Kate
I’m Kate. I’m a blogger, freelance writer, positive body image advocate, and professional singer. I write a lot. Books (if you’re an agent, call me immediately), articles, short stories, the occasional song and even more occasional poem. Lists of things to do. Lists of things that I really, really need to get done NOW.
This is basically what I wrote for Linked-In, which was the last time I sat down and tried to compile my accomplishments in a way that would cause the people who didn’t immediately find me really arrogant to think I might be cool:
I got a Master’s at Columbia in 2010, and then got brave/stupid and started writing almost full-time. I started this blog, which still looks pretty backwoods but has a lot of readers and has been syndicated on Jezebel, Mamamia, and appears regularly on HuffPost and Psychology Today.
I used to write about homeschooling/unschooling at Skipping School, but I’ve stopped for now, although I still write a column for the popular alt-ed magazine Home Education Magazine. I also have a column at The Frisky, called “Mirror, Mirror,” I’m a regular contributor over at the Sydney Morning Herald’s Daily Life. My work has appeared on/in Salon, Cosmopolitan, the New York Times, the Forward, Longreads, Tablet, the Hairpin, xoJane, and more. I’ve been interviewed by PBS, the BBC, ABC radio, New Hampshire Public Radio, and iVillage.
If I ever get really famous, I will replace all of that bragging with a single link to the New York Times Magazine article about my incredible life. That’ll be classy.
In the meantime, I continue to suspect that I am probably not that incredible at life.
I am working on a fantasy novel and a memoir. I am the part time chazzan (person who sings in Hebrew a lot and leads services with the rabbi) at a synagogue in central NJ.
I look like this:
At least sometimes. Sometimes I look a lot worse in photos. Sometimes I look better, if I take a hundred of myself and then fool around with the lighting in photoshop. I’ve done that. Too many times, probably.
This is a picture an artist named Tyler Feder drew of me, and I love it:
Kate on February 28th 2010
Pearl responded on 16 Mar 2010 at 2:17 pm #
You ARE gorgeous.
Shyra responded on 17 Mar 2010 at 5:46 pm #
Let’s talk about how your objectivity was shattered later on in life as opposed to when you go to like elementary school. That’s when most people have that first epiphany of I’m different from others. I realized I was different and different can be gorgeous. Why not redefine gorgeous to include all flaws that make us imperfectly perfect?
Kate responded on 17 Mar 2010 at 10:52 pm #
Shyra–absolutely. I definitely want to talk about all that. In fact, that’s what the piece I just posted starts to discuss! This is such an important topic, and I appreciate you bringing it up.
Amy responded on 21 Mar 2010 at 3:29 am #
Love you, love your grandma, love your chocolate cake.
Say Yes to Salad - OY VEY! Manhattan! Couches! Smoothies! responded on 26 Mar 2010 at 11:38 pm #
[...] Kate would say. We’ve been hanging out so much I’m starting to use her [...]
Maggie Walks - Intensely Healthy Dessert responded on 06 Apr 2010 at 9:13 pm #
[...] my walking ways. I did 2 miles to work and then a little over a mile at lunch (while chatting with Kate). Wish I could have done more, but I had a lot to [...]
Liberal East Texan responded on 17 Apr 2010 at 8:56 pm #
Hey, I found your blog via HuffPo.
Don’t be down on yourself about your looks. I think you look great.
ss responded on 26 Apr 2010 at 2:43 pm #
i read a few posts and didn’t connect the photos with the rants. i don’t understand. you are absolutely beautiful. i’m wondering by what standards you are judging yourself but if it’s mainstream barbie standards, please drop them. that’s like judging sound politics by tea party standards. why are you using mainstream standards?
i’m not syaing this to make you feel better. i was honestly confused when i came to this page and was able to definitively connect your picture to your statements.
stop your own madness (you’re the only one who can).
Kate responded on 26 Apr 2010 at 6:10 pm #
@SS
I was concerned about using photos on the site, because I didn’t really want to give insecurity a face. But the truth is, that’s exactly why I’m writing. Because it doesn’t really matter what I look like. It matters how I feel. And we live in a society that places ridiculous standards on women. Sometimes I feel stupid for feeling unattractive, but then I look around and see that so so so many girls and women are feeling the same pressures. Which is why I’m here, writing about it.
And by the way, there are much, much worse photos of me. But I’m too embarrassed to put them up!
Eat the Damn Cake » Maggie: Censor Me. responded on 26 Apr 2010 at 10:48 pm #
[...] Kate [...]
April responded on 14 May 2010 at 7:40 am #
You are so right…we can’t all look like Elizabeth Hurley. We need to get over it and just live with what we have. I have red hair, freckles and chipmunk cheeks and if people don’t like it they can look the other way. Thank goodness for Lasiks.
