I look forward to following as much of your pregnancy as you care to share during the process. And know that you’re helping someone far away get *onestepcloser* to being ready as well.

  19. Mandy responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:03 pm #

    Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time! And, I totally agree with Molly–you don’t need to measure up to anyone else’s expectations. Do your best to ignore everyone else’s “shoulds.”
    And, BTW, I think you’re amazing–I am a total wuss when it comes to nausea. I hate having to deal with it for even fifteen minutes. I can’t imagine having to deal with it for MONTHS.
    Have you thought about trying accupuncture (provided needles don’t freak you out?)
    I’m going to an energy healing class this evening. We usually close with a healing circle, and I’ll ask for healing for you and the baby–and Bear.

  20. Meghan responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:15 pm #

    OMG Kate – I am so happy you’re having a baby because I’ve been reading about you thinking about it while my first little boy is growing up. I remember feeling and thinking everything you’re writing about here.

    1) My best friend was so sick for the first three-four months, she was miserable. Oh my god it was bad. And then it stopped, like a switch, and she had a super easy pregnancy the rest of the time.

    2) That friend and me both had gestational diabetes and are both fine now. We don’t have any diabetes in our families, so I’m sure that’s a complicating factor, but doctors are very, very careful about that these days, that’s all. I was terrified, felt like such a failure, but ultimately it worked out ok. And I still snuck a few bites of cake – after I tested my blood sugar for my journal – and my little boy turned out fine.

    3) I also love how I had the exact same train of thought when I first got pregnant: realizing I didn’t have to do EVERYTHING before I had a baby and I had far more time in my life to do career-ish stuff than I would being FERTILE (hehe).

    Hang in there my dear, this is a crazy incredible thing even though it sucks balls right now!

  21. San D responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    During my 6 months of chemo for ovarian cancer (which rendered me unable to have children), I threw up every day for 6 months. I know the feeling of praying to the porcelain god to have it please stop as your body is turning itself inside out. That said, Mother Nature is wondrous and when you have your baby you will forget all of this, because if not, we, as a species would have died out eons ago.
    Here are my throw up hints: 1. Even though you may feel you don’t want to do it, keep your body filled with liquids. My husband experimented by giving me a variety of things to drink, and the only thing I managed to keep down was orange soda. 2. Get up and move. Dissolving onto the couch won’t help you NOT throw up, so moving about will at least give you a different perspective in your confinement. I would dress, go to the gym, do one round of machines, and come home exhausted, and throw up, again. Or I would go to the mall, walk one loop, then come home and throw up. I wasn’t supposed to be driving but I was getting cabin fever trapped and sick. 3. Find a food that you can keep down and eat it repeatedly. Through trial and error, we found out that hard boiled eggs would stay down. So my husband would boil a whole slew of them, draw funny faces on them, and put them in the refrigerator for me to eat all day. I would manage 1 or 2 with orange soda. 4. Eat using plastic spoons, forks and knives. It will help with the metallic taste in your mouth.
    This experience of growing a child and becoming a parent will profoundly change you. All of your past goals will seem small and meaningless in comparison. Your first and foremost goal should be the health of your baby and your health, especially with the history of diabetes running in your families.

  22. P Flooers responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:32 pm #

    I threw up all the way through two pregnancies. Not to scare you, but just to say I’ve been there. Here is what might help:
    more Sleep
    more water
    frequent small high quality low carb meals
    A Tbs of cream before bed and upon waking.

    Gestational diabetes, unlike the diabetes in your family or in Bear, is 100% diet related. Ask any midwife. You can 100% control it with diet. So, rest your mind about that.

    Throwing up gets easier, sorry to say. If it goes on long enough you’ll get used to it. It feels like having the flu, doesn’t it? Soon you’ll be able to eat, throw up, and keep eating all in the same meal. Sorry, but—that’s better in a way, right? *~*

  23. Lynn responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:46 pm #

    *hugs for Kate*

    First and foremost, I’m sorry you have been feeling so lousy, that sucks :(

    I don’t have any children of my own yet, but I’m an Aunt (honorary and biological) several times over and I was a Nanny and Daycare Teacher, so I’ve known lots of pregnant ladies and new Moms in my time. And, by osmosis and just by being there for my clients and friends when they were having children, these are some very important things I have learned:

    -Pregnancy is hard on a woman. Way, way hard. That is totally okay and normal. Everyone goes through something with their pregnancy, whether it’s nausea or joint pain or extreme fatigue or blood pressure or gestational diabetes or whatever. I don’t know one single lady who skipped through fields of daisies her entire pregnancy, and you should be expected to, either.

    -It is okay to not like being pregnant sometimes, or all the time, that doesn’t mean you don’t love or want the baby, it just means that pregnancy is hard. It’s okay to not like feeling sick, no one does. You’re not *bad* at being pregnant,you’re doing all the right things, I’m sure.

    -Every woman’s pregnancy is a little different, no one has the right to make you feel bad about what you’re going through with yours. Your feelings and experiences are your own property. You and Bear are having this child, no one else is. It’s hard to remember this in the face of the influx of everyone else’s advice and opinions, I know, but it is true.

    -For whatever it’s worth, I empathize with your fear about the gestational diabetes. I know several ladies who developed it (and some with family history), and they all made complete recoveries after the baby was born. I’m in a similar boat, but not for diabetes, for high blood pressure. My mom’s blood pressure got really high with my youngest brother and it didn’t come back down after he was born, so they had to put her on blood pressure meds, she was only in her early 30′s and she’s been on them ever since (she’s fine otherwise, totally healthy). But, because this happened to my mother, I will have to be monitored much more closely when I get pregnant, and I could be labeled high-risk, even though I’m healthy, I’m at a higher risk for preeclampsia, early onset hypertension, etc. So, in a small way, I understand how you feel.


  24. Lynn responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 12:46 pm #

    hope you feel better soon!

  25. Hillary E. responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    I was sick with both of mine- smells, sudden movements…. anything pretty much triggered it. My first pregnancy I got car sick driving my jeep, so I scheduled 15 minutes into my commute to pull over and barf in the ditch. Unfortunately, Jeep owners are kind of a bit of a clan- they like to help each other out. So I often had to explain to a well-meaning Jeeper that I was just pregnant and barfing, and they were usually like, “ok, good luck with that.” And I always hated the glowing, lovely earth mothers, because I wanted to be them but I wasn’t. I really, really hope you turn into a glowing earth mother- it looks like a lot more fun!

  26. Melanie responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    That metallic taste in the mouth drove my bananas for both my pregnancies!! I tried everything to get rid of it… and I mean everything. My best friend had morning sickness that sounded just like yours. I had terrible nausea too and it can suck out all the supposed ‘joy’ of a pregnancy. The only thing I can say is stop reading those books! they are evil!!!!
    Hope things get better for you soon.

  27. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    That’s pretty awesome about jeep drivers, though :-) I didn’t know. Now I kinda want a jeep.

  28. Liz responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:26 pm #

    Kate, I’m so sorry about how severe your ‘morning’ sickness is… my sister is pregnant right now too, and she has it BAD. She just spent the night in the ER hooked up to an IV because she can’t keep anything down and got severely dehydrated.
    I’ve been sick (this is my 12th week), but not vomiting. Just an all around shitty feeling (like, literally. I’ve had issues with constipation since I was a kid, but not like this.) and severe nausea.
    I found sniffing peppermint essential oil and lemon essential oil to help.

