i wrote a book and it’s coming out (for preorder) today!

So I wrote a little book.

This is the story about it:

One night when I was four months pregnant I was lying in bed and feeling like a failure, as is my tendency. This time, I felt like a failure because I hadn’t yet published a book and I was going to have a baby and it was now too late to publish a book before having a baby. For a lot of my life, I told myself that I had to publish a book before having a baby because I was pretty sure that the rest of life ends when you have a baby. A baby is a lot like a cliff in the mist, I thought. One day you drive your car right over it, and you have to really believe that it’s just a short drop and then there’s an even better road right there to catch you. But, let’s be real, probably not.

I’m not sure why I’ve always thought that publishing a book was the most important, meaningful thing anyone could ever do. I think it has something to do with me being essentially uncreative. And reading a lot of books as a kid. And being self-centered. And sort of introverted. And snobby about literacy. But I’ve always been like this. All paths in my fantasy of my life lead to published books. For example, if I start a fantasy with “Let’s say I just won 100 million dollars,” the next thing is, “I could start my own publishing company and publish a book!” And then the thing after that is, “And I could hire really fancy publicists to advertise it. I could get a billboard!” And then the thing after that is, “And I could combat world hunger!” Shit. I’m a selfish prick.

 

(But I would definitely want to combat world hunger!)

Anyway, I am one of those people who is always “working on a novel.” It’s embarrassing. But I am serious about it. I have worked on some truly terrible novels. Now I am working on some somewhat better ones. I’m always excited about them. I’m always trying to figure out a plot in the back of my head and every time I read something good, I’m like, “Okay, how do I copy this so it looks like I’m not copying it?” Which I think is a good sign, because it means I’m being realistic.

I was scared of having a baby because I was scared of being irrelevant and normal and not doing the things I’ve always wanted to do. But I was taking so damn long to do them that I decided to have a baby anyway. And then there I was, four months pregnant, lying in bed wide awake in the middle of the night, having an obnoxiously familiar existential crisis. Which is when I suddenly decided to write a little book about that. Because why the hell not? Because there is no try. Because just the thought made me feel meaningful.

I had one of those moments where you would sit bolt upright if you were a character in a movie. But instead I just lay there, clutching my phone and typing a misspelled note in Evernote about how I should write a book about pregnancy and the mess inside my head. I decided that I would write whatever I wanted to write in nine chapters for the nine months of pregnancy and then I would publish it on Kindle or whatever and sell it on Eat the Damn Cake. I felt awesome. I felt like I was opening a door in the cramped, dank place my insecurities crouch, and stepping out into Wyoming on a sunny day.

That’s how my little book started.

And then Thought Catalog wanted to publish it, and I met my incredibly cool editor, Mink, and suddenly it was an official thing.

And here I am, publishing a book right after having a baby.

Not in exactly the manner I always imagined. And not the book I imagined. But then, my life hasn’t vanished into the mist the way I imagined it might. As it turns out, being a mom is a lot like being me with a baby. And it’s also fantastically, intricately, sweepingly, deafeningly different. It’s definitely never going to stop me from writing, because I have to write to be me, and I have to write about it because it’s so big and cool and mundane and boring and relevant.

giving a look

littlesmile

To begin, I wrote these nine chapters that I really wanted to write, and an epilogue that is the honest-to-god truth about the birth.

I’m nervous. Some of the writing feels like my journal. So I feel exposed.

I’m excited, too. There are a few sentences in there that I’m really proud of and some that crack me up.

I hope you read it and like it. I hope you recommend it to a friend. Or your mom. Or your daughter. It’s really cheap, so you probably won’t feel ripped off.

I hope my mom isn’t mad at me for writing about her.

I hope there aren’t too many typos.

It’s funny that I’m nervous. I pushed an entire baby out of my vagina. That was scarier. She’s literally breastfeeding as I write this. If I can type in the dark while lying in bed breastfeeding her, I can do pretty much anything. Except for anything that involves moving any part of my body except for my hands. Which is a lot of things.

