About

Women should be able to eat the damn cake. We should be able to look in the mirror and like what we see.

I love cake. But when I lift the fork, this monologue starts in my head. It’s about my arm fat and my waist fat and the fact that if you have this particular face, as I do, then you can’t really afford to gain weight.

Sometimes I think we’re all wrestling with an image of the imaginary perfect woman. I’m sick of her.

I grew up thinking I was just about the hottest thing in the world. I was homeschooled. I used to sketch myself naked and then show the drawings to absolutely everyone (good social skills, right?). It took until college for me to start feeling like I was probably genetically ill-fated.

Some days I think, “Oy vey, not everyone can be gorgeous. Get over it. Focus on something else. Take up ceramics or racquetball and stop staring at yourself in the mirror!” Some days, I feel like none of this matters. Some days, I am stunning.

I write about all of it. And about NYC, where I’m surprised to find myself living, my husband Bear, who was the first guy I met in person from a dating site, my nose job, cutting all my hair off, things that confuse me, life in general, and chocolate cake (because really, let’s just eat it!).

I do an “Unroast” with every post. Unroast: Something I like about the way I look (or anything else about my life) that day, and why I like it.

And please send me pictures of yourself eating cake. I do a series of interviews with readers called Cake Eaters and also publish pictures in the Cake Gallery, and they are amazing.

Lots of love,

Kate

P.S. A quote about this site:

“I think everyone reading it will probably realize that they’re more normal than they thought”– Liz



46 Comments »

admin on February 28th 2010

46 Responses to “About”

  1. Natalie responded on 16 Mar 2010 at 8:53 pm #

    This blog is such a breath of fresh air and so So SO needed. for starters, i love web address and i love what it’s called. AND i think it’s appropriately funny that i got the link in my inbox when eating some swedish fish at my desk at work and wondering if i “should” eat that fancy grilled cheese i wanted (i’m going to an old-fashioned ice cream palor with a friend). now…i’m just going to eat the damn *sandwich*…i look forward to reading more of this!

    natalie (from the RU religion dept…hi kate!)

  2. janetha b responded on 17 Mar 2010 at 4:18 am #

    cute blog. can’t wait to read more :)

  3. Kate responded on 17 Mar 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    @Natalie HEY!!! thanks for writing! facebook me and tell me how you’re doing!

  4. Jessica responded on 17 Mar 2010 at 7:10 pm #

    I love this concept! Sometimes I just get so down on myself for not being “perfect” instead of being proud of what I’ve accomplished and enjoying life while eating the damn cake! :)

  5. rebekah (clarity in creation.) responded on 20 Mar 2010 at 10:03 pm #

    bless you guys!
    this is the first step in women accepting themselves for what they are – beautiful PEOPLE, not bodies.
    - rebekah

  6. Melissa responded on 22 Mar 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    I love this blog…this is lovely. I’ve been struggling with ED for over two years now…not something I share with just anyone. I have EDNOS, and it’s a constant struggle. I will for sure be following this :)

  7. Christopher responded on 17 Apr 2010 at 1:13 pm #

    Many thanks to both of you, and congratulations on your spreading recognition! Yes, I’m a guy, but I’m hoping your message will spread to men as well. Although the numbers don’t compare at all, men are increasingly becoming victims to ED and body image problems as well, and I think the only way that men will heal is by embracing and endorsing the wisdom of such women’s movements.

    To repeat Rebekah’s words, Bless you!

  8. The Shoe Astronauts lied to you. « Beauty Schooled responded on 17 May 2010 at 8:02 am #

    [...] my new favorite body image blogs. Kate is honest, hilarious, and oh so smart and insightful, so do click over and be her best [...]

  9. Teri [a foodie stays fit] responded on 19 May 2010 at 9:18 am #

    Just found your blog…from Janetha, I think? Love it!

  10. sailforth responded on 22 May 2010 at 12:00 pm #

    the discovery of this blog could not have come at a better time! thank you!

  11. jassy responded on 13 Jun 2010 at 8:52 am #

    i’m glad to come across this blog:)

  12. daria responded on 30 Jun 2010 at 12:43 pm #

    A friend shared your blog with me, since I also occasionally try to write about various topics pertaining to women. This is a relatively new thing that we can even have this type of an open forum, so yes, let’s keep it going! And these are all such important discussions.

