Eat the Damn Cake

So while I was getting laid off, Bear was busy interviewing for a new job. Life is a funny balance. And it happens all at once, sometimes.

He had to fly to Amsterdam on two days’ notice, and I was freaking out. My mind was a checklist, like, “Tiny travel deodorant! A towel, in case he has to wash his hair in the airport bathroom! Insulin and syringe prescriptions so that no one thinks he’s a terrorist or a drug addict! Gum! Tic tacs! Sunglasses!”

He was about to be under an enormous amount of pressure, and I was feeling it. I looked over the itinerary that the Dutch company had sent, the day of, and it was terrifying. Back- to-back meetings all day long. Everyone he was meeting with had a scarily important-sounding title. That’s how titles are supposed to work, I guess.

(source)

And then he was on a plane and I was standing in the checkout line at Whole Foods, and suddenly I was definitely going to throw up. It hit me like…um…a ball, hitting someone in the face. (OK, I failed there. Bad writer!) Anyway, it was extremely abrupt. I was unzipping my hoodie, remembering that I wasn’t wearing a bra and my shirt was not particularly thick and then zipping it back up halfway.

Continue Reading »

I will be participating in the Bloggers Day of Silence, out of respect for the gravity of the situation in Japan.

Continue Reading »

I’m over at Oh My Stinkin’ Heck today, guest posting. Heather, who writes OMSH, is awesome, and you’re going to have to go over there to see what her blog is like, because how can I summarize a blog with that title? I wouldn’t want to spoil the anticipation.

You may recognize the guest post from a while back. It’s called “I used to be a skinny person,” and it’s about, well, that. I used to be really skinny. My ribs stuck out a little. Now, not so much. I discovered Insomnia Cookies and how fantastically diverse grilled cheese sandwiches can be, and I never went back.

* * *

Un-roast: Today I love how square my shoulders are. I think they’re like my dad’s shoulders, except the girl version. Which is actually very nice.

New post on Un-schooled, about the film Race to Nowhere. It’s really good. And a really big deal right now. And the screening I went to was the first time I’ve gotten in somewhere crowded and trendy for free as “press.” It was ridiculously exciting. Probably more exciting than it should’ve been. You know what? Whatever. Nothing wrong with being excited.

The wedding photos came in today. In two discs. One of the discs works. My computer growls at the other one and then spits it out. I looked through about 450 photos in maybe five minutes. And now I need to think about what I’ve seen. And not do anything rash. And look at everything again.

I’d gotten to the point where I almost didn’t care about how they came out. But now they’re here, and I definitely care. I don’t want to look through them again. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to see myself looking awkward and lumpy and bad, even when I’m wildly happy and wearing a beautiful dress. I don’t want to look in the mirror and think, “Why can’t just one of the pictures capture the way I look right now?” I don’t want to think, “My kids will think this is what I looked like when I was twenty-four.” I don’t want to think anything. Continue Reading »

I have a new phone, and I can’t seem to figure it out. I think I accidentally took a photo of a woman on the subway platform. She definitely thought I did. I keep hitting something that says, “Voice activation. Speak now.” And then, when I say, “Whoa…Wait…Stop…” It goes, “You have searched for ‘Jeremy,’ by Pearl Jam,” and takes me promptly to youtube, where a video of a live performance awaits. I put it on mute a lot with my chin when I’m talking to people. Sometimes speaker, which is fun when in public and unable to figure out what just happened. I can’t operate the keyboard, so my texts look like, “ho moiim. Hoewez ut goon/?”

There are only two advantages. The photos it takes are really clear, and since it was my brother’s phone before mine, he took a lot of photos on it and then forgot about them. So I get to see what he’s been up to, now that he’s all grown up (eighteen). Apparently, he has gone to some museums and a hip hop concert. They were about equally interesting and a third of the way through the concert, I gave up on combing through blurry shots of people with microphones who I didn’t recognize, and went back to trying to figure out how to change the ring tone to something less raucous and peppy. Continue Reading »

I was picking up Bear’s shirts at the drycleaner. Jackie, the woman who works there, said, “When is the big day?”

I said, “Sunday.”

She reached across the counter and took my hand in both of hers. “Then I have to say something,” she said. “I have to say I wish for you good life, happiness, everything good. You should not be scared. ” She smiled at me as she spoke.

A man waited with a bag of laundry, checking his phone.

“I like you,” said Jackie. “I want happy life for you.”

“I like you, too,” I said. “I want that for you, too.”

And we looked at each other, smiling.

It was sort of perfect. Getting married can do that. Suddenly everyone in the world seems to come together. And they’re all smiling at you.

*  *  *  *  *

Un-roast: Today I love the way I look when I grin. I used to cover my mouth when I smiled, when I was thirteen. I thought my smile was really dorky. I was right.  But dorky is good.

P.S. Check out (if you want) my article in Huffpo about the TODAYshow.com’s report about homeschoolers, here.

So I dragged myself out of bed, and I sang! Thanks so much to my amazing synagogue community, and the incredible choir. They backed me up even when I sang directly into the microphone in a whispery voice. I felt a little like a pop star. Until I started coughing again. But seriously, I love that community so much.

Anyway, there’s a guest post of mine over at NonProphet Status. It’s about things I’m bad at. And some of those things may feel a little ironic, considering all this talk about participating in religious ceremonies. But, really, maybe they’re not.

Chris, the guy who runs that blog, is one of those people who goes around changing the world. I’m pretty happy to be his friend. Check it out!

OK. Got to go blow my nose. A lot.

*  *  *  *

Un-roast: Today I love the way my lips look stained purple from the no-sugar-added blueberry juice. That stuff rocks.