The Shoe Astronauts lied to you. « Beauty Schooled responded on 17 May 2010 at 7:04 am #
[...] post is cross-posted over at Eat the Damn Cake, one of my new favorite body image blogs. Kate and Maggie are honest, hilarious, and oh so smart and insightful, so do click over and be their [...]
Roast Veggie and Goat “Cheese” Wrap, and Two Announcements responded on 18 May 2010 at 9:58 pm #
[...] you a head’s up that I’ll have a guest post up sometime tomorrow and/or Thursday on Kate’s blog, Eat the Damn Cake. The blog, which has been up and running for a few months, is full of [...]
Lauren responded on 19 May 2010 at 3:43 pm #
I think you are very pretty! What are you talking about silly girl?
[Cross-Post] A Vow of Complimenting from Kate at Eat The Damn Cake. « Beauty Schooled responded on 27 May 2010 at 9:26 am #
[...] around again, because now I’ve bullied asked nicely and today, we have ETDC’s very own Kate, cross-posting over here about why we should all be giving out a lot more [...]
David Jaffa responded on 08 Jun 2010 at 4:30 am #
Dear Kate,
The Real God knows that you are searching the essence of realities or truths. Or even the “right truths”. That was what Abraham did when he searched for his real God.
Why do not you read the Old Testament (Torah), New Testament and The Last Testament (Qur’an) to find the right answers?
I have found a few things in the Qur’an related to your searches:
Yunus 10:36
Most of them follow naught but conjecture. Assuredly conjecture can by no means take the place of truth. Lo! Allah is Aware of what they do.
An-Najm 53:28
And they have no knowledge thereof. They follow but a guess, and lo! a guess can never take the place of the truth.
Al-An’am 6:116
If thou obeyedst most of those on earth they would mislead thee far from Allah’s way. They follow naught but an opinion, and they do but guess.
Hope you will find a lot more things reading all of those Holy Books.
Sincerely
David
Note: Could I have your email address?
Dawn responded on 27 Jun 2010 at 3:18 pm #
When my grandmother was 98 1/2 years old she went into a physical decline. In the hospital my sisters and I sat with her, combed her hair & rubbed her hands. I remember a nurse came in and looked at my grandmother. Suddenly I realized that to the nurse my grandmother looked old, haggard, her hair was whisps of white. The nurse could not see my grandmother! She could not see how lovely she was, how funny, how kind. She couldn’t see my grandmother’s long life, her strength thru hard times, her faithful love for her family. The nurse could only see with her eyes. I looked am my grandmother. I COULD see her. It was like magic.
Kate, if you are with people who can’t see you, you are with the wrong people.
Jen responded on 29 Jun 2010 at 10:05 am #
Found you through Jezebel, great blog. You are very pretty and I would KILL for those lips! Very funny story about wedding shopping. I was one of the least bride-y brides ever myself.
Caryn responded on 30 Jun 2010 at 5:04 pm #
Hello! I also found you through Jezebel. I don’t have much time to write this second, but I liked what you wrote very much. The funny thing is that I am having the opposite experience. I didn’t ever think of myself as overweight, but I did take off 20lb in the last year, and it has been a mindf**k! I feel adjusted now, but for a few months, it was pretty difficult! I wondered sometimes whether I had done an anti-feminist thing by losing weight, whether I was perpetuating a standard of beauty that I don’t totally buy into. I get so many compliments on how I look and more attention in general, where before I felt quite overlooked — and yet I am the same person inside. Keep on, Kate!
Carol Adams responded on 06 Jul 2010 at 2:49 pm #
Honey, honey honey…. you are just GORGEOUS!!
Gorgeous skin, beautiful doe eyes, amazing lips, great eyebrows, wonderful oval face shape and very cute chin!
I hate it that you once thought you were beautiful and now you don’t. I’m in my 50s and can so relate. however now I look back at photos of myself remembering how I didn’t feel beautiful and was! It is disheartening that we women do this to ourselves.
Sue responded on 09 Jul 2010 at 12:25 pm #
I stumbled upon your site while looking for cake blogs. (I just started my own blog) I am inspired by the 2 articles that I just read and I can’t wait to read more.
MK (Casey) van Bronkhorst responded on 16 Aug 2010 at 3:06 pm #
Our Blog and Size Acceptance sections at Plus Size 411 need you and your level-headed outlook. Eat the Damn Cake fits in perfectly, and many more women need to have this resource at their fingertips.
http://www.plussize411.com – listings are free, human-reviewed and -approved before visible (which will take about 10 seconds after I get your listing).