  13. Carol Adams responded on 06 Jul 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    I’m not sure how I got here but I really like your blog… I am currently reading some of Geneen Roth’s books concerning compulsive eating, body image and feelings about one’s self. Very very thought provoking. I am middle aged and had no clue how much thought I put into feeling bad about myself, my looks and what I eat etc. It is just horrid how all of us have had some kind of struggle with eating disorders in our lives.
    I think that expressing your feelings as you do here is a huge first step. Awareness and being mindful is so important. Wish I knew what you know!! (at your age!)
    take care and keep doing what you are doing! Hugs from Indy!!

  14. Noel Rozny responded on 05 Aug 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Dear Kate,

    I landed on your blog after reading “The Vicious, Dangerous World of Blogging.” LOVE your blog, LOVE your ideas. It drives me bonkers how much time we ladies waste agonizing over imaginary (or not, but who cares either way) cellulite and saggy boobs. Think of all the energy that goes into those negatives thoughts each day–it’s probably enough to fix the energy crisis or cure cancer!

    I also hate how these thoughts not only hold us back from our potential and all the wonderful things we could be doing in the world, but from enjoying ourselves and celebrating life. If I have to see one more woman pass up a piece of cake at a birthday party or baby shower because she’s on a diet, I’m going to lose my mind. (BTW, to you people that pass up the cake, it’s really rude. Celebrate your girl’s birthday! Don’t make everyone else feel bad about having cake! As Kate says, eat the damn cake already! It won’t kill you!!)

    Thanks for the great posts so far, looking forward to more . . .

    And PS Don’t let those nasty people out in the blogosphere get to you. The fact that they’re getting their panties all in a bunch means you’re doing something right.

  15. Chibi Jeebs responded on 15 Aug 2010 at 6:13 pm #

    LOVE the un-roast idea – may have to borrow it!

  16. Kim NYC responded on 02 Sep 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    Hi Kate! I just e-mailed you some “fan mail” a few minutes ago. ;) I meant to add a link to it which leads to some of my thoughts on weight/ weddings/ arm chub, etc.:

    http://bravebride.blogspot.com/search/label/dreaded%20bridal%20diet

    Take care!

  17. Why My Non-Jewish Fiancé and I Make the Best Jewish Match | JewkBox.com responded on 03 Oct 2010 at 5:00 pm #

    [...] by Kate Fridkis. I am Jewish. Even though Jewishness really doesn’t and shouldn’t lie on a spectrum, [...]

  18. Erika @ Food.Fitness.Fun responded on 30 Oct 2010 at 11:38 am #

    Your blog is nice change from the usual “don’t eat that cake – it’s fatty – choose an apple instead” type of “health” blogs. I can’t wait to read more! :-)

  19. Natalie responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    I love this!!! Go you!

  20. Dawn responded on 17 Jan 2011 at 7:09 pm #

    I never knew an “unroast” existed before I started reading your blog. In a small way, I feel cheated. In another, I’m thankful that you chose to write instead of standing in front of a mirror.

    Dawn–unschooling mother of four who grew up being called “Goodyear”–but grew up to be a Personal Trainer Who Eats Cake.

  21. Stacy Gilmer responded on 28 Jan 2011 at 8:47 pm #

    Hi, Kate! I found your blog by following a link one of my longtime friends posting on Facebook (one of the more recent un-schooling blogs).

    I was so impressed, I’ve been reading back through your blogs to catch up. You have a great writing voice. And a great bunch of readers, who contribute with wonderful comments. I guess it really caught my attention, because in most online forums, any comment quickly leads to a drawn out, negative argument. So this is a nice place to spend a few minutes a day.

    Keep writing (and pass the cake)!

  22. Kaitlin With Honey responded on 11 Feb 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    My friend just sent me in the direction of your site and I’m so glad she did! I LOVE your idea of un-roasting. That’s awesome.

  23. The Dame responded on 10 Mar 2011 at 5:14 pm #

    Found your site from your post on Yes and Yes and loved your style of writing – quick and witty. Having now read your About page Im subscribing in my reader, I dont want to miss out!

    Viva La Cake!

  24. Alison responded on 17 Mar 2011 at 4:50 pm #

    Kate,

    Have you thought about publishing a collection of essays based on your blog entries about body, beauty, and food? You write well with humor and guts, and I think many women would be grateful to read this stuff in book form. I know I would. It’s healing to talk about these struggles, to be reminded that they are shared struggles, that we aren’t crazy or alone, that we can support and affirm each other instead of compete with each other, and that being whole means honoring our body AND spirit/heart/mind, not just one over the other. Your sharing strengthens me to share. Thank you!