But you know what I mean. I became a mother. I wrote a little book. I did it.

So OK. Let’s do this.

CLICK HERE FOR MY BOOK

(and hopefully preorder it today)

(my editor tells me the preorders help with Amazon ranking, and my mom says maybe people would want to know that, since she didn’t and I didn’t. I’d definitely appreciate it if you preordered!)

*  *  *

Unroast: Today I love the way I smell. Sometimes I just want to sniff myself. Sometimes I do. Once, in college, my friend’s roommate was like, “Are you sniffing yourself?” and I was like, “No! Of course not!” But I was.

58 Responses to “i wrote a book and it’s coming out (for preorder) today!”

  1. Terri responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 10:11 am #

    Congratulations, Kate. While I’m not married and only a newlywed, I too have a list of things to do before having a baby. It’s good to know that there are still many opportunities to fulfill dreams even after baby.

  2. skye responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 10:33 am #

    Congratulations! I’ll certainly be reading it.

    I don’t think anyone ever writes the book they intended to write. Not really.

  3. Kate responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 10:42 am #

    @Terri
    Thanks!
    I think there are probably always opportunities. Especially if you’re willing to stay up really late some nights and get up really early some mornings :-)
    (Which I’m not always willing to do, but sometimes)

  4. Kate responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 10:43 am #

    @Skye
    You’re probably right
    But I also tell myself that I’m going to write A LOT of books over the course of my life, so there’s no pressure on any one of them

  5. Surabhi responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 11:10 am #

    Hi Kate,

    Many many congratulations on the book! Lovely. I can so much relate to that ‘I am always working on a novel’ thing. It applies to me as well. I am waiting for your book to be available in India. Would buy it as soon as it comes.

    Btw, I sent you an email few months back about editing a short book that I was writing. But never heard back from you. Did you see my email?

    Also, what’s the baby’s name? My love to her.

  6. cari ellen responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 11:27 am #

    Kate!

    I am just in awe and soaking up watching you on this blessed beautiful day experiencing a dream coming true! Many many many congrats! Sooooo happy for you, what an accomplishment!

    You are definitely not a selfish prick – at least I hope not cause that would mean I am, too. When I dream of winning the lottery the fist thing I think about is that I could get as many massages as I want, like maybe every day. Combating world hunger is on my list, too, but not as high as my buddha self would like it to be.

    And what an honor to be able to contribute to your cover. They did a great job, phew, you know how picky us artists can be. :) Looks great and I cannot wait to read it!!!

    You rock you powerful authentic beautiful woman!!!

    lots of love,
    ce

  7. Mandy responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 11:35 am #

    Congratulations, Sweetie!
    Both on getting a book published, and on the change in perspective.
    I look forward to reading your book–and yes, I did pre-order it.

  8. Kate responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 11:36 am #

    @Cari Ellen
    I think you’re entitled to infinite massages, personally :-)
    Thank you so much for the amazing cover art!!!!!

  9. Amy responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    Amazon says it will be delivered to my Kindle on November 5th. Can’t wait!

  10. Gaby responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    Holy crap woman that’s huge! Not that all your other published works are huge accomplishments, I just know that this seems like a way bigger deal to you and you should be really proud!
    I love that photo of you at the top, stunning, and I love Eden’s cheeks. I must pinch them in person :p
    I’m sorry we didn’t meet up last time I was there! I”ll be there for a brief 24 hours again nov 13-14 so I could potentially get coffee or dinner on the 13th if you’re free. This time you can call me or I’ll call you, none of the facebook silliness.

  11. Rouge responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    Beyond inlove with ur blog.been here for awhile u remind me of lena dunham! Uber excited for ur book!!!xoxo

  12. Lynn responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 1:18 pm #

    Go you!!! *high-five!* Can’t wait to read it!