  29. rowdygirl responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:38 pm #

    When my sister was pregnant with my niece 16 yrs ago (geesh, so long ago) she threw up every day, for the whole pregnancy. She even called me crying one day because she was taking a bath, got sick and couldn’t get out of the tub on time, and threw up on herself. I admit it.. I laughed. Another time, the toilet seat fell and hit her on the head. I laughed again.. Sorry, but those stories are funny. :)
    I don’t say these things to discourage you, just to say this: She still says that her kids is the best thing to ever happen to her, and it was all worth it. I know.. boring and probably not at all helpful.

  30. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:39 pm #

    OK, that is kind of hilarious :p
    And not boring, totally helpful

  31. Val responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    Aww, this is terrible, and so unexpected. Why??

    I’ll bet you were feeling sorry for that poor princess who ended up in the hospital. (I did.)

    I had morning sickness too, but mine went away after a few months, and it was a total drag. Kids can smell weakness, so there they’d be, running wild and fighting while I lay on the bed.

    One night John wanted to know what was for supper and I ventured, “Apple Jacks?” He scowled, “Unh. We had that for breakfast and lunch too.”

    Times like that you do feel like a pretty big failure.

    I used to stick my head in the freezer for the cool air. That seemed to help for a little while.

    And certain colors made it worse. Why would looking at a color make anyone more nauseous? That makes no sense.

    A neighbor had it all the way through pregnancy, and she was a tall, strong woman who never was sick normally, so I don’t think this only happens to mental weaklings as some of the books etc. have suggested. That’s crap.

    (When I was a kid they blamed cramps on “poor adjustment to womanhood.” Later on they blamed prostiglandins and Ibuprofen was a miracle drug–aspirin and tylenol don’t help. I was so glad they stopped blaming us girls for imagining it.)

    (Oh! And colic! Mothers were sure their babies were in pain, but instead it was said to be because the mother was nervous. Well, duh. Who wouldn’t be nervous and strung out with a baby crying day and night? Now they give the babies prilosec. Guess it wasn’t actually mom’s nerves at all.)

    Does Zofran help you? My daughter in law took that and it allowed her to feel human again.

    Do what you gotta do to get through this and don’t apologize. And the diabetes issue? All I can say is one day at a time. Stick with that to the extent you can. It helps me manage unknowns.

    love, Val

  32. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:53 pm #

    I was hoping to hear from you!! I always love these comments of yours. I love reading about your experiences– so encouraging. Interesting about the colors!! Morning sickness seems to be full of surprises and illogical developments. Some smells make me want to immediately barf, but they’re very random and specific. Why those? I have no idea. Why does smelling lemons help? It’s all so strange. The idea of having little kids and being sick like this is terrifying! I’m so impressed with you for dealing with it. And I totally get that urge to stick your head in the freezer. I am sometimes suddenly desperate for freezing cold water.

    Zofran does help!! It is the only thing that’s gotten me through a lot of these days. It doesn’t actually make me feel “better,” but when I take it, it stops me from throwing up.

    The history of basically all “women’s issues” is rife with really horrifying sexism. Women have basically been told “it’s all in your head,” with regards to EVERYTHING. It upsets me just to think about it. It is so so important to be listened to and believed, especially when you’re going through something difficult!


  33. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:54 pm #

    Oh no!! I’m so sorry to hear about what your sister is going through!!! I hope she’s OK soon.

    And you, as well, I hope it clears up in the next couple weeks.

  34. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    You totally understand. What is WITH that taste?? It’s so weird and obnoxious! I try to eat sometimes just to distract myself from it, but it comes right back. I wish you’d figured out some trick to managing it, because I would copy it in a second

  35. melissa responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 2:07 pm #

    First, I LOOOOOOOVE your blog. All of your body image posts speak to me directly.
    I am happy for you to be pregnant and bummed for you to be sick. I’ve had friends who are as sick as you throughout their pregnancies. You are not a wimp. You are totally normal! I’ve had 4 kids and I experienced varying degrees of sickness, nothing like yours. I know I lucked out and I am grateful. But I have to say, I hated being pregnant. All 4 times. I wasn’t a glowing earth mama. I was just very uncomfortable and didn’t like it. So don’t feel bad about that either! Also, I never oohed and aahhed over babies either, not even now. But I did, and do even now, over my own 4 amazing children. And you will too with your own! Good luck! You will be a wonderful mother!

  36. Rosanne responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 2:24 pm #

    Big hugs to you, Kate. Don’t have anything constructive to add but I’m thinking of you, hoping that switch will happen soon.

  37. Annie responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 2:51 pm #

    “I was sick, but I didn’t focus on it. Maybe you’re focusing on it too much.”

    Bahahaha what-EVER. That first trimester sickness was terrible. All-encompassing. Even with the aches and trouble sleeping and limited mobility that have come with the end of the third trimester (38.5 weeks! any day now!), I would take those over the morning sickness ANY DAY.

    The only thing I can say is that in all likelihood, the sickness part will get better. Also, once you can start feeling them move, it feels much more like a pregnancy and less like a three-month-long hangover. Do whatever you’ve got to do to get through it. :) (For me, that meant falling asleep on the couch at 8pm and subsisting on toast, french fries, and smoothies for quite a while.)

  38. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 2:58 pm #

    Wow, 38.5 weeks!! Exciting!!!

    And now I want french fries.

  39. Madelyn responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 3:07 pm #

    Hi there..I am a regular reader but haven’t commented on your blog yet. So, hi! I’m Madelyn. I have one 3 year old son. Pregnancy was NO FUN. I threw up no less than 5 times a day for 5 months. Nothing helped. Then the weight of the baby cracked my tailbone, that was super fun. AND I was in the ER 6 times for bleeding. Basically pregnancy was miserable for me and it’s OK to admit it! Also, don’t be too worried about a C-section. I had one and honestly, it wasn’t bad at all. I had never had any sort of surgery before and I breezed through it and was pretty much completely pain free after 4-5 days. Hang in there! And congratulations!

  40. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 3:32 pm #

    I am, like, the MOST afraid of a C-section. It is so, so scary to me. So I’m glad to hear it was ok for you! I’ve heard so many horror stories. But then, I guess horror stories are more fun to share?

  41. Amy responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    Aw Kate! So sorry that you’re so sick.

    I remember my grandmother, and many of her peers, believing that the sicker you were the bigger, stronger and healthier the baby would be. They would actually be happy for the sickness and worried about ladies who did not get sick. I’m not sure where that thinking came from or if it is at all helpful to you. I guess it sort of goes along with the idea that your sickness is for a good cause? I kid you not I remember my aunt being very sick and my grandma being like, “Good! He’ll be a big healthy boy!” She did have a boy. And he’s never had more than a cold and is 6’4″ so…there’s that. Haha.

    Try try try not to stress too much about the diabetes. I understand it is super personal for you. I don’t know anyone who stayed diabetic after her pregnancy. Anyway, you can’t know if you will or won’t until you get there. So take care of yourself today. And tomorrow. And it will get better.

  42. Erin Lee responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 4:01 pm #

    Poor, sweet Kate. How absolutely miserable. To be honest with myself, my biggest apprehension of the process of being pregnant will be the morning sickness. I have a borderline-phobic fear of vomiting, and have not done so in a great number of years. I’m going to hope that I’ll get lucky and just skip the AM sickness like my mom did.
    My mom had gestational diabetes with my older sister. She only weighs 105 pounds wet, but if she gained 15 pounds she’d be full-blown diabetic. Yet all of her four kids – including me and my twin – came out fine. My friend, D, had troubles with her boy, too – he wouldn’t gain weight like he was supposed to. He’s a healthy 2 year old now.
    I know, as much as all these other stories have happy endings – every situation is different. We’re keeping you in our thoughts!! Hope you feel better soon. ((hugs))

  43. teegan responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:10 pm #

    hardcore morning sickness and gestational diabetes are real, scary, awful things, but the first is (hopefully?!?) on its way out and the second is unconfirmed. i know you’ve heard this and will hear this, but it never hurts: don’t let anyone tell you how to feel about pregnancy/mothering. you can hate it. you can love it. it can make you sick with worry. it can make you sick to your stomach (someone told me you’re more likely to be sick with a girl than a boy, but who knows?). don’t be afraid to feel how you feel, and don’t be afraid to not like it.
    and while i was/am super-psyched about motherhood, i was never one of those people who would walk up to someone just so i could meet and talk about their baby. i still am pretty picky about the other moms i want to talk to. many moms don’t like all kids (because all of those people we don’t like in the world have kids, not just the ones we do like), but we all love our own kids, and that’s what matters.