[Guest Post] On (Not) Being Transvestite Barbie « Beauty Schooled responded on 03 Sep 2010 at 9:50 am #
[...] Beauty Schooled readers know I have a total blog crush on Kate of Eat the Damn Cake. If you don’t know that, you should A) check out her blog, especially [...]
Noel responded on 13 Sep 2010 at 2:48 pm #
Kate,
Saw this today and thought of you and everyone contributing to/commenting on “Eat the Damn Cake:”
Tired of talking about how toxic our culture is for girls and women, particularly in relation to their bodies? Craving to take action? Brimming with good ideas but suffering from a lack of support? Then this is your moment.
The Women’s Therapy Centre Institute is thrilled to announce the LOVED BODIES, BIG IDEAS Contest.
You can find more info here: http://www.endangeredspecieswomen.org/2010/09/13/announcing-loved-bodies-big-ideas-contest/
I feel like the ETDC community would have lots of great ideas to contribute!
Sue responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 3:03 pm #
Kate: I had to write and compliment your article about your nose. When I was in college. I too had the same misgivings about my appearance. At that tender age in womanhood, you and I could have been doppelgangers. I am 59 now, holding on with all my fingers and toes, fighting the sweeping black hole of age. When it came to my nose, I would look in the mirror and cringe. I have Jewish and Native American background combined with 57 other varieties.
One balmy afternoon in my twenties, I was out shopping. A young boy riding a skateboard, passed me on the sidewalk and clucked out loud to his friend, “Hey man, the wicked witch of the West!” I was crushed.
Since I am a pain whimp, and afraid of doctors and surgery, I just decided to go the “self love” route. It’s too bad celebrities don’t think before they leap. They would be much more interesting and better role models for their fans. For instance, look at Jennifer Grey, she devalued her heritage and ultimately herself, by having her nose job. Now she looks like everyone else in Hollywood. In my opinion, she could have been another Barbara Streisand, who, in my humble opinion proves, the old axiom, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, and eventually fades away.
Anyway, thanks for an interesting read.
Ben responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 4:03 pm #
I was struck by your recent article about nose jobs. Having seen your original picture, for me, I was in shock why you would change a thing. Perhaps my perspective will inspire you.
Like you, I grew up Jewish. But despite not being adopted, I don’t look Jewish. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Now…I know..I shouldn’t be complaining (because society tells me I shouldn’t???), but because of this, I grew up adoring woman who looked Jewish. It made me feel like I was….among my own. I adored woman who beared resemblence to Barbara Streisand–rather than run from them. I not only don’t care what other people’s sense of beauty is, I adored the idea that the woman I thought most physically attractive were the one’s society “so-called” pursued less.
Kate, you’re only “problem” I say tongue in cheek, is that you weren’t also weren’t born with somewhat of a lazy eye like Babs..for if you were, surely, were I not happily married, I would propose to you on our first date.
Your appearance is perfect. Don’t change a thing!
Claire responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 4:32 pm #
Kate: I, too, read your article about your nose job. I must say I do see that you are truly a beautiful woman just as you are. I am a woman photographer who has three model looking children in their 30s, and what I see in your photo is Leonardo da Vinci’s La Scapigliata. This piece of work of his was shown in the movie Ever After with Drew Barrymore playing Cinderella. It is also a piece of work that portaits a woman with such elegance and beauty and at the same time it shows her strength and intellgence. If I were you I’d cherish that look. God has truly blessed you , my dear.
Jules responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 5:48 pm #
ah Kate, I’ve only just read a few paragraphs about your life and I already love you! I can’t wait to learn more about you. And I am sure that without you even knowing, you’ve boosted my confidence today after reading your article featured on AOL’s main page. Thank-you.
Jim Evans responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 6:40 pm #
Hey Kate, just read your My Daily piece about the nose job. For what it’s worth, I’m an artist (waspy/Italian) who lives on a farm in MD and I think you’re beautiful, absolutely beautiful. You could be the twin of a dear friend of mine who also lives in Manhatten, also beautiful. The only acceptance that matters is your own.
Lizzy responded on 04 Jan 2011 at 7:20 pm #
I just read your article on your nose job(s). Glad to see you didn’t go any further. If you look at Jennifer Gray, changing her nose made her unrecognizable. She lost the part of her self that made her unique and memorable, her nose. Sure she looks good, but she now looks like everyone else in a crowd. Embrace your nose, it suits your face, and really you are quite pretty the way you are. You just need to believe in yourself.
Stephanie responded on 15 Jan 2011 at 1:23 am #
kate, I love your work. I found your style refreshing. don’t ever change. your unique, and I enjoyed reading your article unschooled
I agree lots of kids get screwed up in regular school.
keep doing what your doing!
blessings!
stephanie
Dawn responded on 17 Jan 2011 at 7:16 pm #
Our paths are reversed. I grew up in public school where my strong gymnastic body was considered “big”. My brother named me “Goodyear” and my parents named me “Dumb Blonde”.