  13. Rosanne responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 1:30 pm #

    Wow, this is really great, Kate! Congratulations and onto making your next dream come true :)

  14. Barbara responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    Ordered it! That was easy!

  15. lik_11 responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 2:04 pm #

    Congratulations!!!! Purchased, now can’t wait to read it :)

  16. DesertBloom responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    Congratulations, Kate!

    My god, woman, is there nothing that you can’t do? (Aside from move body parts other than your hands when you’re lying in bed in the dark breastfeeding Eden?).

    I was just thinking yesterday, “damn I am BORED with all of the books I’ve downloaded on my kindle”. Love your blog so I’m sure I’ll love the book.

    Thanks for writing it. Congratulations on publishing it.

  17. Kande responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 2:51 pm #

    YAY!!!! See???? I TOLD you that your blog was just exactly like a book I would buy!!!!! (I maybe should have forewarned you about my over-use of exclamation marks, but that is in part a nod to the Seinfeld episode, which is kind of indirectly appropriate here, as was in reference to someone having a baby) :)

    Anyway – back to you – yay you!!!! I am glad glad GLAD that you did this!

    Sometimes it is hard to see until you do it but – the narration of our actual life (with slight improvisations as required) usually turns out to be the best “novel” :)

  18. zoe responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 3:15 pm #

    oh kate! congratulations! admittedly i fell off the blog reading bandwagon but, strangely enough, as i sat down in front of my computer today a thought shot into my head about kate! and kate’s baby! the last i read you were just about five or six months pregnant. so, it’s been a second or two! regardless, what a beautiful post to come into. i am happy for you, i am proud of you, and inspired by you. a person truly can do anything she puts her mind, soul, heart and effort into. anything is possible! thank you for further proving this. your baby is precious, your hair is cute, your dreams are sweet and the cover of your book is rockin. congratulations again, sweet kate. blessings from california!

  19. Maria responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 3:17 pm #

    Congratulations on the book, Kate.
    I am not one of the “always writing a book” types.
    But I am always reading one, so that counts!
    And I will be reading yours. Love the photos.

  20. Christine responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 3:27 pm #

    My series of reactions, from when I saw this post in my reader:

    “Oh yet another blogger has written a book. Probably just going to mark this as read…..

    WAIT. THIS IS EAT THE DAMN CAKE. THIS IS KATE. I HAVE WANTED TO READ A BOOK BY HER FOR ABOUT 38494574 YEARS.”

    *much excitement commences as I click through to read the post*

    And then I realized it is about your journey with pregnancy/motherhood. And it is a personal narrative. And I became even more excited because although I have no desire for children of my own, I am intrigued by stories & perceptions of motherhood. And I love the way you write here, and imagine I can expect that in the book.

    Needless to say, I have pre-ordered :) . So many congratulations Kate! I just cannot wait to read it!!

  21. Emma responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 3:36 pm #

    CONGRATULATIONS KATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. Kate responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    @Kande
    Your enthusiasm is the best. I’m totally grinning at this! Thanks for being so excited!!!

  23. Kate responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 5:16 pm #

    @Christine
    So funny! I don’t read many blogs (OK, confession: I rarely read blogs at all, even though I mean to), so I didn’t even realize how typical this is. But I’m so flattered that you’re into the idea of me writing a book :-)

  24. Emily Snook responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 7:03 pm #

    Mazel tov, Kate.
    I think it’s vital that you made the point that life and career aspirations do not “end” after childbirth – or after any life-changing event, for that matter.
    Best to you.

  25. Laurin responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 7:09 pm #

    Oh wow, congratulations Kate :) Can’t wait to read it, pre-ordering now!

    I am so happy for you and Bear and gorgeous little Eden :)

  26. Laurin responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 7:12 pm #

    I don’t think you can pre-order in Australia, sad! Let us know when it’s out and I’ll try and buy it then :)

  27. judi responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 8:19 pm #

    I want it, but techno throwback I do not own kindle. I need paper. Will it be printed?