    Best,
    Alison

  25. theaxx responded on 24 Mar 2011 at 9:24 pm #

    I’m sitting here chuckling and thinking about how I feel about my chin… don’t think I’ve thought about my chine before, but enjoying it :) hehe

    Love your work
    thea.
    x

    (spoonfulzine)

  26. Jen responded on 10 May 2011 at 7:55 am #

    Hi Kate, I really appreciate your honesty about yourself. We all can relate to your insecurities. I was told repeatedly and still am told by a family member that I need to lose weight. I’m in my 40′s and this still goes on. Like, “you’d be perfect if you lost the weight” and now it’s more “you’d be healthier if you lost the weight”. It’s so tiring. I just do whatever I want. And, I love the pic of cake on your site! It looks like flourless chocolate cake with ganache!! That gets the endorphins going. Keep up the writing and being a great person!

  27. Anny responded on 14 Jun 2011 at 9:40 pm #

    Hi Kate, I love your blog. I got here by googling “tempted to cut off my own hair.” about a month ago. The first blog entry I read of yours was when you chopped off your hair into a pixie cut and I’ve been reading your blog ever since. I really appreciate your honesty about your insecurities and it makes me feel less alone about mine. I’ve been dealing with weight insecurities for a long time, since I lost about 50 lbs in 2003. I still see the “fat me” in the mirror even though my family keeps insisting I am skin and bones. Your blog is a breath of fresh air. I love your writing. Please keep it up. You’re a great person! :)

  28. E responded on 21 Jul 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    Hey Kate :) I came across this blog when googling ‘sucking in your stomach’ to see how normal it is. I’m 17, nearly finished school, and have had some body insecurities over the past couple of years. This blog is great. I wish I’d found this about a year ago. Will definitely be reading it regularly.

  29. Melita responded on 22 Jul 2011 at 4:57 am #

    Hi Kate,
    I have always enjoyed eating, cooking, eating and eating. I always thought I looked fine, UNTIL while I was tucking into my regular evening treat of dipping chocolate into my hot cocoa, my brother said: “Do you realise you’re fat?” It all went downhill from there. But I recovered (after about 10 years) and my passion for food persisted – it even became my profession. I’ve worked as an assistant to a TV chef, restaurant reviewer, and cook book editor. I no longer work in the field and I hate cooking now that I HAVE to produce meals for my family, but I still love eating. Luckily my husband is a good cook!
    Thanks for your blog and I look forward to reading more.

  30. Ali responded on 26 Jul 2011 at 1:57 pm #

    Love your blog! I had a slice of lemon-coconut cake last night! YUM

  31. kathleen responded on 05 Aug 2011 at 12:55 am #

    Hope the move is going well! Have missed your posts popping up in my bloglovin feed!!

  32. Natalie S. responded on 12 Sep 2011 at 6:04 pm #

    I just read an article by you on HuffPost, which led me to your blog, which led me to sift through every post you’ve written while I’m at work. You’re lovely. Thanks for doing this.

  33. Surabhi @ Womanatics responded on 27 Oct 2011 at 3:06 am #

    Kate,

    I just saw your blog and loved it! Its my first visit and I have bookmarked it.

    Thing is that I have been nominated for Liebster Blog Award. It is an award given to blogs that have less than 200 followers and that deserve more recognition. Please let me know if you have less than 200 followers. Since I am nominated for it, I have to in turn nominate five other such blogs.

    I would be happy to nominate you. Please let me know. Will tell you rest later! :)

    Keep blogging. You are very good at it.

  34. PJ responded on 02 Nov 2011 at 3:34 pm #

    I love your blog entries but I think I love unroasts the most. They’re sort of like a gratitude journal but better. I’m stealing the idea from you as I think it will help improve my attitude. Just have to decide what to call it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  35. LovelyLici responded on 25 Nov 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    Hey. I’ve passed an award along to you. See here: http://wp.me/p1EoaL-lJ

  36. Libby Walkup responded on 05 Jan 2012 at 8:48 pm #

    i like you, your zit and this.

    unroast: between you and me (;)) I have sexy ankles and calves and I like my pot belly. it’s round and may be the reason I have a heart attack someday but it’s soft and squishy and great to snuggle with, or so I’ve been told.

    also. I run a literary magazine, I’m booting up to start a monthly online edition, I’m looking for columnists? I don’t have any money, but if you’re interested I’d love to hear from you.