When I became a homeschooling/unschooling mom, my flaws diminished. I became a red-head (it suits me better). When my grandbabies were born (young as I was), I felt awesomely attractive. They love me, no matter.
You, Kate, are simply awesome.
I
mlvlnd responded on 01 Mar 2011 at 8:18 pm #
” … really, we should just eat the damn cake.”
I totally agree with you, Kate, really and truly, and I thank you so much for sharing your gifts of creativity and language.
Best always,
mlvlnd
Jackie responded on 07 Mar 2011 at 12:50 am #
I think that a big part of the problem is that people buy into a standard of beauty and impose that upon others and us. There are so very many versions of beautiful and attractive, and also so very many ways that we can fall short of the mark.
I was speaking with a fitness trainer about how J. Lo probably has to work to perfect her version of a butt, and he said his girlfriend was lucky since she didn’t have a butt, and that was so weird to me because buttlessness, in my world, is seen as a huge (tiny?) flaw.
There are so many standards being bought into, and while we are allowed to embrace our own preferences, it is sad that often we limit our ability to connect meaningfully with others because they don’t fall into the limits we impose on others by holding dear our own standards of perfection, as shaped by the world we live in.
[Never Say Diet] Let (Everyone) Eat Cake! | Beauty Schooled responded on 16 Mar 2011 at 10:53 am #
[...] on Never Say Diet, I’m interviewing the always awesome Kate of Eat The Damn Cake about her new project. (Hint: That’s part of it, up there.) We chatted about cake until both [...]
Norm responded on 19 Mar 2011 at 6:44 pm #
So…I just read your interview on AOL about ‘boy-men’. The first thing that struck me was that ‘provisional adulthood’ has been around since mid-Piaget. I’m not a “Y”…in fact I’m close to retirement. That stage of my life was marked by a mix of working the auto trades to continue being a ‘professional student’. Women’s Lib was in full swing, and I taught a course in the local free university called “Auto-Communications for Women” (University for Man, Manhattan, KS, ca. 1973-77). Boomer young men were faced with the daunting task of even equalling, much less surpassing, the men of the previous generation, who had saved the world from the Nazi’s and Imperial Japan. Fathers were primarily absent. Leave it to Beaver it was not.
.
Nonetheless, I was able to obtain a broad-based education, complete my military obligation (there was a draft in those days) and pay for university without resort to debilitating student loans. There was, of course, no work in my degree field (wildlife conservation), so a second degree was next on the agenda. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be a parent (mine did the best they could, and there were gaps in social/cultural arenas). Still, I gave it a try. Didn’t work very well…we’d both brought our family dynamics to the marriage (her binge-drinking, wife-beating, disappear-for-a-month-at-a-time Dad established her expectations, my paucity of emotions except depression alternating with anger followed my family dynamic modeling). I didn’t live up to her family model, nor to her expectations for emotional intimacy. I was divorced, at her initiation the day I started my first ‘real’ job in biology, as a county health inspector. Despite her having just finished a counseling psychology MA I’d half paid for, she was not willing to GO to counseling together. She did gift me with a book on co-dependency on parting, though it apparently took her 3+years to grasp that it might have been hard for me to be co-dependent by myself
Boy-men: our bodies (and minds, biologically) evolved when the roles of men and women were very different. Salt, fat, sugar were the ‘gems’ of survival…so we crave them. Guys did a lot of physical stuff. So did women. Guys tended to do the heavier stuff, or what involved more traveling away from the group. That remained true through about the 1940′s. There’s not a lot of that to do these days, at least not that pays well. Our minds and bodies are still programmed for a way of life that doesn’t exist. Through the ‘Industrial Age’ we could at least see some semblence of the ‘old ways’.
Single Mom is a challenging path…and it exposes boys to primarily female role models in real life. It’s pretty well established that the primal learning mode is mimicry (the first word most children use frequently is the one they hear the most…’No’). Is it, then, any wonder that the caricatured masculine role models from the entertainment industry don’t yield a very functional man, and/or evoke confustion about male role(s)?
There’s much more, but the bottom line is as a larger culture (men and women together) we have a responsbility to do better at raising our children (of both genders) as a part of being responsible for the shifting socisl/cultural landscape our evolving world offers.
Thanks for doing your part to get the conversation started back up again. Be well, Norm
chopinandmysaucepan responded on 13 Apr 2011 at 8:49 am #
No more self deprecating comments coz you’re lovely! We should all eat the damn cake, and not share it either!
katie responded on 04 May 2011 at 4:16 am #
You are beautiful.