  28. Kate responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 8:20 pm #

    @Laurin
    Oh no!! I checked with the publisher and they said it can take a little longer for international retailers to process, but should be up in a few days if not sooner! So either try again soon or I’ll send out an announcement when we’re sure it’s up everywhere

    sorry!!

  29. Heather responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 8:35 pm #

    Wow, Kate, congrats!! I can say now that I was jealous of you when you were pregnant (as I was jealous of pretty much any preggo woman… trying very hard to achieve that elusive goal myself), and now I am pregnant (yay!) and can move on to being jealous of you for publishing a book! Sweet! I thank you for your good timing, too, since I can’t obsess enough about pregnancy advice/horror stories…and greatly look forward to your insights and honesty!

  30. Christine responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 8:42 pm #

    I hope that didn’t come off as me being dismissive of your accomplishment! Most of the bloggers-writing-books I refer to are self publishing & it just seems that I have been seeing this a lot recently among the blogs I read. But again, many, many, many congratulations to you!! I have considered buying a few of the Thought Catalog books before, but this is the first I have actually bought. Can’t wait to read it :) .

    (Also, I have no idea if you write fiction, but if you ever write a fantasy novel I will be first in line :) !)

  31. SolariC responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 8:52 pm #

    Pre-ordered! :) I’m excited. I helped one of my best friends deliver her baby in a birthing center and it was the most miraculous thing I’ve ever seen or done. I can’t wait to learn what it’s like from inside your point of view as a mother.

  32. Iva responded on 29 Oct 2013 at 9:29 pm #

    Hi Kate!

    I’m 20 years old, and I think motherhood is way in the future for me at the moment, but I still love reading your posts about pregnancy, birth, and most of all motherhood.

    SO when I saw the little blurb about your new book on the side of your blog with a teasing “Available Soon”, I freaked out! I am so excited to read it! I can’t wait to read your writing in a format different than disconnected blog posts. I am just excited to read more of your thoughts (that sounds creepier than it should…). I pre-ordered the book, and I’m glad it’s only a few days until the 5th!

    And I almost forgot to say: the cover is absolutely GORGEOUS. That is a beautifully framed silhouette and the title is so creative!!

  33. Beverly responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 12:22 am #

    Congratulations on the book and the baby! It’s all good! Bravo!

  34. Indigo Jo responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:00 am #

    Congratulations! Have pre ordered – note for UK readers it is available from Amazon.co.uk :)

  35. Julie responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:19 am #

    Congrats!
    Is there a way that we can read it if we don’t own an e-reader?

    (or… will it work on a Nook?)

  36. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:53 am #

    @Heather
    Congratulations!!!!!
    When one of my fantasy novels is turned into a blockbuster movie, you can be jealous. Until then, don’t bother :-)
    When I was pregnant, I really wanted to read about other people’s pregnancies, which was part of why I wrote this book. So actually, I kinda wrote it for you.

  37. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:54 am #

    @Christine
    Not at all!! But it’s nice of you to clarify.
    And I can’t wait to share some of my fantasy stuff…I’m hoping relatively soon

  38. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:56 am #

    @SolariC
    That’s awesome!! And you’re awesome for doing that. Where was the birthing center? There’s only one around here, annoyingly!

  39. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:59 am #

    @Julie
    I’m not good at knowing these things, but I asked the publisher to clarify for me so I can share the info. I know for a fact that you can download a kindle app on your computer and read it there, which is what I did to look it over. And you can also get the kindle app on your phone. Beyond that, I’ll get back to you!

  40. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 11:03 am #

    @judi
    stay tuned for print– we’re hoping that it’ll come out in print too in a while

  41. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 11:04 am #

    OK– I found out that it will be available on Nook, too, but B&N takes longer to process so that should be coming soon! Sorry for the technical stuff. If you want it, I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to get it eventually, no matter what

  42. Kande responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    I WANT to pre-order it but – when I pre-ordered a book before (by Jenny Lawson) it disappeared into cyber-space and I had to buy another copy. Then found the one I thought had disappeared. In a totally different area than I thought it would be, and well after the fact of me reading the other one I ended up ordering.