  44. Kate responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    Thank you so so much for this. And I am officially obsessed with your blog(s). You write so beautifully, and I sometimes find myself wishing I could just move into your adorable house and stay there. Maybe I’d even learn how to quilt or something.

  45. Rapunzel responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    Ditto everything that Erin Lee said (I’m the twin).
    We’re rooting for you Kate!
    Do you have “hyperemesis gravidarum” like Kate Middleton?

  46. Jenn responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:49 pm #

    The hardest thing about pregnancy and motherhood is all the advice. So many people speak without thinking, and when it’s about your kid or your body, it’s so much more offensive. I found that the troubles of pregnancy cause you to pour and pour and pour yourself out for your child. It sounds (and is) exhausting, but it’s also the most rewarding and purposeful thing you will ever do. I am eager to read more about your experiences, because not enough great minds speak candidly about mothering!

    I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, and both of my babies are healthy. It SUCKED not eating any sweets at our baby showers, but by restricting the amount of carbs I ate restricted the number of pounds I gained (and needed to then lose) during pregnancy. That might be the only light at the end of the GD tunnel!

  47. Susan responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 5:55 pm #

    Girl! I’m so glad I read this today-was in a worm hole looking at other stuff and you popped up. It was meant to be! Get online THIS VERY SECOND and order this:

    I get motion sickness if I even look at someone on a swing. My morning sickness was all day sickness for 7 solid months.

    Horrible. Unnerving. Upsetting. Degrading. Ridiculous.

    This thing will bring you instant relief. I slept in mine. If it doesn’t work for you, I’ll buy it from you. The ones I *used* to get you could replace the batteries. I ruin them when I accidentally jump in the ocean with them on. Because, you see, I feel so NORMAL when I’m on the dive boat I forget I even ever had motion sickness in my life. Good luck. Heed my advice. It was divine intervention that I come here today.

    And PS. There IS life after children. You will still have energy, still want to have sex and still have lots of good ideas long after they leave you for another woman (or man).

  48. Aussie Fan responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 6:17 pm #

    Hi Kate

    I hear you!

    I vomited all day every day for 26 weeks. I vomited on the train on the way to work. I vomited in every public toilet between my home and the office. I vomited in my hands, in plastic bags and out windows. I was a magnificent vomiting machine. Morning sickness is a GREAT BIG LIE. It is all day sickness, one big long perpetual hangover withOUT the fun bit from the night before that led to the hangover.

    And then there’s the pooping. How hard can it be to poop? Really? I’d been pooping for years but the moment I got pregnant it’s like my bowels said “HEEEEEEEEEEY, What’s going on here? I’m cutting back on this pooping business. I’m going to leave it a good ten days between poops and then force out tennis balls sized scratchy lumps of concrete”. What the??

    By comparison the c-section was fine. Great even.

    Wishing you all the best. I’m not going to tell you the morning sickness will get better though.

  49. yasmara responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 6:22 pm #

    This gave me flashbacks to my 2 pregnancies. In both cases, I went around for the first 4 months with plastic grocery bags in my purse in case of vomit. I remember sitting on the floor of the bathroom at work unable to get up & go back to my desk. Ahhhh, the memories. I was lucky in that it pretty much stopped in the middle of the 2nd trimester (*not* at the beginning of the 2nd trimester, sadly), but I did also throw up during both births.

    As a warning (I know, it’s way too early to think about this), I felt even WORSE with my 2nd pregnancy because now not only was I pregnant & sick, but I had a job, husband, AND a toddler to worry about…it was so much harder even though I was about the same level of sick with both pregnancies.

    Be gentle with yourself – growing a baby is a hard work!

  50. Sarah responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 7:30 pm #

    I feel for you. Morning sickness is so so hard. I am a writer and I didn’t write a jot while pregnant. I was really sick until 17 weeks and then just a bit sick. I tried all sorts of things – toast brought to me before I moved a muscle in the morning, eating special foods, taking supplements and herbs to support my liver (prescribed by my naturopath), homeopathics, visualisations, yoga…. I was sure I’d get some relief and maybe some things helped a bit. But not much. It was hard for me to balance the misery of feeling so nauseous with my joy at finally being pregnant (after infertility, IVF and miscarriages). Now that the little bean who was making me so sick is a toddler, it’s unrelenting joy and no misery. Morning sickness is a hard hard thing and I hope for you it passes sooner rather than later. And the good news is that I am writing lots more now than before baby and I am super efficient about it! For me, (from the easy vantage point of retrospection, it has to be said) the joy of being a mother makes every nauseated, vomiting moment of pregnancy utterly worth it. Sending you warm thoughts.

  51. DES responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 7:38 pm #

    Others have spoken well to the unmitigated unpleasantness of the morning sickness, which is such an overwhelming feeling when you’re swept up in it. Mine just slowly ebbed . . . although the “one fine day” model sounds much more appealing!
    I wanted to say, apropos of your desire to get things done, that now seems so thoroughly derailed, that you never know: I got pregnant mere minutes after finishing my Ph.D., and since in my field it is very difficult to get hired without publications, I gulped and decided I would spend the pregnancy writing. And I did, more or less, but I was far more productive at the end, when I felt better, than at the beginning. Or maybe it was the looming due date (I was familiar with deadlines!) that helped to make me focus. So it may all work out yet in a way you didn’t anticipate.

  52. Patricia responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 7:57 pm #

    I did not have the morning sickness…I did have the gestational diabtes, with all my pregnancies.

    My daughter is pregnant with her second, (due just before you) and has had a terrible time with both pregnancies and throwing up. The first one she was going to college and she threw up in a planter in front of her bus stop every morning for 7 months. I can’t even imagine!

    This my stock answer to everyone that made comments about my lack of energy/glowiness lol

    I am currently building a human being! from scratch! inside my body!…what is your excuse?!

  53. Laura responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 9:14 pm #

    I think you will be a great mom. It is normal to worry…as for morning sickness…I was hospitalized for the majority of the 1st trimester, going into the second…and on a catheter or IV. Not fun. A step away from a feeding tube. Pregnancy can truly utterly suck…and can be worse for the next pregnancy…but that baby will be worth it. Hang in there!!! Zofran was useless for me…hopefully you will feel better soon.

  54. Abby responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 9:53 pm #

    …I have a feeling that I would be a terrible pregnant lady. I get grouchy very, very easily when uncomfortable, and discomfort sounds like a staple for any pregnancy (I mean, I’m iffy about having kids anyway). I hope you feel better soon, Kate!

    I know…next to nothing about pregnancy, but I can(kind of) relate to the chronic illness thing. I’m sure there are a lot of people who have it worse than I do, but I’ve been having back problems since August. Apparently a summer job that has you on your feet all day + practicing back handspring-type moves at capoeira is not a good combination. ESPECIALLY when you try to actually do a martial art for a semester instead of actually letting it get better. I now have a herniated disc and sciatica (back-related leg pain), and not being able to do the things that I want to do(uuuugh no capoeira for 6 months) or the things that everyone else can do is driving me NUTS. I can still focus on the music aspect of the martial art, though, and I’m lucky to have a group that still wants me to be involved even when I’m a little bit broken.