000 responded on 20 Jul 2011 at 8:43 am #
you have a solid margin of ‘unugliness’ in this photo, so you probably aren’t ‘ugly’ in your ‘uglier’ photos.
also, recognize that your hair is shorter than many women can wear theirs.
you look reasonably slim, certainly not ‘fat’.
i don’t think anyone can prevent other people from having opinions about level of beauty. that leaves “not worrying about it” as the alternative for the ‘less blessed’.
i don’t think “big noses” (iranian, indian, french, dutch, ??) matter much.
careful makeup and some surgical slimming? http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?p=Reshma+Shetty
her nose isn’t “tiny”, and she’s beautiful.
julia roberts. i think she’s had some nose surgery, but has ‘wisely’ kept most of its distinctive look.
Lisa responded on 27 Aug 2011 at 7:27 pm #
Hi Kate,
Love your cake eating photos. I’m a personal trainer in NYC and I’m with you on this~ While I don’t recommend eating cake as a daily diet…when you really want cake~eat the damn cake!! And I mean EAT THE DAMN CAKE. Have a hunky satisfying serving and stop tormenting yourself. Enjoy it, let it go and move on.
And by the way, you are adorable. Hope you know that.
Lisa
Victoria Mixon responded on 12 Oct 2011 at 3:34 pm #
Kate, I love your piece on unschooling in Salon. My husband & I are unschooling our 14-year-old, and we’ve all had exactly the experience you describe: a wonderful life without classrooms or rules because–you know what?–we just like being together.
I’m an indie editor blogging about writing, interviewing folks in the field of writing, answering questions about writing on my (secret) advice column. I even write books about writing.
I’m so pleased to meet you, here in the confluence of these extraordinary worlds: writing and unschooling.
Marjorie responded on 12 Oct 2011 at 7:10 pm #
Why did this occur to you when you got to college? I don’t agree with your conclusion at all (I think you are beautiful). I ask because I am unschooling my daughters who are now 9 and 11 and am wondering what will happen to them when they go off to college. I loved your salon piece except that it’s very depressing. Well-written, entertaining, but I want to strangle Mrs. Grimini. Keep writing, we’ll keep reading.
Jimmie Froehlich responded on 15 Oct 2011 at 2:38 am #
Hi,
I read your article (?) in Salon about unschooling. You are right that college is boring and not just because of many of the teachers. The lack of interest among most students is what is most alarming. Thanks for your excellent writing.
Things to celebrate: transitions, people, Tom « Dances For Dull Moments responded on 21 Oct 2011 at 1:52 pm #
[...] Kate Fridkis writing about why she loves being married (my favorite reason being ‘freedom’- which [...]
Body Image Booster: Embracing Your Real Body | Weightless responded on 23 Jan 2012 at 10:04 am #
[...] week freelance writer and blogger Kate, who blogs at “Eat the Damn Cake,” wrote a brilliant post about these several bodies. [...]
[Cross-Post] A Vow of Complimenting from Kate at Eat The Damn Cake. responded on 25 Jan 2012 at 6:14 pm #
[...] around again, because now I’ve bullied asked nicely and today, we have ETDC’s very own Kate, cross-posting over here about why we should all be giving out a lot more compliments. Read [...]
Alena responded on 28 Jan 2012 at 3:18 am #
You’re beautiful. I love this blog.
Slava responded on 28 Jan 2012 at 6:44 pm #
I ended up here by accident (searching up a photo of a girl with a ukulele) – so happy about it. Love your style of writing, and the way you see the world. Best,
Slava
Carol responded on 29 Jan 2012 at 3:53 am #
I always think it’s cool when people are ‘freelance’. I would never have the courage to not have a stable job. Good for you !!
Dave responded on 10 Feb 2012 at 1:19 pm #
Hello. I live in Brazil, I work as a professional fighter and fightgear company. I’m from Brooklyn/Long Island. I just read your article. I thought you should know. You are a hot chick. I’m married to a hot Brazilian woman and surrounded by nothing but hot Brazilian women all day long. Nevertheless you are a hot chick. So eat the cake, don’t think other women are better at being women than you, and enjoy life. That’s all
Dr. A responded on 02 Mar 2012 at 11:51 am #
I am so excited to have discovered your blog! I am a therapist in the Dallas area who also did a brave/stupid combo of going whole hog into private practice right after my PhD. Body image is something that EVERY single one of my patients struggles with at some point, and I “prescribe” the things you have written about, such as burlesque dancing classes and yoga, to help them get in touch with their physicality and explore their thoughts on it. Writing on this topic is not for the cowardly, but your blog provides a wonderful resource for the thousands upon thousands of people out there (I would say all, some don’t want to admit it!) who struggle with the same issues, as you combine powerful insights with a witty and approachable writing style. Your blog is going on my “prescription” list!