    Libby
    chief editor ginger piglet

  37. Lillian responded on 21 Mar 2012 at 12:12 am #

    Kate,

    I love your blog already and I have only read your most recent post, “the chunky/gorgeous woman on the subway” and your “about.” Your writing keeps me reading more and of course the fact that you’re all about women is amazing.

    I too was homeschooled…only until about 5th grade, my sister got it “worse,” she was homeschooled until high school…but if my mom reads this (since I will send her the link to this blog) I am only kidding and I love you! (to my mom). Anyways, I completely understand the whole homeschooling thing…it can alter your perspective on life for a bit :)

    I love the cake picture…it has been making me crave chocolate cake and raspberries. I WILL eat the damn cake!

  38. Cake, and also tea | Courting the New Century responded on 08 May 2012 at 4:35 am #

    [...]  I just started reading this thoroughly fantastic blog called Eat the Damn Cake, and it’s thoroughly fantastic.  I highly recommend it.  Did I mention it’s [...]

  39. Life [Comma] Etc responded on 08 May 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    Hol-E-Crap. Yes. Thank you. I’ll be catching up by RSS feed from now on!

  40. Perfecting the Art of Grilled Cheese | Kitchen Anywhere responded on 22 May 2012 at 11:36 pm #

    [...] I’d read this post about integrity, body image, and grilled cheese by Kate Fridkis at Eat the Damn Cake, I’d never really thought of grilled cheese as a life [...]

  41. Josi responded on 09 Oct 2012 at 3:39 am #

    I have just stumbled upon this blog, (“the importance of letting yourself be occasionally ugly” in particular), and as I read I thought “Yes! This is awesome!”. And then I got to the end, where you admitted to being ugly sometimes, and that maybe we need to focus more on what is going on inside of our heads, and I started to cry. I started to cry because I have been so focused on my body instead of my brain and my heart, and I think my soul is beginning to feel the neglect.

    So, thank you. I am going to read your blog, and try to reconnect with that part of myself. I really really appreciate what you’re writing about, and I really wish more women could live with this mindset.

  42. Imogen responded on 29 Oct 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    How have I never discovered you before? I’ve just drunk 2 mugs of tea and had a piece of cake whilst pouring over your articles having copious ‘holy shit that’s exactly how I feel’ moments. Thank you for sharing and more importantly articulating all of this so well. Your unroasts are refreshing and I love the specifics. Finding your blog has been perfect timing, my negativity was starting to overwhelm.
    So my first unroast is; I like that I have laughter in my eyes when I smile :)

  43. Alaina responded on 05 Nov 2012 at 10:05 pm #

    So glad I found you. Very much needed!

  44. schoome responded on 03 Mar 2013 at 11:48 pm #

    Hi Kate, I just read your piece in The Age on personal essay writing. Enjoyed it. Agree with it. Thought I had seen your work on WordPress so I went looking for you again. I’m a bloke, and an oldish one at that , so we don’t have that much in common but I do like some cakes. Often I’m disappointed that I ordered cake; all those calories and not very nice cake. But, I keep coming back for more cake.
    I enjoy your writing and I admire your courage…… long may you prosper. Terry
    P.S. We home schooled our two boys back in the day. You are a shining example for home schoolers everywhere.

  45. Melisa Ramsey responded on 04 Mar 2013 at 6:53 am #

    Hello There,
    My name is Melisa and I’m a Professional Blogger. I have more than 3+ yrs of experience writing for the web and have covered plenty of interesting topics.
    I came across your blog and was wondering if you would be interested in allowing me to write relevant & useful topics on your blog at no cost.
    At this point of my writing career, I simply want to get more visibility for my writing and I will write for free as long as you are fine with me adding a small author bio section following the blog post about myself.
    Please let me know if you are interested and if you’d like for me to submit a sample blog post for your approval.
    Thanks a bunch,
    Melisa

  46. Meghan {For the Love of Dessert} responded on 29 Apr 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    I cannot even tell you how happy I am to find your blog. I love everything about it and your honestly is amazing. I just read a couple of your articles and totally just felt the need to fist pump with a chorus of yes! yes! yes! so many times. Good work. <3

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