    The good news is, at least it’s teaching me a lot about patience…not in the way I hoped I’d learn patience, but still. If I’m qualified to give any advice about things like this (probably not), it would be this: It is your body; it is your responsibility to remember what you can and can’t do. It is your body; you are the only one who gets to decide how you feel about it and what advice to listen to. Be patient with yourself, and forgive yourself when you can’t be patient with yourself. Because eventually, you will be able to do the things that you want. “Eventually” doesn’t help right now, but some day “eventually” WILL BE right now. And ultimately, IT IS YOUR BODY AND YOUR EXPERIENCE AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO DEFINE WHAT THOSE MEAN.(Sorry for the rambling, and I’m sorry if this is cliche or doesn’t make sense or help or anything, but I’m sure you’ve got loads of wonderful advice from other commenters.)

  55. jenna responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 11:53 pm #

    Congrats on your pregnancy. I have a feeling I won’t be reading as much of your blog anymore and I want to wish you the best, I have loved your articles!


  56. Maggie responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 1:19 am #

    I love your honesty. I was sick with both my pregnancies and barfy on birth control pills too. Ugh! I hope it goes away soon. It’s so hard to focus on growing a baby when you just feel like shit. I remember thinking what if it NEVER goes away (it did). Have you tried sea bands on your wrists? They really helped me.

    I’m not crazy about other people’s kids and had very little interest in babies but then I had my own and oh man, the earth shifted. It is a love that surpasses all understanding.

  57. Kate responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 8:30 am #

    I’m so sorry about your back! My mom has been dealing with some serious back issues (she’s also incredibly active and athletic), and it has been tough just watching her have to be in pain and adjust and cut back. But I think you’re right about the patience bit. And I appreciate your wisdom!

  58. Kate responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 8:34 am #

    thanks! Just so you know, I’m not planning on switching over to writing exclusively about pregnancy and babies, but I’m also not going to NOT write about those things, since obviously, they’re on my mind and becoming a big part of my life. So if you never want to read about them, but you like my stuff, I have a feeling my Mirror Mirror column at the Frisky will stay pretty focused on body image and my Daily Life stuff will also involve a lot of pieces that don’t have to do with, you know, reproduction. Not that you shouldn’t just move on :-) but I wanted you to know the options

  59. Lindsey Smith responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 10:45 am #

    I am a regular reader of yours, and am sixteen weeks pregnant myself, and have just begun to “get over” the insane and crippling illness I had nonstop since Thanksgiving. I still feel weak, breathless and faint many times a day, and sometimes slightly nauseated, but it is no longer lasting all day. I can completely commiserate with you on the horrible nausea though, because it lasted two and a half months. I had the exact same thoughts that you have had. I knew I wanted a baby somewhere deep inside, but it was very hard to picture that there was really a baby, and that it wasn’t just a severe illness! I have never been sick long term in my life, and now feel a painful connection and empathy for those who really are. It is very discouraging and life-sucking. I am grateful for my understanding husband who works hard in the military, and would come home every day to me having done absolutely nothing the entire day, and trip over himself to help me. I also had my amazing mom who just suffered through Breast cancer/chemo/surgeries/radiation. She more than understood my plight, and that it really does send you straight to your bed/the toilet. It is important to talk to people who really understand what is happening, because having a first pregnancy is scary and completely unknown territory (this is also my first!). Anyway, I am still waiting for that “big appetite” I am told will come back, but I hope that you begin to feel better too. I appreciate your complete honesty, because that is what women need–we do not need people’s glazing over the difficulty of these things, it gets us nowhere.

  60. Jiminy responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 11:29 am #

    How awful! How frustrating! I’m so sorry you are feeling so sick and that it’s not the fairytale they make it sound like. I have had a very mild form of morning sickness for the first trimester, both times, so I don’t have much to say in that department, except that avoiding hunger (which translated into instant nausea) helped me. I used to have a pack of rice wafers in my bag (they fill you with slow carbs and shouldn’t be a blood sugar issue) and have half of one every hour and a half or so, which stabilized things. The nausea stopped in the second trimester, which was the most fun, because, not to scare you, when the third one started life became gasping with hardly any room for my lungs and hemorrhoids the size of…***.
    I’m usually not someone who complains about physical unease, and the hormones during the pregnancy made me very emotional in a happy way, therefore the physical shit got mitigated enough in my head so as to actually enjoy being pregnant. But the reason I don’t have a picture eating cake is that I don’t have almost any pictures of being pregnant at all – my girls gave me an acne with, really, boils on my face and the earth goddess had never seemed farther away than in those 18 cumulated months. So what I mean to say here is – everyone lives their pregnancies differently, as they are different, and no one has any right to judge you for how you feel; try to make room in your feelings for the fact that they are, temporarily, not entirely representative of who you are, there is this whole layer of otherness living in you which influences what you feel (my second daughter, for instance, craved chicken, I could have sworn it wasn’t me, it was beyond any control of what I actually wanted to eat) – in other words, basically, the same way you know when Bear’s grumpiness is just the illness talking, know that much of what you are going through emotionally is also magnified by hormones; and 3, as the previous comments already said, you forget the discomfort within a couple of weeks afterwards, or at least I hope you will the way many of us have.

    I’m rooting for the `one happy morning` option so that you can see something else of the pregnancy ride than the lid of a certain bowl that might or might not hit you over the head (sorry, the image was hilarious).

  61. Shyra responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 12:30 pm #

    I’m sure you can find some sugar free cake in your borough.

  62. Anna responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 3:12 pm #

    I’m at not quite 12 weeks pregnant and my morning sickness started at around 4 weeks. It escalated to the point where any time I ate something, unless, maybe, it was plain crackers or sprite, I would be sick. It feels like it’s finally beginning to taper off, but it hasn’t stopped. Tapering off just means I’m only throwing up the contents of my stomach once or twice a day instead of three or four times a day. The medication that’s supposed to help with nausea just made me sicker. I couldn’t keep down folic acid and wondered if this meant that my baby was determined not to have a brain (hyperbole, yes, but seriously–a piece of fruit would make me vomit). People tell me, “Oh, congratulations, it’s wonderful, you’re glowing,” and I just want to say it’s the pallor from not being able to eat. I look in the mirror and I look like death. I’ve lost weight, and for the first time I’m glad to be overweight because it means that at least my body has some sort of energy source.

    I really don’t think I’m going to be one of those women who enjoy pregnancy and feel marvelous. I’m tired, I’m nauseous, and even if the nausea goes away, I’m still going to be exhausted and constipated. I’m already starting to get back aches when I stand too long or when I sit in uncomfortable chairs, and the baby’s only about 7 cm at this point. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like as it gets bigger. I kind of want to slap the chirpy mums who go on about how marvelous it is. And yes, it’s very interesting and cool that a tiny person is growing inside me, and I’m looking forward to meeting it, but at this point, I’m really anticipating labour. Labour won’t last as long as this blasted morning sickness has.

  63. Lily responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 6:01 pm #

    That sucks so hard about your morning sickness, Kate. *hugs*

    I myself have been chronically nauseous for about three years now. It starts in the morning and mostly fades away as the day progresses. It is hard dealing with a chronic illness that defines your life so many ways, but I try to work around it as much as possible. For example, I am in college now and thankfully have the option to switch to afternoon classes if I can’t make it in the morning.