Ellen responded on 10 Mar 2012 at 11:48 am #
You’re beautiful and so inspiring!
i was going to post today but, you know. « zoe & the beatles responded on 14 Mar 2012 at 1:07 pm #
[...] had too. so, i harbor this mad woman crush on kate of eat the damn cake. she’s an awesome writer. she’s honest. she eats cake. girl after [...]
Soohyun responded on 31 Mar 2012 at 7:13 pm #
Hello Kate,
I really love your blog! One of my best friends, Justine, (I think you might know her) introduced your website to me today and I was wondering what the blog is about. After reading posts after posts, I liked the way you think and your love of dessert! I am too!
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I will definitely keep track of your blog! Have a nice day
crayon responded on 10 Apr 2012 at 2:19 am #
Oh Kate! What a beautiful blog ! I haven’t even read it all yet but my, my , do I love it !
You’ve inspired me to get back to my own, too, and write a long entry about this kind of thing.
Thankyou so much for being brave and beautiful and for all the gorgeous cake pics.
Amazing xxx
Seo responded on 24 Apr 2012 at 3:38 am #
Hi,
I just stumbled across your site when I googled “real life coffee of doom.” Just wanted to say that when I read that post, I had to do a double-take because your writing was actually good. You don’t see too much of that on the internets these days. I love your style and honesty and I hope you keep being unpretentious and stuff.
Soohyun responded on 17 May 2012 at 8:37 pm #
It was so great to meet you and spend time together yesterday!!
I really fell in love with DUMBO and your kitty. Hope to see you soon someday!
Karen responded on 06 Jun 2012 at 10:31 am #
The thing I love about blog rolls is if you take the time sometimes, just sometimes, you find a gem. You are a gem.
Rob responded on 07 Jun 2012 at 9:11 am #
Just wanted to say I really like your writing! I first read one of your pieces that was published by the Frisky and then picked up by The Date Report and I laughed out loud when you pointed out the virtues of body hair in a possible frozen apocalypse.
Alex responded on 07 Jun 2012 at 8:00 pm #
I almost cried looking through the photos of women eating cake…I have been struggling with an eating disorder for the past year which I am managing my way out of and feel moved to see how happy all of those women are at various events where there is cake…I want to eat cake again and share joy at a birthday party and not feel badly about it…I want to rediscover my love of cake cause I do really love cake! Thanks for this amazing blog…this might just do the trick!
Jeff responded on 04 Jul 2012 at 1:22 pm #
Kate. Enjoyed your blog on small breasts. I’m a guy. Agree wholeheartedly, which puts me at odds with your brothers and (maybe) 80 per cent of the male population. It used to bother me that my preferences were different and that my evangelical efforts to extol small boobies fell on deaf ears. But now I’ve come to the conclusion (with age comes wisdom) that my preference is just fine and even suggests a heightened sense of individualism and a rarified taste. haha. It’s like liking golf or good literature or a fine wine. Well, okay, small boobies are really not like golf … but still.
Dru responded on 09 Jul 2012 at 7:31 pm #
I googled “is it normal to feel ugly sometimes and pretty sometimes” and came across your blog somewhere along the lines. This google search came after a couple hours of trying to search for philosophy and how to be happy. I think your blog did it for me. I often google “is it normal….” just to remind myself that other people are unsure, insecure and have the same problems. Your blog helped with my self esteem. Thanks!
Eric responded on 12 Aug 2012 at 4:32 pm #
It sounds like a lie that people tell others to keep from hurting their feelings but… Who you are inside is way more important than what you look like outside. People often overlook those that don’t measure up to some airbrushed fantasy but are the most amazing people on the planet. Their loss.
nikto responded on 17 Aug 2012 at 9:35 pm #
Seriously, you are good-looking.
A nice, natural, healthy look.
What’s not to like?
raquel responded on 21 Aug 2012 at 9:40 am #
Can I just say, I love the name of your blog. So many times I want to tell women, “Just eat the damn cake!” It’s like we’re supposed to wave it away, to beat the cake, when the damn thing just wants to be eaten!
*end rant*
Nina responded on 16 Oct 2012 at 8:45 pm #
just read your article on http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/when-your-mum-is-exquisitely-beautiful-20121016-27o8y.html
and it was fantastic. My mum was you- her mother was beautiful and at 92 still is but my mum has cripplingly low self esteem to the point she hurts everyone around her- i wish she could have read something like this when she was younger. Stupid thing is she’s not an unattractive lady! anyway- i am glad that there are people in the world who can articulate things like this so well. i look forward to reading your blog in full!