    Which is by no means meant to discourage other people from pre-ordering, just explaining why the technologically dense fans (which may just be me, as I am old-ish, relatively speaking) may have to wait until it is “click here – order – book arrives immediately”. Do you know when that will be, when it will be no longer pre-order but order???

  43. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 1:07 pm #

    @Kande
    Definitely :-) It’s coming out officially on the 5th, so a little less than a week from now

  44. Sari responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 2:50 pm #

    A note to folks who don’t own e-readers but would like to pre-order:
    You can make a Kindle account for free, and download a free Kindle app to your computer. So, that leaves you reading a book on your computer, but you can get it sooner rather than later!
    :)

  45. Kate responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 3:05 pm #

    @Sari
    Thanks for explaining this!!

  46. Sarah responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 7:40 pm #

    Oh god, this is awesome!! Definitely pre-ordering! As a late twenties lady thinking to have a baby soon, I will devour this book because I want to know all about it from your perspective. Congrats!!

  47. Roanna Donnithorne responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 9:13 pm #

    Loving the pics of you & bubs. Haven’t been on here for AGES! Such pretty gals xx

  48. Baiba responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 10:15 pm #

    Congratulations Kate!
    And good for us too, because – jeeey more of Kate to read. :)

  49. Cindy responded on 30 Oct 2013 at 11:51 pm #

    Congrats, Kate! What a big year this has been for you (and Bear, who I’m sure is bursting with pride)! The Internet Powers That Be tell me this is an e-book, but alas, I do not own an e-reader. Will this be published in a physical book at some point, or is it too early to tell?

    Either way, I am so very happy for you, and I’m so glad you’re publishing your story. Much luck and well wishes for you!

  50. alex responded on 31 Oct 2013 at 4:41 am #

    I just wrote a chapter in an anthology of women’s stories…it is scary and liberating to leave all of you on the page but that is why you are successful as a writer because you are honest,,,you have been exposing yourself to all of us who read your blog so don’t worry, it is just another version of that :)
    Congrats on overcoming that persistent desire of your own book!

  51. Amy Evans responded on 31 Oct 2013 at 9:38 am #

    Just ordered it for my Kindle!

  52. Mary responded on 31 Oct 2013 at 4:58 pm #

    Fond congratulations, Kate!

  53. Ariella responded on 31 Oct 2013 at 10:40 pm #

    Congrats Kate!!! I will have to order it sometime this upcoming month. If it is anything like your blogs I am sure it will be fantastic :)

  54. Jazial @ Foxy Fresh responded on 01 Nov 2013 at 2:19 am #

    Oh my gosh! I am so happy for you and proud of you, which sounds creepy, but I’ve been reading for a few years and know how much this means to you. It’s also reassuring because this: “I was scared of having a baby because I was scared of being irrelevant and normal and not doing the things I’ve always wanted to do” is EXACTLY how I’ve always felt. Well done. I can’t wait to read it x

  55. Alpana Trivedi responded on 01 Nov 2013 at 8:37 am #

    Congratulations, Kate. I’m sorry I’ve been away so long.

  56. Josh responded on 01 Nov 2013 at 5:08 pm #

    WOW! I bought it for my e-reader, will start reading tonight… congratulations.

  57. Heather responded on 01 Nov 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    I just read your response…haha thanks for writing this for me! That was very sweet of you! I will eagerly await the nook release. In the meantime, I’m stuck with Jenny mcCarthy’s book…sigh

  58. Vicky responded on 03 Nov 2013 at 6:28 am #

    Congratulations, Kate! I think I squealed when I read the title of this post, SO exciting! I’m preordering right now :D (and I also had no idea that helps Amazon rankings so it was a good suggestion from your mom!)