    I agree with what some of the other ladies said about how difficult it can be to make people understand how you feel. I ended up losing touch with a lot of people I used to hang out with because I couldn’t be as social anymore. On the other hand, the whole situation has also strengthened friendships with those that understood the situation.

    Hope you feel better very soon, Kate! Sending you a very big hug from the Netherlands xoxo

  64. emily responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 8:39 pm #

    I have chronic pain & have for 8 years now. I think the main thing I’ve learned is to focus on what’s important; and it’s been easy to see what’s most important from all that has fallen away. So for me, that’s family.

    But truly, I am sorry you’re having so much nausea; I’ve had to deal with this, but not to this extent. I hope it abates soon & that you can find relief & joy in the rest of your pregnancy!

  65. Kim responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 8:51 pm #

    There is no such thing as being “good” or “bad” at pregnancy. Some women have it easy, some have it rough. Some think it is magical and fabulous, some just want it to end already and get to the baby part. I had a mix, but with my first, mostly I was just terrified about the fact that an actual person was coming out of me when it was over. Panic and anxiety are part of the package. Don’t let anyone try to convince you that you have to feel like a goddess every second of the day, but also don’t read too many pregnancy books because they will only make you worry more. The pregnancy part is so fast and a complete blur once the little one arrives. Hope you feel better soon!

  66. Kate responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    I really appreciate this. Well said.

  67. Kate responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 9:12 pm #

    Holy shit, that is AWFUL. I wish so much I could make that stop for you. Is there an explanation for it? Or is it one of those mysterious situations that doctors are baffled by?

  68. Alpana Trivedi responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 9:34 pm #

    Hello, Kate. First of all, here’s a hug for you: (((((((((((((((((((Kate)))))))))))))))))))))).

    I’m sorry for what you’re going through. And I really hate it when people act like they have the answers about how a pregnant woman “should” feel. In the meantime, if you need to vent about anything, e-mail me at

  69. mel responded on 01 Feb 2013 at 9:45 pm #

    my mom had gestational diabetes. She was oddly unfazed by it.

  70. Lyssa responded on 02 Feb 2013 at 2:03 am #

    Dear Kate, please treat any diagnosis of gestational diabetes with some serious skepticism! The very test itself can cause a false positive; if it’s the one where you fast and then have to drink a huge hit of foul-tasting glucose-stuff, of course your blood-sugar is going to go through the roof. A better idea is to just take your own readings at home with the little finger-prick type thingie, 1 hour after eating a regular meal and then again 2 hours after if it was high. It’s a much better way to see if you do have it, rather than relying on a couple of very artificial tests in a very stressful environment. I realise this falls into the category of unsolicited advice all women tend to accumulate when they’re pregnant, but this is really about you, not the baby! (Isn’t it an odd phrase – “the baby”? It’s like there is this One Omnipresent Baby, and now it’s in *you*! It takes on this incredibly intimidating tone…it almost echoes, y’know? Or maybe I am being weird?)

    Doctors can so easily put us into panic-mode. Remember that your body knows how to do this – yes, even with all the horrifying nausea. And for the love of all that’s holy, you don’t need to go on a restrictive diet during pregnancy – the sickness is probably restricting your intake enough as is.


  71. Jen York responded on 02 Feb 2013 at 3:41 am #

    First, congratulations on the pregnancy!

    Second, when you get a chance, check out this site

    To give some advice in dealing with long term illness I think that might help some. I have two children, each pregnancy required bed rest and have required long term medication and maintenance of ongoing health issues, and the children turned out perfect!

    You are doing the right things in taking time for you and stepping back from comitments you cannot make. There is no telling what the future of your pregnancy will be – only what the statistical liklihood will be. Best advice I can think of is hang in there, you are not alone, other mothers have been there, take care of you and in no time you will be cuddling a beautiful baby!

  72. Lily responded on 02 Feb 2013 at 10:32 am #

    @ Kate

    Aw thank you Kate, that’s so sweet! Unfortunally there hasn’t been found a reason for my illness. I have been taking all sorts of medicine but none of it really helps – plus the side effects of the meds only make them a temporary solution. Some people have been saying it may be stress – but then I also have it on days were I am quite relaxed. So yeah, I’m basically just trying to live with it as much as possible. I am seeing another doctor as well as a breathing exercise therapist kind of thing next week, so fingers crossed…!

    On a sidenote, I know it isn’t the same thing and everything, but reading your blogpost, I really recognised myself in some of the things you said. Knowing that there are people out there who kind of know what it feels like to be ill like that is really refreshing :)

    Hope you’re feeling well soon xxx

  73. Lily responded on 02 Feb 2013 at 10:32 am #

    Oh and, congrats on the pregnancy of course!!

  74. mamallama responded on 02 Feb 2013 at 2:06 pm #

    One huge downside of our American individualism is that our culture is saturated in fear of death and of loss of individual control. So few people want to hear of our struggles with body issues we can’t “control.”

    I’ve had severe allergies and complications my whole life, such that I take 6 medications daily, and people wonder why it should take me a long time to get going in the morning! Other folks with chronic or temporary physical challenges can be great support to each other, but it’s usually not too loud or public for fear of negative labels.

    I was pregnant 3 times after “trying” for about 3 years in my mid-30′s. I could always tell if I was pregnant, because I had cervical polyps that bled. Very scary, but they didn’t affect the babies. First time round, I nearly died from an e-coli infection and lost the babe at 14 weeks. Second time, I got sarcoidosis, which made lumps in my lungs & neck. The lumps didn’t get bigger after I found the big one, so we just watched it until after the baby was born. Everyone thought it was lymphoma, so I just kept praying and doing the best I could, with time off work as I was very tired all the time. Third time, I was in my early 40′s and had gestational diabetes, according to the first test. My dad was a professor of OBGYN, and disagreed with the way they did the test, but I did the diet & gained a net total of 9.75 lbs, 7 of which was the baby. (I lost a lot of weight the first trimester with that nausea & hurling part.) Every time, it felt like a real job to keep a positive attitude in my heart and take care of myself however I needed to.

    My favorite bedtime treat in the 3rd pregnancy was about 8 raspberries and 1.5 tablespoons of cream. Summer in CA! I had a really hard time gaining any weight with the diet restrictions–my dad said I was just really hyper, not diabetic. G-d alone knows, I guess. I’m not diabetic now.

    So now I have 2 healthy teen daughters. They’re both way healthier than I’ve ever been. They’re strong, dancers, and a lot of fun, though they, too, have to pay extra attention to emotional self-care so that the dark side doesn’t drag them down.

    It’s been a wonder-filled journey being a mother! I wish the same wonder and joy for you, Kate! Thanks for the chance to share.

  75. mamallama responded on 02 Feb 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    P.S. I guess I should say the sarcoid went into remission after the 2nd pregnancy and did not come back in the 3rd pregnancy. We’re so glad we went for the second child anyway, but it was a scary thing, and the docs just looked at me with their “HIGH RISK” glasses on all the time.

    We ended up in the second trimester working hard to get accepted into the practice of a group of hospital-based midwives who were THE BEST! If we’d had any complications at delivery, we’d have had to work with whatever resident doc was around. Instead, I had one of the best days of my life, singing that baby girl out. It was fantastic! All the photos right after the birth have this weird glow.

    I was really helped to prepare by the book, Motherprayer by Tikva Frymer Kensky. Good, strong woman-stuff to bless the soul.

    Sorry to rattle on, but again, thanks for the chance to share, and blessings to you!

  76. Clare Rulz responded on 03 Feb 2013 at 10:20 pm #

    Hi Kate,
    I am terrified of pregnancy and motherhood but not altogether convinced that I definitely don’t want kids and reading about your experience is actually making it less terrifying. Knowing that smart, funny, clever women decide to go ahead with it makes it slightly less frightening. Thank you so much for your honesty. I genuinely hope that you feel better and can enjoy your pregnancy soon.