Daniel Lee responded on 16 Oct 2012 at 11:08 pm #
Hi,
I read your article in dailylife, and I have to to say that you do look attractive. Am glad you sorted out of your personal issues and have enough self-esteem to look back at your life.
Cheers
Mountjoy responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 12:15 am #
Hi Kate
Another Aussie here who read your piece in Dailylife today – and have to agree, you look just fine. That rosebud mouth you dispaired of – honestly? Very sexy!
I think we all go through phases of low self confidence – glad you’ve conquered yours. Great words from you.
Cheers
Donnie
Bernadette responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 1:23 am #
Hi Kate,
I just read your article about you comparing yourself to your mother on smh.com.au
Thank you, your words meant a lot to me. I stuggle every day with the guilt and I know rationally I am okay… Not pretty or stellar but certainly shouldn’t be worried about this ‘first world problem’of appearance and value being intertwinned, but I get so caught up in it all.
Thanks for the breath of fresh air, for also reaffirming that it is okay for me to eat cake (or in my case a Cadbury Twirl) and the world will not end.
Cheers
Bernadette
Sydney, Australia
TravelTaster responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 2:35 am #
Hi Kate, I can relate to your mom’s downside of beauty. When I was young I felt as though I was an object of prey. Beauty has many faces. Yours is one of them. You’re also educated and articulate. More gifts!
LaSquisha responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 7:21 am #
After reading your article on beauty/your mother, I clicked through to your blog and saw the photo of you.
Guuuuuuurrrrrrlllll… You be tripping.
You are gorgeous.
I’m sure you’re going to get a hundred more messages that say the same thing. As for photos, anyone can look good given a decent lens/lighting/make up/angle etc. and the reverse is also true when any of those elements are either absent or not in the hands of a capable operator.
My extended family and friends are continually praising my sister’s looks- she’s blonde, with the requisite fake tan, big tits and empty head… Think a combination of Kendra/Bryne Eddelston/Courtney Stodden, complete with failed education, geriatric sugar daddy and lack of any kind of moral compass.
What has this taught me? Most people are idiots. So who cares what they think? Also looks don’t last forever, those who’ve spent their lives relying on them are bound for a few rude shocks once gravity hits. Can you say “replaceable”?
Surround yourself with good people, ditch the vacuous appearance obsessives and you’ll be sweet. If that fails, watch an episode of embarrassing bodies.
Mike responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 7:42 am #
Meh.
Why are you concerned?
From a guy’s perspective, you are physically somewhere in the great middle ground between Uma Thurman and Roseanne Barr. As are most women… not attractive enough to take our breath away, not ugly enough to make us turn away.
Which just means you need to ‘work for a living’ – just like the rest of us.
Your looks are good enough to get to the next round – are you interesting, fun, vivacious. If yes, your looks are striking, and we will be struck by them. If no, then… well… why would we bother, reguardless of looks?
I know you won’t believe it, but judging degrees of attractiveness is a competition between women. Men don’t discriminate to that degree. Being pretty won’t win the guy, it will just make other women jealous.
Is your ambition to beat other women, or to have a fun relationship with men?
Mike
Dea responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 8:19 am #
Hi Kate,
I read your article, ‘When your mum is exquisitely beautiful’ and ended up visiting your blog. I don’t blog and it’s a miracle.
Anyway, I have a friend who has a very similar family as yours and her mum, in 50s, still receives a lot of attention from guys in 30s.
Based on my limited observations over my lifetime, I have noticed that one’s confidence and good qualities bring out ultimate beauty in person…and I can see that in you.
Continue to build your inner strength!
Kate responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 11:29 pm #
@Mike
I’m not sure why you feel the need to tell me what I “won’t believe.” A lot of men write to me and want to tell me about my attractiveness, and honestly, I’m not interested. I’m not concerned with whether or not looking hot has to do with getting men or competing with other women. And I’m not worried about my ability to get men. I write about this stuff to discuss a social issue, not because I am hoping that some random guy on the internet will tell me I’m pretty enough.
So meh back, I guess, to yet another comment expressing exactly the same tepid diagnosis.
Kate responded on 17 Oct 2012 at 11:30 pm #
And thank you so much, to the other people commenting on the Daily Life article. It’s really sweet of you to take the time to come back here and let me know you liked it!
kristine responded on 23 Oct 2012 at 2:51 pm #
kate, sharing your sight on FB. I work with women all over the country. you have so much to say and to share. thank you.
gina responded on 02 Nov 2012 at 2:23 pm #
Kate, you tricky girl! I love your articles from HuffPost. You look so beautifull and fit. I’m mad that you chose a photo that does not favor you for HuffPost! You know why I decided to come to your blog today? I answered your article on HP six times and they did not post me. I was already so furious with the censorship I decided to come to your blog. Loved it and had a totally different impression of you, tricky girl! Cheers!
