First, if you haven’t bought my book yet, you can get it through here. It’s also available through Amazon UK (which apparently works in Australia) and Australia’s iBooks. You might think you don’t really feel like reading a book about pregnancy. You might be right. But even if you’re right, it’s only like $4 and buying it is basically like saying, “I think you deserve to make at least a couple bucks for doing all this writing all the time.” (And by “all this writing all the time” I’m definitely not referring to this post.) I would really appreciate it. So much. Please?
There. Jewish mom guilt trip. Now that I’m a Jewish mom.
Now, because I had so much fun coming up with my first list of stuff people do on TV/movies but not in real life, I wanted to do another. I’ve been keeping this list on my phone as I sit around endlessly nursing and watching (mostly bad) TV. It will be immediately clear from this list that I tend to watch violent shows about spies.
On TV but not in (my, possibly most other people’s) life*:
Anyone trying to destroy the world starts with LA
Which is maybe because the most important CIA, NSA, and some other black-ops super secret government agencies have their most important operations centers there
Every day, everyone is eating pancakes or waffles for breakfast. Golden, fluffy, perfectly circular pancakes in a towering stack. Golden, fluffy, giant waffles with fresh berries (prewashed?), and even whipped cream. The kitchen is clean, anyway. There is no leftover batter speckling the side of a Tupperware container with a mismatched lid. And the whisk and the spatula are already washed and put away by the time the children come down for breakfast
(“children! Breakfast! Just a boring old stack of perfect buttermilk pancakes!” source)
Tough, hardened, smirking people often say “be my guest, pull that trigger” when someone’s pointing a gun at their head. They are always willing to bet that the person with the gun will definitely not, just this one time, pull the trigger
Kids get constantly shoved into lockers, especially when they are new in school. “Hey, new kid, you suck because you’re new!” BAM!