  77. Josh responded on 04 Feb 2013 at 9:39 am #

    Oh, lovely, Kate. I have been reading your blog for a long time, but never reacted. But now I have to. I have two children and there were 9 miscarriages in between. With the children I was nauseous for the whole time. With the pregnancies that ended in a miscarriage i was only slightly so. It was hard to be ill for such a long time. I felt invaded. I wanted my body back. But I wanted the children more. There are pills that make it a bit easier. Ask for those, be fim in your need, they don’t harm the child. I got an explanation for being sick, the child inside is producing a lot of hormones to survive. It is a delicate balance and sometimes being nauseous is what it takes for the baby to be able to stick. For diabetis and for the illness it helped me to eat small portions of food, a combination of healthy fats, carbs and greens, a lot of times during the day. Good luck!

  78. Amy J responded on 04 Feb 2013 at 11:05 am #

    Hi Kate, I hope you feel better soon!

    While I have not been pregnant, I do have a tip for metallic tastes. I was on a 3-week long course of antibiotics once and had an awful taste almost all the time. Some things that would relieve the taste for a while:

    ~Eat a pepper straight out of the jar (if you can stand it) – jalapenos and pepperoncinis seemed to work best.

    ~Gargle hydrogen peroxide solution – weird I know, but if your tongue is coated like when you get a bad cold/flu, it helps get that stuff off and can help a bad taste get better.

    ~Atomic fireballs candy – I realize you are on a low-carb diet, but these still might be worth a try. They are pretty low calorie and one lasts a while. I used to spit them out after the hot part was done.

    I have a hereditary bad stomach and pre-diabetes (I feel you on the nausea part!) and sometimes I find that taking Gas-X works when I feel nauseated. I’m not sure how recommended it is with pregnancy, but sometimes it’s the only thing that makes my upset stomach even a little bit better.

    I hope you feel better, and I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful little one to enjoy!

  79. Kate responded on 04 Feb 2013 at 11:22 am #

    @Amy J
    Thank you for the tips!!!

  80. Can We Get Some #RealTalk on Pregnancy? | Abortion Gang responded on 06 Feb 2013 at 10:44 am #

    [...] setting-up-the-crib montage. Morning sickness often doesn’t fade away. Morning sickness is crippling. For some pregnant people, morning sickness is code for “7 months of constantly having the [...]

  81. Shirely responded on 07 Feb 2013 at 7:45 pm #


    I have only just started to read this blog and wanted to say firstly congratulations on your pregnancy and secondly relax.

    Yes I know it is easy to say but not easy to do. With my first I had morning sickness all day everyday for 36 weeks (J was born at 38weeks) and with my second it was the same (for me it was worse second time round). With my first I had GD diagnosed at 28 weeks (or thereabouts) with C I was diagnosed at 10 weeks and on insulin at 11 weeks.

    I’ll let you in on a secret – I ate cake!!

    My obgyn and my diabetic educator basically told me that the pregnancy was proving miserable enough already there was no need to remove all lifes pleasures.

    I did not enjoy being pregnant (half the time I don’t enjoy parenting either) and I can’t believe I did it twice but I do enjoy my kids. Now I am done there is no way I could go through that again. No one understands unless they have been there. Everyone including other pregnant friends just think you are exaggeration to get sympathy and be the centre of attention.

    So again I reiterated my only advice is to relax. Ignore the world and his wife who now have opinions on your life and relax. It wont cure it but I found it really does help.

    Good luck and I look forward to hearing about the rest of your journey ahead.

    Take care of yourselves

  82. Shirely responded on 07 Feb 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    Oh and forgot to say that the ‘elective’ csection for my son (baby was in distress but I was not in labour) was the calmest operation I have ever attended. The whole atmosphere was awesome and there is absolutely nothing to be scared of.

  83. scarlet responded on 08 Feb 2013 at 2:05 pm #

    I hope you have some relief from the sickness soon. I have been there too. I had hyperemesis during my pregnancy, and the strong clutch nausea had on me didn’t go away for a second until my third trimester. I know how trite the term “morning sickness” sounds when nausea and vomiting are your whole life. I tried a lot of prescription medications and “natural remedies” to control the nausea but didn’t have any luck. Mine was just too strong.

    The only real comfort was knowing other women have been there. I actually found a “buddy” on a hyperemesis support board to talk to and that helped. My mother also understood as she had the condition with all of her children. Most people won’t understand. My husband didn’t even take it seriously until he realized that everything I ate was coming right back up, even dry toast.

    Pregnancy can be a rough road.

  84. Maria responded on 09 Feb 2013 at 11:56 am #

    I was sick with both my daughters all nine months of my pregnancies. I was so sick with my oldest that the nausea would literally wake me out of my sleep. Unfortunately, nothing helped. It doesn’t make you weak. Everybody’s experience is just different. Treat yourself kindly and enjoy this as much as you can. Even with the “morning” sickness, being pregnant is a beautiful experience. Congrats!

  85. Eat the Damn Cake » stop being selfish and focus on the baby responded on 28 Feb 2013 at 9:39 am #

    [...] They said that when I was really sick for months, and I got a little depressed about not being able …. “Just think of the baby!” [...]

  86. melbo responded on 13 Mar 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    I must apologise for not keeping up with the posts on your pregnancy. I really enjoy reading your work and your thoughts/feelings on body image resonate with me.

    Further, I’ve deduced we share a birthday. Yay!

    One of the things I found hardest to get my head around in pregnancy was how it felt. How I felt … it was totally not what I expected it to be.

    My pregnancies were achieved through IVF. I had wanted a baby for years. Had grieved over maybe not being able to have one. Then suddenly I was pregnant. And instead of feeling happy, I was ill. And depressed. And wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

    I told nobody because I knew what the comeback would be. And I think that’s sad really. Just because you’re having a baby – no matter what the circumstances – doesn’t mean you have forfeited the right to feel sick or unhappy or to just think of yourself for a while.

    I hope by now you are feeling much better.

  87. Kate responded on 26 Mar 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    Thank you for writing this! I hated every second of being pregnant up until month 8. For 5 months I survived on a diet of crackers and ice water. My husband arrived home from work to see me curled up in a small ball, in a dark room, sobbing. I remember when “morning” sickness finally wore off and I was able to eat a hamburger. I will NEVER forget the amazing feeling of warm food sitting comfortably in my stomach!!! Feeling the baby moving didn’t do much for me- Perhaps because mine doesn’t “flutter” as much as “punch”. At 8 months I am just NOW believing that I am pregnant and not horribly sick. I still haven’t ‘bonded’ with baby, but I don’t let that bother me. Lots of mothers smile and gush over their their infants, and still end up being sucky parents. Immediate emotional attachment to your fetus does not guarantee anything! Keep your head up. The only comment that ever made me feel good was “In a few months this will all be over.” Hope you feel less miserable soon!

  88. Eat the Damn Cake » beautiful sandals giveaway (because it’s spring!!) and a quick babymoon update responded on 01 Apr 2013 at 12:39 pm #

    [...] So this is a big deal for us. It is also a big deal for me to be a functioning person again, after three months of severe morning sickness. I feel like I’ve been set [...]

  89. Kirsty responded on 17 May 2013 at 8:29 am #


    I am now exactly where you were when you wrote this.

    I just had to tell you that I was starting to question myself and thinking that perhaps this actually was all in my head, especially when the midwife was politely smiling at me at my 8 week appointment whilst I explained that I was struggling to cope. She suggested (just like everyone else) ginger. I HATE ginger. It does nothing.