Amy responded on 09 Nov 2012 at 5:56 pm #
Kate, I wish I had more direct contact info for you. A friend of mine posted this link today and I had to let you know!!!
Today is Carl Sagan Day!
http://centerforinquiry.net/carlsaganday
Amanda responded on 21 Nov 2012 at 10:54 am #
Thank you for making me feel better about eating. Sometimes it’s hard but I try to remind myself that people who truly love you will love you no matter how you look. I also try to remember that there will always be someone thinner than me and someone bigger than me.
sally responded on 01 Jan 2013 at 11:59 pm #
I have to admit, I struggle with a thin woman telling me to Eat the Damn Cake.
That said, the whole point is, your appearance doesn’t make you you, and it doesn’t make your words any more or less true. Right is right.
That said, while you may have thought about your arm fat, because society does say that even thin women are never thin enough, have you ever had well-meaning family members take you aside for a chat about how large you’ve become? (Like you don’t know, don’t live it and breathe it every second!) Have you had to shop at special stores because even XL and XXL clothes would not fit? When you were a child, did your peers sing songs about your size and ask you, at age seven, if you are pregnant? You know insecurity, clearly, but do you know what it is like to really truly be terrified to have people see you eat cake, because your fatness, the thing they all judge you on, your moral decadence and inability to control yourself, is out there like a book for all to read? Have you ever gotten a candy bar at the supermarket or gone through the McDonald’s drive thru while alone, then hid the evidence under your seat because you are so ashamed? Multiple times per week, or even per day? What does a thin woman REALLY know about being scared to eat cake?
And all that said, you’re still doing great work here and I wouldn’t see it any other way. And the whole point is to never never never judge based on size, right?
Tiana Galloway responded on 26 Jan 2013 at 3:04 pm #
I’m so glad I came across your writing! I am un/homeschooling my five youngers and look forward to learning more about you and your journey.
W/a Smile, Tiana
YoungAdult82 responded on 31 Jan 2013 at 6:20 pm #
New girl crush: You.
Kari responded on 06 Mar 2013 at 6:13 am #
Just read http://www.eatthedamncake.com/2013/03/04/why-personal-essays-are-really-important/#more-6577
I am just starting my own blog to connect to my graphic design/illustration website and I have started out a bit “too honest” for some. I have been defending it because I believe that this type of honesty really matters for humans, for women, for history and for art. I think the “rules” that are being created for blogging are getting ridiculous and I find myself longing for the days of livejournal when you could find diary like posts at every turn, trite high school poetry and stark opinions. It might not have been quality blog writing but the personal aspect was present. Your post was fantastic, your writing inspirational, thank you. You just earned another reader. May I link you/your article in one of my upcoming posts? Maybe I will draw you too
Michelle Little responded on 17 Mar 2013 at 12:57 pm #
Hi Kate. I’ve read your blog for a little over a year now and I don’t frequently comment, but I feel the need to leave this message. I was homeschooled through highschool and now I unschool my twelve and five year old daughters. My twelve year old is fierce and passionate about equality and protecting the earth and inspires me everyday. It means so much to me that you share your self and your passions and ideas, and questions, because you are truly making the world a better place for my daughter when you make your voice heard, like she wants to do. I don’t ever want her to feel that she has to be silent, and by your refusing to be silent over these issues, you create more of a space for her voice. This is why the personal essay is so crucial, for all of us. There is this addiction to reality tv in our culture, but I think what we are really needing is this connection to others through their heartfelt and passionate voices over their experiences of life. It has been so touching to be part of your journey with motherhood as well, bringing tears to my eyes when you shared with us that you are having a girl. You have also inspired me to start my own blog about the connection between women’s spirituality and women’s sexuality, which I have wanted to write about for a long time. So thank you, thank you Kate, for continuing to write and share your perceptions, passions, and doubts with us, making it easier for all of us to share our stories and make our voices heard.
Blessings to you and Bear, and your wee little one,
Michelle
Amanda responded on 02 May 2013 at 8:02 am #
The first thing I wanted to say here is “you’re so gorgeous!” (I think I expect all writers who write quasi-feminist/body-acceptance blogs to not fit the conventional beauty mould, and am always a little surprised to find that a lot of them do). Which is in itself a problem – even as I rage against beauty ideals and objectification of women, my first focus is, “hey she’s thin, look at her lovely nose, I must tell her”. So I’m sorry but I do think you’re very beautiful. And no, it appears you are succeeding spectacularly at life.