    And I completely understand about feeling like a bad person because you’re not enjoying being pregnant! This wasn’t planned for us and I feel awful that there are women out there who are desperately trying to get pregnant and maybe can’t and all they want in the world is to be pregnant and I’m sitting here complaining about it because I feel like I can’t function like a normal human being.

    Because I miss fish and chips and McDonald’s and big fat cream cakes and other things I want to eat but can’t for fear that I’d spend a week making friends with my toilet again.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that reading this has made me feel better because I know I’m not on my own and I’m not the only one to have people look at me like I’m making it up.

    I’m praying for a reprieve any day now but I don’t think it’s coming. Someone said something about taking things a day at a time so that’s what I’m doing.

    Fingers crossed :)


  90. Kirsty responded on 18 May 2013 at 5:11 am #

    Hello again :)

    Thanks for your reply!

    I’m only 9wks along but I’ve had nausea and sickness since week 5 and so this past month has been the longest of my life!

    I’m sure it will get better but I find myself googling cures for it and to be truthful I’m sick of reading the same thing all the time – it was like a breath of fresh air to read someone’s frank and honest account of how it feels – I get so frustrated when people say I’ll enjoy being pregnant really soon because I’m just not feeling that at the moment.

    I just wanted to say thank you because for the first time since I saw the test with PREGNANT emblazoned in the tiny little window, I’ve felt really excited and positive that actually, this is normal and it won’t last forever.

    I’m new to your blogs but I’m totally hooked now!

    Best of luck too – you’re a hero!!


  91. Carmen responded on 28 May 2013 at 3:04 pm #

    Hi Kate

    I’m new to your blog, I actually happened to stumble on this as I’ve been googling ways to treat the AM sickness. I’m 7 weeks along and I’m so nauseas all the time that I literally feel like death! This is the 3rd week now and honestly I feel like I can’t deal with it anymore.

    Reading your blog has been refreshing because everything you have said I feel. Even now as I type this I feel nauseas. I do also take a medication that stops the vomiting process but not the actual nausea. I’m tired all the time and constipated too.

    I wonder how you doing now. Would love to know.

    P.S I’m loving the blog!

  92. Caroline responded on 29 May 2013 at 11:15 am #

    Hi Kate,

    Thank you so much for writing this piece. I was really starting to think that I am insane for feeling sick and not pregnant, tired and not glowing. I find myself struggling to remember that the nausea will (hopefully) go away eventually and that at some point, the baby inside me will feel more “real.” I am very glad that I found your blog today. It is very good to feel not alone.

    Thank you.

  93. Ashley responded on 04 Jun 2013 at 4:25 pm #

    Hi Kate, I’m so very sorry for all you’re going through. I can’t even imagine going through what you’ve endured or what I would do. I pray everything gets better for you soon. I am almost twelve weeks and the nausea through my pregnancy has been terrible. The doctor proscribed zofran and reglan, shortly after the nausea started but it never really makes it go away. Now that I’m heading into the second trimester I am relieved to think it may soon be over, but have read so much about the nausea lasting the whole pregnancy, that I worry uncontrollably that its going to happen to me. Lately, I’ve had good days and bad days. Now it seems more good than bad. Lately, I feel duped by my own body into believing everything is getting better. I will have such a great day, then SURPRISE! the next day gives me a serious reality check. I worry how I’ll nourish my baby if I’m sick for the whole nine months. I also worry, even now, about my future pregnancies, because I want to give my baby a sibling, but I don’t want to go through even this again. Stories like yours give me hope though. Thank you for sharing everything, even when its difficult.

  94. Liss responded on 06 Jun 2013 at 4:05 am #

    This is an old post and I know that you are feeling much better now, yay!! gives me hope.

    , but it related to me so much!! I too am in the throws of first trimester awfulness. And as no one in my family suffered morning sickness I have felt like I must be some sort of whimp or sook. I had two weeks of particularly bad times, in fact I now refer to them as the weeks of hell. And no one had warned me how sick early pregnancy can make you!!! and on top of all that you have a weakened immune system so you can easily pick up an infection / flu. which i got both, first a bladder infection and then the flu all on top of the joys of morning sickness. I had my sister stay and she said a similar thing to me about “focusing on it too much” OMG that made me so angry. Even more angry when a few days later she had her period and complained non stop about cramps.

    What I wonder is how women do this many times over. Honestely I really want this baby and tried for almost a year to concieve, but I don’t like being pregnant.

    loving your blog by the way, new fan!!

  95. Ann responded on 09 Jun 2013 at 5:37 am #

    I came across your story and truly empathise. In case no other comments mentioned it’s called hyperemesis gravidarum – HG..and it’s hell! I’m 14weeks into my 4th hg pregnancy each one has been a different shade of awful. I don’t like calling it morning sickness because really it’s not, it’s a disease of pregnancy that is debilitating and traumatic (you can actually end up having ptsd flashbacks and avoidance afterwards). Unfortunately people down play the severity because they see it as morning sickness that you should just soldier through…but hg isn’t like that. my heart goes out to all those impacted by it, there is great info at

  96. Caroline responded on 25 Jun 2013 at 9:54 pm #

    Thank you so much for your honesty! I am almost 9 weeks pregnant and the last three and a half have been the worst days of my life, physically and mentally. I too am experiencing some other complications but with my gallbladder. The ER dr. Suspects gallstones, but I will need further testing for a diagnosis. I pray that my baby will continue to thrive because I can’t imagine a life without this living being, but I struggle every single day with this illness called pregnancy. It is such a confusing and trying time when you’re feeling like death (I tell myself I can’t do it anymore) but want nothing more than to be with your baby. I am in complete fear of each new day not knowing when I will feel well again. I have no one to relate to, so I want to tell you how much I appreciate your honest words because it has helped me regain some sanity.

  97. Eat the Damn Cake » god help me, I’m supposed to have a baby in a month responded on 03 Jul 2013 at 8:21 am #

    [...] general, I think being pregnant has made me feel better about myself. Which is fairly amazing, really, since I was worried I’d be one of those women who gets [...]

  98. maysa responded on 10 Jul 2013 at 5:25 am #

    Thank you for this amazing post…You are one month away from having your baby and I hope that it has gotten better for you (I will read your other posts)…but I’m 12 weeks into my first pregnancy and I was hanging on every word you said as if they were my own! I’m sorry you had such a tough time (hell, Im so sorry I’m having such a bad time lol)…I’m sure you will be an amazing mother…for one you are honest and not afraid to say it like it really is!!!

  99. Sky responded on 23 Jul 2013 at 12:55 pm #

    Oh my goodness as I read this I felt like I could have written it myself. I am 9 weeks and I felt like you were writing my story. I keep hoping for those glowy moments but the sickness I feel makes me feel like I am so bad at being pregnant. People think I am being melodramatic or pretending or something but I’m so tired of being nauseaus all of the time. I’m thirsty all the time too. I’m tired of being sick and exhausted. People keep telling me I need to deal with it. They tell me about how they were sick in the mornings and then felt better. I’m kind of jealous of them for only being sick in the mornings. For only having to throw up once a day at breakfast time. For being able to drink water. I want my baby. I imagine a girl. I think of her all the time. But I stink at being pregnant.

  100. Margaret responded on 13 Aug 2013 at 7:19 am #


    I don’t know if you’ll read this, but I had to respond to your comment. I started having the same symptoms when I was in college: chronic nausea, and not much else. I found out several years later that I had lactose intolerance and IBS. The 2 issues have the same symptoms, so taking medications or managing one wouldn’t result in any changes. With my IBS I have SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), basically the wrong bacteria in the wrong part of my system. There’s a simple test to treat for it. I don’t take medications in general, but finally learning how I needed to manage my diet has helped tremendously.

    In response to the general topic, I have suffered for years various kinds of nausea and similar stomach maladies. What is kinda weird to me is how I can tell right away if my nausea is baby related, or IBS/lactose intolerance related.

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  103. Eat the Damn Cake » bleeding time responded on 11 Sep 2013 at 5:58 pm #

    [...] towards the next ledge. To keep going. To do as many things as you can at once. What about illness? Even morning sickness, like I experienced. What about just stepping aside to collect yourself? The natural pauses– figuring out what [...]

  104. Mary responded on 08 Oct 2013 at 7:54 am #

    I wanted to thank you for writing this, it made me smile because just like you, I’ve spent months, sick, vomiting, exhausted and with an over-all “lack of glow” that it’s driving me crazy. I got the “oh I never felt bad once in all my 3 pregnancies” from my own mother and I get the impression that everyone thinks I’m being dramatic because I can’t get up to do much most days between the horrible waves of nausea I get 24/7 and the fatigue (my brother thinks im being lazy). How do you explain this to someone who has never gone through it? you just can’t not without screaming anyway, which would probably just lead to more throwing up. I feel Fat, slow, sick and useless and I can’t wait (if indeed it is in the cards for this pregnancy at all) to feel better and “glowy” and decorate the nursery while humming and what not. Until then it feels so nice to be understood, and don’t feel like you’re alone! Thanks again, Mary

  105. Blaire responded on 11 Dec 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    Hi there,

    I really enjoyed reading your story :) thank you! i am suffering from night sickness and all of the above :)

    Wishing you well :)

    Blaire xxx

  106. Meg responded on 06 Jan 2014 at 9:54 pm #

    Freaking refreshing!

    I’m 13 weeks and have been all sorts of miserable. In the thick of it, I asked myself why in the world I ever thought having a baby was a good idea. I see women sick and pregnant WITH their other little kids running around, demanding, how? I can barely take care of my dog. Ha. And it sucks because I feel bad about not loving pregnancy. I’m not’s just a green glow of nausea. Lord help me, this is rough.

    Vegetables and organic everything healthy rabbit food? I wish. Give me a bagel and a pound of cream cheese.

    I know in every vein in my body that I am so blessed to have this miracle gift inside of me. My husband is beyond the moon. And most days I feel awful and bad for myself because I’m miserable and still work full-time. But I feel OK saying this sucks and I am not enjoying this. I have granted myself permission to be honest with my feelings about this whole thing. It’s my body and my experience. They say you forget all about it and do it again. I say, pass the ice cream.

  107. Zee responded on 08 Jan 2014 at 10:49 am #

    Kate, PLEASE look into Homeopathy for this. It truly could change your life.
    Hugs from a Momma on her 6th pregnancy.

  108. Siobhan lo responded on 14 Feb 2014 at 1:53 am #


    I know how you feel. I am pregnant with my second, I love my daughter and am already in love with my little boy. But you know what, I hate being pregnant.

    There, I said it.

    For me it sucks. I feel awful and I have stuff to do. I hate to sit around. And sitting around throwing up if holding my head is worse. This time around isn’t as quite as bad with the vomiting and nausea, but I get migranes instead. It’s all worth it blah blah blah. I’m just dying to not feel like utter crap the whole time. I try not to whine, but it’s so frustrating if you are used to doing a lot and suddenly feel too blech to do anything.

  109. DDC responded on 26 Mar 2014 at 11:48 am #

    You’re words totally express how I feel. I’m only 7 weeks but I’ve been miserable for almost 3 weeks already. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a mother, but the agony of the nausea makes me just want to run away…except you can’t run from your own body. I’m so afraid of losing my baby, but selfishly because I don’t feel I can do this again! Like you’ve said, the baby being “worth it” just feels sooooooooooo far away, and right now, I’m just dying…have been for weeks, and will continue to for weeks. Thank you so much for putting my misery into words. I’m so glad I’m not alone.

  110. Mr. Steve responded on 27 Mar 2014 at 2:09 am #

    Its very nice that your tips is very helpful for pregnant women.and you said truth about morning sickness.

  111. Kim responded on 29 Apr 2014 at 6:40 am #

    Hi Kate,
    Thank you so much for writing how you are feeling! I am 11 weeks pregnant and have been suffering with morning sickness since week 5. It was just a feeling of nausea to start with but at 8 weeks a cyst on my ovary burst and then the vomiting started and hasn’t really stopped! I haven’t been able to work as the only thing that helps is lying flat, I have tried the meds, the sea bands, the ginger, homeopathy but nothing makes it better! And like some other ladies have said on a day when I actually don’t feel sick I think what’s wrong with the baby as I have had 2 miscarriages and I’m panicked it’ll happen again! I can’t win! I spend some days feeling so low I just lie there and cry and my husband tries his best to comfort me but there is nothing that can really make me feel better! What really annoys me is when people say pregnancy isn’t an illness- clearly stated by a man or women who have had easy pregnancies, it’s not an illness but it can make you more ill than you have ever felt continually for months and we should not be made to feel guilty for this! Pregnancy so far for me has been hard and I hope it gets easier as there are days when I feel I have had enough but then I feel guilty as I feel I can’t go through this again and I really do want this baby even though I’m hating feeling this way! I think if women were more honest like this then women wouldn’t start to feel so guilty for feeling the way we do! From all the people that have commented on your honesty in your blog it is clear lots of women feel this way and that makes me feel better about how I am feeling! I hope this feeling does pass soon but more than that I hope my baby is healthy and happy! I hope yours is as well Kate and thank you for your honesty it really has made me realise pregnancy is different for everyone and you are entitled to feel how you feel without feeling guilt for it!

  112. Carly responded on 18 May 2014 at 9:58 pm #

    Kate, it was so refreshing to read this! I imagine you’ve had your little one by now, but I thought I’d comment for people still going through it. I’m 26 weeks pregnant, still getting morning sickness and I was just diagnosed with gestational diabetes (I’m fit, closer to the underweight side of things and eat well, just goes to show it happens to everyone). I’m also working full time.

    I keep encountering people who say, “oh, pregnancy was the most wonderful time for me, I felt better than I ever felt” or those who smile at me like they have some little secret, saying, “I didn’t experience any morning sickness”.

    I, on the other hand, was sick from about week five, vomiting constantly until week 22. The only thing that stopped it was a holiday, after which I came back and the sickness resumed, but with less veracity. Such a magical time! And doing it while working is particularly difficult. I too wondered how people did it, but I guess I ended up being one of those people. I did it with great difficulty, and definitely didn’t give my job the attention it would normally receive. I just tried to get through the day.

    Like others here, I think I can say I hate being pregnant. This will be my first and last. I already love my little girl deeply, but I just want my body back. And now I can’t enjoy the one thing that settled my stomach with the morning sickness … chocolate! SOB! I hope this goes some way to making someone out there feel better. You’re not alone!

  113. Courtney responded on 04 Jun 2014 at 8:52 pm #

    I just wanted to say thank you for so perfectly articulating everything I don’t have the energy to put into words.

    During week 5 I threw up carrots, they came out my nose.

    Now, at week (how can it only be) 12, I have been to the ER twice for severe “morning sickness” since I haven’t been keeping anything down for several days…

    I have been sick many times in my life, but I am not sure how to do this… I have been coping by crying a lot. Also, by trying not to focus on the resounding fears in my head that something is going to go wrong because I can’t stop being sick and the baby will die. I try to sleep or focus on positive things, but really, I just stare at the ceiling over my bed and watch shadows until I have to sprint to the bathroom again.

    Your blog helped though. Thanks.